My sanctuary is violated!!!

[woods]

Big problem!

I live above rowdy tatooed rocknroll bar, and it really is my sanctuary. Me and all my buddies end up there at least every other day. Its pretty easy to pull one nighters from there since I live upstairs. For the last year and a half, I havent been able to feel anything for any chicks, other than a booty call, or fling.
Three weeks ago, the hottest girl I've seen in a LONG time gets a bartending job. Us regulars of course, give her the usual "initiation" and EVERYONE wants her. The problem is, she just moved back to town to move in with her boyfriend. they had been separated for a year, and have dated for 7-8 years. After a couple of days, Im noticing she has a crush on me, and is saying its not working out and she's looking for a new place to live. I told her repeatedly not to tease me or lead me on, and that I dont fall for hot girls sh*t anymore.
As if to prove me wrong, she ambushes me in the ice room and kisses me, and it was good. Later she tells me she wants me to be her "extra-curricular activity." I tell her that Im just not that guy, and screw you for teasing me, and have a good night. But, Im only human and the next night I caved. She came upstairs and we made out, and she told me shes done with her bf, and just needs to moveout, and we need to keep it secret, and she hasnt been able to stop thinking about me from day one. So, we keep having secret makeout sessions in the office, and sometimes she gets drunk and makes out with me in front of everyone, so, the secrets out. I know damn well, I should run, she's untrustworthy etc. but after feeling nothing for so long, now Im head over heels for her. She try's to stop, cuz shes so confused, and so am I.
I go other places and see other girls and stuff, but this chick has GOT me, and there is no way for me to completely stay away from my bar, (its my basement, and my sancutary, for christ's sake!) so we end up drooling for each other at a distance, feeding each others attraction, and now shes even wanting to move upstairs next to me!! All the while saying she wants to work it out with her bf, but makes out with me every chance she gets. Whenever I try to stop, she wants it more, and vice versa. She's a master seductress, and Im absolutely hooked, even though I have a hundred reasons to stay away.
Sorry this is so long, but does anyone have any advice?

 

[CrunchyNut]

Find somewhere new to hang out. In doing this, you will meet more people, including girls, and will probably get over your oneitis.

 

[woods]

Yes, I agree, and I do. The problem is, this place is literally my basement, and ALL my buddies hang there, and it is the only place in town, where my kind can hang out and be ourselves and listen to our music, etc. Whenever we go elsewhere, we start out here, and end up here later. I know I need to go elsewhere, and I'm really trying to. I would have to go somewhere else totally by myself, and that sucks.

 

[Mjazz]

Just be yourself, if you know its not the good thing to do then dont do it. Unless you get the chance the nail her, then do it and after you wont care anymore.

 

[Skel]

wow you live in the basement of a bar? Have you thought about improving your living situation?

 

[woods]

LOL. I live in an apartment above the bar, not in the basement. I moved there because I moved to this city knowing no-one. I stay because I get free rent half the year, and the last time I was going to move, my gf convinced me to stay for a few months and maybe we'd move in together, then that ended badly, and there are several other reasons. and believe it or not, there are some big advantages to living there, and it has actually kept me sane through some very rough times the last couple years. But yes, I do want to move out, as soon as I find a house with a garage that I can afford by myself. I wont do roomates!

 

[woods]

Bump.

Anyone else have any thoughts? This is driving me nuts!

 

[fedagent]

Woods,

There is no solution for one-itis except to stop doing anything with her and find others.......

However, you don't seem to like that answer, so here are your other options....

1) Chase her whether she's with her bf or not (sorta AFC)
2) Freeze her out, until she pries out of you what the problem is and just say that you don't fool around with women who are taken.

I'm sure there are other options, but bottom line is, you choose her or you don't.....just don't get lost in her, or you're doomed.....hopefully it isn't too late for you to get out without getting hurt.

Fed

 

[nonchalant]

This girl is obviously bad news. The answer should be obvious - GFTOW. Even if it is 'your' bar - don't go there. If you have to go there, freeze her out. You have really bad oneitis - you have to snap out of it any way you can.

 

[woods]

I took home a girl right in front of her last week, and I booty-called an old ex of mine a couple days ago and I still (even during the act) couldnt get my mind off her. No chick has had this effect on me, ever (without a relationship anyway) and I know she's not right for me. she's an attention *****, a graveyard bartender, obviously not honest or faithful, and a recovering addict as well. I dont chase her, and I've been honest about what I think of her as a person, and sometimes I say no, but sometimes I say **** it (I'm not gay!)
I am making it a point to go elsewhere as much as possible, but I am required to be there sometimes. Idk, I guess there's nothing anyone can say, Im just gonna have to deal with it. Thank you all.

 

[Phyzzle]

This girl is obviously bad news.

Why? Because she lost interest in some other dude? Hate to tell you guys, but every chick over 13 has lost interest in some bf at some point.

Anyhow, as for keeping her, one thing you'll learn here is about action vs. words. Look at what you wrote:

she told me shes done with her bf . . . All the while saying she wants to work it out with her bf

See how far listening to some chick will get you? Forget the words, and look at her actions. Is she moving out of her bf's house? No, not talking about it, but doing it?

If you want this girl, keep trying to slowly escalate. Try to get her to move out of her bf's house already (not next to you, of course.) Try to sleep with her, if you want.

I wouldn't feel guilty about the bf. If he had 2 brain cells he would have noticed by now that this relationship has obviously been over for a while.

But remember: one reason she's so hot over you is because she hasn't seen you every stinkin' day for the past 8 years. You're going to have to go to that bar a lot less to keep her interested. Escalate, pull back, get her to ACT in a way that shows she's really into you, and that you're not just a boy toy when she's bored.

 

[nonchalant]

Why? Because she lost interest in some other dude? Hate to tell you guys, but every chick over 13 has lost interest in some bf at some point.

No, because she is still living with him, while she continues to flirt with this guy and mess with his mind. Then she says she 'wants to try to work it out with her bf' - she's playing not one, but two guys.

 

[ryannath]

Come on now. You guys are taking it too easy on her. This girl is a hor flat out. Yes, they do exist and she is one. She has a bf and is doing this with another guy. If that is not a hor, I don't know what is. She is bad news and you know it. She will end up hurting you in the end. It's happened to me before. You know that she is doing this to another guy and it has to bother you some to know that she's that kind of person to stab a guy in the back. All she cares about is her self and what gets her off. She's a recovering addict like you said. You sound like one of those women that always ends up with the "badboy" despite them saying they don't like bad boys. Except in your case, you go for the badgirl.

 

[Phyzzle]

Hmmm . . . didn't see the part about "recovering addict" until after I posted. Maybe this girl is bad news. I was just saying that she won't be able to mess with your mind if you just look at her actions. And the fact that she has a bf means she's not married, which means open season as far as I'm concerned.

 

[dap]

Bring other girls to the bar and openly flirt with them (or flirt with girls already there). However, keep flirting with her too, just dont go out of your way to talk to her. Make sure she realizes that she is a booty call, and nothing else (she is not girlfriend material, you know this). If you can't get your mind off her, then fine, but dont let anyone see that. Keep flirting with other girls, and no one will guess that you are fixated on someone else. Eventually your fixation will diminish and you will only be attracted to her physically. Also, some nights when you are with other girls at the bar, don't even talk to her. This will further tell everyone that you are not suffering from oneitis.

but most importantly: DONT avoid this bar. You shouldnt change yourself and what you like to do to fit a girl.

 

[woods]

Thank all of you, but if you could all read a little better, you'd know that I KNOW shes not worthy, and I HAVE macked on girls right in front of her, and it turns her on. If I turned my game on more and f*cked her, I'd **** myself more, thats why I havent. Not that I have EVER regretted being hurt, cuz I havent. Its always worth it, but I want to learn to do better. The only problem is, that I have to see her constantly, and I will not give up my place. That's puzzy shyt. I saw her tonight, and I did nothing, and neither did she, and it was ok. If it stays like that, I will get over it. Hell, I get tons of free drinks out of the deal anyway. I've decided Im just gonna deal with it like a man, while making a huge effort to get away from there. I'll get over it, I always do. thanx, and read my first post better before making suggestions. im not trying to "get her" If she wants a loser bf and act like an attention starved hooker, than that's her deal, as long as I'm out of it.

Thanx Dap, yours, and nonchalants advice was the best. and Phyzzle, learn how to read, I was asking how to move on, not get her, thats already done, but Im too smart to go there.