My relationship impacted by religion, oh joy. I need a few words of advice

[SpazzAttackk]

Okay so my girlfriend is a church goer, going twice a week and whatnot. In the beginning of the relationship I had no problems going I went ONCE IN A WHILE. I didnt go all the time because I knew if I started strong, Id have to end strong and lets face it Im not one for religion. I went out of respect for her parents and her.

Anywho, I havnt gone in awhile because work is more important obviously and just last week I promised her (Strong promise) that I would go, however I was working 6 days, monday to saturday and each day having to be up at 6 am. I have a high-stress job demanding a lot of physical and mental strain and just last night I messaged her telling her I was too beat up to go and I needed rest. I could sense the passive-aggressiveness in her texts so I said screw it and went to bed. I didn't want to deal with it late at night. Okay new day, church day; Yay. She brings up the church thing again and I kindly tell her No (Im still going to see her today just not at church so I dont know why shes complaining). She started giving me the most vague, 2 worded messages she could possibly think of. I go to call her, No answer. She messages me saying she will talk to me when I see her after church. At this point the passive aggressive replies are strong and I start getting annoyed.

And this is what I did. I told her if she was going to act this way because I didn't go to church with her then I dont think I wan't to come over period, and I told her to have a good day.

I understand I promised her but things came up, DJs did I do it wrong? I mean, we've been going strong for a year and we havn't had any major fights. This feels like a splinter in my side and if this church bull**** is going to keep up, then she can find someone else. I have no problems going, just when I have the time and energy. :crazy:

Were both mid 20s by the way, she still lives with her parents.

 

[backseatjuan]

Go to church when you need it, it does not have to be a chore. God is not in church, he is with you everywhere, mostly inside you. You did wrong by posting an ultimatum, you should have told her, sorry girl, I can't make it today, I have things to do. Tell it to her now, explain, and apologize for putting it wrong like you did.

 

[SpazzAttackk]

Go to church when you need it, it does not have to be a chore. God is not in church, he is with you everywhere, mostly inside you. You did wrong by posting an ultimatum, you should have told her, sorry girl, I can't make it today, I have things to do. Tell it to her now, explain, and apologize for putting it wrong like you did.

Thats what I said at the start but she kept bringing it up and the more I told her the more passive agressive she got. I do agree though, I remember when I actually went to a service they said the same thing you did

 

[backseatjuan]

Then bail now, because she is controlling, and you won't be happy with her down the road, literally sex life will get boring.

 

[El Suave]

You will not stay with this girl. I come from a religious background and it would be a deal breaker for me too. Leave this one alone cause it will never work. I would dump any girl over God anytime, and I have. Think about the alternative, you would fight every time you're not going to church with her. If you had kids with her, you would fight about what they believe in and if they should go to church and how to raise them. Leave now. She is about to dump you anyway.

 

[Cremasta]

Having been there with a very religious previous gf (going to church 3+ times a week), I'd say start looking for the eject button.

Going to church is not just an obligation like going to work. There's guilt and indoctrination involved, and all that will get projected onto you if you don't toe the line like she wants you to.

My wife is much more religious than I am, and we came to an agreement near the beginning that I'd go to church with her at Christmas, Easter and of course special events like Christenings. Unless you can reach some agreement, then that splinter is going to mess you up.

 

[VladPatton]

Aaaah...religion...the great divider of all that is human. When a chick I meet starts Jesusin' it up with religion BS, I run no matter how hot she is. Completely not worth it. Plus you have to realize you'll never win that battle. Religious people have a mental disadvantage over someone that is a realist. It's like cage fighting someone with a hood over their head.

Seriously, do you need this girls' archaic views to stress you out like this?

 

[El Payaso]

You two are not compatible. Period.

 

[SpazzAttackk]

• Drop her, immediately. You two are incompatible and she is a control freak.
• Stop saying "anywho".

Anywho............. Noted, Ill keep that in mind. Autocorrect logic, Anyhow > Anywho for some reason

I see where you guys are coming from, and I have thought about this several times. Im gonna test it a bit, talk with her about it and tell her what I think.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'm assuming she Christian? Jesus never went to church. He was an enemy of the Pharisees who ran organized religion, which is why they had him killed. So now we have an organized religion who worships a man who hated organized religion. That irony is lost on your typical Christian.

 

[gravityeyelids]

I come from a religious background (although im not religious anymore)...it's going to be a fundamental issue in your relationship that is not going to go away unless you truly do "find God" and become invested in the Church because YOU want to. She is always going to want to "save" you and help you become more religious. If you are just going to church to please her....a) you're compromising yourself for a damn girl, and b) you're not going to church for the right reasons anyway.

She needs to understand that this is a fundamental difference between you two and it's not going to change. Tell her you are not going to compromise who you are just to please her. Religious people can be a bit....hard-headed to say the least. In her mind, her way of life (religion, going to church, etc.) is the "right" and "good" way, and yours is the "wrong" way which needs to be corrected. Ideally, she would understand that the way you live your life is merely just different and not wrong or right compared to hers....but she probably won't see it that way. Explain to her that you two can't be together if she is going to basically insist that you go and get pissed when you don't. This not so subtle hint that you are willing to walk away might scare her into just letting you go whenever you want. If it doesn't...then the relationship is not going to work and you are now a single man. Explain that she can't force you to become more religious, and it's better in the long run if she backs off and lets you go to church when you want and hopefully you will find God on your own.

 

[Furyguy]

Be careful breaking promises like that... bad habit to get into.

Why does she want you there? Is she trying to save your immortal soul, or does she just want you to share in something that is important to her?

 

[JoeMarron]

Yeah unless you plan on converting it would be best to end the relationship. You guys are what Christians would call being "unequally yoked." She's not supposed to be pursuing a relationship with a nonbeliever so she's going to do everything in her power to convert you. This is only going to get worse as the relationship goes on. You sure as hell aren't going to sway her to your way of thinking, she has her entire family and social circle reinforcing her beliefs. Have respect for her and let her move on to someone who shares her beliefs.