Natural Progression of a Relationship.

[lorekeeper]

I've been seeing this girl for a few weeks now, Both of us are in our early thirty's. We had originally hooked up a few months back but then went our separate ways, and by using some stuff i read on SS was able to raise IL again.

I'd like it to progress into a relationship, and since I've never been in a relationship before, I was wondering what the "stages" are in a mature man's relationship so that i can be better geared for "tests" or whatnot when they do come up.

I'm fully aware of the following:

I should NOT ask anything regarding the relationship. (are you my GF? etc)
I should NOT say the L-word first even if i feel like saying it. (no, I'm not heads over heels)

which are things that most DJ's have learned at an earlier level, but I've only been getting my life in order for the past month and a half.

Game.r had some threads about "relationship game" but one regarding the natural progression of a relationship would be helpful.

 

[Kailex]

Progression of relationships are something that women look for and push for. You should just do what you're doing right now, because you're doing it right so far. Just don't get too involved and don't act too interested even if you are. I know the story about you and HB Lawyer. Whenever she's ready for a relationship, she'll bring up the fact...

For now, you just keep worrying about your weight loss.
That's all you need to worry about.

That and not failing the active test.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134995

 

[lorekeeper]

Kailex, Thanks for the words of encouragement, I had not posted here after reading your post, but will now with a follow up.

you were entirely right, I just ignored the relationship and focused on what was working. I thought it had sunken into just sex. a few weeks back (after our family suffered a devastating loss) we started having this incredible crazy sex. and after one night we were lying in bed and she asked me "what is going through your head" I tried to choose my words very carefully cause I knew this was a test, so I just tried deflecting it and saying how she was so kissable. then turned it on her "and my dear, what is running through your pretty little head" to which she replied: "I think.... we... should.... go on a date"

We've gone out a few times, hang out all the time, still have crazy wild sex, and have become an official couple (if its on facebook, it's gotta be official lol) all of which SHE instigated.

ie: she sent me a request to be her BF, and her status changed to "in a relationship", all her firends started commenting and "liking" it and instead of accepting it, I replied "congrats! who'se the lucky guy?"

now... this is when she's started asking some other questions, of which I wasn't sure on how to answer. I think i did well, but not sure... maybe you can let me know.

she asked me how many girlfriends I've had. i postponed for as long as possible, almost 6-7 hours but she kept hounding me. I joked around it, deflected, changed subjects etc, and eventually when i realized it might actually is starting to bother her, made it no big deal and just told her the last girl I dated we just drifted apart and it was years ago.

we ended up plying 20 question type game, and her last one was "how many girls have you slept with?"

I have NOT answered this. I never will. (not for a long time if anything)

She's really bothered by it, but i play it off as "it's not important. You've got your answer on my GF history cause there MIGHT be something in it, but my sexual history is none of your concern. i promise you I will never ask you yours, because it is irrelevant. why dont you just throw out a number of what you think it is, then you'll feel better"

"and you'll tell me if its higher or lower?"

"no baby, but throwing out a number might help "

anyways, she told me "I have a confession to make. I have never had better sex with anyone else" (probably a lie, but believable) "and you're a nice guy, so its probably not very high, (eek!) but more than your fair share to gain experiance to totally 'rock my boat'"

hope i did well.

Thanks SS, with your plethora of information, I've successfully bagged my first official GF.

 

[Iceberg]

Hey that's awesome, man. Glad you followed Kailex's advice. He's good with that.

I'm sure now you see how easy it can be. Girls don't want you asking them about the relationship status or throwing around the love word. They want to believe that you're the catch and that she's the one chasing you.

Something as simple as your silence about where the relationship was going sparked her interest enough to get her to ask you to be her boyfriend. That's the way it should be. And that's the way she wants it. Even if she says otherwise.

Glad you got over the hump though. That's great.

 

[lorekeeper]

hehe...

She started her internship, but lately I've been waking her up in the middle of the night for nookie. today I got a text on my way to work "baby, we need to have a serious talk later. I'm literally falling asleep at work. I just drooled on myself. not cool."

I've replied "don't worry tiger, I'm on it."

at lunch i'm heading out to buy a bib.

good/bad idea?

 

[cordoncordon]

hehe...

She started her internship, but lately I've been waking her up in the middle of the night for nookie. today I got a text on my way to work "baby, we need to have a serious talk later. I'm literally falling asleep at work. I just drooled on myself. not cool."

I've replied "don't worry tiger, I'm on it."

at lunch i'm heading out to buy a bib.

good/bad idea?

Funny. I like it.

 

[boomerick]

Wonder if Tiger's "serious talk" is going to be the begining of her "taking away"(withdrawing) (setting up parameters ie boundries for the OP) (things she just cant do anymore) untill she fouls the relationship because you won't acknowledge (invest in it) it as a relationship..........

Or leverages the frame away to her control so that she can force the relationship declaration...(forcing you to suplicate to 'keep' her)( the old ultimatum).....

Interested to see if she plays this way ....

Hope not ...

Over and Out.

 

[lorekeeper]

Wonder if Tiger's "serious talk" is going to be the begining of her "taking away"(withdrawing) (setting up parameters ie boundries for the OP) (things she just cant do anymore) untill she fouls the relationship because you won't acknowledge (invest in it) it as a relationship..........

Or leverages the frame away to her control so that she can force the relationship declaration...(forcing you to suplicate to 'keep' her)( the old ultimatum).....

Interested to see if she plays this way ....

Hope not ...

Over and Out.

Really hoping that isn't it. I won't deal with that. The first thing she ever told me was that I can't kiss other girls on the lips ("only your GF should makeout with you") which I got down to "it's just a peck on the lips, I'm not making out with them" then ignored it from then on.

as it is so far, we're both equal in this relationship, she started to control the frame, but lost control when we started dating, hopefully playing this off as a joke will downplay its seriousness (if it is indeed a serious matter)

the only thing i'm wondering (I picked up a bib from the pharmacy lol) is whether I give it to her first or wait till she brings up the situation then say as if I forgot "oh yeah! I bought a gift for you to help with that situation!"

 

[boomerick]

I'd wait and give it to her when she brings it up.....

funny...

Over and Out.

 

[playerone]

Have all the fun you can have with her.

If she likes you, she'll want to define the relationship.

Make your decision.

Have more fun.

 

[lorekeeper]

Have all the fun you can have with her.

If she likes you, she'll want to define the relationship.

Make your decision.

Have more fun.

Yeah, Like stated in the thread, I waited till she brought it up. We started dating, relationship has been defined, and its freaking great!

honestly... I see it as Im the one wearing the pants in the relationship, (as i should be ) but we joke around a lot and in public sometime she mockingly berates me, I stand my ground, and let her know that she'll "pay for that later"

like I said before, it's going great! even that "serious talk" she wanted a couple of posts back blew over really well.