My story and what happened to me

[BirchBlack]

Hi guys, I'm new to this forum and this is my first post.I'm 21 years old, been single till now and never been in a relationship.I'm also a recovering Nice Guy.I found this out when about a year and half ago I suddenly came across with the book No More Mr Nice Guy, and guess what, whatever that was said in the book just clicked with me.I've been struggling to break out of this for more than a year.Some days I succeed, some days I go back, and this Nice Guyness in me is not just about women, but about my struggle to express myself in general, you know, being emotionally bullied by people, being unable to say no and all that stuff.I've seen improvement, but I still have a lot of work.

But the part about women, and the story I'm about to tell you, is about a girl I've been kinda attatched to for the past year.So last year I entered the university, and there was this girl that was checking me out insanely along with the other girls.About me, my height is about 5 8 but I have a decent looking face, and I am skinny.As time passed by, the ice between me and her melted and by the time our first term ended, we were friends who were flirting with eachother.But there was a problem, there indeed was a problem.What was the problem? well, there was also another guy that almost always accompanied us, making us a group of three people, 2 guys and a girl.Well, he was by all means an AFC, much more than I am, and at first, we just pitied him, letting him "be" with us.He almost always whined about not having a girlfriend, and romanticized the picture of the imaginary woman he was g going to have "one day".Heck, he even wrote a monologue about it and played it on the scene (we are theathre students).But as time passed, I noticed something, something that was starting to bother me.He was clearly jealous of the girl flirting with me, and was trying to "get between us", like when we were walking, he always made sure me and her didn't walk near eachother, be it this small thing to actively trying to "zone me out" in different situations.And as you might guess, he treated the girl like a godess, calling her every morning waking her up for university, texting her all the time and all that crap.One day, me and him were sitting in a cafe, and were talking to each other, until the topic changed and it was about the girl.I told him she was giving me "signs" (and this was crystal clear) and I told him about my intention to ask her out.He, not surprisingly, tried to convince me otherwise, telling me "cmon she is giving those signs everyone (conveying i'm not that special)" and also trying to convince me not to do this, telling me "why her?" and advising me to go for other girls.The day ended and he was still texting me trying to convince me not to do this.Well did I ask her out?! No, not till months later.The reason for this, well I kinda was discouraged at the fact that my "friend" dosen't support me, and also at the fact that she was friendly with everyone (and flirting with a lot of people).I knew my degree of specialness among all those guys she was flirting and talking with (some of them were people with whom I had feuds), but I was hesitant, very hesitant and this made me not do it.At some points I did call her and ask her to hang out with me, and we did have a great time together, but I sort of thought this was not official and I should make things "official" (another mistake).So, yeah, back to three or four months ago, there was a competition in our university and I initiated a project for it, a play with 3 personages that I intended to direct.We three rehearsed at least once or twice a week in different places, and I decided to postpone the official asking out after the project is done.Well not to mention the tension I was feeling with the other guy continued into the rehearsals as well.He was trying to shift the "power" to "him" so to say, joking around with the girl in rehearsals, not taking the practice seriously at times and all that stuff, to kinda imply he is not comfortable with me being the "boss", or the leader.I did warn him one time, and he told me okay, but his behaviour continued to some extent.

Anyways, these were all bulding and piling up inside me, to the point I decided to ignore them at times, with her asking me about wether I was bothered by something and why I was not giving them attention like I used to.She even asked me if there was anything wrong between me and him, and I told her nothing really, I just pity him.Stuff like these were happening until one day, I, being piled up about all this, decided to man up and tell her about what bothered me.I called her, we met up, and I finally told her that I "liked her" back in 7 or 8 months ago, and I also told her I was bothered by the guy "getting between us".I told her I felt like this "liking" was mutual, and I was waiting for her comment, until I noticed she was trying to change the conversation.I also made it very clear that I wasn't in love with her, but simply liked her.I even told her that I liked her at some point, then stopped liking her after a while and now I'm kinda liking her back.I told her i'm not the romantic lover that is going to call her and text her everyday and being in a relationship for me means going out and having fun from time to time. She was clearly shocked and she told me "I was thinking you are not into these kind of topics!". Her hands were ice cold when we seperated that day and I told her to "think about it".Later at night, I also texted her and told her not to get "anxious" about our conversation and I may have been a bit "too frank". She told me "she will try" and thanked me for my honesty.And bazinga! she was ignoring me everytime she saw me for the next one or two weeks, and to be honest I didn't care that much and I did ignore her back too.After one or two week, in which perioed the second term was ending and summer was coming, we did communicate, talk and joke around, but clearly with one exception that there was nothing left of the "group" we had.Everyone was leaving the university by him or herself.Thing is, she probably told the other guy about what I told her, and that changed my relationship with him too, reason he tried to avoid me most of the time.Now, she rarely texts me anymore, and acts like as if i'm her friend.Around other people, she does talk and joke around with me, but hesitates to go further.Anyways, thing is, I'm still feeling a sort of attatchment to her.We had a social media group with her and another guy(not the guy I mentioned before), which I left today, after reading the No Contact post on this forum.That group was a source of fun for me, becuz we joked around in it, but I want to kill this attatchment and avoid contacting her for some time.I'm kinda baffled, because I don't know if this is worth it or not.I mean, I could just keep being in the group and have fun not caring about whatever, but I also want to kill the attatchment I'm feeling.Not to mention I'm a lonely guy, and it is summer.I want your support and feedback on this guys.Thank you.

 

[Infern0]

First off you are going to get a lot of grief for that wall of text.

But onto the post itself.

It's good you read no more mr nice guy, good book, good starting point.

You need to forget about this situation and move on from it, you AFC'd it up, it's FUBAR at this point and toxic. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

What you need to do now is take action. It's cool to read no more mr nice guy but you need to actually make an effort to change.

Step 1 is ICE this bizzare weird triangle thing, it's TOAST, chuck it in the bin and move on.

Step 2 is READ DJ BIBLE

Step 3 is an action plan.

I reccomend:

Working out lifting weights 4x a week
Nofap for 90 days challenge
Redo the wardrobe and get a fresh cut
Start trying to expand your social group

And finally and this may be controversial

FORGET women for a while

I reccomend 30, 60 or 90 days you don't even worry about getting women, you just focus on read read read stuff about game, and work work work on yourself.

Go back on the market when you have something to offer and have some knowledge.

Return from summer a new man.

You can gain 15lbs muscle over summer and go back looking and behaving totally different.

You can do it, but it's gonna be effort.

 

[NickAdams713]

This babe in question in this post never really had the interest level that you thought she did. You were idealizing her, and her interests.

Further, you are scapegoating this other dude, who yes, does sound like a chump by how you describe him. But to imagine that she wasn't interested in you because of something he somehow did, is folly.

Move on. Learn game.

 

[Desdinova]

Some days I succeed, some days I go back, and this Nice Guyness in me is not just about women, but about my struggle to express myself in general, you know, being emotionally bullied by people, being unable to say no and all that stuff.I've seen improvement, but I still have a lot of work.

It's good you're recognizing that you still need to do a lot of work on yourself. What you need is to identify where your problems lie with your interactions with women, and you need to work on correcting them. Here's all the mistakes that I've noticed...

the story I'm about to tell you, is about a girl I've been kinda attatched to for the past year.

Having a lengthy crush on a woman that you're currently interacting with will usually end up in you being date-less. When you begin interacting with her, you need to start things progressing immediately. A year of non-sexual interaction is too long, and during that time you're going to firmly establish yourself as "just a friend".

The day ended and he was still texting me trying to convince me not to do this.Well did I ask her out?! No, not till months later.

Again, you waited too long.

Also, you're going to encounter c0ck-blockers now and then. They be someone you know, someone she knows, someone in the same bar, social circle, male or female. They come in all kinds of forms.

Well, he was by all means an AFC, much more than I am, and at first, we just pitied him, letting him "be" with us.

Once you identify your c0ck-blocker's weakness, you can easily disarm him. You already know he's not getting laid because he's desperate, and therefore is no real competition to you. You should have ignored everything he told you. Instead, you allowed him to bring you down to his level of desperation and lack of sex.

At some points I did call her and ask her to hang out with me, and we did have a great time together, but I sort of thought this was not official and I should make things "official" (another mistake)

I called her, we met up, and I finally told her that I "liked her" back in 7 or 8 months ago, and I also told her I was bothered by the guy "getting between us".I told her I felt like this "liking" was mutual, and I was waiting for her comment, until I noticed she was trying to change the conversation.I also made it very clear that I wasn't in love with her, but simply liked her.I even told her that I liked her at some point, then stopped liking her after a while and now I'm kinda liking her back.I told her i'm not the romantic lover that is going to call her and text her everyday and being in a relationship for me means going out and having fun from time to time.

NEVER have a "relationship talk" with a woman you're not in a relationship with. Even when you are in a relationship with her, you should never initiate this "talk". That is her job.

I told her to "think about it".Later at night, I also texted her and told her not to get "anxious" about our conversation and I may have been a bit "too frank". She told me "she will try" and thanked me for my honesty.

You dragged out the "relationship talk" into your texts. You have now changed the dynamic between you and her. You essentially admitted to her that you didn't have the ba11s to ask her out. She now sees you as a unconfident guy who fantasizes about being with her. It's the woman's job to have the fantasies, not yours. You have to stimulate a woman's imagination and allow her to create fantasies about YOU. It sounds like she may have done this in the beginning, but you waited to long and she accepted that you were not sexually interested in her.

Now, she rarely texts me anymore, and acts like as if i'm her friend.

It's time to drop her as a prospect and learn from your mistakes. You are also going to do this repeatedly until you become successful. Once you being to recognize when a situation is no longer salvageable, you will move on and try again with another woman. Correct your mistakes each time, and you'll eventually begin to gain success.

 

[wifehunter]

 

[logicallefty]

OP, I have to run and don't have time to read your full post right now. But I did want to say welcome to the forum. You will meet a lot of good people here who genuinely want to help you. Glad you found us.

 

[Dingo]

Welcome to the club... You came to the right place...

Here's your homework....Pretty much a requirement... Read the "Book of Pook"..... Very easy read...

https://bookofpook.neocities.org/#ch-1