Need a little help, perhaps mentor

[Protonoto]

Hey, I've been watching these forums for a few months now. This website has helped me quite alot actually. I've come along way from what I used to be however still have terrible insecurities.

I go from feeling great and having an on top of the world feeling like nothing can drag me down to which will change all of a sudden to extremely sad / depressed. I go to the point of feeling like I can get any girl to feeling as if I should kill myself.

It's odd because sometimes I can look at myself in the mirror and see myself looking good, handsome and other times I will look like complete crap. I think it's all just in my head but I can't believe. I avoid getting in photographs because I often feel so bad and insecure. I've made an appointment with a Psychiatric nurse at my local GP to try and help me with this. Has anyone had these up and down feelings?

I've got a basic grasp of how to attract women and what I need to do but I'm lacking the actual belief and self esteem to do it. Without that I can't be happy, I can't attract anything positive. Funny thing is I'd gone about 1 month feeling amazing, that was until I saw myself in an all-rounded mirror and saw myself from every direction. That hit me hard and I became very depressed about my appearance even although I am trying to majorly sort my clothes, hairstyle and overall appearance out!

The way I look affects my attitude and confidence extremely, I hate it. I was hoping somebody would help show me some direction, help me move upwards and onwards step by step, that is if anybody can spare this time to help.

I'm 18 years old from the UK. I always seem to attract girls talking online, but not in the real world and my brain is telling me it's because I'm disturbingly ugly.

Thanks.

 

[dopexile]

Sounds like you have some self image issues... just put yourself out there and meet women... if things end up so serious that you can't get over it on your own then continue to pursue getting some help.

 

[slaog]

First thing you must do is try to accept yourself. Just say this is me and I accept myself. Once you've done that it'll be a weight off your shoulders.

Second thing you can do is like you said, sort out your hair, cloths etc.

Improve yourself and when you'll feel good about yourself you'll give off that vibe that attracts women.

 

[KarmaSutra]

My apologies for the delay.

I meant to get in here first but I got sidetracked.

Nonetheless, Young Brother start by reading this:

Mentoring the younger man:

Then:

More mentoring help to another young brother:

Let me know what else you need after you've read those.

Karma

 

[nightcrawler]

Wow you sound a lot like me. I'll be watching this thread.

same here, I hope this thread gets some interesting replies

 

[The August Sky]

well dude, im fairly certain that your writing your post because you are in one of your lower emotional status currently...which could maybe explain the harshness of your looks description.

as far as that goes if you feel its your problem...(thats almost always never the single problem btw)....make yourself an appointment with a good hair stylist...not eveyone can be a brad pitt or tyson beckford...but with the right person you can accent your good features and that will over shadow your not so great features..and everyone has features that arnt perfect so dont be discouraged. your still young.. your a young man you have no time to waste...if you do fall off your horse hop back on it and keep riding, man.
hope my .02 helped a bit

 

[Protonoto]

Thanks for the responses they've all been quite helpful and It's good to know I'm not alone regarding this.

I find myself in a vicious cycle. I can't accept myself without some female validation and interest but I can't attain that without the confidence which is required .

 

[DonGorgon]

Sounds bi-polar (if that even exists for real)

 

[tick37]

I go from feeling great and having an on top of the world feeling like nothing can drag me down to which will change all of a sudden to extremely sad / depressed. I go to the point of feeling like I can get any girl to feeling as if I should kill myself.

This sounds bi-polar.

Sounds bi-polar (if that even exists for real)

 

[Protonoto]

I really hope not, I hope this can be overcome. I'll see what the psychiatric nurse has to say.

 

[tick37]

If it is, there is nothing wrong with trying to fix it. I wouldn't look down on you if you did have that problem, but I would look down on you if you weren't working to correct it.

 

[Protonoto]

As far as I'm aware bi-polar occurs monthly but I might be wrong. My mood swings tend to happen due to lack of success with women or lack of interest and I think that's not bi-polar. I just hate my appearance so much. Certain lighting can affect how I look and change how I feel about myself tremendously.

To be honest if I have anything it's probably Body dysmorphic disorder.

 

[tick37]

As far as I'm aware bi-polar occurs monthly but I might be wrong. My mood swings tend to happen due to lack of success with women or lack of interest and I think that's not bi-polar. I just hate my appearance so much. Certain lighting can affect how I look and change how I feel about myself tremendously.

To be honest if I have anything it's probably Body dysmorphic disorder.

Then you have to work on your thought process. Work on your sub conscience and what you've trained it to tell yourself. That's where you'll need a therapist. I bet you probably don't look as bad as you think you do.

 

[Interceptor]

Most women tend to respond sexually to men whom display masculine traits, , not necessarily model level looks.

Have you designed your Chief Personal Mission Statement?

Are you aware of what make syou happy and what does not?

Do you have a passion/s in life?


Do you have career goals?

Are you working out regularly?

Any hobbies?


Have you identified the things you are afraid of?

have you identified the things you are proud of?

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Is "getting women"; your Top Priority, or is your Life and Mission?


Would you still be a man if you had no Woman?

If you dont feel masculine and a 'man' now, how will you feel if you DID have one?

Being attractive is often more about what you can make another person 'feel'.
What can you make a woman feel?

"I cant approach women because I feel Im ugly"

"Women wont like me for who I am, because Im ugly."

Does this about sum it up?



When you think of this statement : "I am an ugly man."

What do you feel? WHERE in your body do you FEEL this?


When you read this:
"Protonoto is a cool guy. Hes very attractive.The girls seem to like him."

What do you feel?

Where do you feel it in your body?

 

[Protonoto]

I wasn't sure if these were rhetorical but I'll answer these here anyway.

Most women tend to respond sexually to men whom display masculine traits, , not necessarily model level looks.

Have you designed your Chief Personal Mission Statement?
What's this? Can you explain?

Are you aware of what make syou happy and what does not?
I do enjoy socialising and being with my friends, laughing but I feel bad when I see them with women and I'm alone.

Do you have a passion/s in life?
I love to travel and I plan to do some more. It's helped me become more independent and has broadened my mind.

Do you have career goals?
No, currently I'm 18 and have no idea what I want to do in terms of a career.

Are you working out regularly?
No, but I'd like to do so however I feel really clueless on this subject as so many people tell me different things. I'd like to bulk up I'm too skinny for my own liking.

Any hobbies?
No I really don't know what I'd like as a hobby honestly

Have you identified the things you are afraid of?
In what sense? I'm afraid of looking at myself in mirrors at times, I know that. I'm afraid of staying as I am right now.

have you identified the things you are proud of?
No

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Hopefully in a better stable job with my own place, my own car and enjoying life.

Is "getting women"; your Top Priority, or is your Life and Mission?
Not really. Having none at all makes me feel like a freak though, I'd like to be normal and know that I can attract women if I want to. I'm lacking belief right now.

Would you still be a man if you had no Woman?
If I had none my entire life? I'd feel like a failure.

If you dont feel masculine and a 'man' now, how will you feel if you DID have one?
Normal, I'd feel as if I'd be a normal man, nothing more.

Being attractive is often more about what you can make another person 'feel'.
What can you make a woman feel?
I know that I can make girls laugh and feel good in that sense online but in the real world, not much.

"I cant approach women because I feel Im ugly"?
Does this about sum it up?
Pretty much, yeah.



When you think of this statement : "I am an ugly man."

What do you feel? WHERE in your body do you FEEL this?

I feel a sinking feeling in my stomach, I feel despair all over. Extremely helpless

When you read this:
"Protonto is a cool guy, Hes very attractive, The girl seem to like him."

What do you feel?
I feel good, as if I'm normal or perhaps more than just normal and can have any girl I want
Where do you feel it in your body?
My stomach and my head

 

[tick37]

Interceptor, I see you talk a lot about a Mission Statement. I know that businesses, religious (Christian) denominations, and private institutions have these, but I'm not familiar with a Personal Mission Statement. Could you give an example of one?

 

[Interceptor]

I will get back to you later.

But, Proto, have you realzied that yuor REPLIES to my questions about what you want to do are very vague??

Think about this.

And to you lurkers there, reading this right now......Re READ Proto's replies.

NOtice something..

he has NO Idea on thingts that most peopl etake for granted.

Like what kidn of hobbies.

And no career goals.

This is key.
In fact, I see this all the time. In guys like you , and Proto

Use this as a HUGE Freakin' RED FLAG!

It is a common theme with guys like this.

They dont know WHO they are, and experience Ups and DOWNs



use his example as YOUR Example.

When you are at the mercy of emotions, AND your Environemnt (people, places, and circumstances) and dont know what you want, dont know who you are, dont know what to do, dont know what you like........


You are ping ponging back and forth, up and down all over the place.
At the mercy of your emotions and your environment

This is BAD

Notice how he has nothing to ANCHOR him

Notice how YOU expereince the SAME EXACT Sympoms as Proto

Think about this




You are NOT Stable.

You are NOT Secure

YOU are not SURE of yourself or ANYTHING

You cannot overcome ANYONE's INSECURITY with INSECURTITY of YOUR OWN





Again these are huge red flags , Warning Signs that you shoud be HEEDING



KNOW THYSELF


Your purpose is to go out and EXPERIENCE LIFE and KNOW WHAT YOU WANT and go OUT AND DO IT



I'll respond later



Read this for now:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=141177

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=141177

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=136262

 

[reset]

I was going to ask you this as well. Edit--will wait! lol.

 

[Interceptor]

Interceptor, I see you talk a lot about a Mission Statement. I know that businesses, religious (Christian) denominations, and private institutions have these, but I'm not familiar with a Personal Mission Statement. Could you give an example of one?

This post may help you start to outline ideas;


http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=141177

But mainly what you want to do is

Recognize you Strengths

Recognize your Weaknesses

Write out your Goals

Write out What goal you have for

Health

Wealth

Career

Relationships

Major Experinces

Health

Perhaps a bodybuilding goal, or to take up martial arts training
Add 10 lbs of muscle. Drop body fat levels

Wealth

What plans do you have on making more money? What other sources of income are you investigating? What are you doing now to Work LESS, and EARN MORE?
How are you putting into practice the idea of ABUNDANCE into your life?
DO you have Abundance Mentality?
If not, then HOW will you integrate it into your life, how will you absorb this notion intoyour beliefs?


Career

What is your Dream Job?

Do you want to start a business? What career goals do you want to achieve?

Relationships

Are you happy with your circle of friends? DO you want a different social network?
What kind of people doyou wan tin your life?
What kind of woman do you want in your life?
Do you want an LTR,or many options?


Major Experiences

GHAve you ever wnated to go to Tibet?

Have you ever wanted to go mountain climbing?

Have you ever wanted to learn tactical shotgun and pistol tactics (LOL! I know, just had to put that in there..)

have you ever wanted to go to Japan?


Or walk over hot coals?

Or bungee jumping?




What are your VALUES?

WHAT do you believe about yourself that is good and want to OPTIMIZE and MAXIMIZE?


What steps are you taking to improve yourself and improve your LIFESTYLE?

What are your Passions?

What would you DIE for?

WHAT DO YOU FEAR?


Also , ask yourself if you are truly READY to Initiate yourself ( will talk about this later) into LETTING GO of RESENTMENT, TOXIC BELIEFS, FEARS, PRIDE and your EGO ,


AND........


let your SELF Thrive and FLOURISH in UNCERTAINTY and the UNKNOWN.


Are you pursuing HIGH CHARACTER?

 

[Protonoto]

I have a hard time taking all of this in. It's not actually changed the way I think and feel. Although your advice is good the words just haven't hit me! Agh