Need advice from some veterans...

[the_professional]

Hey all, I've ended up on this site after searching for help on issues dealing with women. I am a rookie here, but any help/feedback from you fellas would be awesome, considering I've seen a lot of good stuff here so far. My story is a bit long, but I think I need to cover everything in order to get better advice...

I am 21, and this female I'm talking about is 20.

Back in December/January, I met her at a local party, and found out we go to the same college. I chatted her up, and found out she had recently gotten out of a fairly long relationship (2 or 3 years I think). We really did not flirt at all, just got some basic info from her while playing a drinking game. Anyways, long story short, I said if she wanted to hang out over the winter break, or when the school year starts up, to let me know, and left my number (via facebook). At this point, I was just looking for a friend. The next day, I get a text from her, and we end up setting up a dinner "date", but it was never qualified as such from me (she asked if I was going to pick her up). Well, we end up talking for about 3 hours, and at the end of the night I feel like I blew a shot at going for a kiss, because she immediately asked when she could see me again. However, my reason for doing so was the fact that I did not know if she was merely separate from her boyfriend at the moment, considering they just broke up a few days earlier.

Well, we ended up going out for coffee about 3 times, and dinner once more. I never made a move at this point, but we definitely flirted a little, teased, etc. However, after these "hang out sessions" she sort of started drifting off a bit, and not being as initiative as before, so I basically just stopped contacting her. I sensed that she maybe had gotten back together with her boyfriend, or whatever, and just figured that was that.

Now, I must say, during the course of hanging out, I really fell hard for her. She is gorgeous, very intelligent, very funny, outgoing, and even a hard worker (has multiple jobs).

Anyways, I eventually got over her, and moved on. We had gone for about 2 months without seeing or talking to each other (at the same school, as impossible as that sounds). Anyways, we end up bumping into each other 3 times at the end of May, and I acted pretty indifferent to her. Fast-forward a little bit, and we happen to be working now in the nearest city, and have the same train times and everything.

We have only seen each other four days so far, but it is like night and day. I tease her and break her chops a ton, and she does the same right back. We flirt a lot. AND, she has been touching me a TON. Nothing extremely sexual, but grabbing my arm when she laughs, or leaning into me. Holding her hand to my head to see if it is hot, etc. Stuff she never did at all before. Among other things she has said.

I now have an issue though:

I don't know if she is like this with all guys. She has mentioned hanging out with other guy friends this summer, going to visit them and what not. But always seems to carefully mention "my FRIEND"...

My questions include the following:

1.) Should I just come right out and ask her if she is single?
2.) If she is NOT, and I do ask, what should my response be?
3.) If she IS, and I ask her out, obviously it would be awesome if she agreed
- but if she says no, how can I avoid losing her as a friend?

I know this is a ton of info, I am sorry. But I feel like I have a real shot at this chick, and I just want to stop farting around and just find out if she likes me or not. Additionally, like I said, it would be fine if she isn't, but I need help on avoiding any awkwardness so as to maintain a friendship.

Like I said, any and all feedback/advice will truly be appreciated. If you need any other info to answer, just let me know. Look forward to interacting with you all in the future...

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

Well , i have another advice for you.

If you're looking for a relationship with this girl Read THIS.

You're a chode and you need to become a man. Fvck "that" girl , start gaming , get deeper into the game , start fishing with dynamite until you become a master than you can have a great relationship.

This is the advice i give every newbie that wants to get that " ONE SPECIAL GIRL".

Anyway , sorry that i didn't read the entire thread. I just read through the lines but i think you are asking the same thing as most of the guys that come here .

 

[Igetit!]

I agree with Daddy The Pimp.

There's nothing wrong if you want a relationship,but judging by what you wrote here,you've already started off on the wrong foot. Even if you did somehow manage to get into a relationship with this girl right now,you'd just end up being her punching bag.

To me,it just seems like you've become the latest victim of the friendzone.

You've known this girl since December,right? Well it's June going on July,and you're still trying to find a way to ask her out almost half a year later?

Whatever it is that's kept you from asking her out/showing your interest to her is the same thing that would cripple you if you were to start dating her. If it's fear,nervousness,shyness or whatever it is,it'll fracture your relationship with her as well.

You say you want to quit "farting around" and find out if she likes you. Well maybe at one time she did like you,but if you wait too long to show your interest to her,she'll lose attraction. Don't fool yourself...

If doesn't matter if she touches you,laughs when you two talk,or wants to hang out with you,if you haven't asked her out and let her know you like her,then more than likely,you're in the friendzone. There are many IOIs that women give off when they like a guy,but the same things a woman does when she likes a guy,she can also do when she's just being friendly.

The ONLY ioi I care about is when I ask a woman out and she says yes. Other than that,I'm cautious about all the hair flipping,eye contact,touching of the arm,etc.

To me,it seems like your window of opportunity has closed. You said that you've had 3 coffee dates with her,and one dinner date,and you never made a move. Then you said that after those "hang out sessions" she started drifting off. Seems like you lost her. You snooze you lose my friend.

You're in the friendzone.

You spent ALL THIS TIME with her,talking,hanging out,going to dinner,etc,and not only do you not know if she's single,you don't even know if she like you. So obviuosly,you haven't shown her you like her yet because if you did,you'd have the answer to these questions.

You can go ahead and reveal your attraction to her,but more than likely,it's already over with.

 

[the_professional]

I see what the both of you are saying. And believe me, I wish I had done things differently. But the reason I feel as though I still have a window of opportunity is because she is showing much, much stronger signs NOW, than when we first started off.

Also, like I said, the reason I never made a move was because she just broke up with a long-term boyfriend. High school sweethearts always seem to get back together within a month or so, so I didn't want to really get involved.

We are going out for drinks next week, and I think that is the prime spot to go for it. But like I said, any tips on making sure/finding out if she is single?

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

It doesn't matter. As long as she's with you and not stopping you from escalating , she wants to be with you.

But as igetit! said , i think you're already in the friendzone and there's no way back.

 

[Captain]

Set up a date, and this time, make sure you kiss her by the end of it. Not just a little peck, a make out session. You don't want to fall into the friendzone, you need to either make your move and have her enjoy it or make your move and get rejected.