(Well, I guess my posts are now showing up....)
First off, I used to be posting under the name JeeperCane but had cleared my cookies in my comp, couldn't remember my password and when I tried to have it reset, never got an email from the board like it says I should expect. Anyway, not really an issue but here's the last thread I posted over Christmas for those who may remember me:
Thread about being passive.
Anyway, things have been great since New Year's Eve. I spent it with a fantastic girl who lives in DC actually (I'm in Miami) who I knew from college. We've been seeing each other at least once a month since then. I'll go up there, she comes down here, no pressure, just fun. We've gone all around the DC area and down to Key West for a long weekend. She's very open and low-maintenance and appears (so far) to be a genuinely good person.
I laid out some ground rules early and let her know that we live separate lives, that when we're in each other's company, we're as together as you can be, but that I want her to go out, have fun, live her life and do what she wants in DC. If she meets a guy, she meets a guy. I told her that for now we should just have fun and enjoy getting to know one another. We've grown very close and have taken it slow, but gotten slightly more serious.
However, here's where I need some help. Without beating around the bush, the plain fact of the matter is that her mother is dying. She's in hospice as we speak and is slowly slipping. Her mom us under 50 and suffering from cancer. She's had some other physical issues in the past that have made recovery next to impossible. This girl has been, through it all, no matter how our little relationship turns out, remarkable. She has simply stood up and said that her mom did things in her life that she doesn't agree with, that she abused herself and that added to the situation she's in. She's never been exceptionally close with either of her parents, and has pretty much figured out right from wrong on her own for much of her life. She also refuses, almost to a point, to show emotion over the matter.
I last saw her two weekends ago in DC and we went to visit her mom on a Sunday. The night before, we laid in bed and just talked quietly about her situation. She said she often tires to shut herself off emotionally from things lately because it's easier. She says she hasn't had anyone in her life (from a boyfriend-prospective) for a while and that she likes that I ask her questions about her mom and that I offer concern, but that it's hard for her to come out with it on her own. She has seemed to be extremely distant lately on the phone, yet still calls me nightly just to talk and say goodnight. She often doesn't respond to text messages and just seems lost in conversations. I fully attribute this to her mom's situation and the gravity of the situation finally becoming a reality to her. I told her that this situation with her mom supersedes our relationship in every way, shape or form and that if she wants to just stop completely for a while.....and for good if need be.....then it is one situation that I totally understand. It's not like we have anything really vested in it.
She's said she likes having me in her life, likes how we are and doesn't want to stop. No matter what happens, I just want to be a good person for her and am not sure if I should be doing anything in particular. I have zero experience dealing with anyone, be it a guy or girlfriend in this capacity with this looming overhead. I try and just keep our nightly conversations "the same" for lack of a better word, to hopefully keep some normalcy in her life. She's made comments about how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning and I feel bad for her.
I realize there's very little I can do 1,000 miles away. This is more of a how-to-deal-with-a-person issue then a woman to a degree, but I'm also not sure how women in particular deal with such things emotionally. She seems to bury herself and keep quiet, whereas other girl's I've dated would be in tears every night (quite frankly, I would probably be too).
Any advice is welcome, any thoughts are welcome and thanks!
(Also, if any admins read this, can someone please reset my password to JeeperCane and email it to me..)
Thanks!
First off, I used to be posting under the name JeeperCane but had cleared my cookies in my comp, couldn't remember my password and when I tried to have it reset, never got an email from the board like it says I should expect. Anyway, not really an issue but here's the last thread I posted over Christmas for those who may remember me:
Thread about being passive.
Anyway, things have been great since New Year's Eve. I spent it with a fantastic girl who lives in DC actually (I'm in Miami) who I knew from college. We've been seeing each other at least once a month since then. I'll go up there, she comes down here, no pressure, just fun. We've gone all around the DC area and down to Key West for a long weekend. She's very open and low-maintenance and appears (so far) to be a genuinely good person.
I laid out some ground rules early and let her know that we live separate lives, that when we're in each other's company, we're as together as you can be, but that I want her to go out, have fun, live her life and do what she wants in DC. If she meets a guy, she meets a guy. I told her that for now we should just have fun and enjoy getting to know one another. We've grown very close and have taken it slow, but gotten slightly more serious.
However, here's where I need some help. Without beating around the bush, the plain fact of the matter is that her mother is dying. She's in hospice as we speak and is slowly slipping. Her mom us under 50 and suffering from cancer. She's had some other physical issues in the past that have made recovery next to impossible. This girl has been, through it all, no matter how our little relationship turns out, remarkable. She has simply stood up and said that her mom did things in her life that she doesn't agree with, that she abused herself and that added to the situation she's in. She's never been exceptionally close with either of her parents, and has pretty much figured out right from wrong on her own for much of her life. She also refuses, almost to a point, to show emotion over the matter.
I last saw her two weekends ago in DC and we went to visit her mom on a Sunday. The night before, we laid in bed and just talked quietly about her situation. She said she often tires to shut herself off emotionally from things lately because it's easier. She says she hasn't had anyone in her life (from a boyfriend-prospective) for a while and that she likes that I ask her questions about her mom and that I offer concern, but that it's hard for her to come out with it on her own. She has seemed to be extremely distant lately on the phone, yet still calls me nightly just to talk and say goodnight. She often doesn't respond to text messages and just seems lost in conversations. I fully attribute this to her mom's situation and the gravity of the situation finally becoming a reality to her. I told her that this situation with her mom supersedes our relationship in every way, shape or form and that if she wants to just stop completely for a while.....and for good if need be.....then it is one situation that I totally understand. It's not like we have anything really vested in it.
She's said she likes having me in her life, likes how we are and doesn't want to stop. No matter what happens, I just want to be a good person for her and am not sure if I should be doing anything in particular. I have zero experience dealing with anyone, be it a guy or girlfriend in this capacity with this looming overhead. I try and just keep our nightly conversations "the same" for lack of a better word, to hopefully keep some normalcy in her life. She's made comments about how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning and I feel bad for her.
I realize there's very little I can do 1,000 miles away. This is more of a how-to-deal-with-a-person issue then a woman to a degree, but I'm also not sure how women in particular deal with such things emotionally. She seems to bury herself and keep quiet, whereas other girl's I've dated would be in tears every night (quite frankly, I would probably be too).
Any advice is welcome, any thoughts are welcome and thanks!
(Also, if any admins read this, can someone please reset my password to JeeperCane and email it to me..)
Thanks!
