My life has been nerdy and studious with no regard to what was relationship. I had lots of girls who just hooked up (sharing of feeling phases). I never went past that stage into intimacy or sexual. I had no idea what to do or even think it was even necessary until marriage. I am old now(30 yo). Last rejection took the toll and made me snap. I no longer feel the need to do courtship or even care about feelings. I have this idea of just pleasuring myself and never negotiating if the partner is not giving me pleasure. This is stupid. But I can't take any chance of hurting myself. Most of the time I would take around 6-8 months to get over the girls but there is no point now. I have this idea of bumping into girls, trying to reach the "get laid" stage and keep coming at it and I would be confrontational about what I want. This is higher defense mechanism I have developed. I am going to live like this. Has anyone felt this way or know what it is going to be? Senior comments would be appreciated.