Guys quick question: i went NC after a girl I've been waiting for years (she claim it as well) rejected me saying b****its like "i need space", "I'm not ready for a relationship","I'm confused", etc etc. Unfortunately it's a LDR and when we're together we look like the perfect couple... then she slows down, complain about me not being there and act cold. It's not officially a breakup as we were not together but I've asked (mistake!!) to be exclusive without any answer, my ultimatum (mistake again!!) regarding being in or out didn't get answered. I'm getting crazy as I think that NC will damage me and reinforce her idea that I'm far away and she could think that I'm not interested because I'm no more contacting her (sort of s*** test). A female friend of mine told me that girls have to feel that you're fighting for them... but maybe I'm completely wrong. Before doing any kind of b******* i ask your advice guys.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
NC after rejection
- Thread starter joker79
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
flashpoint
Senior Don Juan
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seriously you shouldnt talk about this sh1t ever. this kind of headgames only cause lots of confusion and frustration. TALK LESS ACT MORE.
her interest level in you is low, you are too available, you arent a challenge, you arent attractive enough for her, basicaly, you are on the bench!joker79 said:
you say you have waited years for her? congratulations, that years of your life wasted, gone by, cant get them back, you must feel good about that right?
"A female friend of mine told me that girls have to feel that you're fighting for them... " thats for later on in a proper relationship when she has proved worthy, even then, fight for them? really? maybe you can doa short song and dance routine while you are up in the headlights as well?
I think that NC will damage me and reinforce her idea that I'm far away and she could think that I'm not interested because I'm no more contacting her
wrong! NC will not damage you, you are managing that well enough as it is, NC will help you, in this intance, NC is your best buddy, really, he has your back.
this is a LDR, unltimately prone to failure, statisticaly proven(not that I have any statistics to back it up, bit being a world renowned scientist you can take my unproven word for it). you dont apear to have many options, go out and seek them, dont make her the goal. so much more going on in life to worry about this one
Thanks both. Actually I've been waiting her for years... but spending my time with other girls. You're right, I need to spin more plates and I'm quite good in it... but unfortunately this f***** oneitis makes me see her as the one. I think also she wnats to keep the situation on standby to keep the door open (I didn't get any closure)
Greasy Pig
Master Don Juan
I had exactly the same thoughts the last time I went NC: "She'll think I don't like her"; "Maybe she's waiting for me to show interest"; "A man should fight for a girl by initiating contact"; "I should just be honest and tell her how I feel"; "If I send her a message she'll know I'm thinking of her and she'll then feel the same".
WRONG.
Going hard NC is the best thing I could've done. Not only just to prove to that fvcking bytch that I was through with her and moving on with my life, but also for my own sanity.
It felt so good not having to worry about "will she reply or not?"; "Why is she being such a flakey bytch?"; "What do I have to do to make her come to her senses?"
I lost sleep over that stuff and drove myself mad.
But when I made the decision (helped by my sosuave brothers) to go NC, I didn't have to worry anymore. She was out, she was gone.
If me going ghost causes her to reach out to me (which it did), I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of replying. Let HER brain start ticking over wondering what I'm doing and why I'm suddenly not replying.
Seriously mate, it's the best thing you can do.
WRONG.
Going hard NC is the best thing I could've done. Not only just to prove to that fvcking bytch that I was through with her and moving on with my life, but also for my own sanity.
It felt so good not having to worry about "will she reply or not?"; "Why is she being such a flakey bytch?"; "What do I have to do to make her come to her senses?"
I lost sleep over that stuff and drove myself mad.
But when I made the decision (helped by my sosuave brothers) to go NC, I didn't have to worry anymore. She was out, she was gone.
If me going ghost causes her to reach out to me (which it did), I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of replying. Let HER brain start ticking over wondering what I'm doing and why I'm suddenly not replying.
Seriously mate, it's the best thing you can do.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
flashpoint
Senior Don Juan
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what was the last contact you had with her?
in person 2 weeks ago at her parent's house (got introduced to all the family), fantastic weekend, we behaved like a couple, ended with "i need space", "I don't feel it now" and **** like that. She has been engaged for many years to another guys and she told me that she wants to be enjoy to be single now. WTF, i don't think that if brad pitt knocks on her door she would be unavailable. Anytime we meet, it's easy to get to sex as she likes me a lot.
I started not texting/calling and she kept contacting me less often (short answer from myself). we had a conversation and I asked her to tell me whether I should consider her in or out, but she didn't answer and situation remained pending.
Called me last tuesday, I didn't reply, called the day after and had a quick funny conversation, nothing related to rejection, I wanted to relief the pressure and didn't mention anything.
since then no more contact from both sides but she knows there's a point pending.
Honestly I'm using no contact to see what happens and because it's a good way to avoid AFCish stupid txt and calls.
I started not texting/calling and she kept contacting me less often (short answer from myself). we had a conversation and I asked her to tell me whether I should consider her in or out, but she didn't answer and situation remained pending.
Called me last tuesday, I didn't reply, called the day after and had a quick funny conversation, nothing related to rejection, I wanted to relief the pressure and didn't mention anything.
since then no more contact from both sides but she knows there's a point pending.
Honestly I'm using no contact to see what happens and because it's a good way to avoid AFCish stupid txt and calls.
flashpoint
Senior Don Juan
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"called the day after and had a quick funny conversation, nothing related to rejection, I wanted to relief the pressure and didn't mention anything." - seems like you are fine for now. keep it that way. which includes NC, or lets say being less available. my opinion, but for now i dont see the need to completely break it off with her.
"Anytime we meet, it's easy to get to sex as she likes me a lot. " -> keep that up too. and keep the fun in it. show her a good time. and leave the rest to her imagination.
"I asked her to tell me whether I should consider her in or out" - never ever do that one again. or anything similar. when you are comfortable with the way things are you make her comfortable. when she is comfortable there is always room for more and everything else comes naturally.
on a side note, i can understand that she says it is too much right now. you were at her house, meeting the parents, that brings a lot of pressure to her and one thing chicks cant stand is just that. i dont see any reason to take that personal and i dont believe in the "brad pitt" phrase either. even someone like him might run into the same difficulties. for me it is like LMR and such. she says it is going too fast? well i'll back off for a while, maybe a little more than she likes. first sign she isnt comfortable with that either i make a step forward, but not as much as before. it is like a dance.
"Anytime we meet, it's easy to get to sex as she likes me a lot. " -> keep that up too. and keep the fun in it. show her a good time. and leave the rest to her imagination.
"I asked her to tell me whether I should consider her in or out" - never ever do that one again. or anything similar. when you are comfortable with the way things are you make her comfortable. when she is comfortable there is always room for more and everything else comes naturally.
on a side note, i can understand that she says it is too much right now. you were at her house, meeting the parents, that brings a lot of pressure to her and one thing chicks cant stand is just that. i dont see any reason to take that personal and i dont believe in the "brad pitt" phrase either. even someone like him might run into the same difficulties. for me it is like LMR and such. she says it is going too fast? well i'll back off for a while, maybe a little more than she likes. first sign she isnt comfortable with that either i make a step forward, but not as much as before. it is like a dance.
@flashpoint: in order to do it and take it easy and not to break it off completely, I need to break nicely the NC phase and establish a fresh contact and keep it light and funny. Now it's been 4 days since we talked and it's the first time that this happens for so many days. It's weird and for sure she might think that I'm angry or not interested anymore in her (she thinks I've a lot of options) and chasing other girls. My gut feeling is that if i stop the contact i'll lose her as it's aLDR and she will rationalise that we are so far away and it's too difficult; on the other side, I don't want to be the rebound. Would it be a mistake to break NC for some light conversation in order to make her feel my presence
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
flashpoint
Senior Don Juan
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this is really my own personal and very subjective point of view. if in a situation like this, where i dont have reason to believe that it is all over yet, but am stuck in the twilight zone, i might send some short text or similar, just as a reminder that i am still there. something fun, some experience i had, casual at any rate. just so she knows that she is still on your mind. anything further than that has to come from her side.joker79 said:
BUT i also want to remind you that, NC has its purpose. for one to get over something that is done and history. but also for her to have time and opportunity to have exactly the thoughts you described, "is he angry?", "isnt he interested anymore?", "what is going on?". the more she thinks about it, the more reason she has to do something about it. so 4 days dont seem much to me. if she REALLY is into you, she ll find a way to clear things up. she wont just go away. and if she does, well ... then it was the wrong girl anyway.
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
Joker, you have zero chance with this girl. ZERO.
Her interest level is low. You are only partially supplying what she thinks she needs, and therefore she is "confused", "needs space", etc.
When a girl says she needs space it's already over. The ONLY thing to do is go completely NC (look up the word "completely" in the dictionary because a lot of guys don't know what that means).
Going NC on a girl her state will shock her back to reality. As it is, she holds all the power and pulls all the strings. Going NC will completely reverse this dynamic and will protect you from further damage.
You are living in a fantasy, brother, and it's wake-up time. Oneitis is a disease that damages greatly and it is always based on illusion. In your mind you have made her up to be more than she is, and plus you are operating from a position of lack.
Either you go NC and take back the power or you get dumped after prolonged suffering.
Her interest level is low. You are only partially supplying what she thinks she needs, and therefore she is "confused", "needs space", etc.
When a girl says she needs space it's already over. The ONLY thing to do is go completely NC (look up the word "completely" in the dictionary because a lot of guys don't know what that means).
Going NC on a girl her state will shock her back to reality. As it is, she holds all the power and pulls all the strings. Going NC will completely reverse this dynamic and will protect you from further damage.
You are living in a fantasy, brother, and it's wake-up time. Oneitis is a disease that damages greatly and it is always based on illusion. In your mind you have made her up to be more than she is, and plus you are operating from a position of lack.
Either you go NC and take back the power or you get dumped after prolonged suffering.
Atom Smasher is right OP (and he's rarely that harsh).
Guys, when you meet a girl you have 60 days (2-3 of her ovulations) to make romance happen (assuming you are in constant contact). If it doesn't happen after that much time has elapsed you will never get her to believe you are the one.
IMO sparks should fly right away and you are likely to kiss the day you meet.
Guys, when you meet a girl you have 60 days (2-3 of her ovulations) to make romance happen (assuming you are in constant contact). If it doesn't happen after that much time has elapsed you will never get her to believe you are the one.
IMO sparks should fly right away and you are likely to kiss the day you meet.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
If she thought you were mad, disinterested, and chasing other girls, then she would CONTACT YOU in order to keep your attention. That is, if she wanted your attention. Which she doesn't.joker79 said:
Did you ever stop to wonder why she isn't worried about losing you?
Your logic here seems to be entirely backwards.
She's felt your presence already. And she is rejecting it. Do you think more of the same thing will change her opinion of you?
Yes, it would be a mistake. You're just pulling off the bandage slowly here.joker79 said:
It doesn't sound like you hate each other, it's just that she's rejected you, big deal, it happens all the time. So the only exception I would probably make is maybe on her birthday or Christmas, just send her a text saying "Happy Birthday, have a good one"... if I remembered.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Never take advice from a woman on how to attract women.joker79 said:
I have tried "fighting" for women and all it got me was walked on
If a woman IS interested in you she will be eating out of your hand with hardly any effort on your part
not making you jump through fkn hoops. This is all fed to us to make them feel like princesses.