"Mystery" dates - experienced people only please

[izza]

This Friday, I'm pulling a "mystery date." I say "bring pen and paper, meet me at this cafe. Mystery mystery..." They always want to know why and so forth, I say "why don't we just unwrap all our christmas presents at Thanksgiving and stare at them under the tree until December 25th?"

In theory, a mystery date is a great thing. But I don't know, with a person I barely know, pulling this mystery stuff gives women the heebie jeebies, in my experience. They really don't like it, and are frightened/creeped out by the mystery of it all. Of course, they can't resist coming since they just HAVE to know what I'm withholding, but still I've always gotten a bad vibe from these things. Do you have any idea why? I always think they will find it exciting, then I always get a weird vibe from them.

I just posted another FR where I pulled this mystery junk and it totally backfired into the girl quite logically going to the wrong place, and missing each other and then trains, and she was pretty indifferent about my "mystery" anyway.

I really like pulling this mystery stunt but I'm thinking I'll stop. Can you think of a reason I should keep doing this? Or stop? Anybody done this before?

Advice please, thanks.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

Every date with me is a mystery date.
A few things I always do:
1. Never say what we're doing. I just tell her when and where we will meet.
2. Never have your date plans set in stone.
3. Always have a plan B, C, and D.
4. Don't worry about being mysterious. Worry about being spontanious and fun. This will come off as mysterious.

And last but most important, always go into with a strong, carefree, playful, cheerful, exciting attitude. This is how you avoid creeping out your date (especially on day1's). With the proper attitude you can get a girl (on a first date) to go from wandering if you're talking her to the woods to kill her to trusting you/vibing with you so much you can literally lead her to anything/anywhere with complete comfort in a matter of minutes without her questioning you and actually enjoying the mystery of it.

You have no idea how many times I've heard a chick say, "Wow, I can't believe I'm doing this after only knowing you for 10 minutes." Or, "I'm not the type to ever do that with a complete stranger..but...there is just something about you." Hint -> It's all attitude.

Chances are if a girl is acting stand-offish or creeped it is because you are sending off bad vibes. And bad vibes are anything that is not building her comfort level (don't worry about sexual state just yet.) Number one priority is comfort.

 

[izza]

Don't worry about being mysterious. Worry about being spontaneous and fun. This will come off as mysterious.

Wow, that is brilliant. Thanks!

You have no idea how many times I've heard a chick say, "Wow, I can't believe I'm doing this after only knowing you for 10 minutes."

You have no idea how many times I haven't heard a chick say that! lol

Improvisation is not one of my strong points, sigh. Oh well, I'll just go creep this one out, I'll try to have fun anyway.

I definitely send off bad vibes. My mental state is like a car-crash. Up until very recently, I felt like all I was doing was tricking women into seeing me, I had zero self-confidence (even though I was getting phone numbers left and right!) How's that for a bad vibe? Recently, something in me gave way - I learned a new word, humility, and even started being humble every once in a blue moon. It is all attitude - I'm a pretty rigid, discipline oriented fellow. I really need to loosen up!

Wow, I talk too much - just trying to sort things out mentally, I guess. I really like how for you every date is a mystery date. What do you say when she asks "what are we going to do there?" Also, man that is so brilliant with having a plan B, C, and D. I should do that... these days, I can barely even find a decent plan A!

All the best,

Izza

 

[Nighthawk]

As the above poster says, all dates are mystery dates, but don't over-sell it or you ruin any real magic taking place.

In fact I'd go so far as to say your whole concept of a 'mystery date' sounds very AFC. Why should you be busting your brains to make dates exciting and entertaining - your personality should be enough to do all that.

Women like a man who doesn't have to try too hard, and it sounds like that's what you're doing, and why they haven't been successful. Save stuff like this for a LTR.

 

[izza]

As the above poster says, all dates are mystery dates, but don't over-sell it or you ruin any real magic taking place.

Good point, one I had forgotten, thank you.

In fact I'd go so far as to say your whole concept of a 'mystery date' sounds very AFC. Why should you be busting your brains to make dates exciting and entertaining - your personality should be enough to do all that.

LOL, well, I am an AFC -and stubbornly so, I'm not surprised to hear it

Hmm, I will respond to this, but I should preface by saying I agree with you completely, it feels wrong to make so much effort for a date. But here's why I do things this way: first of all, I hate coffee dates. Oh how I hate sitting and talking. Part of it is just being really nervous I guess, but another part feels so impatient. I love doing! The problem with doing over talking is that doing one thing gets boring, whereas talking is varied wherever you do it.

I would bloody love to have a standard handful of first dates - so much less effort, but I would get bored.

The other reason why I go all out is because life is short. Why sit in a coffee shop when I can explore the city, get to know a new part of town etc.? It's true that it takes more creativity and research to find these ideas, but it pays for itself, so to speak.

You're right, I should probably develop a confidence in my personality and conversational abilities so that sitting in a cafe wouldn't seem like torture - like waiting for me to say something stupid. I would also like to stop appearing like a chump for putting so much effort into my date ideas. They see that and they think "stalker creep" and they understandably are a bit on edge.

Women like a man who doesn't have to try too hard, and it sounds like that's what you're doing, and why they haven't been successful.

My success has been fine. The reason I'm not having success is because I'm too stubborn to make a move on a girl. I am reaching a lot, but I do it not to impress the girl but because I want to explore my area and see new cool stuff. What better excuse to do so? Of course she may not know that, and that could be a problem.

Kinda sucks that I might have to tone it down a bit so that women won't think I'm like super attached to them. What do you think?

I agree with what you're saying, I just wish I saw a better way. Sounds like I may have to find an LTR - or at least some serial dates - to do the kind of crazy stuff I really want to do!

Save stuff like this for a LTR.

Aye aye! That's good advice. Are you an advocate of the coffee date (eww)?

Man, this site is fantastic!

 

[izza]

Bum-diddely bum bum.

BUMP BUMP!

 

[Holland]

I personally like to talk first. I mean, it's fun as long as you make it fun. Bust on her, talk about cool stuff, have fun interaction. Dual some tension and release some on the way. Then go do something.
If you can't talk to a woman with both of you enjoying the conversation, then do something about it because a certain amount of social skills are 'required' for consistent succes with women.

 

[Nighthawk]

Of course there is nothing wrong with doing something exciting and adventurous on a date, and mystery is usually a good thing. But spontaneity is better. Even 'Hey there's an area of town I'd like to explore, want to tag along' is cool.

But spending hours researching a date, preparing clues and telling a woman to bring a pen and paper will come across to a woman as supplication, it conveys that to keep a woman's interest you need to put on an elaborate show, and the nature of your game requires an authority that will only come after you have established attraction.

I like coffee dates ok, anything that requires the least effort. But mostly I'm more of a last-minute, hey, what you doing now? booty call type.

 

[izza]

For the record, she sent me an email the night before saying, "well what kind of thing is it? Is it weird?"

The curiosity was getting to her a bit. But ultimately, it was a weird idea - writing random poetry with crayons and distributing it on people's doorsteps. It's totally frivolous, but I felt like doing it.

She thought it was pretty odd, but I think she had fun. Especially with the crayons.

But I did learn that it was way too early for that kind of thing. "Save it for the LTR" is right. For the time being, walks, or coffee or something are much better.

Sigh. Ok, so my first date ideas are too complicated. I'm going to bite the bullet and ask some chick to coffee. I went on three coffee dates about two years ago and they were awful, I hated them. The chick was interesting, but I was so bored and impatient. I really suck at "bringing out my sexuality" in general, but especially sitting across from somebody in a public space. Yeah right, can't do it.

Oh god, those coffee dates were fvcking awful. I have a gut reaction against them.