Need advice on next step.

[shredhead7]

I met a girl online (29yr) last week. My opening was probably the best that I ever wrote. She responded within an hour of me sending it stating that she was laughing at work. I responded the next day and she again responded very positively, giving me her phone number without me asking. I called her up to setup a date (she lives 50 minutes away which is a bummer and she has mentioned that). We talk briefly, a few laughs, and setup to meet last Monday.

So Monday morning I receive an email stating that she was really sorry, but she got called in to a training seminar after work and wouldn't be able to make the date. (she's doing an internship and working on her masters). She made a sarcastic remark about me being able to fill her spot, with a smilie and stated a couple of times that she would call me later. The sarcasm is pretty typical of her, which is why I like her.

So I repsonded with this:

"Whew. I double booked you and I was trying to decide if I should go with the I think I pulled my spleen yesterday biking, or the my cat just puked up an iguana, which is strange, because where the hell did she find an iguana? Oh, I jest...No, really, that's a bummer about work, but things happen. Give me a ring and we can setup something else.

Take care and have a great day,"

Corny I know. The issue is, I haven't heard from her. I know that she is really busy and is going out of town this weekend for a race (she trains every day).

Should I wait it out?
Write it off?
Write/call next week one last time?

The little bit that I know of this girl, she seems very easy going (likes to laugh and the bar she mentioned meeting at is a very chill place), and of course she is very cute (amazing eyes and cute little dimples).

 

[MacAvoy]

You should take a move from that AFC in the move Swingers and leave her 50 voicemail messages until she picks up and tells you to never contact her again.

 

[shredhead7]

You should take a move from that AFC in the move Swingers and leave her 50 voicemail messages until she picks up and tells you to never contact her again.

I haven't contacted her since then. Even then, I didn't respond right away. I'm not stalking her, or even bothering her. I'm just wondering if I should wait a week and give it one more shot.

 

[window]

Could be a test....how do you know you like this girl ? you've been corresponding through a screen...it's up to her to call you now and suggest something. If you make contact in anyway you'll fail the test.

 

[shredhead7]

Could be a test....how do you know you like this girl ? you've been corresponding through a screen...it's up to her to call you now and suggest something. If you make contact in anyway you'll fail the test.

We have spoken on the phone once, to setup the date. We've talked through email for three volley's. Yes, you're right. I'm not sure if it's a test or not. It could be that I was too corny, which pisses me off. I hate email as you never get the true 'context' of the conversation. As I said, she is going out of town this weekend and is busy up until then. I do have another dish to spin, but it always seems that I start spinning another one, then the one I want comes back, which creates problems with the others (for me). I'm not a juggler.

 

[window]

I must admit it is always hard to "know" what to do when they cancel...personally I think it is up to them to make it up to you. I think a good way to look at it would be to list the top 5 predictable reponses she's seen from the 200+ guys she may have cancelled on...and that's just in the last 3 years !

1. Anger...some guys would get pissed at her
2. Persist, call, email and try and set up another date
3. Act aloof like everything is ok and say "call me" have a great day !
4. Send her a bunch of flowers
5. ? any suggestions

It's making me feel sick writing this AFC stuff.

I think the key is to make her work for the second chance. Let her contact you and make her realise that if she's going to cancel in the future she better think twice about it cause there aint gonna be a next time.

She's gotta earn your time fellas. Don't give it away for free just because she's a woman.

One thing I've noticed is that woman will trying anything to gain control of the situation. Hence in this case by cancelling ur girl has gained an element of control. She now knows that ur waiting for her to call and say yes to whatever she suggests. So when and if she suggests something say no to the suggestion and counter offer and see what happens ! Don't budge.

Women want to lose control but only to a man.

Spartens we are, go forth.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I must admit it is always hard to "know" what to do when they cancel...personally I think it is up to them to make it up to you. I think a good way to look at it would be to list the top 5 predictable reponses she's seen from the 200+ guys she may have cancelled on...and that's just in the last 3 years !

1. Anger...some guys would get pissed at her
2. Persist, call, email and try and set up another date
3. Act aloof like everything is ok and say "call me" have a great day !
4. Send her a bunch of flowers
5. ? any suggestions

It's making me feel sick writing this AFC stuff.

I think the key is to make her work for the second chance. Let her contact you and make her realise that if she's going to cancel in the future she better think twice about it cause there aint gonna be a next time.

She's gotta earn your time fellas. Don't give it away for free just because she's a woman.

One thing I've noticed is that woman will trying anything to gain control of the situation. Hence in this case by cancelling ur girl has gained an element of control. She now knows that ur waiting for her to call and say yes to whatever she suggests. So when and if she suggests something say no to the suggestion and counter offer and see what happens ! Don't budge.

Women want to lose control but only to a man.

Spartens we are, go forth.

Good post Window!

 

[Sinistar]

We have spoken on the phone once, to setup the date. We've talked through email for three volley's. Yes, you're right. I'm not sure if it's a test or not. It could be that I was too corny, which pisses me off. I hate email as you never get the true 'context' of the conversation. As I said, she is going out of town this weekend and is busy up until then.

...you'll hear it here again and again and again - stop listening to her words and start listening to her actions. Let's look at her actions:

Positive:

- Her initial interest was very high (quick to phone contact, setup date)

Negative:

- She aborted a date on the day of
- She has not responded to you
- She did not counter offer another date when she aborted.

I also watched your rationalizations / justifications. I've included a few below so you can see them out of context to better recognize them:

- "she's doing an internship and working on her masters"
- "I know that she is really busy and is going out of town this weekend..."
- "It could be that I was too corny, ..."
- "As I said, she is going out of town this weekend..."

...of the above, can you really be 100% certain of any them (yet)? We often fall into rationalizations / justifications to help us explain something which do not fully understand or want to accept. A good way to test this is to re-read your OP with these removed. It sounds and feels different doesn't it?

I do have another dish to spin, but it always seems that I start spinning another one, then the one I want comes back, which creates problems with the others (for me). I'm not a juggler.

...there you go, the answer is in your own question. Spin another plate. It may seem strange and even counter to what you think is right - but it always works. Sort of like sitting and waiting for a phone to ring - it doesn't. So then you finally get fed up and go out and get busy and right about then (when your mind is fully distracted) the phone rings. Remember, as soon as you start wondering and pondering about return contact with a single plate you are experiencing the intial symptoms of 1-itis. Cure it by getting busy, dating others, etc. Once you are busy and moving forward with your life this one will sort itself out.

My advice, learn to be a better juggler. Break out of your comfort zone and spin two plates for a few months. Also, the ball is definitely in her court now. Your last message (timing,wordiness,etc) puts you on her AFC alert list. Another contact from you will tell her (via your actions) that you perceive her to be a priority - WHAMO you're another AFC fully in her frame. Be the other guy, the guy who could give a sh!t less and makes her initiate contact. If she does contact, watch to see if she offers to counter the aborted date. If so, push a bit, get a little C&F and tell her she's gonna have to meet you (ie make her drive) to make it up.

And this whole setup is on the verge of being a LDR (if it even takes off) so in the long run the odds are slightly against you (not too bad, but they are worth mentioning).

Good luck to ya man!

 

[STR8UP]

You respond to her "Sounds like your pretty busy. Hit me up when you get some free time". Then forget about her. If she calls, great. If not, move on.

 

[STR8UP]

Oops, I misread your post. It seems you already did that. Kinda.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Write/call next week one last time?

2nd the plate spinning advice.

Here's something to try, after a weekend passes, call her and vaguely reference a date you just had with someone else, like "Hey, this past weekend reminded me that I have more fun with someone who has a sense of humor! Call me." If she later asks, talk as little as possible about the other date.

Also, if you are trying to get a call back from a woman, it helps to leave a hook in your message. Examples of hooks:

There was something I wanted to ask you
I had a secret to tell you
You would believe what happened to me

Then don't say what it is. She has to call you back to find out.

 

[shredhead7]

Thanks for the advice guys. I will start spinning plate two and see what happens.

 

[shredhead7]

Just a follow up:

The girl finally called. I wasn't around, so I didn't get the call. She left a message, stating to call or email. I didn't call. Two hours later she emailed saying that she was sorry about not calling sooner, and that she was still interested and hoped I was too. I emailed her back the next day. We've since spoken on the phone and things are looking up!

Moral: stand your ground, don't call or write. If she comes back you pass the 'test'. If not, she obviously wasn't worth it.