Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single

She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.

You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.

The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.

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My Sister

Desdinova

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I am the result of my dad's second marriage. In my dad's first marriage, his wife ran off with their 4 year old daughter and married my dad's brother, whom she was fvcking around with.

I've met my sister a total of once. I gave her a chance to actually build a relationship with me as her brother. I told her a few things that really shouldn't have been passed on through the family. But she did. Pretty much anything I say to that woman gets passed on through the family rumor machine and comes out all wrong. Since then, I've learned to avoid telling her anything because it gets back to my dad and causes friction between me and him.

So a few years ago, I decided that I didn't want this goofy bytch in my life. Last night, she sent me some messages on FB...

I will totally understand if you never want anything to do with me!! You have to understand where I come from! I hate and I mean HATE (our dad).. But I kept peace for my mom! she is now gone and so is my Dad yes MY dad (uncle)!... I have nothing to do with the whole bull5hit family dynamics nor do I care too!! But you ar my brother!! I have never stopped thinking of you!! take it as you want its true!! I wish you all the nest in 2014 ....... forever in my thoughts take care
Now, my dad isn't perfect, but he isn't worthy of so much hate and being denied the fact that he is her biological father. The whole situation was pretty devastating to my dad, and it still bothers him to this day that he was never able to take part in raising his daughter. He was a good dad to me, and would have been a good dad to her as well.

With her talking 5hit about our dad and myself being done with her, I sent her one simple response:

"I am not your brother. I am your cousin."

I can't wait until it gets back to me through the family rumor machine! :D
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Vantagepoint34

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Desdinova said:
I am the result of my dad's second marriage. In my dad's first marriage, his wife ran off with their 4 year old daughter and married my dad's brother, whom she was fvcking around with.

I've met my sister a total of once. I gave her a chance to actually build a relationship with me as her brother. I told her a few things that really shouldn't have been passed on through the family. But she did. Pretty much anything I say to that woman gets passed on through the family rumor machine and comes out all wrong. Since then, I've learned to avoid telling her anything because it gets back to my dad and causes friction between me and him.

So a few years ago, I decided that I didn't want this goofy bytch in my life. Last night, she sent me some messages on FB...



Now, my dad isn't perfect, but he isn't worthy of so much hate and being denied the fact that he is her biological father. The whole situation was pretty devastating to my dad, and it still bothers him to this day that he was never able to take part in raising his daughter. He was a good dad to me, and would have been a good dad to her as well.

With her talking 5hit about our dad and myself being done with her, I sent her one simple response:

"I am not your brother. I am your cousin."

I can't wait until it gets back to me through the family rumor machine! :D
How old is your sister?
 

ArcBound

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You know her better than I, but it is better to just ignore her. She wants something from you, even if it is just a reaction. From the first line of her message it is obvious, she already knows how you will take her message yet does it anyway.

Don't worry about the family rumor machine. Your dad had you to take care of growing up, and considering how he missed out on raising his daughter...I am sure he is proud of having the chance to raise you. (whether he did a good or bad job :D )

If your sister never stopped thinking about you, then wouldn't she have seen you more than once in your 35 years of life? I think so.

@vantagepoint we already know that his sister is at least Desdinova's age +4, prob a bit older.
 

Atom Smasher

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This may apply or not, but I've come to know that no child in the world has the same parents.

I have 3 sisters. Each one had an entirely different experience with my parents, as did I. Every sibling has different parents because the dynamics vary so greatly.
 

Desdinova

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My sister is 48. I haven't heard from her in 3 years.

You know her better than I, but it is better to just ignore her.
I'm aware. I just wanted to hit that one home because I really don't give a damn about her. The only thing she's ever done is cause friction in my life.

BTW, there's no way she was expecting the answer I gave her. I used to give into her "brotherly love" bull5hit. Took me about 10 years to learn that it's an empty statement. When she's in the city visiting other family, she doesn't contact me for coffee or anything. I really have no clue what her purpose is of contacting me.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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