Need Advice for a VERY Unique Situation!

[CaConfused]

Hey guys, so get this weird situation. I need to know my next move.

I made plans to meet this rabid Seahawks fan (girl I met online) at a bar. A couple days before she asked if she could invite her friend. Great. I went with it since it was a casual meeting.

So her and her friend show up and she's giving me good vibes.

BUT THEN THE CRAP. Her friend who is a event organizer (at the bar already) says "Can this guy sit here with you?"

Dude is a male adonis. And this flips everything. Anyhow, she wasn't overly into him, but when we took group photos, she looked at them all and said "I want yours". So now they had each other's #.

When we bounced to another bar, he tried to run up and game her, but she dropped back next to me. (Could just be a courtesy.)

At 6pm, they had to catch their train back into the city. He and I walked off. Her and her friend walked off.

This was last night. What's my next move guys? I can't believe that freaking organizer basically dropped a ****block on me!

Thanks

 

[PlayHer Man]

NEVER let the girl control the date. The first meeting should be on your terms. None of her friends unless you have wingman support.

Anyway, just text or call her to meet again for a drink ONE ON ONE. No friends.

 

[CaConfused]

Thanks! My only day free this week is Friday. Is that OK, given that it would be the second meeting?

Also, when should I text her? Tomorrow?

 

[PlayHer Man]

Thanks! My only day free this week is Friday. Is that OK, given that it would be the second meeting?

Also, when should I text her? Tomorrow?

I would text her Wednesday or even Thursday. Closer to the meeting time. If you plan too far in advance it looks like you don't have anything else going on in your life.

Ask her to grab a drink with you (happy hour) on Friday.

 

[alpha_ash]

I would text her Wednesday or even Thursday. Closer to the meeting time. If you plan too far in advance it looks like you don't have anything else going on in your life.

Ask her to grab a drink with you (happy hour) on Friday.

Wouldn't planning in advance indicate to you are a busy guy? The exact opposite of what you stated in your comment.

If you have to plan in advance then that means you have a busy schedule that requires you to make time for the person. It's like a doctors office:if you try to make an appointment, they give you one for a month from now, that means they are busy!

 

[PlayHer Man]

Wouldn't planning in advance indicate to you are a busy guy? The exact opposite of what you stated in your comment.

If you have to plan in advance then that means you have a busy schedule that requires you to make time for the person. It's like a doctors office:if you try to make an appointment, they give you one for a month from now, that means they are busy!

Planning late can mean your original plans fell through and you're making a back-up plan. It can also mean you were too busy to think about planning something until later.

Planning in advance can come off as "I'm wide open and even though its only Monday I already know I don't have sh*t to do on Friday so let me plan something with you, since I have no other people who will invite me to anything".

I don't know about you, but the majority of my social plans are made a day or two before. I don't plan something in advance unless it is something very important like a trip or a special event. Hanging out with friends or dates with girls are usually a last minute thing.

Why plan a date with a chick 5 days from now when there is a chance someone hotter and sexier might be available by then?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

You guys are severely over-analyzing all this planning non-sense.

OP: You are outcome dependent already, never good.

This isn't a unique situation at all.

Its a situation that was set up to fail because you didn't have control of the frame, you let the woman dictate the agenda and because of that she already lost respect for you.

What inexperienced/nice guys tend to do is be overly accommodating; thinking that it will win you points. And there are certainly times where that might be the case, but in general your job is to lead and have her follow. If she is leading (on the first date of all times) she has much less invested in this than you do.

If your truly only available Friday of this week, I would hit her up a couple of days before and ask her out. If she can't make it and doesn't counter offer, then I would put her on the back-burner and pursue other women (which you should be doing already).

Its easy to build up a woman, even one who isn't that great of a catch, when you have no one else to compare her to.








PIMP

 

[CaConfused]

You guys are severely over-analyzing all this planning non-sense.

OP: You are outcome dependent already, never good.

This isn't a unique situation at all.

Its a situation that was set up to fail because you didn't have control of the frame, you let the woman dictate the agenda and because of that she already lost respect for you.

What inexperienced/nice guys tend to do is be overly accommodating; thinking that it will win you points. And there are certainly times where that might be the case, but in general your job is to lead and have her follow. If she is leading (on the first date of all times) she has much less invested in this than you do.

If your truly only available Friday of this week, I would hit her up a couple of days before and ask her out. If she can't make it and doesn't counter offer, then I would put her on the back-burner and pursue other women (which you should be doing already).

Its easy to build up a woman, even one who isn't that great of a catch, when you have no one else to compare her to.


PIMP

This is good advice. I went with it because I thought the football game would be fun, and also thought bailing because she was bringing a friend might look non self-confident. I need to regain that.

She literally sent me a text the day before saying this "Would you mind making this a casual date, since games are like 4 hours long! And I might want to invite a few other Seahawks fan friends too. Cool? Not cool?"

How would you have replied (I'm trying to learn here).

 

[CaConfused]

UPDATE:

I texted her last night at 7pm and in a funny way told her I was randomly back at the bar we were hanging at before.

This morning at 7:15a I got a reply back "Did you have fun?"

She has IL if she replies, correct?

 

[VladPatton]

I would say off the get-go, the event was the initial error. Selecting a 4 hr game made the day too much of an 'event'. If you would of just chose quick drinks or coffee for a short time, an hour or two, even if she would of brought 4 friends, it would of let you bail, or if you were just not feeling it, shortened the date.

This way, it got too involved. The friend, the guy, you didn't wanna be rude, the game was still on, and so on and so forth the snowball effect occurred and you had a long, ****blocked night with questions as to wtf is going on. Too much at the beginning is just not good. Keep it short and let her want more (if she is truly interested).

Next time, tell her 'let's make it a 1 on 1 one date this time', otherwise, this chick is just looking for another sports fan to watch games with. Funk that! If she starts insisting on time, place, who she wants to bring, it is a sign of dominance and you will have an uphill battle with her constantly, unless you become her little meat puppet.

Good luck.

Side note: IME, nutty sports chicks are kind of wacky, so be careful with this one.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I'm going to just skip to the end of this whole debacle and save you some time: she's not interested.

You call a girl up and ask her to meet up with you. Girls aren't that dumb - she knows it's a date. So, what does she do? She brings a friend? Why? 'Cause she's not romantically interested in you. If she was, she wouldn't have even thought about bringing someone else. And, in case you're thinking she did it because she doesn't know you well and thought she might need back up just in case you got crazy, please remember that you asked to meet her in a public place.

Oh, and the "waiting til' the next day to text you" bit? Definitely not interested. Her phone is on her at all times, no way she didn't get the text. (BTW, yet another reason I say "texting KILLS relationships." How'd it feel to wait all night for a response from her, fella?)

Save yourself some time, accept that she's probably not interested, and start looking for other options. Or, you could do what most guys on these boards do: ignore her signals of disinterest, keep chasing her, over-read a couple of signs that you'll mistake for interest (i.e. "hey guys, she text me back after 12 hours, she must like me, right?") and, after 3 or 4 months, finally realize she doesn't like you.

 

[CaConfused]

You got it. I won't text her back.