name a marriage that works

[iqqi]

I think we can all agree that many marriages started thirty years ago or more (like most of my family, including my parents) remain solid.

I think that is untrue, and I also think noone is listing marriages that haven't lasted so long, because the marriages haven't had a chance to. Naming marriages that have been going strong for 10 or 20 years, isn't going to cut it with you guys, right? People our age, in our generation, have only been married for a few years, most likely, and you can't put that stamp of durability on their marriage just yet.

define "define"

I'll take this one since it is laughably easy....


a. To state the precise meaning of (a word or sense of a word, for example).
b. To describe the nature or basic qualities of; explain:

As opposed to "works", which obviously has subjective implications for you.

 

[joekerr31]

I'll take this one since it is laughably easy....

a. To state the precise meaning of (a word or sense of a word, for example).
b. To describe the nature or basic qualities of; explain:

define laughably.

 

[iqqi]

define laughably.

laughably.

A. Hahahha.
B. :crackup:

 

[Last Man Standing]

Do you anyone will ever want to marry me?

 

[ketostix]

I think that is untrue, and I also think noone is listing marriages that haven't lasted so long, because the marriages haven't had a chance to. Naming marriages that have been going strong for 10 or 20 years, isn't going to cut it with you guys, right? People our age, in our generation, have only been married for a few years, most likely, and you can't put that stamp of durability on their marriage just yet.

This is patently false. It's common knowledge that the divorce rate has gone up in recent years and that women are the ones at a higher rate filing for the divorces. It's not necessary to wait 20 or 30 years out to analysis the statistics over the higher rates compared to the past at 2, 5 or 10 years etc.

 

[iqqi]

This is patently false. It's common knowledge that the divorce rate has gone up in recent years and that women are the ones at a higher rate filing for the divorces. It's not necessary to wait 20 or 30 years out to analysis the statistics over the higher rates compared to the past at 2, 5 or 10 years etc.

Nothing you said here has anything to do with what I said.

I disagreed with this statement: I think we can all agree that many marriages started thirty years ago or more (like most of my family, including my parents) remain solid.

I just think that is false on its own. I don't disagree that there is a higher rate of divorce now. Divorce is no longer taboo, same as unwed mothers, abortion, gaydom, interacial dating. It is more accessible, so it is utilized more. And I don't think 30 years ago was some shiny era where marriage is legend, and lasts for most. ALOT of divorces are from that era too.

Also, what i said about ppl not offering up marriages that haven't lasted as long was a whole separate point that has nothing to do with statistics.

I was saying that I doubt anyone would offer up an example from any other time than 30 years and on, because those marriages haven't stood the test of time yet.

You could name tons of marriages, but because they have only been together for 5, 6, 7, even 15 or so years, it doesn't carry the same weight as a marriage that has lasted 30+ years.

 

[ketostix]

Nothing you said here has anything to do with what I said.

I disagreed with this statement: I think we can all agree that many marriages started thirty years ago or more (like most of my family, including my parents) remain solid.

I just think that is false on its own. I don't disagree that there is a higher rate of divorce now. Divorce is no longer taboo, same as unwed mothers, abortion, gaydom, interacial dating. It is more accessible, so it is utilized more. And I don't think 30 years ago was some shiny era where marriage is legend, and lasts for most. ALOT of divorces are from that era too.

Also, what i said about ppl not offering up marriages that haven't lasted as long was a whole separate point that has nothing to do with statistics.

I was saying that I doubt anyone would offer up an example from any other time than 30 years and on, because those marriages haven't stood the test of time yet.

You could name tons of marriages, but because they have only been together for 5, 6, 7, even 15 or so years, it doesn't carry the same weight as a marriage that has lasted 30+ years.

LOL, chick logic. If women are now divorcing men at a satically higher rate than before at each corresponding elaspsed time..I'm not even going to bother.

 

[iqqi]

If women are now divorcing men at a satically higher rate than before at each corresponding elaspsed time..I'm not even going to bother.

Good, because nothing i said had anything to do with who divorces who.

I said (twice now),

1. There is a reason there weren't more divorces then, as opposed to now. Key word would be Accessibility. And in that point, that yes, there were many divorces then, too.

2. There is a reason why people aren't naming couples who haven't been together for shorter periods of time. Key phrase here would be The Test of Time.


But since you keep wanting to harp on about women's roles in divorce, this quote from a Discovery Channel article about that subject should really get you worked up, I have highlighted my favorite part. Those of you who subscribe to the Myth of the Quality Woman hype take note:

Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. One recent study found that many of the reasons for this have to do with the nature of our divorce laws. For example, in most states women have a good chance of receiving custody of their children. Because women more strongly want to keep their children with them, in states where there is a presumption of shared custody with the husband the percentage of women who initiate divorces is much lower. Also, the higher rate of women initiators is probably due to the fact that men are more likely to be "badly behaved." Husbands, for example, are more likely than wives to have problems with drinking, drug abuse, and infidelity.

Its not chick logic, BTW. Its LOGIC. Note the period.

 

[AgonyUncle]

My parents: Married 32 years. Father was the sole breadwinner, my mother stayed at home to raise me and my siblings. We were just a typical middle class family. My mother was happy to be at home with us, and took a half day job at a library when we were out of school to keep busy. My father wears the pants, although I think in reality my mother really rules the roost. She was just so quiet about it.

My grandparents. On both mother and fathers sides, both were married for over 45 years. Both grandmothers stayed at home to raise kids while my grandfathers worked. The only time they worked was during war time and recession.

 

[Nighthawk]

iqqi, I said many marriages started in the 50s, 60s & 70s and before remain solid. I didn't say most, I said many. The only way that statement could logically be untrue is if few, all or no marriages from this time period remain solid.

Or you are taking issue with what 'solid' means, and thus suggesting many of these surviving marriages are unhappy.

Is this what you are trying to say? Because I would still say that many of these marriages remain happy. Learn what 'many' means, then try and deny it.

And as for the reasoning that women initiate these divorces because their partners are alcoholics, drug addicts or cheaters (you forgot abusive btw), we are aware of the reasons women use to justify a divorce. Whether these reasons are the actual issues that make women renounce their vows is debatable.

 

[penkitten]

johnny and linda cash ....

 

[KontrollerX]

Don't you mean Johnny and June Carter Cash Penkitten?

 

[penkitten]

Don't you mean Johnny and June Carter Cash Penkitten?

yah... thats them

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The reason I asked for a distinct definition for naming a marriage that "works" is because this is exactly the social convention that defeats a "working marriage." I personally know men and women in their mid to late 60s who've been married for 30+ years that are absolutely miserable together. Both live in a mutual prison together. At some point the "work" of keeping a marriage together becomes the machine that guarantees a life long mental torture. Is this an example of a working marriage? The couple is still together. There's no respect, passion or really any mutual affinity between them, but they have been married for 30 some odd years.

I also know widows of men who've died in Iraq. They'd been married for as little as 5 years, but in that time have shared more intimacy and a deeper connection than some couples married for half their lives. Is it time on the board that makes a marriage "successful"? I know men who are AFC slaves of their wives and I know women trapped in a possessive relationship with their husbands married longer than my own parents were.

We have to stop defining marriage as a win or lose, pass or fail proposition. This is the other side of the Marriage Goal ideology that plagues us from our earliest years. We spend half a lifetime searching for our "soulmate" and we're supposed to feel some sense of triumph after the $25K wedding is over. Then we spend the other half "making it work", "keeping it fresh", and "compromising" to have a great marriage. Nonsense.

 

[STR8UP]

We have to stop defining marriage as a win or lose, pass or fail proposition. This is the other side of the Marriage Goal ideology that plagues us from our earliest years. We spend half a lifetime searching for our "soulmate" and we're supposed to feel some sense of triumph after the $25K wedding is over. Then we spend the other half "making it work", "keeping it fresh", and "compromising" to have a great marriage. Nonsense.

When someone says "Relationships are work" I feel bad for them, cause when I get done working for the day I don't want to come home to a second job.

To me that's just a way to justify a bad decision. And the vast majority of relationships turn out to be bad decisions. To trap yourself in the "relationships are work" cage is like dying a slow death.

If it's "work" it isn't worth it. Compromise is fine. Of course you are going to hit bumps in the road. But a cheating spouse and dealing with mental health issues and constantly arguing over money and marriage counseling and all that jazz means you are in the wrong relationship, NOT that you should be "working it out cause it takes work".

Man, I look at some of my friends and they look OLDER than they are. People tell me I look ten years YOUNGER. Most of my friends are married or have been married. Coincidence? Or is that what too much WORK will do to you?

 

[joekerr31]

well i think a relationship should only be work in the sense that you should never let yourself see your significant other as someone to take your sh*t out on. nor should they ever see you in that way either.

and that takes work, because most people, at some point, are going to be in a pissy mood and will say things to their SO that they wouldn't say to others.

when i think of relationships that work, what seems to make them work (and my interest in this question is why i started this thread) seems to be that both parties value each other and do NOT take their sh8t out on each other.

in essence, marriage works when both parties are mature.

it is amazing to me that george burns was still head over heels in love with his wife, even when he was what, like 100?

so many comedians are out there today painting a huge spotlight on all the problems with marriage, but no one is looking at the traits of marriages that work well.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...in essence, marriage works when both parties are mature...

Define "mature" because I'm pretty sure that in this instance it neither means age or experience.

 

[speed dawg]

Bill and Hillary Clinton

 

[WaterTiger]

I think Kevin Bacon & his wife have been together a long time, not sure the number of years though.

My folks? 49 years and counting.:cheer: I'm assuming they are happy, they were holding hands while watching TV the last time I saw them.

 

[joekerr31]

Bill and Hillary Clinton

:nervous: