Need advice: flirting while being in a relationship

[GwenGwen]

Hi Guys, I'm new here.
(Sorry for my average english, I'm more fluent in French.)

I would like to get some serious advice on how to proceed with this complicated situation.

Long story short:
I'm 32 and I'm the father of a 7yrs old (shared child custody from a previous long term relationship). I'm currently involved in a 2yrs relationship with a girl that I love and respect. We don't live together. Our couple is okay but noting is perfect. We have a hard time planing for the future (moving together, having kids, not sure about this, etc.).

At a party, I recently met a nice girl that is younger than me. She's 25 and we instantly connected. We kept in touch via Facebook and Twitter, and she found a reason to casually give me her phone number. We've been texting each other for the past weeks. On an off. I'm trying to play cool and be a little hard to get.

Now. I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend. That's out of the question. But I have to admit it would feel good to flirt a little with this new girl. I'm really attracted to her and I know I'll have to reveal my relationship status at some point. We have friends in common and I can't hide this forever.

How should I tell her I have a kid and a girlfriend without destroying the flirty vibe we have? Have you ever experienced something similar?

Trust me, everything is 10x harder when you have a kid. Especially with younger women. Dads are men too, so please respect this situation.

Thanks in advance for your support and advice.
Bros before hoes.

 

[Maximus Rex]

This is like asking, "I want to try heroin, but not end up a strung out dope fiend. How do I accomplish this?" Not for nothing dude, something is severely lacking in your relationship for you even wanting to attempt this bullsh*t, regardless of of Frenchmen's reputation for being among the biggest philanders on earth.

 

[Cremasta]

Don't do it!

You might do a bit of innocent flirting, but if the girl gets the wrong idea, she will probably escalate. Then your current girl will see the messages on Facebook and Twitter, then you will be in a world of shyt.

 

[GwenGwen]

I totally understand your reaction.

I know it's a huge challenge to expose my status to this girl and I understand you may not be able to help.

I said my current relationship wasn't perfect. If I ever breakup with my GF, I would love to get in touch with this new girl, so I don't want her to put my name on the "forget it", "as*hole" or "friend" lists. Is this even achievable or am I going to lose her anyways?

a) Cold truth: drop the "I'm in a relationship, and I have a kid" like a bomb and wait for a reaction
b) Easier to swallow: tell her that I appreciate her and I feel a connection, but I'm not free in the moment
c) ______________ ?

Should I make sure that when I reveal this, I also escalate a bit, so her interest level isn't going down?

(Of course, all of the above should include some efforts not to fall in the friendzone after I reveal my status)

 

[GwenGwen]

Don't do it!

You might do a bit of innocent flirting, but if the girl gets the wrong idea, she will probably escalate. Then your current girl will see the messages on Facebook and Twitter, then you will be in a world of shyt.

Thanks Cremasta. I like your realistic approach. I don't want to lose everything. Just want to have a bit of fun. But maybe it's a risky business.

I guess all I want is to find a way this new girl feels sorry she can't have me, and get back to her if I'm ever single again.

 

[TheException]

OPTION C ------> Do nothing!

I wouldnt communicate with her in a "inappropriate" manner. Just treat her like a friend and I wouldnt really initiate any conversation. Be polite, but dont be going out of your way to talk to her. Keep he number in case you and your gf breakup.

If she ever says "We should hang out" or anything suggesting a date, respond with "I would, but im currently seeing someone" and let that be it.

 

[Cremasta]

I guess all I want is to find a way this new girl feels sorry she can't have me, and get back to her if I'm ever single again.

Not a problem. There's really only one way to make her want you like this. It's counter-intuitive, but... be the absolute best bf to your current girl and occasionally slip into conversation all the fantastic stuff you do for her. Doesn't have to be big things, "the girl's been working really hard lately, so me and the boy made her this big breakfast in bed on Sunday, had to help him a bit with the scrambled eggs though " that kinda thing, women lap it up.

This ticks both your boxes. 1. You've made it clear that you're taken. 2. If you ever do become single, she's well aware you're a great catch.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Listen dude, if you don't want to be in a relationship with your baby's mama, then don't be in one.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Dude, what I'm about to say is field tested.

Don't do nothing. Unless you want to end your relationship. If you feel like you are not interested in your girl anymore, than stop being a chump (and an a**hole) and dump her.

If you start with these monkey business it will eventually "catch up". By this I mean, you lose interest, you show less interested, your gf gets confused, fell less interested on you, will seek "interest" somewhere else, dump your sorry ass, leave you with a broken heart.

All I've heard while I was reading through your post was:
"I need validation, I seek validation, look world how manly I am, and how I can seduce other women"

While it might be fun in the short run, it just proves that you are not secure with yourself, and it will, FOR SURE, be damaging to your relationship with your actual GF in the medium to long run.

Read it wisely!

 

[GwenGwen]

Yes, I'm probably looking for validation, and I'd like to escape from this.

I made my decision: I won't do nothing.
I'll stop texting her and will avoid any escalation. If we ever meet (we will), I'll be naturally charming and funny, but won't do anything else.

My two last questions:
-- Should I clarify my relationship/parenting status before I stop talking to her? If I don't, she'll probably find out by herself, and I'm not sure this is optimal. But on the other hand, it's a bit weird to come out and sound like: I assumed you were interested and I would like to tell you I'm flattered but I'm not available. Meh.

-- Do you have a killer move I could use to make sure she remembers me as a prospect and not a cool guy she'd like to become friend with? I would like to leave a bit of tension (a friend of mine says "go for the unexpected kiss" but I really don't agree with this)

Thanks guys. Constructive criticism is the best.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Yes, I'm probably looking for validation, and I'd like to escape from this.

I made my decision: I won't do nothing.
I'll stop texting her and will avoid any escalation. If we ever meet (we will), I'll be naturally charming and funny, but won't do anything else.

My two last questions:
-- Should I clarify my relationship/parenting status before I stop talking to her? If I don't, she'll probably find out by herself, and I'm not sure this is optimal. But on the other hand, it's a bit weird to come out and sound like: I assumed you were interested and I would like to tell you I'm flattered but I'm not available. Meh.

-- Do you have a killer move I could use to make sure she remembers me as a prospect and not a cool guy she'd like to become friend with? I would like to leave a bit of tension (a friend of mine says "go for the unexpected kiss" but I really don't agree with this)

Thanks guys. Constructive criticism is the best.

It's apparent that you want somebody to co-sign and give you a reason to do something that you've already made up your mind to do. Okay, potna, ole Rex will give you what you're asking for. Pursue the new broad, then have her suck and f*ck you as if the fact of humanity depended on it. However, when and if this sh*t backfires on your triflin' a$$, don't back here full of remorse and woe talkin' 'bout, "I cheated on my baby's mama. How do I get her back?

 

[GwenGwen]

(Oh, I thought I said something about constructive comments)

If anybody else would like to assist a dude that needs a bit of help, feel free to add your comments. Thanks guys.

 

[Lotus Effect]

(Oh, I thought I said something about constructive comments)

I'm sorry to inform you Gwen.
But the advice Rex gave you on his latest post, was pretty much constructive. The sad reallity is that the truth sometimes hurts. Specially if comes with a little sarcasm. Do yourself a favor and read it again, this time, without the ego if you can!

So, and I'm going to repeat myself on this one. You are still trying to seek validation. If you want her as a prospect, dump your lady, and go for the single life.

Screwing around wont get you anywhere (good at least). And there is a Brazilian saying that goes something like this "Whatever you do here, here you are paying". There is no heaven or hell, you do bad s**t, and that's what you get.

I know it sounds like stupid advice, but trust me on this one. You do not want to do this. The price is always higher than you can afford to pay.

And for all I care, just to help you with the issue, there is no reason why you should hide you have kids or whatsoever. In fact, that is a stupid move.
The fact that you have a girlfriend otherwise, can be concealed.

But please man. If you are no satisfied with your lady, stop being a wuss and move on. By now, I realised you just want to try other stuff and still go back to your home safe and sound...
That is just plain coward, besides it shows you are insecure about yourself and your dating/life skills and you rather remain in the confort of security.

So you have Wether you do it like a man and dump your girl, or don't do it at all.
Since you are, and you are, insecure, if you play it like you want to, when s**t hits the fan, you will be far worse, and womanless!

Sleep on that! Cheers!

 

[FairShake]

I'm going to leave you with two cliches...

It sounds like you want your cake and to eat it too.

Either sh!t or get off the pot.

If you were really all about your relationship with your girlfriend you wouldn't be texting some other woman regularly. Either you are tired of the relationship or you are insecure and seeking validation. Which ever one is the case you cannot balance it with your current living situation.

Either end your relationship and pursue the single life that you desire or end the textind and double down with your girlfriend and enjoy the relationship that you love.

 

[GwenGwen]

Thanks guys.

I'm clearly in a "transition zone" and I can't decide in a day or two if I want to end my current relationship. Reacting like this to a new person in my life was really unexpected.

I was just looking for advice on how to approach this girl IF I decide to choose this path. I wanted to leave a good impression, that's all.

But in the meantime, I'll stop texting her. (And logically, flirting right now without being prepared to make a move is pretty stupid. I only foresee frustration and disapointment. It won't help me to reconnect with this girl in the future)

 

[fredhib]

Thanks guys.

I'm clearly in a "transition zone" and I can't decide in a day or two if I want to end my current relationship. Reacting like this to a new person in my life was really unexpected.

I was just looking for advice on how to approach this girl IF I decide to choose this path. I wanted to leave a good impression, that's all.

But in the meantime, I'll stop texting her. (And logically, flirting right now without being prepared to make a move is pretty stupid. I only foresee frustration and disapointment. It won't help me to reconnect with this girl in the future)

Imagine that right now every woman on the planet, any girl you want, is attracted to you, wants to be with you. Imagine this is true.

Really picture yourself in this situation for a minute.

Would you still stay, happily, with your current girlfriend?