Ok.. I'm not entirely new here, just my first post. I've been reading the boards for about 2-3 months, I've read the entire bible etc. I need some advice on what to do with a friend girl that I have been becoming very close with lately and have been becoming an AFC with constantly.
Ok here goes the story, long story, so hang in there. A former X girlfriend from almost 10 years ago and I over the past few years have always been friends. See eachother out say hello, maybe hang out for a little bit, chat etc. She gives me rides home from the bar or we go get something to eat after togethor etc. In my mind she is easily a HB9. We have had this semi-close friendship relationship for quite a while, she always had a boyfriend but we would always flirt etc.
About 2 months ago her boyfriend broke up with her and I attempted to hang out with her a little more maybe get some kind of rebound **** or something like that. I started to hang out with her alot really started to like her, but problem is i portrayed all the AFC behaviors listening to her problems about her x etc. After I while, I dont remember who first said what but we both realized that we were starting to like eachother a little bit more then friends.
After a while we wound up getting into conversations about what either one of us wants etc. She says shes not ready for a LTR right now because she wouldnt be able to give herself fully into it because of her x and still thinking of him etc. I agree to this and say that I'm not looking for a LTR either and we decide that we will "casually date" eachother and see where it goes.
So I wind up hooking up with her a few times going out with her taking her places having alot of fun with her. Well a couple of times we would go to bars with mutual friends and for some damn reason i would get really really drunk and start yelling at her because i would get angry seeing her talk to other guys etc. I would say some pretty nasty things and make a scene in the bar etc. I would tell her not to talk to me anymore and leave it at that. After all the abuse I would give her she would always come to me crying later that she cant not talk to me and she needs to have me around etc etc.. And some of this abuse was bad i must admit i said some really bad things and almost got into fights with alot of people. I would never give in after telling her that I would not talk to her anymore and always have her be the one to initiate conversation with me first. But i didnt give to hard of a fight after she would cry to me wanting me back.
After a couple of cycles of the above.. she tells me that we should just go back to being friends and not ruin what we had already. I have agreed to this but wind up still kissing her here and there. We had an agreement that it was ok for us to hook up like this as long as the relationship thing did not hang in the background and we could still go out and have fun togethor. The girl is constantly all over me and acts like she is very high interest level etc.
I try to play it cool but sometimes its kinda hard. Now recently she has been hooking me up with her friends, which is fine great. I am actually going out with one of them tommorow night. Friday she tells me though that now that me and her are both dating other people she doesnt think it would be right for us to hook up with eachother anymore. I basically flip tell her to go **** herself and that I dont wanna talk to her anymore. Ok weekend passes whatever i aint talking to her nomore.
Sunday(Today) comes, and she calls leaves a message on the phone crying that she needs to talk to me. I AIM her and so what do you want... she dont answer so three hours later I call her back. She tells me crying that she wanted to talk to me so bad yada yada. She needs me in her life I am the only one that she can tell anything, that i dont judge her, etc etc. I tell her well i dont know what to tell you I can not be just friends with you, I need to get away from you. She cries cries tells me how she doesnt understand we were friends before why cant we be now? yada yada.. She says all she does is think about me first thing when she wakes up up until she falls asleep. I said wow i dont know what to say then what is your problem why dont you just be with me or whatever etc. She says that she needs me as a friend, we were always friends, why cant we just continue that etc. after a long conversation I tell her cant talk to her anymore, need to get away from her so i can continue with my life and i dont think about her anymore.
So now I am debating in my head whether i am making a mistake and I should just be friends with her again or should i move on and do what i gotta do. I really do enjoy her company, we do get along great, and she is a fun person to be with. Also she often introduces me to alot of other girls. The problem is that for some damn reason i cant get over the challenge of trying to make her more then friends. When I tell her to f*** off I really am thinking in my head that the girl is gonna come crying back and tell me she cant live without me yada yada and she wants to be togethor. I know i must sound pathetic but i really like this girl, I am seeing other girls i just am stuck on this girl because we have been real real close for a long time and things seemed to be getting really good.
So:
A) Do I tell her fine I will stay friends with her and just try to fight off this AFCNess and oneitis with her while i continue to hang out with her?
B) Do I tell her **** off, not talk to her, get over the oneitis on my own, and move the hell on and really loose someone who was a good friend.
C) Is there someway I can play this situation to get her..
D) Any other advice I can get is appreciated. I know what half of you will say already.. I am looking for something different though. Sometimes theory does not work in practice.
Ok here goes the story, long story, so hang in there. A former X girlfriend from almost 10 years ago and I over the past few years have always been friends. See eachother out say hello, maybe hang out for a little bit, chat etc. She gives me rides home from the bar or we go get something to eat after togethor etc. In my mind she is easily a HB9. We have had this semi-close friendship relationship for quite a while, she always had a boyfriend but we would always flirt etc.
About 2 months ago her boyfriend broke up with her and I attempted to hang out with her a little more maybe get some kind of rebound **** or something like that. I started to hang out with her alot really started to like her, but problem is i portrayed all the AFC behaviors listening to her problems about her x etc. After I while, I dont remember who first said what but we both realized that we were starting to like eachother a little bit more then friends.
After a while we wound up getting into conversations about what either one of us wants etc. She says shes not ready for a LTR right now because she wouldnt be able to give herself fully into it because of her x and still thinking of him etc. I agree to this and say that I'm not looking for a LTR either and we decide that we will "casually date" eachother and see where it goes.
So I wind up hooking up with her a few times going out with her taking her places having alot of fun with her. Well a couple of times we would go to bars with mutual friends and for some damn reason i would get really really drunk and start yelling at her because i would get angry seeing her talk to other guys etc. I would say some pretty nasty things and make a scene in the bar etc. I would tell her not to talk to me anymore and leave it at that. After all the abuse I would give her she would always come to me crying later that she cant not talk to me and she needs to have me around etc etc.. And some of this abuse was bad i must admit i said some really bad things and almost got into fights with alot of people. I would never give in after telling her that I would not talk to her anymore and always have her be the one to initiate conversation with me first. But i didnt give to hard of a fight after she would cry to me wanting me back.
After a couple of cycles of the above.. she tells me that we should just go back to being friends and not ruin what we had already. I have agreed to this but wind up still kissing her here and there. We had an agreement that it was ok for us to hook up like this as long as the relationship thing did not hang in the background and we could still go out and have fun togethor. The girl is constantly all over me and acts like she is very high interest level etc.
I try to play it cool but sometimes its kinda hard. Now recently she has been hooking me up with her friends, which is fine great. I am actually going out with one of them tommorow night. Friday she tells me though that now that me and her are both dating other people she doesnt think it would be right for us to hook up with eachother anymore. I basically flip tell her to go **** herself and that I dont wanna talk to her anymore. Ok weekend passes whatever i aint talking to her nomore.
Sunday(Today) comes, and she calls leaves a message on the phone crying that she needs to talk to me. I AIM her and so what do you want... she dont answer so three hours later I call her back. She tells me crying that she wanted to talk to me so bad yada yada. She needs me in her life I am the only one that she can tell anything, that i dont judge her, etc etc. I tell her well i dont know what to tell you I can not be just friends with you, I need to get away from you. She cries cries tells me how she doesnt understand we were friends before why cant we be now? yada yada.. She says all she does is think about me first thing when she wakes up up until she falls asleep. I said wow i dont know what to say then what is your problem why dont you just be with me or whatever etc. She says that she needs me as a friend, we were always friends, why cant we just continue that etc. after a long conversation I tell her cant talk to her anymore, need to get away from her so i can continue with my life and i dont think about her anymore.
So now I am debating in my head whether i am making a mistake and I should just be friends with her again or should i move on and do what i gotta do. I really do enjoy her company, we do get along great, and she is a fun person to be with. Also she often introduces me to alot of other girls. The problem is that for some damn reason i cant get over the challenge of trying to make her more then friends. When I tell her to f*** off I really am thinking in my head that the girl is gonna come crying back and tell me she cant live without me yada yada and she wants to be togethor. I know i must sound pathetic but i really like this girl, I am seeing other girls i just am stuck on this girl because we have been real real close for a long time and things seemed to be getting really good.
So:
A) Do I tell her fine I will stay friends with her and just try to fight off this AFCNess and oneitis with her while i continue to hang out with her?
B) Do I tell her **** off, not talk to her, get over the oneitis on my own, and move the hell on and really loose someone who was a good friend.
C) Is there someway I can play this situation to get her..
D) Any other advice I can get is appreciated. I know what half of you will say already.. I am looking for something different though. Sometimes theory does not work in practice.
