Need advice from the masters,gurus or psychologists

[thekhris]

guys im not good in english im not amrican and i really need your help and i hope you could understand me and be compassionate and realate to my story.

I have this relaltionship for that last for about 1 year and 11 months it was great and full of love...memories,and preciose moments are every where..and what ever trial happened it was all conquerd to our love to each other..
And this girl if you want to visualize her so u can realte to her personality..try to think of drew barry moore in wedding singer and you will have the idea of personality she has..she is not materialistic,sweet.cool, and super loving girlfriend..

Our love has zillion intimate moments its a love that you though is unsinkable it a married in my mind kind of realtioship..and no force in this worl can destroy it..and you have to beleive me when i tell you...her love for me and how she love our realtionship is far greater that mine...its fun ,no routines every day its exciting.and she really loves me

and one day i lost my job..and that day it dosnt matter to her..we still happy..for almost 1 year4 months she is the none whose sponsoring our realationship,,but of corz ones in a while she keep reminding me to find a job and im finding,we still love each other but the realtioship starts to loose its excitement bcoz i dont have a job,but you have to beleive me even though boredome is frequently there..her love to me still increases ...her demands for my sweetness is undenialble..she always miss me..she always wants me to be oround her..

and one day i lost our phone to a huge phone bill..plus she lost her job too and the communication break down really upsets her..but we still manage to see each other but for 2x a week only..and she keep reminding me to find a job and so i did but its not that easy here in the phillipines to find a job..and bcoz im very precooupied to that problem i lost my focus to her and she always keep reminding me"why are you not that sweet as used to be?"and every time she said that i automatically be sweet to her and express to her that every thing would be fine,be there for her and stuff.

and one day som1 text her in her cellphone and i tried to look it and she suddenly jump and grab the phone.She dont want me to see it..So i became furuious bcoz i know somthing is going on...So were fighting over the phone..and she cried and said "im sorry ive been texting this guy for a month but we did not actually meet up"and she promised that she will never do it again and she cried..but i have to punish her so i wont encouraghe her to do that again so i nag and said its over and i walk her to bus station ..but we both love each other so much and we cant let go..se we came back to our house so sweet and have a wonderfull sex and stuff..and we desided to meet again tomrow..tomrow came and there is no sign of her..our meeting time is 3pm but no sign of her,i called her through pay phone around4pm.around5pm,around6pm, 7:30pm but still shes not there and finally at 9:30pm i talk to her...

she tried to explain things she said she have a meeting at the office but i know its a lie..and beleive me there is no such meeting that will last from 8am to 9pm..so i nag and make her feel that im her lost need to control her..so i said its over and i put down the phone..

and i went to our park where we used to hang and drank a beer..and i strated to cumble and realise that i should not be that mean to her,i love her and i can afford to loose her...

and i called..I CRIED,I BEG, I MAKE HER REALISE things,make her remeber things,explain things ..but that did not work....she said shes with this guy on that day....she said its her fault..and you have no idea how cold her tone of voice was..

so a week later i called her again and i did the same approach i did before..i said that i realise my faults and i want us to strat again..but she said she is "i must fix my life not for her"i ask her her "is there a chance that we can back together if i finally have job" and she said"i dont know"...
She did not even accept my letter...

some of friends say its over and i should accept the worse and move on to a nother girl,damnthat is the easiest advice even a retard girl can say that
som say she said still angry and she is just giving you lesson to fix your life and to wake me up,som say i should give her space and there is no doubt that she will realise things,some say the guy pacify her pains but she will still realise my value and we will get back surely..

guys i need your help..if im not considering to go on to another girl and accept that its over,,
what should i do?should i quit"give up that realtion ship?pls is there any guru that can help me,help save a life,need to fix this realtion ship...not just giving lame advice that...be macho move on to another chick..I need some advice to save this relationship if you have the knowledge and expertise of saving a realtionship pls...help me

 

[Friendly Otter]

Okay, so you want to save the relationship. Well, obviously, you need a steady income, as it seems that is a problem, right?

I think that is the best advice you can get here, really. It was you who broke up, so that's a plus, that it wasn't her. Now you need to get your act together, and not be too clingy. Clinginess is a danger here, avoid it.

Try to talk to her and show her that you understand what your problems are, and you are sorry about them, and you are going to change and hope she is willing to work on this too.

Also, do something unexpected. Bring her something new, something that will surprise her. We all want to be surprised every now and then. It doesn't have to be extremely expensive, try to find some truly unique or fascinating gift; if you manage to do that, she sees that you can do things that she hadn't expected, and that is good. It's a small thing, but it's still positive. There are other ways to surprise her too, like going on a trip or the like, but I don't know your situation enough to make any more suggestions in that direction.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Pretty please will somebody tell me what I want to hear, so that I can cling to my desperate denial until such time as the sheriff's deputy (or applicable enforcement agency for my country) delivers the restraining order?

Thanks in advance for playing along!

Translated for clarity.

 

[JonJack]

thekhris,
The problem with the way you're approaching this situation is your inability to adapt to your situation and your expectations of what this girl should do.

You expect her to take you back and you try as hard as you can to make her feel that way. There is no guarantee for getting her back. I'm sure all those past memories with her are really great and all, but you've got to learn to adapt to a life without her. How can you expect to be with her forever? What do you base this expectation on? Her words? The great and happy times you had before? All these things are moments that can change. And when you expect these moments to stay the same forever, you're bound to get disappointed and depressed.

If you are unable to enjoy your life without her, if you are unable to be with another girl, there really is nothing anyone can do to 'save' your life. You are the one that chooses to love this one girl so damn much. You are the one that chooses to continue loving her even after she's running around with some other guy. You are the one that chooses to continue being unemployed (I will not believe that you can't find a job, ANY job).

I will not give you any advice to save this relationship because I have none. Whenever someone's relationship has ended, I would very much encourage them to leave it as that. Besides, I strongly believe YOU require more saving than your relationship with this girl does. Save yourself first if you can.

 

[thekhris]

Thanx friendly otter for your advice..I know Im in denial here... but thnx for being there to relate with me..I will keep your advice and I also thought that idea too..before I approach her again I must resolve my weaknesses and also i must show to her that i understand her pains and try my best to show that i understand now.... but for now,,,I think your advice is right I should remain in focus not calling her and begging ..but concentrate to solve my weaknesses..so when I finally call her up again...atleast half of the reaso why she broke up with me..is not there...

guys I really appresiate your advices...but mys situation is like there is a puupy who is dying and who is sick...there is still hope gotta find a way to save it...not just let it die...i know the quickest solution...let it die and buy another puppy... but atleast I should try somthing...or not do somthing...

I can have a girl maybe not all the girls but I know I can have...Same as you I a fan too same as you i study all the techniks too...but there will be a time that you will find a girl that no matter how cool that new chcik is no matter how sexy she was...youl know you cant find another realtionship and girl exact same as her....

If there some one still can relate to me... your advice will surely be help full and there is no doubt that I will do it..just to save this relationship...
thanx again jonjack

 

[Desdinova]

Okay, time for a verbal spanking...

If there some one still can relate to me... your advice will surely be help full and there is no doubt that I will do it..just to save this relationship...

Yes, I can relate to you. I had this girl that I loved more than myself. She was my entire world, my inspiration, and my idol. Then she dumped my ass. I cried for a week, sent her flowers, and gave her a romantic card. None of that made her come back. So I tried to move on. Guess what? I GOT OVER HER.

try to think of drew barry moore in wedding singer and you will have the idea of personality she has..she is not materialistic,sweet.cool, and super loving girlfriend..

..and she left you for some guy named Robbie Hart.

and one day som1 text her in her cellphone and i tried to look it and she suddenly jump and grab the phone.She dont want me to see it..So i became furuious bcoz i know somthing is going on...So were fighting over the phone..and she cried and said "im sorry ive been texting this guy for a month but we did not actually meet up"and she promised that she will never do it again and she cried

This was the point where you should've cut her off completely. She was betraying you, going behind your back, talking to Robbie Hart. If she really had nothing to hide, she would have told you about this guy. She's a lying b1tch.

and i went to our park where we used to hang and drank a beer..and i strated to cumble and realise that i should not be that mean to her,i love her and i can afford to loose her...

In other words, you'd prefer her to continue stringing you along while she's fvcking Robbie Hart. You are a sucker for punishment. You'd rather be miserable than lose a piece of ass. Here's something you need to realize: THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF WOMEN OUT THERE! There's no reason that you need to fvcking torture yourself for ONE WOMAN. That's not love, that's being a slave.

but mys situation is like there is a puupy who is dying and who is sick

She's not a goddam puppy. She's a cheating wh0re.

youl know you cant find another realtionship and girl exact same as her

That's a load of horse5hit. Society has pounded the idea of "soulmate" into your brain. Quit watching Disney movies. There's always something just as good, or better out there.

If this woman was so perfect for you, why was she flirting with Robbie Hart behind your back? That's not a good woman, that's a lying b1tch. YOU DESERVE BETTER. You deserve a woman who won't go behind your back with some other dude!

Now get out there and start looking for a better woman!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Note to DESDINOVA: Does this count as ONEitis?

THEKHRIS: You have terminal ONEitis. Let me guess, this is the only woman you've ever been intimate with, right? Go wrap up a washcloth now and bite down hard on it, because I'm not going to mollycoddle you here. I'm not going to relate with you, I'm not going to identify with you, and I'm certainly not going to affirm your self-inflicted misery, what you need my friend is a swift kick in the ass.

but mys situation is like there is a puupy who is dying and who is sick...there is still hope gotta find a way to save it...not just let it die...i know the quickest solution...let it die and buy another puppy... but atleast I should try somthing...or not do somthing...

Oh for fukk sake,..where is your father so I can kick his ass too? Sweet Mother Mary how old are you?

The only puppy dying here is your insipid, naive illusions of this girl being your ONE perfect love. Of course she's contacting other guys, she needs a guy with testosterone in his bloodstream. Just by the flowery, feminized cliche-terms you use in you broken descriptions I can determine you subscribe whole-heartedly to this school-girl romanticized idealism.

I have this relaltionship for that last for about 1 year and 11 months it was great and full of love...memories,and preciose moments are every where..and what ever trial happened it was all conquerd to our love to each other..

Oh, *smootch* Love conquers all, we had 'precious moments.' Good Christ man, do you read your own posts?! What man with an ounce of testosterone uses syrupy, Hallmark Card, poetic crap like this? And anonymously no less!

And this girl if you want to visualize her so u can realte to her personality..try to think of drew barry moore in wedding singer and you will have the idea of personality she has..she is not materialistic,sweet.cool, and super loving girlfriend..

So your idealized girlfriend archetype is derived from an inane romantic comedy? You're killing me man, absolutely killing me.

Our love has zillion intimate moments its a love that you though is unsinkable it a married in my mind kind of realtioship..and no force in this worl can destroy it..and you have to beleive me when i tell you...her love for me and how she love our realtionship is far greater that mine...its fun ,no routines every day its exciting.and she really loves me

OH, THIS CRAP IS MORE THAN A MAN CAN BEAR! This is exactly what I'd expect to hear from some doe-eyed, teenage girl after she just watched Titanic, only I'd give her the benefit of the doubt as to her internalization of this fantasy.

OK ass kicking over. You are yet one more victim of this romantic nonsense fantasy and are now experiencing the reality of what happens when this world collides with reality. You've deeply internalized (perhaps over a lifetime) this ideology and ego-invested it into your own personality. This is why you vomit out this romance novel terminology when describing your relationship. This is also why you're looking for affirmation in your Shakespearean sense of betrayal here from other Uber AFCs. You came to the wrong place for that, but you came to the right place to reattach your testicles and start living like a Man instead of a girl.

No one's betrayed you; you've allowed yourself to betray yourself by investing your personality in this patsy-ass romanticism. It's time to take the red pill now THEKHRIS and live in the real world.

I can have a girl maybe not all the girls but I know I can have...Same as you I a fan too same as you i study all the techniks too...

No, you couldn't. Even if you had PUA skill (which I doubt you've sufficiently developed in the past 2 years you've been involved with this girl) you wouldn't allow yourself to because you're trapped in your AFC ego-investment. You have to kill the AFC inside of you before this could EVER happen. You have to change your mind about yourself and see how things really function in the real world.

The truth will set you free, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The emotional distress you'll go through isn't caused by your situation or the actions of this girl, rather the pain comes from the conflict between your lack of understanding (or unwillingness to understand) how things are and how you think they 'ought' to be according to your feminine, romanticized idealizations. It's time to wake up. Let this conflict be the catalyst for your disilusionment.

Now go read these and come back here with your next response:

Plate Theory
Identity Crisis
Love, Life & The Monogamy Trap
The Desire Dynamic

 

[thekhris]

thanx guys...I realy need that push...And that electrical shock that i really need...I guess shes not worth it...Ill just try to let go....help my self heal..and when i recovered..I will never loose my focus on the reality on this world...maybe that cool relationship I thought was not that worth it and maybe the girl that i thought sacrifice a lot for me is still not enough to justify her cheating on me.... but can i ask 2 last questions...
1.Who is the bad guy on the story is it her or me?
2.If she did not cheat on me...do u think there is somthing I can do to save it or reverse the situation taking back my girl on her boy friend?

 

[poohead]

1. she is
2. emotional cheating is almost as bad. she was doing stuff behind your back that was not respectful of you.

 

[Desdinova]

1.Who is the bad guy on the story is it her or me?

She's the bad guy, but you're the clueless guy. Both of you are to blame. You should have made your goodbye mean GOOBYE FOREVER. You chose to let her continue dragging your ass through the mud.

2.If she did not cheat on me...do u think there is somthing I can do to save it or reverse the situation taking back my girl on her boy friend?

Why would you want to fix a relationship that's beyond repair? When a building catches fire and burns until it's a skeleton of its former self, do you try fixing it up? No! You tear the rest of it down and build a new one from scratch.

Note to DESDINOVA: Does this count as ONEitis?

Technically, yes he does. Personally, I normally don't use the term "one-itis" in this situation, because it's not really his fault for having it. It's the leftover feeling of "love" from a relationship rather than a desire to experience love in a relationship with a specific woman.

I prefer to show how he's wrong for chasing after an EX. Once a woman is labelled as being an "ex", she should be left behind.

Most guys with one-itis need to get it through their head that she's not sexually interested in him. This guy had a woman who was sexually interested in him, but isn't anymore.

If you're wondering whether I'm going to argue you're use of the term one-itis here, the answer is no. He's not in a relationship, therefore he doesn't have any good reason to close off all other options (or stop spinning plates)

 

[WestCoaster]

Man, it's too early for the good ol' Rollo-Des 1-2 punch, I'm freaking dying here in the morning (mountain time) ... I about spit my mocha onto my computer screen after Rollo wrote this gem:

**********************

Oh for fukk sake,..where is your father so I can kick his ass too? Sweet Mother Mary how old are you?

******************************

Please guys, I can't take this ... my secretary is looking over here wondering why I'm trying to surpress laughter. God, freaking beautiful ... man, classic stuff. Thanks RT and Des ... God, made my freaking day!

 

[Vulpine]

I was sitting here belly-giggling myself...

Friday morning fun. I was going to pipe up with nearly exactly what Desdinova said, but when I saw these two were on, I thought I'd kick back and get a laugh.

Sure enough, thekhris got both hammers dropped on him. lol.:trouble:

 

[thekhris]

yah guys..thanx..
What a waste of 1 year and 11 months that I invested to that girl...
Im just getting sick and tired to the routine of Attract a girl,fvck,enjoy and when somthing goes wrong find another butt,Attract a girl,fvck,enjoy and when somthing goes wrong find another butt,Attract a girl,fvck,enjoy and when somthing goes wrong find another butt..its just hunts me in the past years before i met up this girl...when is this gonna end...I just want to settle down,relax and find happiness to the contenment of that last girl...

but desidinova, rollo tomasi man your are the best...Thank you verry much for that realistic but honest concern...Jonjack gives a great enlighment too...and friendly otter thanx to that plan a..man this site is the best..hope to recover soon.... and hope to find a lasting better life...thanx for the spank guys.

 

[thekhris]

and by the way is ONEitis same as codependency disorder?

 

[penkitten]

money and stress and communication problems are why people break up.

you have to get a steady income to reduce the stress of having the phone turned off and have a home and communicate with your loved one the best you can.

 

[Last Man Standing]

You want to continuie a relationship with a lying cheating hor? Then you say it is your fault? HUH????

May you die a thousand deaths!!!!

Start acting like a man and quit begging a hor to love you - hors do not love!!!!!!!!!

 

[thekhris]

money and stress and communication problems are why people break up.

you have to get a steady income to reduce the stress of having the phone turned off and have a home and communicate with your loved one the best you can.

thanx man... for being cool with me...really appreciate it

 

[DJsparky]

I had the same problem, this girl was my world, my everything, i did everything for her and she got cold on me and dumped me, i got over her in 3 days because i focused on the bad sh!t she did, she was also texting a guy i should of broke it up there

i went out 3 days later got laid =P

 

[Jariel]

The advice you've got here is harsh, but it is right on the mark and should be a wake up call for you.

The way you let yourself be treated sounds like you have no self-respect, and this is your problem and could be one of the main reasons she started seeing someone else. Women want a man who has confidence, who will stand up for himself and well...be a man!

I used to have the same problem as you at one time, and it runs much deeper than this break up. The problem is lack of confidence and self-worth, and this is going to take time to build.

Also, you might want to check out this thread on handling rejection and break ups. It gives a number of real life examples of what to do:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=82346

 

[thekhris]

Man thanx guys..Im bit shy to admits this but im gadam recovering so fast that I cant beleive it... Before I met up this girl I used to buy and collect all the books and ebooks that i can find mariuz panzarella,lous copeland etc..and finally when i get steady to this hot chick and develope an LTR i became the adult peterpan..I was hypnotized drag to the romantized crap...and i forgot...lost....and sort of brain washed... so im glad i became a model and lesson to all fellows guys out there... what to avoid before things became shtty and what to do when things became shtty... Thanx jariel for that tread...it really grabs my hand and finally stand up...