My thoughts on sosuave FAQs

[everywomanshero]

REal quick before I head out, I 'm going to throw out some thoughts on commonly asked questions:

Does Money Matter
Yes, sure it does. It matters because you can go cool places and do cool sh1t. O, you mean to PU women? Dead broke men get laid all the time. It's not the reason you aren't getting laid.

Do looks matter?
Sure they do, trim those eyebrows bushboy! Although the bar is set so low you will still get laid and employed, it's best to trim nosehair, eyebrows, have a style (including hair) that looks good on you. ALl of this can be fixed in *one* single day. There is no reason to use this as an excuse... "one day when I have perfect look, then I'll make it happen"

Does my penis size matter
Unless you're considering surgery, it wouldn't matter if it did matter. ALl ladies have a story of a guy with a 4" dong, whether or not any of these are even true, IDK. Unless you have a freaking 4" dong start worrying about other areas of pleasing women in bed than the size of the sausage. If you are that guy with the 4" dong, LOL, I guess you get laid a lot because I keep hearing about you from all these ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO I need to do 3thousands sets TO get laid?
If you've done 3thousand "sets" and NOT gotten laid, then I am really worried.

I'm scared to talk to women, what should I do?
Either get over it or go seek help for social anxiety disorder. Join some groups that require speaking both in and infront of groups of people (including women) to help desensitize yourself. Take a job that requires lots of interactions. Sign up for classes. All of these things get you in the habit of talking, instead of the habit of NOT talking.

I am fine talking but I just can't approach
Then don't approach if it's that big of a deal. Get some minimal level of complaince like ask her take a picture of you and *wink* your cousin from <XYZ>. I've gotten into many conversations this way, especially in crowded places like bars where it's natural to be stuck for a few moments before you can move. Often the girls will "open" me as I am waiting for the crowd to clear.

I don't like bars and can't hear in clubs
Fine. Mall food courts it is. Just walk up and ask if you can join them. You don't need an opener at all. See, you can't even create an excuse this way like "uhhhh which opener do I use?".

What if she says something rude?
Well, what if you tried to talk to some dude and he said something rude? You'd probably think he was insecure, weird, and creepy right? Maybe you'd think he was even anti-social and deathly afraid of people talking to him. Well, why do you put women on such a pedastool? So there are some women who have poor social skills and are a little creepy and weird. But since you are a friendly, outgoing guy you will do even one better, despite her poor situation, you will strive to bring out the good person in her and show her the world is a good place when you open up to strangers. IF she refuses to hear the msg, then chances are she will live out a miserable existance with you. Lucky for the other women that you are still available.

What if someone thinks I am weird
That's not really important. Tha goal is to have a wonderful existance, not let the small minority of depressed people drag everyone down. What about all the people who will be pleased to meet you and have better live for it?

Do I need to become a weight lifter?
Unless that's your hobby, no. I think cardio and some weight training is important for health reasons, but I don't work out to impress women, that would be really desperate and a sign of much larger problems.

What if all the women in the whole world hear I got rejected?
The worst social proof is being a wallflower. Doing nothing and worrying what everyone thinks is the worst social proof that exists. You risk more by doing nothing than failing a million times. The world is a big place, and most people will never, ever have any clue who you are or meet anyone that has ever met you. All the more reason to be active in as many different places as practical.

What if I suck in bed?
Then you have to keep practicing. Women are sex-crazed maniacs who are obsessed with sex. Nearly all women own a sextoy. This is one thing to get down really well. I haven't found a lot of good resources. Most of the videos I found have poor audio instruction and especially poor video angles and such. Sexsational secrets is an OK book for a couple dollars that can start you in the right direction, but it's not good enough to get you where you want to be. I found the section on oral sex to be especially inadequete, I attempted to post a basic primer a few weeks ago on sexual technique that you can search for. It's not good enough either, though. Maybe I need to make a video.

What if she's a virgin?
Use Lube and don't expect to finish the mission in a single session. It may be somewhat problematic for some time unless you are that 4" guy we talked about earlier.

What if I can't get hard?
In my experience this is usually do to poor health and stress. Meditate, releive stress, do cardio. If that all fails and the problem continues, maybe it's time to see a doctor. Cold weather isn't helpful either.

What if I'm X race and she's Y race?
People of every race sex people of every race. It's not an issue unless you make it one.

What if I have ghost white complexion?
Go to Mystic Tan if it's worrying you so much. Don't get a real tan unless you are in a hurry to look old. I suggest sunscreen that's dermatologist recommended, if you have skin issues you should be seeing a dermatologist anyway not an Internet forum, especially true of things like acne.

 

[penkitten]

sticky this at the top of the page !

 

[DJ_in_making]

sticky this at the top of the page !

I second that!

 

[everywomanshero]

Now I'm home, looks like there's an Update:

Don't Have Any Friends and I Feel Like ****
Maybe you don't have any friends *because* you feel like ****. People are repelled by down-and-out people, and attracted to happy people. The process of learning to be social, genuine, and adding value to peoples' lives is more important than if the friends you make at the moment are the most perfect fit for you in the whole of the world.

Should I shave "down under"?
Most women do not want to perform oral sex on grizzly's adams, so if receiving oral sex is important to you I recommend trimming in some manner.

What about gimmicks?
If you're just using gimmicks in a non-engagging manner like a circus trainer, then it will probably not get you anywhere. A lot of this is about really connecting with people in some genuine manner.
If you're connecting through or during the gimmick process, then the process will work *in spite* of the gimmick. Often the gimmick is something cool you show someone who has earned your respect already, not something you run up and show everyone at random for no apparent reason.

How to "rate" women?
Some people have decide to rate women solely by appearance. I say to each his own, but I am reminded of a girl I saw a few years back. She was what most guys thought was an HB9.5. She had big boobs, a brand new house, new truck, no kids, nice body, natural blonde hair, great face, hot tub parties with hawtee stripper friends, oooo and did I mention a coke habit I discovered shortly after sleeping with her? I would rate her as an HB 1! I broke up with her for an HB 8 on the looks scale. Now matter how attractive a woman might be you still have to deal with the personality and behaviors.

Does C+F work?
The question is worded wrong as it should read, "Does C+F work for you?". Almost anything that comes from a negative, defensive, and insecure place will backfire. This probably explains the range of results more than anything else.
Summary: If it works for you great, you're not alone. If it doesn't work for you great, you're not alone.

What about subliminal messages?
Extensive studies have been done on subliminal messages. The studies have found objective subliminal messages (like subliminal audio tapes) have no effect. Subjective subliminals (person actually perceived something but isn't certain enough he/she did to report it) have a tiny effect on recognition test that is largely insignificant for any practical purpose outside of labortary experiments. Studies conducted using commercial subliminal products show no improvement based on using these products. See Merikle and Cheerman for details.

What is peacocking? Does it mix with being a DJ?
Peacocking means to display costly signals, as in a peacock's huge feathers. The theory goes that a peacock with outrageous feathers is more attractive *because* it can survive *inspite* of having something that makes survival more difficult. Some men wear an item that stands out for this reason.
One does not have to appear 'peacocked' to display costly signals. Another branch of implementation has it that usually a man is so desperate to reproduce that he won't say anything that might mess up his chances with a woman, even if it means concealing his true beliefs. By being honest (and maybe a little over the top combined with some humor), some believe it will show that one can afford to screw up his chances with her, because he has lots of options.
I'm unaware of any specific research regarding displays of costly signals and human mating behavior, it's up to the individual to decide if this works for him or not.

Can I ever wear sweat pants or bright-white tennis shoes in public?
No.

This girl is flaking on me. Will I show her who's the boss is I NEXT her sorry butt?
Let's see, she has been flaking because she has either decided meeting you isn't worth the effort or that she'd rather spend time doing something else. You can't really NEXT someone who was never invested, getting angry and being reactive is a poor use of time and ineffective. This usually means that you are much more invested in the outcome than she is. Have more going for you.

What if she says she's sick?
I've seen so many guys assume it's a flake and lose girls over this! It's important not to try "calling her out" even if you suspect it could be a flake. Sometimes people really do get sick, it will take a grand total of 5 minutes for you to place a call the next day and see how she's doing. OTOH, if it was an Internet chick and this was to be the first meetup, then you might not want to risk her "getting sick" again if you were to schedule a second attempt.

How to deal with flaking without getting angry.
In the early stages of becoming a DJ last minute flaking can be a problem at times, especially when arranging first meetups with Internet chicks. For this reason, one can set the situation up so it's not more than a slight annoyance rather than a terrible inconvenience.
1. Have backup plans. Know where some other women will be hanging that night.
2. Have the women meet you where you'd be anyway.
3. (If going to her place) Make sure you have a mapquested address in case your GPS isn't working. Let her know you'll be unable to answer your phone before arriving at her place. A common cause of flaking is when another guy she's 'seeing' decided to come over, and since she can't tell you not to come over she flakes on him instead of you.
4.The gist of all this is just to say if the risk of her flaking exceeds the perceived rewards, then change the situation to something you can live with. Besides, it's only a matter of time before you are the one having to decide whether or not to flake on someone else. Don't hate her for having to make decisions that don't always benefit you.

Why does everyone say just go in the field more?
The reason is there really isn't a planned out strategy for everything on earth. Experience is the best teacher, and one has to have a critical mass of it to relate all the great knowledge we share to.
Instincts aren't perfect for today's world by default, this is something that has to be honed through repetition. But once you understand something thoroughly, then it's important to know when to trust your instincts. The mistake that creates the most cognitive dissonance is the one you make "even when you know better".
Additonally, even if we did create a set of "rules" stating do X if Y (and this would be a bad idea), there's just no way you could remember them all and have an engagging conversation with someone at the same time. Self-referencing to real world situations that have happened and testing in the real world are key to remembering and internalizing new concepts.

This girl has came up to my place on 3 dates but I haven't kissed her yet, is it time?
Chances are she was ready for that a long time ago! When a woman comes up to your place and watches a movie, there is the expectation that the man will be the one to escalate. That doesn't mean women won't do it, but just that on a percentage scale you will get further with more women by taking the initiative. It is common for women to sleep with a guy within the first two meetups regardless of what they say. OTOH, I hope that all DJs will be respectful to women who choose to wait longer, should she become a GF her restraint of impulse buying might be a blessing.

What is KINO Escalation?
One theory is that touching/kissing/sex is ideally a gradual progression that builds comfort rather than a sudden flame of passion that explodes out of tension. Hence, an escalation. The idea is that if no touching or kissing happens for such a long period of time, that it then becomes weird and atypical when it finally happens. Followers of this theory generally advocate touching as a means of spreading warmth and comfort early on in the interaction.
Another subset likes to remind us that just because one part of the KINO escalation doesn't work, does not mean one is automatically unable to continue escalation. For example, sometimes a woman may refuse to french kiss a man but will still have sex with him. OR She may remove his hands from her breasts, but proceeed to makeout and eventually engage in sex. It happens that way sometimes.

Does making her work for me raise her interest?
I think people in general are intrigued by things that seem difficult for them to obtain, but not something they perceive as impossible. Women don't read all those cosmos to get the guys who are already chasing them down, and people in general enjoy feeling like something unique about themselves is drawing others in.
The other side to this is you can go too far. I've done this many times. At some point, you have to respond more strongly, and if you go from showing strong interest to showing less interest despite the fact that she's basically chasing you, then sometimes you can just feel the positive anticipation drop down a big disappointment.
This is something that has to be judged on a case by case basis. You are doing something right when she gives you easy opportunities to ask her out (and many women today will ask a man out, but to reach the most women don't rely on it.).

My Regular girls are getting in the way of *sarging*. What should I do?
I once asked Shark this and he gave me a good answer: When getting laid gets in the way of going out sarging, then you are doing something right. Just like one learns from sarging, one also learns from actually having sex and spending time with sober women they didn't meet an hour ago. Besides, this isn't a practice life, we are supposed to enjoy it.
I'll take a garden tub full of warm water, soothing music, a hawtee, and a glass of wine by candlelite over a smoke filled bar on most occasions.

 

[everywomanshero]

Why does everyone say not to use other people's stories?
Even advocators of "canned material" such as Mystery tell students to create their own stories. The reason why isn't to prevent you from taking a shortcut to success, but because stories are naturally reconstructed from memory, not memorized scripts. It's hard to create a genuine connection with someone while frantically rehearsing a script in your mind.
I've I tend to use real life stories (or at least stories that jive with my personality and feel like something I'd really do)in a more context-appropriate manner than when I've tried to use other people's stories. Along the same lines, I will only use humor that I've created or that I genuinely find funny. It's really weird trying to use someone else's humor that you don't even get yourself.

Why is it important to her that other women want me?
When something is ambigious, we look to other's behavior as a cognitive shortcut as to how we should behave and feel about something. Imagine someone walks into a concert hall for the first time. He will partially determine where to go and how to act by watching other people. These are cognitive shortcuts people use everyday and in lots of situations. Imagine how many times girls watched TV together growing up and looked to each other to see if they too were dreamy-eyed over some boyband or actor.
Imagine if you found a digital camera or stack of pics in some chicks house that you just met which that had pictures of her with an attractive, successful man. Then imagine if you found the same pics that showed her making out with some really gross, unhygenic man. This would probably have a profound effect.
Additionally, guys who have a lot of options are less likely to become stalkers than the ultra-needy types who mention they might purchase the house for sale on her street before the third date.
Pre-selection: It is possible that there is a biological predisposition towards selecting men who are in-demand by other women. This could be re-inforced socially by TV dramas and such as well.

 

[Nighthawk]

Excellent stuff. Sticky it, put it in the Bible, hand it out to every 13 year old boy, whatever.

 

[Ares III]

This is brilliant. If someday I ever have a son, he will get an earful of this from birth. Until then, I'll just show this to all of my AFC cousins.

 

[mrRuckus]

Do I need to become a weight lifter?
but I don't work out to impress women,

I really just don't believe you. I doubt it's the only reason but it's a reason nevertheless. Maybe you even tell yourself that's not why you workout just because it sounds good to say.

 

[Jariel]

Excellent post!

I'm with the others - sticky this great post!