my virgin post...my quest begins.

[djinhell]

Hey guys

I will try to keep this as brief as possible. Im 23, recently gone back into education (degree), and have identified that I am not happy with one particular area of my life..you guessed it love life! I have registered here and read the bible mainly for a few reasons.

1, I have never had a proper girlfriend/relationship.

2, A few months back, after almost a year of trying to get with a girl I was into, I figured out I was in the friend zone, and she was using me for attention and to tell me about all her problems in her life. (after reading the bible, I cant beleive I got into that situation, but I never want to again!!)

3, My best friend, who was in a similar situation to me (no relationship before), has recently just got a girlfriend. Im happy for him, but I do have an undercurrent of jealousy. We were in the same boat, but now I feel I have been stranded, and need to deal with things myself. (hence the reason I am here).

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its the start of a fresh week tomorrow, and I am going to start to apply some Don Juan techniques to my everyday life. I have taken on board a lot of information over the weekend, and feel now that I just need to start putting it into practice.

I think most girls (who i dont know properly) see me as closed off, serious, disinterested in them, cold etc. I dont know why I end up coming across like this, but its far from the "real me".

So anyway, now im going to be more C+F, more flirtacious, use kino, and start talking to strangers - not to hit on them straight away, but just to build up some confidence and experience, and feedback my experiences.

If anyone is in a similar situation, or has been, or has any advice, pointers or other things I should try doing in my opening week as an aspiring DJ, they would be much appreciated. Its so comforting knowing this community exists, for me to come to and try to make positive changed to my life.

Hope to hear from you

DJ in hell

 

[Furyguy]

Sounds good man hope you do well with it.

If I could give any advice, it's relax and don't worry.

 

[loving]

IN the end man your success will depend on your effort.

You can go all out and receive the best results possible, and anything less will reflect that too.

Its good to get a lot of other people's info on whats going on, but make sure what you do is right for you. It is okay to neglect something if it feels like it just isnt good to do it - but you might wanna give some thought to why it is you feel bad about doing it.

You may have a lot of rejection. You may win 100% of the time. Really it depends on a whole bunch of stuff but chances are you are gonna get rejected at least once over the rest of your life, so be prepared. Not just for rejection but for acceptance. You cannot care if you get her or not. Make sure you catch yourself if you begin to analyze (actually think in your head) that she is less or more interested in you, etc, because that will kill you at that very moment. "Don't let a win get to your head, or a loss to your heart"

In the end this journey you are embarking on is not about girls. Not even close. This is important, it is about creating a YOU and a life for you that fulfills you in every way. About getting everything you want and having all those things want you back just as much. No matter what happens from now on, it is a positive experience. "There is no failure, only learning"

Good luck, one love, and remember that there's always some people on this forum who are gonna either pick you up when you're down, or keep kicking you until you pick yourself up. Tomato or tomahto, the support is here. Go have fun!

 

[djinhell]

thanks very much for the encouragement. and thanks for the words of wisdom 'loving'. very insightful and much appreciated.

Its strange with me, because when i was young and naive around 16-17, I had more confidence with approaching girls because of the naive stuff. but now I seem to over analyse, put too much pressure/hope on any girl, worry what she thinks, probably come across desperate. hopefully things will change.

BTW, the girl i mentioned in my first post totally rejected me when i told her how i felt. So I do know rejection, but from here onwards, I understand I just have to think its her loss and move on to the next one:woo:

cheers guys

 

[slaog]

I think most girls (who i dont know properly) see me as closed off, serious, disinterested in them, cold etc. I dont know why I end up coming across like this, but its far from the "real me".

A simple tip for you would be to change your body language. Most of how you communicate is done through body language.

 

[djinhell]

yeah thats probably a huge part of it. I "think" I do a lot of crossed arms, and sometimes dont even look at girls (I think I did this to appear cool, as if I dont find them attractive...stupid I know!)

 

[slaog]

yeah thats probably a huge part of it. I "think" I do a lot of crossed arms, and sometimes dont even look at girls (I think I did this to appear cool, as if I dont find them attractive...stupid I know!)

That typical of closed body language. You're subconsciously saying that you don't want to talk and you feel uncomfortable looking people in the eyes. Always look people in the eye and never cross your arms.

 

[Igetit!]

Yeah,the bodylanuage is one part of it,but the rejection you described more than likely had nothing to do with bodylanuage. You said that you told this girl how you felt. That's always a bad thing to do. Even if she tells you how she feels first,I'd use caution when telling a girl how you "feel".

Since you've never had a relationship before,and you are about to get serious about dating,you are about to run into a LOT of crazy,illogical,makes no sense whatsoever kinds of behavior from women,but don't worry.
I can guarantee you that more than likely,there won't be any problem you run into that hasn't already be discussed and answered here like a thousand times before.

My only piece of advice is to not act as if each and every woman you come in contact with is "the one",and if you don't make things work out with her,your world is over. This is how a lot of guys act when they have been alone for a long period of time,or they've experienced a lot of rejection,then all of the sudden,a woman gives them a little attention.

Avoid this trap,then you'll be ok.

 

[djinhell]

That typical of closed body language. You're subconsciously saying that you don't want to talk and you feel uncomfortable looking people in the eyes. Always look people in the eye and never cross your arms.

right you are. I will address this from tomorrow. Im not looking forward to tomorrow, its gonna be a real struggle. I guess you just have to sort of battle through the initial difficulties, right?

Do you think I should attempt to approach and close with girls asap, or take baby steps?

 

[djinhell]

Yeah,the bodylanuage is one part of it,but the rejection you described more than likely had nothing to do with bodylanuage. You said that you told this girl how you felt. That's always a bad thing to do. Even if she tells you how she feels first,I'd use caution when telling a girl how you "feel".

Since you've never had a relationship before,and you are about to get serious about dating,you are about to run into a LOT of crazy,illogical,makes no sense whatsoever kinds of behavior from women,but don't worry.
I can guarantee you that more than likely,there won't be any problem you run into that hasn't already be discussed and answered here like a thousand times before.

My only piece of advice is to not act as if each and every woman you come in contact with is "the one",and if you don't make things work out with her,your world is over. This is how a lot of guys act when they have been alone for a long period of time,or they've experienced a lot of rejection,then all of the sudden,a woman gives them a little attention.

Avoid this trap,then you'll be ok.

thanks for the wise words. and what you just said, is EXACTLY what I did with the girl I liked...I totally put all my hopes into her, and was obviously crushed when to my suprise she wasn't interested. I shall definitely avoid doing that in the future...so much of this stuff is psychological

 

[slaog]

right you are. I will address this from tomorrow. Im not looking forward to tomorrow, its gonna be a real struggle. I guess you just have to sort of battle through the initial difficulties, right?

Do you think I should attempt to approach and close with girls asap, or take baby steps?

Do whatever feels comfortable for you.


When you go through the process of change it feels uncomfortable because it's not what you're used to. But stepping outside the comfort zone is essential. If you want to do that quickly or just a little it's up to you.


Changing your body language is actually not that hard. It'll take time to get used to it but it's easy enough to do. It's just a matter of changing bad habits into good habits.

 

[Jaggs]

Yeah it is like a catch 22. The less experience you have the harder it is.

Do NOT get attached to these woman you are socializing with. I see it all the time with some of the people I know who are NOT good with woman, as soon as one gives him the time of day...They go NUTS. Oh this girl is for me etc etc, i know it blah blah. Put all this false hope into it, start acting needy and desperate. HUGE TURN OFF. I literally cringe when I see people do this. It's hard to get across to some people that a slight emotional detatchment is ALWAYS good. Nevre invest all your time and energy into something you unaware off.

This doesn't mean you can't have awesome fun with whatever girl comes your way, but dont be ready to fall down on your knees and tell her how much you mean to her.

Indifference is often powerful. Sometimse you'll notice the girls you don't chase are the ones who want you the most.

Good luck.

 

[DJ Shaka]

You may have a lot of rejection. You may win 100% of the time. Really it depends on a whole bunch of stuff but chances are you are gonna get rejected at least once over the rest of your life, so be prepared. Not just for rejection but for acceptance. You cannot care if you get her or not. Make sure you catch yourself if you begin to analyze (actually think in your head) that she is less or more interested in you, etc, because that will kill you at that very moment. "Don't let a win get to your head, or a loss to your heart"

This is so related to poker. Life really is like poker.