Blade Maverick
New Member
Hello all, I'm new to these parts but I just decided to write this after much soul searching in the hopes that others may benefit from my experience.
I was a messed up kid, I had so many issues with depression, axiety, and insecurity in my early teens. Maybe it was from having been skipped 2 grades, being treated like an outcast becuse I was one of the smart kids, I dunno. My older sister, the one person I ever thought truly got me died when I was 13 of cancer so that probably didn't help. Anyway, I was terrified of girls, mostly because anytime I had ever showed interest in them my family would tease me and so I repressed it all. However the week before I turned 15, on the monday I was alone in the auxiliary bathroom of my highschool when a girl named Terry came in and grabbed me from behind just after I was finished going tinkle. She and I spent the next 3 days having sex in that bathroom during school, on the thursday and friday, her friend Karen took over. Guess they felt like sharing the little shy kid, I dunno, I didn't really mind.
That weekend I turned 15 and never went back to that school. I saw a psychiatrist for awhile about the issues I was having, to no real avail. I moved back to my home province not long after that and lived a pretty reclusive life. I started doing courses at an education centre, it's kind of like homeschool that you do in a classroom. I was totally alone there and really afraid to talk to anyone or even look around in class. I had no self esteem or confidance at all. I had friends but they were mostly related to me or friends of my relatives. Life went on for another 3 years or so and when I turned 18 I got a settlement from a car accident I had suffered years prior. A poor kid suddenly gaining a buttload of cash well, it's quite the confidance booster. I bought good clothes and became cool through sheer force of will. I was happy and confidant and started making even more friends. I became an alpha male without even realising it or trying.
Then one day I was standing in front of my cousin/best friend's house when another good friend of mine walked past with his girlfriend. She lived on the same street as my cousin and my friend was walking her home. He saw us and came over to introduce her to us, his new one true love. When I met her, and our eyes locked and our hands touched it was like fate. We clicked. I think I loved her from the moment we met. Not long after that the 3 of us became inseparable, my feelings for her grew as hers did for me. And my friend just kinda watched and waited and got jealous as his girlfriend was slowly falling for his older best friend. Then one day it happened, she and I went for a drive alone and she told me the truth. That she was in love with me, I confessed my feelings to her and we spent the night in each others arms. We never even kissed because she was still with him and didn't want to cheat. The next day they broke up and it was very dramatic, I was still trying to be a good friend and at the same time be her boyfriend. Needless to say I went into what I'd later learn was full wuss mode which happened after all my money got used up and with it my confidence. She went back and forth with him, cheated on me and it was a love triangle that put me through emotional hell and back. Finally I broke free of them and their drama on my 19th valentine's day.
For the better part of a year after that I studied the sciences. Biology mostly. Then I got a job as a computer phone tech support agent. When I started there I was my usual unconfidant self, not talking to anyone. Then one day during training, one of the nerds from the nerdy group in class started talking to me and we all became fast friends. Somehow I gained back my confidence from them and it wasn't long before I was friends with everyone and the alpha male of the place. One of the nerdy girls had a crush on me, I knew it, and she was cute, had a dirty librarian thing going for her. So we started hanging out outside work and then I became uber wussy yet again and things between her and I went to heck and we stopped talking. I quit the job and it was done.
Not long after, I was wondering what happened and so I decided to look online for answers; there I stumbled upon the website of a man named David Deangelo who promised he could double my dating. So I signed up for his newsletter and read a few issues of it. WOW did it ever open my eyes. I had been a wussy, manipulative, insecure, needy, all things that a girl doesn't want according to him. I almost wanted to call my dirty librarian and apologize to her for the way I acted but only a wuss would do that. Then I got a hold of his ebook and man did it ever improve my game. Through that ebook I found many others that introduced me to this whole subculture of Don Juan's. And so I started devouring books put out by various authors and before I knew it I had become a mega pimp. I spent an entire year being drunk and having sex with a different random woman every weekend basically.
One day I was sitting in front of my computer and I thought to myself "Man I need to be drunk right now" and it hit me, I'd become an alcoholic. There was a large history of it in my family and it was like a need within me so I quit drinking cold turkey then and there. I pretty much stopped hanging with all my friends and that was that. Not long after, I met an online friend of my sisters who would become my best friend in a way my cousin never could. She was, and is, the sober supportive yin to his hot tempered cynical yang. I spent the next year and a half or so spending all my time talking to her and studying everything I could get my hands on, more DJ information/psychology, science (my one true passion), and other forms of self improvement.
Then she and I agreed to meet. Now she lives in Australia and I live in Canada so the chances of that happening with me having no job were pretty slim. So I got a job where I'm at now and I worked my butt off saving and whatnot so that last november I could go see her. Well around the end of june she vanished, disappeared off the net. I tried to phone her a few times but her Ma told me she was at her dad's and part of me thought she might not even want to hear from me so I stopped trying. I had developed some romantic feelings for her you see and somehow felt myself becoming a wuss with her, and when I realised it I just stopped. No way was I going to risk losing my best friend. But she was gone and I healed and thought if she wanted to talk again she would. Then at the beginning of august I met a girl. I had met her before, I mean I worked with her. I was a cook and she was a server but we weren't close we weren't even really aquaintances. We both worked night shifts though and one night as I was catching a ride from anther co worker she raced us. So the next day I asked her if she was going my way and she was so she started giving me rides home. Now I knew she had a boyfriend of 2 years, and I didn't want to be anything but her friend. But her guy had become a wussbag and she had grown tired of him and wanted someone knew. And me being at the absolute top of my game, partly because I told her I'd never dip the pen in the company ink due to a bad experience, and partly because I told her I'd never poach because I'd never want someone to do that to me, well I was irresistable to her. We ended up hanging out and then we kissed one night at the river and started a brief affair before she dumped her boyfriend and left him sobbing.
I was on top of the world, I was ultrapimp, master of my game, learned from all my painful lessons and she was so into me it was incredible. We spent every free moment together just about, we worked the same shifts at the same place too. And we never had a bit of tension. Then things changed as they usually do. We got pregnant at the beginning of November, but we were in love and thought we could handle it. Then I got promoted and due to the nature of it I stopped sleeping regularly. I was down to 10 hours of sleep a week. Utterly exhausted and in no mood to be Mr. Pimp. Plus we were working opposite shifts so we stopped seeing each other as much, or in order to see her I'd sacrifice even more sleep. Then it was just one thing after another, I got hurt repeatedly and couldn't work, we were both stressed to the max and started butting heads constantly. I didn't care because hey, she's pregnant with my baby she's not going anywhere this'll all work out. Not so.
I remember the exact date it happened. January 3rd of this year. We got into another fight about nothing and me being in a snit said "You know what? It's over". We spent the next two days in her room talking, fighting, sleeping, and talking. The whole month of january was a rough one. We had sex twice, and it was weird. She started hanging out with the ex boyfriend again and I got even more insecure and needy about it. Then a few days after my birthday about 3 weeks ago, she was upset, he happened to be there pushing her and she cheated on me. This happened a few more times without my knowledge just with me being paranoid and needy even moreso and pushing her away moreso. Then on valentine's day I went home sick from work with pneumonia. I finally got to sleep when a phonecall from one of my female cousins woke me up. She was in class with 2 of the ex's best friends and they told her that their friend had been screwing my girl for a couple weeks.
I was a messed up kid, I had so many issues with depression, axiety, and insecurity in my early teens. Maybe it was from having been skipped 2 grades, being treated like an outcast becuse I was one of the smart kids, I dunno. My older sister, the one person I ever thought truly got me died when I was 13 of cancer so that probably didn't help. Anyway, I was terrified of girls, mostly because anytime I had ever showed interest in them my family would tease me and so I repressed it all. However the week before I turned 15, on the monday I was alone in the auxiliary bathroom of my highschool when a girl named Terry came in and grabbed me from behind just after I was finished going tinkle. She and I spent the next 3 days having sex in that bathroom during school, on the thursday and friday, her friend Karen took over. Guess they felt like sharing the little shy kid, I dunno, I didn't really mind.
That weekend I turned 15 and never went back to that school. I saw a psychiatrist for awhile about the issues I was having, to no real avail. I moved back to my home province not long after that and lived a pretty reclusive life. I started doing courses at an education centre, it's kind of like homeschool that you do in a classroom. I was totally alone there and really afraid to talk to anyone or even look around in class. I had no self esteem or confidance at all. I had friends but they were mostly related to me or friends of my relatives. Life went on for another 3 years or so and when I turned 18 I got a settlement from a car accident I had suffered years prior. A poor kid suddenly gaining a buttload of cash well, it's quite the confidance booster. I bought good clothes and became cool through sheer force of will. I was happy and confidant and started making even more friends. I became an alpha male without even realising it or trying.
Then one day I was standing in front of my cousin/best friend's house when another good friend of mine walked past with his girlfriend. She lived on the same street as my cousin and my friend was walking her home. He saw us and came over to introduce her to us, his new one true love. When I met her, and our eyes locked and our hands touched it was like fate. We clicked. I think I loved her from the moment we met. Not long after that the 3 of us became inseparable, my feelings for her grew as hers did for me. And my friend just kinda watched and waited and got jealous as his girlfriend was slowly falling for his older best friend. Then one day it happened, she and I went for a drive alone and she told me the truth. That she was in love with me, I confessed my feelings to her and we spent the night in each others arms. We never even kissed because she was still with him and didn't want to cheat. The next day they broke up and it was very dramatic, I was still trying to be a good friend and at the same time be her boyfriend. Needless to say I went into what I'd later learn was full wuss mode which happened after all my money got used up and with it my confidence. She went back and forth with him, cheated on me and it was a love triangle that put me through emotional hell and back. Finally I broke free of them and their drama on my 19th valentine's day.
For the better part of a year after that I studied the sciences. Biology mostly. Then I got a job as a computer phone tech support agent. When I started there I was my usual unconfidant self, not talking to anyone. Then one day during training, one of the nerds from the nerdy group in class started talking to me and we all became fast friends. Somehow I gained back my confidence from them and it wasn't long before I was friends with everyone and the alpha male of the place. One of the nerdy girls had a crush on me, I knew it, and she was cute, had a dirty librarian thing going for her. So we started hanging out outside work and then I became uber wussy yet again and things between her and I went to heck and we stopped talking. I quit the job and it was done.
Not long after, I was wondering what happened and so I decided to look online for answers; there I stumbled upon the website of a man named David Deangelo who promised he could double my dating. So I signed up for his newsletter and read a few issues of it. WOW did it ever open my eyes. I had been a wussy, manipulative, insecure, needy, all things that a girl doesn't want according to him. I almost wanted to call my dirty librarian and apologize to her for the way I acted but only a wuss would do that. Then I got a hold of his ebook and man did it ever improve my game. Through that ebook I found many others that introduced me to this whole subculture of Don Juan's. And so I started devouring books put out by various authors and before I knew it I had become a mega pimp. I spent an entire year being drunk and having sex with a different random woman every weekend basically.
One day I was sitting in front of my computer and I thought to myself "Man I need to be drunk right now" and it hit me, I'd become an alcoholic. There was a large history of it in my family and it was like a need within me so I quit drinking cold turkey then and there. I pretty much stopped hanging with all my friends and that was that. Not long after, I met an online friend of my sisters who would become my best friend in a way my cousin never could. She was, and is, the sober supportive yin to his hot tempered cynical yang. I spent the next year and a half or so spending all my time talking to her and studying everything I could get my hands on, more DJ information/psychology, science (my one true passion), and other forms of self improvement.
Then she and I agreed to meet. Now she lives in Australia and I live in Canada so the chances of that happening with me having no job were pretty slim. So I got a job where I'm at now and I worked my butt off saving and whatnot so that last november I could go see her. Well around the end of june she vanished, disappeared off the net. I tried to phone her a few times but her Ma told me she was at her dad's and part of me thought she might not even want to hear from me so I stopped trying. I had developed some romantic feelings for her you see and somehow felt myself becoming a wuss with her, and when I realised it I just stopped. No way was I going to risk losing my best friend. But she was gone and I healed and thought if she wanted to talk again she would. Then at the beginning of august I met a girl. I had met her before, I mean I worked with her. I was a cook and she was a server but we weren't close we weren't even really aquaintances. We both worked night shifts though and one night as I was catching a ride from anther co worker she raced us. So the next day I asked her if she was going my way and she was so she started giving me rides home. Now I knew she had a boyfriend of 2 years, and I didn't want to be anything but her friend. But her guy had become a wussbag and she had grown tired of him and wanted someone knew. And me being at the absolute top of my game, partly because I told her I'd never dip the pen in the company ink due to a bad experience, and partly because I told her I'd never poach because I'd never want someone to do that to me, well I was irresistable to her. We ended up hanging out and then we kissed one night at the river and started a brief affair before she dumped her boyfriend and left him sobbing.
I was on top of the world, I was ultrapimp, master of my game, learned from all my painful lessons and she was so into me it was incredible. We spent every free moment together just about, we worked the same shifts at the same place too. And we never had a bit of tension. Then things changed as they usually do. We got pregnant at the beginning of November, but we were in love and thought we could handle it. Then I got promoted and due to the nature of it I stopped sleeping regularly. I was down to 10 hours of sleep a week. Utterly exhausted and in no mood to be Mr. Pimp. Plus we were working opposite shifts so we stopped seeing each other as much, or in order to see her I'd sacrifice even more sleep. Then it was just one thing after another, I got hurt repeatedly and couldn't work, we were both stressed to the max and started butting heads constantly. I didn't care because hey, she's pregnant with my baby she's not going anywhere this'll all work out. Not so.
I remember the exact date it happened. January 3rd of this year. We got into another fight about nothing and me being in a snit said "You know what? It's over". We spent the next two days in her room talking, fighting, sleeping, and talking. The whole month of january was a rough one. We had sex twice, and it was weird. She started hanging out with the ex boyfriend again and I got even more insecure and needy about it. Then a few days after my birthday about 3 weeks ago, she was upset, he happened to be there pushing her and she cheated on me. This happened a few more times without my knowledge just with me being paranoid and needy even moreso and pushing her away moreso. Then on valentine's day I went home sick from work with pneumonia. I finally got to sleep when a phonecall from one of my female cousins woke me up. She was in class with 2 of the ex's best friends and they told her that their friend had been screwing my girl for a couple weeks.
