My uncle's are messing me about, What can I do here?

Stephen89

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So If you've looked at my other threads-I've had a lot of problems with my uncle, aunts. Mainly with my uncle's.

They have bullied, abused me for a while, they continue to ostracise me and disrespect me behind my back. They gaslight, manipulate me and my father. They haven't bothered to acknowledge me properly for a long, long time.

The key word here is they are controlling people.

I've done nothing wrong to them-I say happy birthday to them, I went to everyone of their birthday parties, their important events, my father has helped them out, I've helped their kids out at various times, I'm polite, courteous to them. I've broke no rules.

They have influenced others by being negative about me to others so other females and families see me in a negative light.

I don't think keeping the power is:

-relax, don't care what they say and think
-I am independent
-I have proven them wrong with my actions and taking care of myself

They are just very dismissive and don't want to listen to me.

They got me an ugly women and say get to know her, she's a nice person. When I said no, they said "well, we've helped you out". They'll never give me the support and encouragement.

They just want to have power over me-they will never acknowledge me even if I do well, they behave and talk about me in a way that is undermining me.

They act and behave in a way to undermine, have power over me.

What can I do here?
 

LiveYourDream

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From the Heart and Soul, of a Woman
You are an independent adult. They do NOT actually have any real power over you!

However...YOU HAVE GIVEN THEM POWER over you, in your mind/thoughts, because YOU CHOOSE, to care what they think.

YOU CHOOSE to put them on a pedestal. YOU CHOOSE to keep them up there OR NOT.

YOU HAVE THE POWER to take them off that pedestal, at any moment.

At any moment, including right now, you can CHOOSE that what YOU think of you/your life/etc is more important/significant/meaningful than their thoughts about you.

Isn’t it???????

Or... YOU can continue to make YOURSELF a victim, in your own mind.

To get POWER BACK, you don’t NEED them to act differently. You don’t NEED them to see you differently. That is the thinking that keeps you playing/believing you are a victim to them.

YOU are at choice.

Their opinions and actions are theirs. They are only as relevant to YOUR life, as YOU DECIDE!!!

Deciding that YOU care more about what YOU THINK, about yourself and your life, than anyone (including your family), is the FIRST step to greater Self-respect and taking YOUR power back.

Your uncles are not keeping it from you. You are keeping it from yourself!! You can have it back at ANY moment. You just have to decide.

YOU decide (or not) that your thoughts about you, and how you do your life, are ALWAYS the most important, to you.

Everything else is truly just background noise. YOU take it and decide how much significance YOU give it.

YOUR CHOICE.

You can keep playing victim, for the rest of your life. Some people do. Some people never move out of that perspective.

You can choose to be done feeling/living the role of victim, in YOUR life’s story.

There is a much more satisfying life waiting for you in the other side, of playing victim.

It is calling to you. Are you going to choose it?

How you respond to this will say a lot.

YOUR choice. Not anyone elses’s.

Your life is ticking by. Are you going to keep living the same story or are you going to choose to up level, out of your victim story?
 

Stephen89

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Hey thank you very much for your awesome post LiveYourDream, I'll take your advice and suggestions! I'll chose up to level, out of my victim story.
 

sazc

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They are toxic people to you and deserve to be left behind. Definitely go to their funeral, but stop acknowledging them, conversing with them, spending time with them etc.

Draw your boundaries.

If your family asks you why, be honest. You dont feel respected by them, you haven't fur a long time, so you choose not to be around them and you wish them love and well
 

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Alvafe

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I serious never took the whole family is important mantra some love to pray, sometimes a good friend is a lot more important then parents. best way to deal with annoying family members is putting then in they place, and stop wasting time on then, and when I say stop wasting time is being close to then, even phone calls, annoying and idiots deserve nothing from you even less your time.

undertand this, things are only important if you choose then to be, nothing is important, only what you choose is, if you choose then when you are not chosen you are doing you a diservice and wasting time, and only thing you can do to fix this is spending your time elsewhere, and that is not only with your family, is with everything you do
 

Danger

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Stop caring what they think and call them out to their face.

Stand up to them. Don't hold anything back either if they start getting nasty. In fact, when they double down you escalate and get as nasty as possible. This is the only reality bullies understand.

Nobody fvcks with a wolverine because they are dangerous and inflict too much pain.

Be a wolverine.
 

Chev.Chelios

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after dealing with bpd, something blown out of proportion 100x worse then pity toxic people that give you a hard time..

you learn that anytime someone gives you just a little bit a toxic bad behavior you leave. plain and simple, gone, bye.

doesn't matter if it's your parents, kids, girlfriend, family, wife. you learn to never engage that energy ever again. even if it means throwing away relationships you've had for life.

while you're at it, throw away the people that associate with them.

engaging and having personal relationships with people that allow negative behavior into their lives, rationilizing abuse in the name of family loyalty pfft puke**

get rid of them, not because you hate or bitter against them, you know that the influence that comes forth affects you.

theirs no limit to how fvcked up things can get with these people, it's their own living hell and theyre bent on bringing you down with them.

evil toxic, nasty people.

they'll even blame you and say mean things at the fact you left them and want a better life throwing them away. hahah you can never win.

this is the masterful trait of truely successful people.

you learn the importants of engaging and giving to happy people with a good vibe. especially women.

do these people even exist? they do...
<3
 

Stephen89

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Thank you very much all for the most needed advice and suggestions guys, very much appreciated!
 

sosousage

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So If you've looked at my other threads-I've had a lot of problems with my uncle, aunts. Mainly with my uncle's.

They have bullied, abused me for a while, they continue to ostracise me and disrespect me behind my back. They gaslight, manipulate me and my father. They haven't bothered to acknowledge me properly for a long, long time.

The key word here is they are controlling people.

I've done nothing wrong to them-I say happy birthday to them, I went to everyone of their birthday parties, their important events, my father has helped them out, I've helped their kids out at various times, I'm polite, courteous to them. I've broke no rules.

They have influenced others by being negative about me to others so other females and families see me in a negative light.

I don't think keeping the power is:

-relax, don't care what they say and think
-I am independent
-I have proven them wrong with my actions and taking care of myself

They are just very dismissive and don't want to listen to me.

They got me an ugly women and say get to know her, she's a nice person. When I said no, they said "well, we've helped you out". They'll never give me the support and encouragement.

They just want to have power over me-they will never acknowledge me even if I do well, they behave and talk about me in a way that is undermining me.

They act and behave in a way to undermine, have power over me.

What can I do here?
of course they gave you ugly women because thats all connections your uncles can have or thats what they think you deserve

i assume you are indian, that place is literally sexless afaik. try to get wamen on your own or/and move
 

Stephen89

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of course they gave you ugly women because thats all connections your uncles can have or thats what they think you deserve

i assume you are indian, that place is literally sexless afaik. try to get wamen on your own or/and move
I am Indian. lol yes they wish to be superior and they just don't want to be wrong and don't wish the status quo to change. It's really their problem.

I don't care anymore, I've got my buddies, my life, I'm hitting the gym, I am doing online dating and I'm getting on with my life. they are just noise and I'm too busy in my life to care now.

The good thing is I'm getting on and I will cut them out.

Anyway I've taken all the fantastic advice, suggestions on here and improving myself.
 
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