Hello there, I just found this forum a few days ago, and well, I first want to apologize for my english, it´s not my native speech, so it may prove a bit bad for some of you :S
Anyways, down to the point: I just broke up a relationship of 17 months, kinda the most serious I had had up to this point... And while I started NC on my own accord, before reading the NC challenge here, I haven´t well.... got all the rules of it done... I still check her fb and twitter... and a friend told me I´m starting to get obsessed, so I want advice...
We broke up on wednesday, two weeks ago, and on that sunday, I stopped all contact (we saw each other, wed, thur, and sun), and have been trying to rebuild my life, got back into sports (She was lazy, so I had left my old trainning routines behind), college, airsoft and even getting to try something new in fencing.
I had made the mistake of letting my relationship become all
So far, the worse is during the mornings, when I wake up, a lot of feelings and **** come down and hit me in several ways, and I get them under control during the next minutes, etc. And I wander in a series of ups and downs for most of the day.
I even got a couple dates going on, got one later on today, after I get out of classes.... But in a way, none of them seem to be
I had left that girl become my world and my life started to orbit around her... I became unatractive and displayed many bad traits, clingy, neediness, extreme jealousy, paranoia, insecurity, lack of life, purpose and ambition, etc... basically, as a friend put it, I was her dog, her puppy... And well, women don{t like that. As a matter of fact, that ***** wanted and needed someone that dominates her and treats her like that...
Well thing is I was during a work trip (having shifts of 14-15 hours a day...), so I was under a lot of emotional stress, and we didn{t had that much contact, and then is when our relationship started to drift appart, and after a big fight, she told me she would give us one month to deceide wherever we kept going or broke up... Now she had always been the kind of cold, independant, and liked to flirt (Even if she didn´t do more, with puzzled me...)
By this time, our relationship was shattered, there was distrust, and I was extremelly drained emotionally due to the past 3 months of massive stress and the fight with her and all, so when I got back it wasn´t the same, her sexual drive was kinda dead, and the tension could be felt in the air, in the end, it was too much and we drifted further appart, and not sure how to explain it, I was feeling, watching it come, and that drove me further down...
then finally, it happened, she told me, she felt we were too different, that we were seeking different things, blablabla, that we didn´t work out, that it wasn´t our time, blablabla... that it wasn´t me, you get the idea... And she was (or at least seemed) convinced of that... Now we had a similar problem before, and we had broken up before, but that time I managed to rekindle it back... This time however, nothing I do could help. Probably the relationship was already too damaged...
Several things happened, while I was away she started college and started meeting new people, etc... The distance, and religion (her father is an evangelic preacher), all of them had their toll... And in the end, well, it just happened... Our relationship however had a very curious tone to it... We were both geeky, and had a thing for Sci Fi, and while I had created a whole universe, previously to meeting her, she managed to fit inside.... Kinda childish, but it drew is incredibly close together....
Thing is she fitted in, and she tended to call me my emperor and I to her my empress... Now, the breakup hurted her, not as much as me (probably), but it did, she, although emotional and weak inside, had developed a rather cold, and logical outside, and said it was for the best of us.
Now, After that, we meet for 2 more times, before I fully implemented NC, so we made a kinda dramatic series of goodbye (Not in the traditional sense, more in a symbolic way, etc, I told her that she was exiled from my life, and that she wasn´t my empress any more... this hurted her, I remember
Now she told me she would like for us to remain friends, and that she wanted me not to hate her, although she said I was in my right to do so... Besides that, I told her, that she could contact me in cases of emergency or so if she wanted to. And she said that she would give me a month first to get used to the idea of us being separated...
Now, between all this, I got some info from her, that she was missing me, and that she still loved me as something else (which I rather doubt would fade out so easily), but that she would struggle to move on and all...
After that, I stopped all sorts of contact, and have kept strong no matter what... I´ve noticed she gets online far more often since the breakup (one of my theories is that she wants me to contact her first, since I usually did so, and tended to spend few time without doing so, or it could be just that she logs on more often).
I´m unsure as to block her from whatsapp and fb.... As I said I would devote two months to try to get her back, no more no less (not to her, to me, to her I didn´t, besides the shock of the moment I didn´t try to do the usual stuff, just get a few seeds planted for later harvest), and then if I hadn´t gotten any kind of real progress move on with my life.
While this girl, caused me a lot of trouble, and didn´t give in as much as I did, I still think she has several valuable qualities that make me want to have her near. However I´m ready to whatever may come...
So, I want to know, I still have chances? I´m doing a lot of inner working to throw off my most unatractive traits, as well as getting my life back no matter the cost (I had pretty much discarded it up to that point)
And any other opinions or advice would be welcome.
Thanks in Advance, Edruken
Anyways, down to the point: I just broke up a relationship of 17 months, kinda the most serious I had had up to this point... And while I started NC on my own accord, before reading the NC challenge here, I haven´t well.... got all the rules of it done... I still check her fb and twitter... and a friend told me I´m starting to get obsessed, so I want advice...
We broke up on wednesday, two weeks ago, and on that sunday, I stopped all contact (we saw each other, wed, thur, and sun), and have been trying to rebuild my life, got back into sports (She was lazy, so I had left my old trainning routines behind), college, airsoft and even getting to try something new in fencing.
I had made the mistake of letting my relationship become all
So far, the worse is during the mornings, when I wake up, a lot of feelings and **** come down and hit me in several ways, and I get them under control during the next minutes, etc. And I wander in a series of ups and downs for most of the day.
I even got a couple dates going on, got one later on today, after I get out of classes.... But in a way, none of them seem to be
I had left that girl become my world and my life started to orbit around her... I became unatractive and displayed many bad traits, clingy, neediness, extreme jealousy, paranoia, insecurity, lack of life, purpose and ambition, etc... basically, as a friend put it, I was her dog, her puppy... And well, women don{t like that. As a matter of fact, that ***** wanted and needed someone that dominates her and treats her like that...
Well thing is I was during a work trip (having shifts of 14-15 hours a day...), so I was under a lot of emotional stress, and we didn{t had that much contact, and then is when our relationship started to drift appart, and after a big fight, she told me she would give us one month to deceide wherever we kept going or broke up... Now she had always been the kind of cold, independant, and liked to flirt (Even if she didn´t do more, with puzzled me...)
By this time, our relationship was shattered, there was distrust, and I was extremelly drained emotionally due to the past 3 months of massive stress and the fight with her and all, so when I got back it wasn´t the same, her sexual drive was kinda dead, and the tension could be felt in the air, in the end, it was too much and we drifted further appart, and not sure how to explain it, I was feeling, watching it come, and that drove me further down...
then finally, it happened, she told me, she felt we were too different, that we were seeking different things, blablabla, that we didn´t work out, that it wasn´t our time, blablabla... that it wasn´t me, you get the idea... And she was (or at least seemed) convinced of that... Now we had a similar problem before, and we had broken up before, but that time I managed to rekindle it back... This time however, nothing I do could help. Probably the relationship was already too damaged...
Several things happened, while I was away she started college and started meeting new people, etc... The distance, and religion (her father is an evangelic preacher), all of them had their toll... And in the end, well, it just happened... Our relationship however had a very curious tone to it... We were both geeky, and had a thing for Sci Fi, and while I had created a whole universe, previously to meeting her, she managed to fit inside.... Kinda childish, but it drew is incredibly close together....
Thing is she fitted in, and she tended to call me my emperor and I to her my empress... Now, the breakup hurted her, not as much as me (probably), but it did, she, although emotional and weak inside, had developed a rather cold, and logical outside, and said it was for the best of us.
Now, After that, we meet for 2 more times, before I fully implemented NC, so we made a kinda dramatic series of goodbye (Not in the traditional sense, more in a symbolic way, etc, I told her that she was exiled from my life, and that she wasn´t my empress any more... this hurted her, I remember
Now she told me she would like for us to remain friends, and that she wanted me not to hate her, although she said I was in my right to do so... Besides that, I told her, that she could contact me in cases of emergency or so if she wanted to. And she said that she would give me a month first to get used to the idea of us being separated...
Now, between all this, I got some info from her, that she was missing me, and that she still loved me as something else (which I rather doubt would fade out so easily), but that she would struggle to move on and all...
After that, I stopped all sorts of contact, and have kept strong no matter what... I´ve noticed she gets online far more often since the breakup (one of my theories is that she wants me to contact her first, since I usually did so, and tended to spend few time without doing so, or it could be just that she logs on more often).
I´m unsure as to block her from whatsapp and fb.... As I said I would devote two months to try to get her back, no more no less (not to her, to me, to her I didn´t, besides the shock of the moment I didn´t try to do the usual stuff, just get a few seeds planted for later harvest), and then if I hadn´t gotten any kind of real progress move on with my life.
While this girl, caused me a lot of trouble, and didn´t give in as much as I did, I still think she has several valuable qualities that make me want to have her near. However I´m ready to whatever may come...
So, I want to know, I still have chances? I´m doing a lot of inner working to throw off my most unatractive traits, as well as getting my life back no matter the cost (I had pretty much discarded it up to that point)
And any other opinions or advice would be welcome.
Thanks in Advance, Edruken
