My reputation at work has been ruined, planning in not socializing with them

[Scion]

My reputation at work has been ruined, planning on not socializing with them

Ha, found out something ****ed up today. I work at a restaurant so it's a fairly social environment, co-workers always go out to hang out. Anyway back to the story. I'll hanging out waiting for it to get busy and one of the guys I work with comes up to me and starts talking quietly (basically whispers). He tells me that there has been complaints from the girls that I'm being too forward towards them (I don't think they complained to management, just among themselves and some other co-workers). Funny thing is i'm only interested in one of them (the girl I mentioned in my last thread), I just try to be social with the rest of them. I do joke around and flirt a bit but have never asked them on a date (I did ask out the girl I like, I was fairly direct about my intentions with her), all I do is invite them out when I'm out with a group of ppl. So obviously they are misinterpreting my intentions, but unfortunately the damage is done and my rep is ruined there. I've noticed that even the ppl that liked hanging with me before don't want to hang anymore and most likely this is the reason. I doubt there's anyway to fix this, so I'm just thinking of ignoring them outside of work until I can get another job (was planning on finding a new job anyway so no loss there). Am I doing the right thing here?

 

[King Turi]

Your being what towards them?
You missed a word there.

But I'm pretty sure I cottoned on to the ordeal, basically, just carry on as per usual, anyone sooks, let them sook.

As long as you aren't sexually harassing anyone or making them feel uncomfortable, everything's sweet bro.

If it actually gets to you and makes you feel uncomfortable, then by all means, find work elsewhere, but it doesn't look like you've done anything wrong.

 

[Scion]

Your being what towards them?
You missed a word there.

But I'm pretty sure I cottoned on to the ordeal, basically, just carry on as per usual, anyone sooks, let them sook.

As long as you aren't sexually harassing anyone or making them feel uncomfortable, everything's sweet bro.

If it actually gets to you and makes you feel uncomfortable, then by all means, find work elsewhere, but it doesn't look like you've done anything wrong.

**** I'm an idiot, I typed this on a phone so it's full of autocorrect mistakes. He claimed I'm being too forward towards these girls. No I'm not harassing them, hence why I haven't heard anything bout this til now. Basically I'm a social outcast there now. And yes, it does make me uncomfortable knowing that no one will even talk to me or hang out anymore.

 

[mustfirstregister]

Don't worry, just give it some time and they should talk to you back.

 

[Scion]

Don't worry, just give it some time and they should talk to you back.

I don't know whether that's true or not. All I know is that right now I'm an outsider there so I'm just gonna keep to myself and not try to force any social interaction. I'll probably just find a new job because I'm trying to buy a brand new car so I need the extra money, and I don't know if I'll make it there.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I'm so glad that I don't work with fvcking clowns. NO ONE would turn on me for this bullsh!t. Of course, we're all men, except one and she's married.

 

[Scion]

I'm so glad that I don't work with fvcking clowns. NO ONE would turn on me for this bullsh!t. Of course, we're all men, except one and she's married.

they didn't turn on me, just ignore me. I had no idea why no one could chill anymore. They were just talking about this behind my back. Though, the guy that told me this is as forward (if not more) as me, he's always coming up behind the girls, giving them massages, grabbing them. But the girls like it when he does it, and they return his physical flirting (which includes the girl I like, it kind of pisses me off). He's also fvcked a few girls there, and no problem apparently. Whatever, I've deleted all the numbers of these girls and removed them from facebook.

 

[1337]

It's not wise to date coworkers, for now just keep to yourself and stick to the job for the money and that brand new shiny car your looking forward to.

 

[Veridin]

Standard reply: they are all feminist b!tches who are secretly slvts anyway! Etc etc.

Better reply: what you won't find in all these ****iness-is-everything manuals is that there is a time and a place for everything, and holding back is the right move in many situations. Women can tell when a guy is flirting and coming on too stron instantly, and rumor spreads. I have seen many cases of guys ruining every chance they had in their atmosphere. Contrary to what some here would claim, not all women are stupid.

 

[Scion]

It's not wise to date coworkers, for now just keep to yourself and stick to the job for the money and that brand new shiny car your looking forward to.

yeah, I know it's not the best idea, but I liked her. As for the other girls, I flirted a bit for kicks but was never serious about it.

But all this tells me something, obviously girls don't like when I flirt with them. This is probably my problem with women. Oh well, for now I'm just gonna try and not flirt or find a super subtle way that doesn't creep them out. But **** these ppl for disrespecting me by talking behind my back.

 

[Warrior74]

they didn't turn on me, just ignore me. I had no idea why no one could chill anymore. They were just talking about this behind my back. Though, the guy that told me this is as forward (if not more) as me, he's always coming up behind the girls, giving them massages, grabbing them. But the girls like it when he does it, and they return his physical flirting (which includes the girl I like, it kind of pisses me off). He's also fvcked a few girls there, and no problem apparently. Whatever, I've deleted all the numbers of these girls and removed them from facebook.

Anybody else think about the movie Waiting?

Seriously, he could be the reason nobody is hanging out...wanna be alpha dog seeing a new young player coming into his turf. Dudes will hate to get you not to participate. I'd pull girl A to the side and say "look, Alpha dog told me that some people were saying xyz about me, why would he say that?" and see what she says. Put it on him, not on her or anyone else. He may just be hating behind your back. Could be jealous. Or it could be you have a heavyhanded approach to flirting and they aren't interested...either way get some feedback and don't worry about those people as friends.

 

[Scion]

Anybody else think about the movie Waiting?

Seriously, he could be the reason nobody is hanging out...wanna be alpha dog seeing a new young player coming into his turf. Dudes will hate to get you not to participate. I'd pull girl A to the side and say "look, Alpha dog told me that some people were saying xyz about me, why would he say that?" and see what she says. Put it on him, not on her or anyone else. He may just be hating behind your back. Could be jealous. Or it could be you have a heavyhanded approach to flirting and they aren't interested...either way get some feedback and don't worry about those people as friends.

I doubt he's jealous or feels threatened, the girls there respond positively towards him and more neutral towards me. I don't consider them friends, a bunch of them there are friends and I guess they don't want me in their social circle.

 

[corrector]

I doubt he's jealous or feels threatened, the girls there respond positively towards him and more neutral towards me. I don't consider them friends, a bunch of them there are friends and I guess they don't want me in their social circle.

How long has he been working there compared to you?

How you would you contrast this other guy to you in terms of:
1) looks - general and specific
2) charisma
3) how he is interacting with the girls (apart from their reaction to either of you of course!)

I'd really try to look at this guy under a microscope and see how exactly he is able to make better connections. This will serve to either reinforce social conditioning notions (i.e. the guy with better looks and/or charisma gets the women and alpha dog status), or refute them.

 

[goodfoot]

I'm surprised no one has posted this yet.

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_vids/sexual_harassment.htm

 

[Scion]

The only thing that's different between us is that he has more charisma. We're the same in looks and we act similar with the girls (he's a bit more touchy, but apparently that's what they are complaining about) so it must be that.