My realisation to withdrawing attention - now what?

[Tomo]

We go to university together but originally met at work where we were the resident flirts. I'd asked her out before but she flaked. Mixed signals is all I have been getting. As such I did not take her seriously. I know she cares dearly about me as I do her but that is probably where is stops. One could consider this as that bestfriendship that develops and my idiotic development of feelings for her.

For some reason, my realisation things would never go ultimated one day at work and as such I started treating her like I do others i.e. withdrawing my attention (and maybe a bit more), no kino and just keeping things pleasant. She instantly picked up on it and was hounding me all day. I just played it off. Just got home from work and she has sent me a text (she has rarely initiated anything).

So how do I reply or what do I do from this point onwards? Thing is she is young, of age but only just out of secondary school about to attend university. I on the other hand have a few years on her. She is the one whom will plan, say we'll do things but never commits to it.

Back in the days, I would have swooned on her with my unrequitted love but not anymore. I don't give a f**k anymore really. I will next without a thought and obviously have my backups. I guess this is the first time I've let myself be more emotionally open to someone and am not sure what to do.

 

[Jariel]

Patience is key here mate.

I have done this same thing a number of times and it's amazing how they start chasing. But you must let her chase now. The moment you start going back to your old ways, the sooner she will back off.

If she is into you, but flaked, then it's because she's not ready. She needs to work things out in her own head before anything can happen and you just need to cool things down for now.

I can think of a very similar example with this girl I used to work with. She was all over me and we wrote each other long emails, flirted and I developed major oneitis for her. She had a boyfriend at the time but said she was going to end things, but then they got back together.

I stopped flirting altogether and treated her like any other work friend. She wouldn't leave me alone. She kept hovering around, playfulling hitting me, and would text me every so often saying how hot I looked at work. I let her continue for a while until she seemed hot for me again and we were sex texting and arranging to have sex, talking about where and how it would be and she confessed she'd been fantasising about it for so long.

She broke up with her boyfriend a few days later. We continued flirting then I asked her out. She accepted, but flaked out on the day.

I decided to stop contacting her entirely and started seeing other women. She contacted me a week later and explained she wasn't ready after the break up and apologised. I accepted the apology and was friendly, but I stopped all flirting and stopped initiating any contact.

Every so often she would text me and we would flirt and we'd do the sex texting thing, but I never asked her out and would often just stop texting back. I was happy enough seeing other women. But eventually she text me and it got very hot and heavy and I asked her out. This time she accepted and we started going out for a couple of months and had amazing sex.

Sometimes you just have to wait until they're ready and let them chase for a while. Not just a week or two, but it could be months.

 

[Tomo]

+repp'd

Thanks mate, your advice is always appreciated. So do I reply to this text of hers knowing that she will bring this up? Or just not reply and go about things normally? She has been urging me to meet up with her at university/ show her around etc as she is new to it all. Yet the last time I did, she basically palmed me off as her friends were around. This is all new waters for me.

 

[MillionBillionaire]

Patience is key here mate.

I have done this same thing a number of times and it's amazing how they start chasing. But you must let her chase now. The moment you start going back to your old ways, the sooner she will back off.

If she is into you, but flaked, then it's because she's not ready. She needs to work things out in her own head before anything can happen and you just need to cool things down for now.

I can think of a very similar example with this girl I used to work with. She was all over me and we wrote each other long emails, flirted and I developed major oneitis for her. She had a boyfriend at the time but said she was going to end things, but then they got back together.

I stopped flirting altogether and treated her like any other work friend. She wouldn't leave me alone. She kept hovering around, playfulling hitting me, and would text me every so often saying how hot I looked at work. I let her continue for a while until she seemed hot for me again and we were sex texting and arranging to have sex, talking about where and how it would be and she confessed she'd been fantasising about it for so long.

She broke up with her boyfriend a few days later. We continued flirting then I asked her out. She accepted, but flaked out on the day.

I decided to stop contacting her entirely and started seeing other women. She contacted me a week later and explained she wasn't ready after the break up and apologised. I accepted the apology and was friendly, but I stopped all flirting and stopped initiating any contact.

Every so often she would text me and we would flirt and we'd do the sex texting thing, but I never asked her out and would often just stop texting back. I was happy enough seeing other women. But eventually she text me and it got very hot and heavy and I asked her out. This time she accepted and we started going out for a couple of months and had amazing sex.

Sometimes you just have to wait until they're ready and let them chase for a while. Not just a week or two, but it could be months.

This reminds me of the stories I read in the book Seduction, as apposed to the NEXT NEXT... NEXTing that goes on here.

 

[Tomo]

Second day of indifference. She has been hovering around me, making excuses to come past me. The look on her face (out of my periphery) when she thinks I'll have to bump into her as I walk somewhere but then turn and palm her off is gold!

Again, she is sending me texts etc after work especially bringing up previous conversations that she never got back to me about i.e. when I had teased her about sending me a picture of her wearing a certain type of dress or glasses etc.

I won't see her for a week now although we'd plan our timetables to allow us to car pool and catch up together during the day at university.

Should I continue to be indifferent and not reply or when do I shoot a reply and test the waters?

On a side note, thank god for a few new girls in my life - reconnecting with old and number closing some news. Thankyou SS, without you, I'd be in an AFC heap listening to Miley Cyrus 'Wrecking ball'

 

[Jariel]

It looks like you're doing great!

If she reaches out, there's nothing wrong with replying and being friendly, but try to hold back any flattery, attention or escalation. Let her pursue you for that now, and trust me, she will.

When I started being indifferent with the girl in my example above, I remember one night she just sent me a text saying "You looked so hot tonight! x" Then ever so often she'd send me a text after work saying how good it was to see me and to talk to me. I'd reply back saying it was good to see her too and ask her what she's been upto, then stop texting for a while until I got the next one.

I believe you need to reply to her contact to keep the carrot dangling in front of her, so to speak. It's about finding the right balance. If you ignore her completely, she'll just take the hint and give up and if you chase her, she'll back off.

The perfect balance is when she's chasing you, initiating contact and flirting and you're just reciprocating. Gradually, you can turn up the heat again, but this time do it very slowly. When she's ready, she will give you clues when to ask her out again or to make your move.

 

[Tomo]

Cheers guys, I owe you's all for the advice. Now say that I bump into her at university or she comes to find me at university, how does one act? Just keep things pleasant but always be on my way and not give her time?

 

[Tomo]

UPDATE:
Having broke character and sending her a reply to her continual messages, I have not gotten any initiation from her since. Bear in mind she replied to my one message in an instant. She has called me out in the past for not replying. I guess she is waiting for me to initiate now of which I have not.

Now guys that I'm working weekends, I see her then and she has been extremely more receptive. Much more kino is being initiated by her although it's more playful than anything else. I am still ignoring her at times but every now and then I'll let out a sliver of fun with her. Ironically she's been asking for affection too - hugs etc. My biggest thing was when she asked why we had not and when we'll be meeting up at university for lunch - I simply winked at her and walked off.

I'll admit I have been pre-occupied with other woman and university workload has thankfully not let my mind dwell on other things. But now that this girl is back in the picture, how do I go abouts things? I was thinking carry on as usual but when I leave tell HER to give me a shout rather than me asking her to meet up?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

when I leave tell HER to give me a shout rather than me asking her to meet up?

Couple of important things here.


1) You telling her to give you a call is a bad idea.

Its based out of fear because you have asked her out before and she has flaked. Your ego doesn't want to take another beating, so your trying to protect yourself. A woman won't initiate or ask you out unless she has strong interest.

2) Your mistaking Attention for Interest

This girl doesn't have genuine interest in you. Maybe because she's young, this cat & mouse might get to her and you might be able to bang her if your game is tight enough, HOWEVER she only misses all the ego stroking attention you gave her now that you started to withdraw. This isn't her suddenly realizing what a great catch you are….. its all about her


Its good that you have other girls on your radar, you can keep her around simply because you have other options but I wouldn't expect much to happen unless your game is super tight and you get her really hooked.


All this strategizing could be time spent better elsewhere and the funny thing is by forgetting about her completely, might make her want you when she realizes your mind is elsewhere.







PIMP