My roommate is now dating a girl I had interest in...

[FM 3321]

This situation just seems so stupid but I need to make sure I get over this quickly and move the hell on because it's bothering me when I really think it shouldn't. As you read on I can understand it might come off in a "wussified" tone but I'm just going off of my recent emotional memory here.

The story is that there is a girl I know through a female friend who I've been mutually flirty with over the past month and it seemed like something was bound to happen between us but I thought I didn't care too much until last Friday. We went out with some other friends to a bar and had fun drinking, flirting and having a good time and my roommate was there. We're cool with each other but at some point in the night she started flirting with him as well.

Later in the night we all decided to go to another club and instead of riding over with me she decided to ride with my roommate. Well I was upset by this but tried to shake it off and focus on having fun. At the next club we had more drinks and I ended up going home early and alone and my roommate left with this girl.

I got home and went to bed but at about 3:00am I come downstairs to get some water and she is over on the couch with my roommate. At this point I'm just really pissed and say nothing as I get my water and go to bed. She stayed the night and it was like I spend the next day running errands while this situation just ate me up inside.

That evening my roommate wanted to talk to me about the situation because he realized what had happened because the girl told him something about "I think he liked me." I told him I was pissed but there is nothing I could do because I never dated her and she wasn't even mine to begin with so I'll have to deal with the situation the best I can.

So this week they've hung out quite a bit and she's been over a couple more times which interestingly enough I was either not home or in bed already. Last night I went across the hall to my bathroom and I could tell she was over because I heard her voice and I just became angry all over again.

I have so many negative emotions running through my mind and I feel like I don't want to see her ever again but that's almost unavoidable and running away from her isn't how I want to live my life at the moment. As for my roommate part of me thinks he's an as$hole for continuing to see her but how can I blame him because if the situation was reversed I would talk to him and still continue dating a girl that I thought was great for me.

So have any of you guys been in a situation like this and what is the best way to deal with it? How should I think about it and move on in a mature way? Thanks.

 

[Mr. Me]

there is a girl I know through a female friend who I've been mutually flirty with over the past month and it seemed like something was bound to happen between us

This is your fault for not trying to close the deal early on by getting her number/taking her out instead of playing footsies for a month and assuming the notion that "something was bound to happen". Yeah... life happened. She's open to meeting someone and that means it could've been you if you moved on it, but since you didn't, it could be your roommate, and if he didn't move on it, it could've been somebody else.

Maybe what you're feeling is regret for not acting on it? Let it go and move on. Stop thinking about it when thoughts pop into your mind, learn from this life lesson and use that energy instead to make sure you go to seal the deal next time you're in that kind of situation.

 

[FM 3321]

This is your fault for not trying to close the deal early on by getting her number/taking her out instead of playing footsies for a month and assuming the notion that "something was bound to happen". Yeah... life happened. She's open to meeting someone and that means it could've been you if you moved on it, but since you didn't, it could be your roommate, and if he didn't move on it, it could've been somebody else.

Maybe what you're feeling is regret for not acting on it? Let it go and move on. Stop thinking about it when thoughts pop into your mind, learn from this life lesson and use that energy instead to make sure you go to seal the deal next time you're in that kind of situation.

Well said. You're right about me not closing the deal early on and I was using hope instead of action. Actually be honest about what was going through my head was my personal excuse that I wasn't ready to date her (or anyone else) and I was waiting to seal the deal when my body is in the shape I want it to be in. I've been following a fitness plan since January and it's actually going very well.

As for the negative feelings I also think most of it is regret and some other insecure feeling that's eating me up when the thought of what happened pops in. As one of my female friends pointed out, this girl was definitely attracted to me but she felt my roommate was just a little more....plus he had the balls to seal the deal and I didn't, not her words but our observation.

I'll move on and for the time being I've been using the energy at the gym this week. This weekend I'll go out with friends and my roommate and have fun talking to other girls.

I'm still thinking about what else to learn from this but I have a job, I'm healthy, I was able to talk to other girls then night the incident happened and I'll make sure to grab my balls and seal the deal when the next girl comes around. No pvssyfooting around like I did with this girl.



Thanks for your response Mr. Me. I'll also do what it takes not to stay bitter towards the situation or the people involved.

 

[speed dawg]

First of all, don't let it come between you and your roommate. NEVER, I mean NEVER, fight over a b1tch.

Second, you should be sarging as many girls as possible, that way you won't get attached to one girl and get oneitis. Good thing is, you came to the right place. Stick around here, read the DJ Bible and start your development now.

I know your situation, because I used to be the same way. I only wish I could go back to college now.

 

[FM 3321]

First of all, don't let it come between you and your roommate. NEVER, I mean NEVER, fight over a b1tch.

Second, you should be sarging as many girls as possible, that way you won't get attached to one girl and get oneitis. Good thing is, you came to the right place. Stick around here, read the DJ Bible and start your development now.

I know your situation, because I used to be the same way. I only wish I could go back to college now.

We had our talk already and I haven't whined or *****ed about the situation since then to him. For the second point I will work on meeting other girls. The funny thing is that I wasn't totally head over heels for this girl so my emotional reaction surprised me.

I'll refresh my mind on these DJ principles, continue hitting the gym and eating healthy like I have for the past couple of months since I got really out of shape late last year and prove to myself that what happened in this situation shouldn't affect me negatively.

No point in fighting over a girl.

 

[Warrior74]

You aren't mad at her or him. You are mad at yourself. Admit that and embrace it so you can get over it. So it won't ruin your friendship. He's not an *******, he's just doing what a man does, she was choosing him and he took the opportunity. You would have done the same.

He who hesitates, masterbates.

 

[xectxny19x]

I'll refresh my mind on these DJ principles, continue hitting the gym and eating healthy like I have for the past couple of months since I got really out of shape late last year and prove to myself that what happened in this situation shouldn't affect me negatively.

No point in fighting over a girl.

You're my inspiration. :rockon:

 

[FM 3321]

You aren't mad at her or him. You are mad at yourself. Admit that and embrace it so you can get over it. So it won't ruin your friendship. He's not an *******, he's just doing what a man does, she was choosing him and he took the opportunity. You would have done the same.

He who hesitates, masterbates.

Yes, mad at myself for not taking the initiative, mad for letting myself get way out of shape.....other than that everything seems OK. I'm not sure if it's the right way to feel but I do feel insecure about my body fat so I'm glad I'm working on that with a plan and dedication.


If I were on the other side of the situation I would have done the same thing my roommate is doing.

Thanks for this response as well.

You're my inspiration. :rockon:

Haha...glad I can help.

 

[vitor]

My .02 cents, you had this imaginary relationship with her in your mind. You never kissed, hooked up or did anything so why be so upset?

 

[FM 3321]

My .02 cents, you had this imaginary relationship with her in your mind. You never kissed, hooked up or did anything so why be so upset?

Logically, I shouldn't be upset but I did become upset. It looks like I developed "feelings" for her and started fantasizing before anything happened. Oh well....next time I see this girl I'll be fine. I think that's the only thing I'm worried about now. If I were talking to other girls I wouldn't be worried at all.

Anyway, all the responses to this thread has helped a lot.

 

[Tazman]

This story really made me cringe because I remember something similar happening to myself, and the anger and jealousy really got a grip on me. If you have the mental control to move pass this while seeing her with your room mate then you're a better man than me.

I had to remove myself from the presence of the chick I liked because at the time I wasn't getting any ass and I heard her and a friend f-cking in the next room. Words cannot describe how I felt, but in time it went away, and just as Chris Rock said "new ***** clears the head", my god was he was right.

 

[Jitterbug]

Actually be honest about what was going through my head was my personal excuse that I wasn't ready to date her (or anyone else) and I was waiting to seal the deal when my body is in the shape I want it to be in. I've been following a fitness plan since January and it's actually going very well.

The other lesson here is to keep improving yourself but never let your current flaws stop you from going for what you want.

The kind of thinking "I'll go for the girl when...

- I have a 6-pack
- I get a decent car
- I get a new job
- I have my own place

etc."

is self-defeating. Yeah it helps a lot when you've got all of them sorted out beautifully but ultimately they don't matter so much.

A few years ago, I was getting into this seduction community stuff with a friend. He was sweating about getting a good car first before he could ask a girl out on a date. I was going for it and getting dates & lays even though I had no car at the time. Don't need to be too good when the women aren't!

 

[jophil28]

We're cool with each other but at some point in the night she started flirting with him as well. ..and I ended up going home early and alone and my roommate left with this girl.

I'm going to beat RT to the punch here -

Take your pick of one or more of the following-

*He who hesitates is lost.

*Who dares wins.

*Fortune favors the bold.

*The winner takes it all.

*Carpe diem.

Live and learn ,dude.

 

[Heretolearn]

op - sounds like you have a good attitude. Sorry about the experience but it appears it will be your inspiration to improve!

Whatever does not kill us makes us stronger (as long as we learn and apply )

 

[FM 3321]

@Tazman - Yeah, well it looks like I'm doing well at the moment. I just got home and her car is here and my heart raced a little but I'm fine now. I don't plan to run away from her in my own place. Thanks to the help from this thread, talking to some friends and thinking of the situation in a different way I couldn't care less about her anymore. I haven't been laid in about a month and a half, she seemed like a good thing and it was "taken" away. I just don't care at the moment too much. Life is good.


@Jitterbug - Yeah, I need to keep that in mind. I just don't want that to stop me from going to the gym. Personally I just think it's important for myself to continue my fitness plan and reach my goals. I'll keep talking to women though but I did get sidetracked in "waiting" for my body to get better.

@jophil28 - I'll live and learn...every day.


@Heretolearn - Yeah, my attitude is better than it was this time last week...lol. Everything is cool with my roommate, he has the girl over and interestingly enough me and this girl haven't run into each other all week. Anyway, I'm doing fine. I think I mentioned it before but realistically speaking this girl isn't really my type. She is better suited for my roommate come to think of it. I'll definitely get a better girl down the road which is really more my type and I'll refer back to this thread if I ever get off track. I like to refer to my old threads if I ever run into a problem because they seem to help me months or even years down the road if I get into a bind like this one.