My Story (long sorry)

[OverDown]

Hey everybody, Happy New Year. I've been reading this forum for a couple of months now and I decided it'd be helpful for me to post my story. It feels like you guys are the only people in the world who can truly understand the ins and outs of what I'm feeling. I'll try and make it as short as possible so please excuse the abrupt sentences

I'm a big time AFC. Dumped by ex 3 months ago. We met on the net (go with it), we never had much of a "real" relationship but we loved and cared totally for each other. She turned out to be hot, really hot, HB9 and I fell deeper and deeper in love with everything about her. She was perfect. She came to same uni as me in September, I believed that she wanted to be with me. Three weeks of hell and it's over. She gets another bf a few days after me. I'm was totally heartbroken and it's been the hardest time of my life.

She phoned me last night. I've got closure now. I don't like who she is anymore. She seems like an attention wh0re now, which I can't totally blame her for being, it's natural. But she wasn't nice to talk to at all. She was egotistical, self-centred, she bragged and was as vain as ever. She always was looking in the mirror and saying how ugly she was, when she's quite obviously not. She interrupted me millions of times on the phone to tell stories about herself. She wasn't interested in what I'd been up to at all. She told me all about losing her virginity to her boyfriend and then how he dumped her. She said her pain was worse than mine. Her confidence was hit and she said she played around with guys so she could re-realise that she was attractive. Then she said how she's met someone else and fell in love. She told me all the details but got pissed when I suggested that she wasn't being very thoughtful telling me all of this. She said I should grow up and be over it. I want to but it's hard.

Okay, so just because a girl is hotter than the sun, does it make her a better person than a shy AFC? She certainly thinks she's a better person than me. I'm jealous of her confidence, her confidence with her body and stuff. I'm jealous of how easy it is for her. She doesn't have to try with people or even speak to them, people just want to be around her. She namedropped a ton of guy's names. That was annoying. She knows so many guys and we all know why they really like her. I'm sure her doormen friends at her favourite club like her just for her personality. Maybe I'm making her out to be too bad. She's just an 18 year old sexy girl who's enjoying everything that comes with looking like she does. Maybe I'd be the same type of person if I looked like Brad Pitt. When people swarm around you, it would go to anyone's head. My insecurity makes me think that people who are out there enjoying themselves are bad people.

So finally, I get to me. I feel better after talking to her because I know I don't like or love this girl anymore. I'd never fall in love with a person like this now. So why can't I stop thinking of her? It's like a curse, the thoughts won't go.

I have no life, I'm nobody, I have nobody and I don't want to continue like this. I'm your typical AFC, you all know the score. I could just go on doing nothing because its easy, but I'll just be wasting my life. I'm lonely and want to find a nice girl. And I have a crippling lack of confidence. It's really bad guys, you couldn't imagine. Getting a part time job, going to sports clubs and societies and just being in bars and talking to ANYONE new scares the **** out of me. That's the sad truth.

I'm sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading guys. I know I sound a bit "Oh woe is me", I apologise. I just wanted to get all my thoughts out. I'd like to hear from people who had really bad confidence problems and how they overcame them?

 

[Not Quite There]

i had a kinds similar experience with a HB9 at the start of last year, by the sounds of it, you did what i realise i did then, you fell for her because she was so fit, and like me wasnt sure how to handle such a fit girl that all the other blokes are eyeing up and the girl knows it!

basically, girls like this know how fit they are, and how much attention they can get and they thrive on getting AFC guys to do everything for them, well **** that! you need to show these girls whos boss, show them your not gonan tkae their ****! basically show them who the man is!

ok, maybe a bit to late to have that situation this girl, but basically just **** her off, ignore her, dont anwser her calls, if she sees you, let it be known what you think of her, laugh at her, let her know you really don't care.

basically, if i meet another stunning girl whos an attention ***** again, i'm pretty sure i'm ready to handle all the stupid games they play and put the girl in her place and get her to chase me instead of them wrapping me round their little finger which is what they want.

 

[majumbo]

Hey, amigo, there is something you can do for yourself: start loving yourself. You obviously dont like yourself much. FInd out if they have a zen buddhism club on campus and join it. You will learn ALOT about yourself and learn to accept yourself. A problem you ahve that I used to have many years ago is that I needed validation from a singular female to justifymy existence. WRONG WRONG WRONG... GO by the book ART of HAppiness by the Dalai Llama. You will find that Romantic love is a state of cognitive obsession that afflicts people who lack inherent happiness in their lives.

A healthy path to self love would most definitely start with radical narcicism and would gradually transform into a more gentely self love whereby a person's attitute no longer suggests the need for exterior validation. Pick up a sport like Bodybuilding. Get Swole. Get buff. Become the object of women's physical desire and experience the distributed validation first hand.

 

[OverDown]

Radical narcicism sounds pretty good right now Thanks for the replies guys. Yes majumbo, I really don't like myself very much. I know that's the cardinal sin, but it's what I feel. Well, I like myself but when I compare myself to everybody I feel like garbage.

I've tried to start lifting weights so many times but I get bogged down in the intricacies of the diet, get overwhelmed and give up.

I've realised that I don't love this girl anymore. I don't like her or want her back, so why can't I just let the memories of her slip away. I'm just physically and mentally tired of everything. Sorry to wallow guys. Thanks again

 

[don_hollow_juan]

OverDown,
you are finally safe here. This site has already saved hundreds, or even thousands of lives of guys who once were just like you and me. So leave all your worries behind, and do not hesitate to post here looking for answers.
My story is simple. I was a loser, and not a bit of manly features like self-confidence, physical strength, proudness of myself, ability to stand up for myself or for people who were being abused in front of me, not taking s--t from nobody were like the f--king dark side of the moon. I was JUST like you- no life, no hobbies, no passion about living, NOTHING. That was a disaster. I can't even blame my "girlfriend" of that time for wanting me to get away from her.
And that- "let's just cut this s--t, I don't think we can be together for any longer"- was it. My "life" started to crumble down as every single day passed by. I lost respect, interest that some girls had in me just faded away, nobody would want to be with me because I was always so depressed about the breaking up.

---

Who saved me? The Don Juan Bible made me see things in a dramatically new way. At first, I was sceptical. I didn't know where to start from, and what's even more, I didn't know why THE HECK WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT? What was it all for? I had no motivation whatsoever in life.
Summer holidays came and I said goodbye to everyone until Sept. The long nights I spent staring at my PC screen and reading everything that was written in the DJB seem to have had far greater impact on my life than I thought.

---

OverDown, we know how you feel. And I mean it. People that have found the inner strength to abandon their old erroneous ideals they had about life and discovered a simple thing called HAPPINESS will testify to these words- IT'S HARD, IT HURTS, IT TAKES A LONG TIME AND IT'S SCARY AS HELL, but YOU, dear OverDown, can do it. It won't happen overnight and will take much more effort than you have ever managed to put into anything up to this point in your life. But you can do it. We have faith in you.

---

Glad you made it to the sosuave.com. Happy New "DON JUAN" Year.

 

[majumbo]

how tall are you? How much you weigh? what is your bf?

Are you a student? Can youa fford food? I can write up a diet for you and setup a wt training schedule for you. I've done it for quite a few friends. Let me know in any case.

Originally posted by OverDown
Radical narcicism sounds pretty good right now Thanks for the replies guys. Yes majumbo, I really don't like myself very much. I know that's the cardinal sin, but it's what I feel. Well, I like myself but when I compare myself to everybody I feel like garbage.

I've tried to start lifting weights so many times but I get bogged down in the intricacies of the diet, get overwhelmed and give up.

I've realised that I don't love this girl anymore. I don't like her or want her back, so why can't I just let the memories of her slip away. I'm just physically and mentally tired of everything. Sorry to wallow guys. Thanks again

 

[to_shy]

Hi,

I've got also kind of simular problem.

I'm 24 years now, and until now I hadn't had any real relationships. Why is that? I think I'm too shy.

The strange part however is that I have no problem to talk to strangers, even hot babes who I don't know. But when I meet a girl who is interesting, I don't know what to tell her, even after reading the dj bibble twice. ( I've also read other books on the subject )

It's so strange, my friends always think they are better than the girls they see in clubs, and I always think I ain't worth them.
the result : all of us are still single but the difference, they don't try.

I guess I must start to love myself but that's very difficult.
It's only the last year that I realised I had a problem. I graduated and found work, but I miss the social contact and going out during the week with schoolmates.

 

[bob246]

Man, I was in a situation like you. I hope my story inspires you.

Me and a girl liked eachother for about 6 months, the AFC i was, i didnt even ask her out! So yeh she lost interest in me.. and i couldnt stop thinking about her...while she had moved on. Thing is when she was all over me, her ego was in check. She was an 8. So she had a cool personality when i was with her. She didnt think she was too big or anything.

Anyway over time she became a 8.5. Her hair was done more better, makeup as well... and then she started swooning all my fellow friends. She went out with 2 of my friends which sucked. While this was happening, i was going nowhere.. while she was busy with other boys. I didnt go for no other girls coz i was wasting my time trying to get her attention back. This point her ego got very big, which naturally would happen.

Thing which hurt the most was how she suddenly thought she was better than me! I remember one time when i was looking at her and she caught me looking at her and she gave me one of those looks like 'what you looking at ugly' coz to be honest i started looking horrid.. i cut my trademark hairstyle and went bald which i realised after school that it made me look like a monk... and i started developing a slight case of insomnia which gave me these nasty dark eyes, my teeth turned yellow, id go days without shaving coz of sleepless nights .. i lost some weight and turned to a skinny stick with a hunchback. So yeh she actually called me ugly twice to my face too! And actually said she didnt even know what she saw in me. That hurt. She totally played with my emotions. One day she was friendly the other day she would look down on me like sh*t.

Anyway school was finished and the AFC i was.. i still didnt forget about her. I took a year out so all i did was go out with my friends everyday doing nothing and thinking about how she fuked me up.. for a few months! But the year out helped me out alot.. after school, i realised how much of a AFC i was. And i also was very bitter with how she treated me. But then i realised why shall i waste my time thinking about her while the hoe is probably getting banged away at college, not giving me one thought. At this moment just like you, i was a nobody.. nothing. I was honestly the king AFC. Then i found this site and got even more motivated and changed.

So then i forgot about her and sorted myself out. I then got myself looking better again...which was the main goal. Started doing things which made me happy..like soccer. Started lifting, got my insomnia sorted out (my eyes looked fresher), started doing posture exercises coz i developed a hunchback and even more things like my clothing style and got my old hairstyle back. My mindset was sorted out through this site. I realised the AFC things i did. Just like 'not quite there' i was sure i could handle the things girls do and not to act too afc when i would go college.

So yeh i went to college this september and got to know a 9 next to my dorm room. She seemed interested from the first second so i didnt hesitate like last time and went for it. I completely forgot about my oneitis.

Anyway heres the best thing (this was the day before christmas eve). Im back home coz of holidays and told my gf to come down my area to meet me. So we just regularly in the park bench and guess who i see walking by! It was so sweet! The look on her face when i called her name. She saw me back to looking like i did and with a girl easily hotter than her. I decided to act like how she did to me.. act friendly and interested in her... and bratty the nest min . Was being totally ****y and funny with her which got my girl laughing a lot which was cooool. Damn i was so happy for her to see me like this. I showed her whos the better person now. HOW CAN A GIRL BE BETTER THAN A MAN!? THAT AINT POSSIBLE!

This site has saved me. I made a thank you post some other time but just another thanks to everyone.. especially to the people who helped me out in the thread i was crying in. Look at my post history, i was just like you.. 6 months ago. Listen to the good advice here. You got to love yourself man. And forget about her!!!!! She aint wasting your time thinking about you, so why should you. Look at my story, you couldnt get more afc than me. I didnt even go out with her! Its one long road but you got to endure. Damn i got wrting too much but thats my story.

Start on your mission tomorrow.

 

[OverDown]

Thanks everybody. I'm SO happy that I joined this site. It's like I'm finally with people who understand. Thank you everyone so much. Bob your story is very encouraging and inspiring. I read your old posts and could see what you were like back then. You needed motivation like me. I'm real glad you've got a girlfriend now and have succeeded and moved on from your old life. Great story.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Over and Out, here is your problem - you put ALL of your hopes, efforts and aspirations into this one girl that you barely knew all because she was so "hot"!! So when she disappears and no longer wishes your company your confidence and world comes tumbling down because you based your TOTAL existence/happiness upon this one thing - HER! Don't do this again!!!

Put all of your efforts, hopes and aspirations into yourself and let other things be secondary and a result of your actions and not someone elses action!

 

[dietzcoi]

PR_L: Keep up the good fight!

Overdown: Welcome and be assured, we are here for you... we will keep you from ruining your life like so many before you have done... if you will listen!

DIetzcoi

 

[OverDown]

Hey. I've got to defend myself here. I put all my hopes, efforts and aspirations into this one girl, yup. But not because she was "hot", but because I loved her. I loved her before I ever saw her.....because we met on the internet. To me she was beautiful, to everyone else she's "hot". Anyway

Yes I want to put all that attention back on myself. Oh boy, do I. Thanks again everybody.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by OverDown
...we never had much of a "real" relationship but we loved and cared totally for each other. She turned out to be hot, really hot, HB9 and I fell deeper and deeper in love with everything about her. She was perfect. ... I believed that she wanted to be with me. Three weeks of hell and it's over. She gets another bf a few days after me. I'm was totally heartbroken and it's been the hardest time of my life.

DJ Dietzcoi - Happy new year and may this be the year you find that "life long" mate and get married once again!!

DJ Overblown, I'm not finished with you yet -------- you are heading for a life of severe punishment and regret and suicidal thoughts if you continue with your "I'm in love with a "perfect" girl who I met on the internet and known only for 3 weeks and who I "believe" "wants" to be with me!!!

How do you know "everything" about a girl in 3 weeks and how could you love her so fast???? And how could you have gone through "hell" over a girly you didn't really know and who didn't even want you or have a "real" relationship with>> I'm baffled!!

You are "heartbroken" and this is the "hardest" time of your life. WHAT!!!!!! Is your heart made of glass????? Are you only 3 weeks old??? What in sam-hill!!!!

By the way, she had the other dude before she "broke up" with you and a girl cannot "break up" a relationship that never existed - it was only in your own head that this so-called relationship existed - it was a dream!!!

WAKE UP - THE "MATRIX" HAS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dietzcoi, unplug this young bastard so we can rein him into the "REAL" world!!!

 

[dietzcoi]

PR_L, I would love to unplug him and all the others but I cannot. THe sentinels are after me...

Why do you wish me ill (getting married again?) I have done nothing to incur your wrath!

It is enough for me to survive and try to save a handful of these guys.. we are on the same quest.. seems like we are trying to build a sand wall against a tsumani...

DIetzcoi

 

[dearsappho]

Everyone who partakes in this site has felt the same emotions (gosh!) that youre going through. We wouldnt be here otherwise.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and shout to the heavens "Im the Man!" 10 times every morning. Works wonders.

 

[OverDown]

PuertoRican_Lover, no you misunderstand me. I knew her for two years. We talked for hours everyday. I knew everything about her. I spent time with her (but not that much) but like I said, we were each other's lives for two years. Then she came to the same uni as me and that was the three weeks when it all fell apart. I loved her for two years and she was perfect then. And I was heartbroken when I lost her. Anyway it doesn't matter. Thank you for your posts though

 

[Fenderules]

yeah i hate it when girlz play you. it sucks. But whatever dosnt kill you makes you stronger. so now i'v been beaten down so many times and risen, that i'v decided im not gonna be beaten anymore. Im gonna fight back because i know thats no nearly as painful as the alternative (going afc)

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Over, why didn't you include that tidbit of info in your "long" story???

In that case, you should have pursued her romantically two years ago instead of becoming "buddies" with a girl who you consider "hot"! And please, never talk on the phone for hours to a girl - you became her girlfriend instead of her man!

You said you met her on the internet? Was this 2 years ago? And why did you contact her on the internet - to become a phone buddy?? You did see her in person, right?? Otherwise why waste your time?? Spend your time on fruitful pursuits that have a definite payoff!!

 

[thejuice]

I didnt read your post but i noticed you apologized for your post being long. First thing you should know is that you shouldnt apologize for things unless its ethical...like eating ice cream in front of fat chicks

 

[OverDown]

You've got it wrong again but it doesn't matter. The info about the relationship is inconsequential. I told the story because I wanted to get my thoughts out and to illustrate how I'd got to here. Don't worry about the details. My post was about the future, not the past. FYI she fell in love with me quickly and hard. So I've obviously got at least some DJ skills in my brain stored away somewhere. We were romantic from the start and yes we met many times.

I was just introducing myself and asking for advice about confidence and things.

And yes, I didn't make it clear that I'd known her for a long time. My apologies.