Need advice on how to let a girl down lightly

[SteR]

Basically I met some girl on the weekend, didn't sleep with her but fooled around a bit. She asked if she could come back to mine but I said no (mainly because I wasn't that interested in her). Anyway I made the mistake of getting her phone number and asking her to go for a drink earlier in the night.

She just sent me a message now asking me about meeting up however I don't really want to see this girl again - she was cute 'n all but I didn't have anything in common with her. The only real reason I ended up messing about was because I got drunk.

How can I politely respond to her message and let her know I don't want to take it any further, without hurting her feelings?

Yes I realise I'm being a bit of a **** behaving like this but I saw too many red flags to even consider a relationship with this girl..

 

[Lexington]

Just keep telling her you're busy. If she calls, keep the conversation very short and act like you've got something to do or somewhere to be. She'll take the hint.

There's no point in trying to explain it to her. You don't want her. Don't explicitly tell her. Demonstrate it through your actions.

 

[SteR]

Just keep telling her you're busy. If she calls, keep the conversation very short and act like you've got something to do or somewhere to be. She'll take the hint.

There's no point in trying to explain it to her. You don't want her. Don't explicitly tell her. Demonstrate it through your actions.

I thought about just ignoring her but hmm, I always figured it'd just be kinder in the long run to just be up front. Maybe I should tell her straight up that I'm just not looking for anything serious and I was drunk. Fark.. this sucks

 

[Lexington]

I thought about just ignoring her but hmm, I always figured it'd just be kinder in the long run to just be up front. Maybe I should tell her straight up that I'm just not looking for anything serious and I was drunk. Fark.. this sucks

So what you're basically going to say is, "yeah I didn't really find you attractive, I was just drunk, but now that I'm sober I don't want you." Yeah that might not be what you meant, but that's what she's going to read into it.

 

[Igetit!]

Just keep telling her you're busy.

Lexington,you know I respect you and your "How I made every mistake in the book" thread is pure gold,but telling him to tell her that he's "busy"....man,that advice turns my stomach.


Here on the forum,every other thread is about some guy getting the "I'm busy" line from a girl and them asking how to get around that.



You get back what you send out.



SteR,if the roles were reversed and it was a girl trying to find a way to let you down easy,how would you prefer that she do it?



Would you prefer that she just be straight forward and tell you that she's not interested,or tell you that "she's busy",and give you the run-around?



You're not interested in her,right? Well? Just tell her that you're not interested.

 

[ATP]

Just tell her, most guys have probably met the cowardly girls who says "I'm busy" or "I can't on X" where x is a day. It is a lot more annoying not getting straight answers then hoping to get a chance to meet. You'll hurt her feelings less if you are honest about it.

"We had fun when we partied but I'm looking for a woman who shares my interest and have many things in common with me. You and me seem very alike so I am not interested in taking this further.

/Name"

If you want you can add "PS. My penis is so enormous it gets in the way when I try to look forward through the drivers window when I drive my car. DS."

 

[stayfly]

bro, you should meet up with her and just do something you need to do anyway like eat dinner or see a movie or go shopping or whatever. have a good time and just be friends with her.r

if she asks why you're not touching / kissing her etc. say that you would prefer to be friends for now or that there's another girl that you really like or whatever

it's much better to end as a friend (who you may or may not keep in touch with) than to be the loser that just fooled around with her cause you were drunk

just spend an hour or two with her and end on a fun, friendly vibe where you both feel good about it.

 

[SteR]

Thanks for the replies.. I think I'm just going to be honest with her. I understand your point Lex but hopefully I'll rephrase it a little better haha.

If the tables were turned then yes, I would definately her rather be honest. In fact this did happen last year with a girl and I was pissed off she wasn't just honest from the get go, which is why I'm feeling like this now I guess.

I suppose I could try and be friends with her but it's hard when we have absolutely nothing on common.. it was purely physical attraction/alcohol so taking her out as a friend would be pretty difficult.

Wish me luck haha

 

[ATP]

Dude, I've been to a few "dates" where it was pretty clear that I was romantically interested in her. However she told me after the date had started she was only interested as a friend. When I had expected she'd understand it wasn't friendship I was after.

It have happened twice. The first time I went on with it and felt pissed of the entire time because it was such a demasculination, the second time I just told her "I have enough friends" and left.

Don't go to a date as a friend when she has romantic intentions, it's ****ing disrespectful.

 

[amoka]

I hope you're not looking for a wife. Also, are you interested in someone else? If not, go on the date and have fun. You never know... Is she not good looking?

 

[stayfly]

Dude, I've been to a few "dates" where it was pretty clear that I was romantically interested in her. However she told me after the date had started she was only interested as a friend. When I had expected she'd understand it wasn't friendship I was after.

It have happened twice. The first time I went on with it and felt pissed of the entire time because it was such a demasculination, the second time I just told her "I have enough friends" and left.

Don't go to a date as a friend when she has romantic intentions, it's ****ing disrespectful.

it's a lot different for girls bro

 

[SteR]

Phew. Well, I messaged her and all's well - at least that's what she says... she must be completely crushed deep inside, missing out on my handsome ass :rockon:

I've got to stop getting myself in these stupid situations..

 

[stayfly]

Phew. Well, I messaged her and all's well - at least that's what she says... she must be completely crushed deep inside, missing out on my handsome ass :rockon:

I've got to stop getting myself in these stupid situations..

good to hear bro

out of interest, how did you word the message?

 

[SteR]

good to hear bro

out of interest, how did you word the message?

"I'll be honest, I'm going to have to pass. I had fun with you but I'm not really interested in seeing anyone at the mo and I feel I'd be misleading you a bit if I took you out. I got a little carried away.. alcohol does this to me, sorry"

 

[stayfly]

"I'll be honest, I'm going to have to pass. I had fun with you but I'm not really interested in seeing anyone at the mo and I feel I'd be misleading you a bit if I took you out. I got a little carried away.. alcohol does this to me, sorry"

that's perfect man

props

 

[Lexington]

Lexington,you know I respect you and your "How I made every mistake in the book" thread is pure gold,but telling him to tell her that he's "busy"....man,that advice turns my stomach.


Here on the forum,every other thread is about some guy getting the "I'm busy" line from a girl and them asking how to get around that.



You get back what you send out.



SteR,if the roles were reversed and it was a girl trying to find a way to let you down easy,how would you prefer that she do it?



Would you prefer that she just be straight forward and tell you that she's not interested,or tell you that "she's busy",and give you the run-around?



You're not interested in her,right? Well? Just tell her that you're not interested.

I know he's already texted her and told her, so argument is moot. But just for the sake of argument, do you really need or want a girl to tell you that she's not interested?

You're right: every other post here is about some girl blowing off a guy. But what's our advice to that guy? We tell him to take a hint and move on!! We tell him that the girl giving him the runaround just isn't interested.

I think the OP played it well and declined her in a very polite way. But the thing is, he probably *is* interested in seeing someone....just not her. At the end of the day, the same message is communicated: he's just not interested in HER.

I'm not convinced that the sting of rejection would be any better if a girl straight up told me she just isn't interested in me. There's no nice way of putting it. Sure you can use all kinds of euphemisms and even tell white lies, but that doesn't take away the sting.

Some things are better communicated without words....

 

[iliketennis]

good thread