Need Advice Guys - How Can I Salvage This?

[Serenity]

Admittedly I haven't been spinning plates. I have been on dates with girls at random times (no continuity) so the stuff I've learned here hasn't cemented. It's going to take a lot of practice.

This was my wake up call.

It doesn't have to take a lot of practice, it takes a small adjustment to your attitude. You gotta comprehend that you're not below a girl you like, with this one you put yourself waaaay below her. You must be at least on her level or preferably slightly above.

From a different point of view, notice how much you gave and how little you got in return. Count compliments and attention. Next time don't give a lot more than you get, you can try to slowly stretch it but stop if she doesn't return.

Do not give gifts at all in the dating phase, just don't do it. Don't have pointless conversations over text, use it to arrange dates. If you don't get a response then don't send more texts until you get one, even if that is never.

 

[dude99]

Hey guys,

I need your expert advice.

Have been going out with a very nice girl who has a bunch of the qualities I'm looking for: family oriented, smart, educated, independent, makes good money, wants to have kids, craves adventure, fun to be around, etc.

We texted for about 3 weeks before we finally got to go out mainly because our schedules were very busy at the time although I sensed some hesitation on her part. First date was nice. We went to a karaoke bar, had some drinks, had fun, had great conversation, connected on a deep level. My car was at the shop so she picked me up at my place and dropped me off. At the time I had recently gotten promoted and she paid for the whole tab saying it was a gift in celebration of my promotion. I was a bit shocked. No girl had ever done this for me. I said ok thanks. I got the next tab.

I went for the kiss at the end of the date but she said no in a low voice. I felt it was some last minute resistance move and went for it anyways. She turned her cheek. She then said she's not the type to kiss on the first date and that I would get to find out more about her slowly. We said goodbye and she went home.

Our second date wasn't until after 2 weeks after the first. She had a very busy schedule the next weekend and couldn't commit. For the next weekend I invited her out again and she didn't respond at all. No reply. She kept texting me but never replied to my invite. I called her and told her I wasn't used to girls ignoring me when I ask them out. She said she didn't reply because she had some stuff going on that was tentative and didn't want to say yes to then have to cancel. Told her I understood that but I rather her reply and say no than not say anything. Also told her I wasn't going to be plan B for her. Asked if she was interested in going on a second date or if she didn't want to. She said she was and we made plans.

During this time our texting became more frequent with her often texting me early in the morning and late at night. Things seemed to be going well.

Right before first date I made what looking back I feel was a mistake. She sent me a video of a song she likes. I sent her another video and said I was dedicating that song to her. The song was very romantic and the message was I want to be with you and be everything you need sort of stuff.

We went on the second date. This one was better than the first. We had a lot of fun. I got her a little gift (probably a mistake). Nothing big. Just a mug with a quote. We are both quote junkies. Also got her some gloves because it was very cold that day and we were going to be very high up a building in cold temperatures. The date turned into 4 mini dates. We wended up going to a landmark building in the city to enjoy an amazing view, then went to a famous church that was closed (we sort of tresspassed) which was kind of fun and adventerous, then to a restaurant to grab something to eat and then to a bar very late to chill and have drinks. The ambience at the bar was relaxed and chill. We touched on different subjects and I was touching her arms, lower back, hair, etc. She asked about my relationship with my ex who I have a son with. She asked about me wanting more kids or not.

We then left. She dropped me off at my place. I was hesitant to go for the kiss (bad move). Looking back I think I missed some opportunities on this date. One of the areas I need to improve on is escalating and arousing girls I go on a date with. She complained that she would have a hard time looking for parking that late around her building. I live in a house with parking. Told her to park there and spend the night and she could drive home in the morning. She laughed and said no. Hugged and kissed her in the cheek and she drove home.

Then I started making more mistakes it seems. We took a ton of pics during this date up in the building we went to with the amazing view.

The next day for I don't know what reason I sent her a message that read "hey beautiful. I wish you smile a ton today. It's a sight to see " She does have a beautiful smile.

She didn't reply to this until hours later. Didn't say thanks or anything just said good morning and sent me some of the pics we took. We texted some during the day and then no text that night. She was busy with a party she organized. I was out and about with friends and got a text from her at 3 am with more pictures we took. I didn't reply that night (maybe I should have?)

The next morning I sent her a text: "hey beautiful. What were you doing at 3 am thinking about me? "

She didn't sent a smiley text or anything of that kind. She replied saying good afternoon. I said I noticed something about the pics. She said what? And I said I noticed that she looks really good by my side with a smiley face. She replied: "really ... maybe is the other way around ... I make you look good

I replied: Yes, you do. We make each other look good. I like it.

Then I asked how the party had gone. Didn't get a reply to that text until the next day close to 24 hrs later.

She said sorry she didn't get a chance to reply. She said the party was nice but she was very tired because she had to do a lot of cleaning and her body was sore. I replied with this text: "I'm an expert maseusse"

That was Monday around 3 pm. I haven't gotten a reply to that text since. I've been holding off on texting so I don't seem desperate but I don't know what the best move would be.

I'm now thinking maybe she got offended at my text?

Based on what I have said what do you guys think is the best way for me to salvage this. The days of no texting from me I believe help in showing her I'm not a needy guy who will chase her around.

What kind of text can I send her now to reignite communication?

"are you ok?

"did I offend you?"

"are you alive?"

"Saw something that reminded me of you."

Send her something funny to break the ice?

or ignore until she texts me first.

When we start talking again should I ask her straight up if she is interested in going out and getting to know each other? Try to see where her mind is.

I really like this girl and like I said she has a lot of great qualities. I think maybe I've made too many mistakes to salvage it but if there is a way you guys would know.

We talked during second date about possible places to go for third date. We were supposed to confirm with each other. Am I thinking too much about this? Should I just act aloof and act like nothing is happening, text her and go from there.Or am I better off not texting and hopefully upping my value that way?

Thanks for any advice guys,

Dude this chick is not interested. I hate to say this but stop the compliments. A girl should worry about what you think. Telling her kills challenge. Also stop texting her so much. Good morning good evening beautiful good night etc etc etc....all of this is driving her interest DOWN. You are killing challenge.

Also if she is not replying to your texts you next her becauseshe is telling you that you are out. ALL GIRLS CHECK THEIR PHONES 50 TO 1000 TIMES A DAY. If she goes 24 hours or longer , do not ever waste your time with a " are you ok?" "Are you upset?"

You are telling this chick you have zero options. You are showing her you are too thirsty. You are murdering challenge.

Go get more options. Go spin plates.

 

[dude99]

narcissist,

Can't say I disagree with you. I definitely put her on a pedestal but get this ... I was doing some stuff right though ...

I was at first calling her ugly.

I would text her and say hey ugly (in spanish). She would laugh and call me ugly back. It was after the second date that I started calling her beautiful and all that ****.

I also acted around her like I was the ****. She sometimes complained I was too ****y because i would tell her whenever things went right when she was with me that it was because she was in my presence.

I see the mistakes I've made and won't repeat them.

Being that is likely she got offended by my last text ("I'm a great masseuse. Just tell me when I should come over.") - Should I not text her back at all or just start convo again. Something like "so ... x place (something we talked about) saturday at 8?"

Stop calling girls beautiful or ugly or what ever. If you do compliment anything make it only only only one compliment per date and compliment her shoes, or her dress, but NOT HER. She hear she is beautiful from every thirsty orbiter and she will just put you into that zone if you act like them.

They should always wonder what you think. That drived their interest UP.

 

[dude99]

she has a BF and was considering you for a branch swing

hint: read OP "2nd date"

Sounds about right. Was getting ready to branch swing until he murdered challenge.

 

[Nu Vision]

Sounds about right. Was getting ready to branch swing until he murdered challenge.

Explain this. What about 2nd date makes you think branch swing?

 

[dude99]

Explain this. What about 2nd date makes you think branch swing?

Took her weeks to agree to see you. She was testing the waters with you. Then realized you were too thirsty then had the wait and see approach and stayed a few more weeks with her current boyfriend. Then you went and blew up her phone and she did what all girls who don't have thr balls too do and be honest, she ignored you and hoped you would go away, so she stayed with her current bf instead of swinging to you and dumping him

 

[narcissist]

Or she found another guy to branch swing with

 

[MrWood]

stayed a few more weeks with her current boyfriend.

theres the proof, to answer your question
confirmed again by @narcissist

 

[Nu Vision]

It doesn't have to take a lot of practice, it takes a small adjustment to your attitude. You gotta comprehend that you're not below a girl you like, with this one you put yourself waaaay below her. You must be at least on her level or preferably slightly above.

From a different point of view, notice how much you gave and how little you got in return. Count compliments and attention. Next time don't give a lot more than you get, you can try to slowly stretch it but stop if she doesn't return.

Do not give gifts at all in the dating phase, just don't do it. Don't have pointless conversations over text, use it to arrange dates. If you don't get a response then don't send more texts until you get one, even if that is never.

This.

Printing this and putting it where I can see it every freakin day. if I stick to this and change my mindset I will be fine.

Thanks man,

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Not much I can add here, except all of the compliments via text sounded robo-thirsty to me and I'm a guy. 1000% agree on over complimenting. They hear that crap from all of their social media orbiters a million times a week. Act like a compliment costs you at least $100. Spend it like you would spend your money if you were piss poor. Women act thirsty for compliments and as soon as you start attempting to quench that thirst, they lose interest immediately. It makes no sense but it's true.
I think this one is already FUBAR and it's time to move on.

 

[Serenity]

This.

Printing this and putting it where I can see it every freakin day. if I stick to this and change my mindset I will be fine.

Thanks man,

No problem. The hardest part is actually sticking to it and remain aware of it for every passing moment it's relevant. Do not forget to consider these things when it matters most.