NC inquiry.

[Websters dic]

I obviously write this post because I still have lingering feelings for my ex.
I have kept NC and I feel like my feelings for this person have began to wither away BUT I still have a bone to pick with her behavior, I was hoping I would get some insight.

So I was in a short intense relationship with this broad. I began acting like a total AFC, made an ass out of myself; a total embarrassment. I broke pretty much every rule of the DJ. Needless to say I got f-ing dumped. She gave me the "it's not you it's me," you're a great guy etc.

I left her life after that, I did not plead to take me back, I did not call her, I basically walked away. I saw her after that a couple of times which I acted indifferent, said hello with a smile and walked away. Around a month went by and she called me(curiously a couple of days after a female friend of mine posted a pic [FB] of us hanging out) , She said "we can still be friends" and let's hang out, you're a great person bla bla. I kept the conversation short and told her that I would get back to her since I was busy. Later that week she tried to contact me again through E-mail, making some BS excuse to get to see me, which I ignored BUT it got my mind going to the point I broke NC and contacted her asking her to spend time with me, which she agreed right away.

After I asked her to hang out with me, I realized that I must be a complete IDIOT to give this person ANY time. She treated me like a complete chump and made me feel like a dumb mother-f. I decided to text her later that week letting her know I was not going to be able to make it and decided to go back to NC and keep it there until I am completely over it.

The next week she texted me hoping I was doing good. I did not respond.
I don't know what I should do or what her deal is... Is she mitigating her guilt? Is she missing me? is she trying to portray herself as a caring person?

I don't know if I should respond next time she calls me and let her know we cannot be friends or just keep going with NC. Out of self-respect I do not want to go back with this character, but once again her actions still have an effect on me and I would really like to know why she is behaving like this. I know a lot of mixed feelings...

 

[kingsam]

Out of self-respect I do not want to go back with this character, but once again her actions still have an effect on me and I would really like to know why she is behaving like this. I know a lot of mixed feelings...

GOOD! you know its bad for you to go back, so dont do it.... just go NC

thers lots of reasons she could be talking to you
- hasnt found any one else to give her attention
- a new guy she met after dumoing you, droped her/she dropped him
- just a AW

dont worry why, just keep busy, and get new numbers, then you wont give two hoots about ur ex...

 

[JLW]

You also should keep in mind that you could get back together, but you better have VERY VERY VERY good reasons why. And by reasons, I don't mean, "Oh, well we have so much fun together and I like her so much"

Also, be very very weary about getting back together with ex's. It's almost never a good idea. To be honest, if it did not work out the first time around, then it probably will not work the second time. The only way it could work is if you or her underwent radical changes in personality within the last month. People typically do not change, and it's certainly not YOU who can make them do so.

For what it's worth, you are doing the right thing. You probably should be ignoring this girl.

If you want, you could tell her WHY you are ignoring her in a polite way.
However, you should consider how this would make your situation better. I don't know what this girl is like.

If she's smart and self-respecting, she'll probably stop calling. Her feelings would be too hurt, and she would know that you moved on, so she should too.

If she's more of the AW type, or less rational, she'll work even harder to try calling you. This will just make things worse.


So take my advice with a grain of salt, but if I were you, I would continue to politely ignore her. Keep in mind, you do not have to respond to her phone calls or text messages at ALL if you don't want. If you don't respond at all then she'll probably get the point.

 

[kingsam]

You also should keep in mind that you could get back together, but you better have VERY VERY VERY good reasons why. And by reasons, I don't mean, "Oh, well we have so much fun together and I like her so much"

Also, be very very weary about getting back together with ex's. It's almost never a good idea. To be honest, if it did not work out the first time around, then it probably will not work the second time. The only way it could work is if you or her underwent radical changes in personality within the last month. People typically do not change, and it's certainly not YOU who can make them do so.

For what it's worth, you are doing the right thing. You probably should be ignoring this girl.

If you want, you could tell her WHY you are ignoring her in a polite way.
However, you should consider how this would make your situation better. I don't know what this girl is like.

If she's smart and self-respecting, she'll probably stop calling. Her feelings would be too hurt, and she would know that you moved on, so she should too.

If she's more of the AW type, or less rational, she'll work even harder to try calling you. This will just make things worse.


So take my advice with a grain of salt, but if I were you, I would continue to politely ignore her. Keep in mind, you do not have to respond to her phone calls or text messages at ALL if you don't want. If you don't respond at all then she'll probably get the point.

NO.... NEVER get back with an EX GF * ... especially if they dumped you (statistically in the population women mostly do the dumping, guys mostly get dumped...)

the * bit
the ONLY time you *may* even think about it is if you dumped her, so she had a high interset level when she was dumped by you...still there are many many many massive "if's" and requirements (about how she is at the time now) in this situation, so its rare for good to come of this ...

... this is a very "advanced" situation that would leave the majority of guys way, out of their depth and they will mess it up!

 

[Websters dic]

bump, more input would be appreciate it.

 

[Scars]

This is the power of NC. She misses you, but you must remember the feeling is only temporary. She basically misses all the affection and time you used to give her because it inflated her ego and made her feel good about yourself. Now you just ignore her and life your life the way you want to so now she's thinking what the f&*#! did I do wrong? She thinks something is wrong with her. You went from being overly obsessed to acting like she is the biggest scum on the face of the earth. You are throwing her emotions for an intense loop, that's why this is working. If you play it right you might be able to allow her back into your life just long enough to pound those cheeks one last time, that's what I would do. Or you could take the other route and just ignore her completely. I would suggest not dating her again though. It's like digging through your old garbage.

Oh, and let this be a lesson to you and everyone else.. You CAN NOT slip out of your dominate/confident frame no matter what. This is where so many guys fail. They get comfortable. Start to think this girl is "amazing" and "different" so they slowly start to turn into an AFC and they don't realize it until it's to late. You must keep the right mindset at all times. The sh!t tests don't ever end, especially after you get comfortable, then they start becoming more consistent. Always keep the girl on her toes.

Good luck.

-Scars

 

[starplayer]

Listen to these guys. Stay NC. Don't get back with an ex, you will regret it.

 

[Kailex]

GOOD! you know its bad for you to go back, so dont do it.... just go NC

thers lots of reasons she could be talking to you
- hasnt found any one else to give her attention
- a new guy she met after dumoing you, droped her/she dropped him
- just a AW

dont worry why, just keep busy, and get new numbers, then you wont give two hoots about ur ex...

Like kingsam said, it could be a myriad of reasons.
And I'd say almost none of them involve being in an honest relationship with you.

I'm pretty sure she did find someone to give her attention, but that person was either not making the grade or ISN'T making the grade.

AW's will do this just for the validation of "Oh, you see, I can just get him to go out any time".

The problem with the AW's is that most commonly, when they only seek the validation... at the same time, men who are former AFC-behavorials will try to go out with them to show "them the new me"... which most oftenly backfires:

#1 Because the AW's never really had any clear intention of going out with you. They only wanted to see that they could make you come back at the drop of a hat.

#2 Because the man in question eventually slips back into the AFC-mindset. It's not worth the trouble to try to prove anything at all. It's more of a waste of time and energy.


Just move on from this girl, no matter how many times she contacts you. Let her simmer in her own self-doubt. Trust me, she'll stop texting when she finds some other rod to ram up her pleasure hole.

You're doing it right.
And hell, I'd even go so far as to say: Good job... on making plans and then actually cancelling them ahead of time.

Guaranteed... she was going to flake on you anyway.