My plate is pregnant what should I do.

[lookyoung]

I just found out that my plate that I have been with for the last 5 months is pregnant. She is 2.5 weeks late on her period and she is never late and she says she feels funny. So today she took an over the counter pregnancy test that came up positive. It appears that there is a 98% chacne that she is pregnant. She is going to go to the DOC ASAP.

Let me explain to you guys the situation I have with this girl. I am 33 she is 25. She is a good girl that is very honest and is totally in LOVE with me. Know we have been together for only a short time, but this girl will do anything I say. She is sweet and is a great person.

The only problem I have with this situation is that I am not really in love with her meaning that she isn't my soulmate. Sometimes I think I am 33 and will never find my soulmate. We are both Albanian so I know our families would relate well to one another.

I really hate the abortion thing and I hate to do it. I feel that it is a sin. The only problem is that I don't know if I could see myself with this girl even though she is good looking and very submissive in the bedroom. I also don't know if I will ever meet a girl that will be my soulmate. Me and this girl have only 2 options.

1. Either we decide to be together meaning she moves in with me.

2. Get the abortion.


She is Albanian so if she has a kid no Albanian guy will ever marry and her life will be ruined so that is why those are my only 2 choices. I think I am leaning toward the abortion route. But I know if I take that route things will change between us. I like this girl as a plate but I don't know if she is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I need some encouraging words what would you guys do.

 

[trent81]

You talk like a woman. Soulmate? There is no such thing. It's called life. You pregnated a woman that likes you. She is having your child. It's time to take responsability. Either pay the money and tell her to get abortion, live with it, and move on. Or, have the child, try to fall in love with the MOTHER of your CHILD. This is why terms such as "plates" are so silly. Any woman you come in contact with can change your life. She can kill you with a disease, she can make you a father, her boyfriend can kill you (or her husband) or she might have a dic*. She is not a plate, she is now the mother of your child. Dude, you are 33. Stop spinning "plates" and get into the world and this thing called "life". Don't stick your dic* in someone that you don't consider "soulmate" without protection.

 

[lookyoung]

You talk like a woman. Soulmate? There is no such thing. It's called life. You pregnated a woman that likes you. She is having your child. It's time to take responsability. Either pay the money and tell her to get abortion, live with it, and move on. Or, have the child, try to fall in love with the MOTHER of your CHILD. This is why terms such as "plates" are so silly. Any woman you come in contact with can change your life. She can kill you with a disease, she can make you a father, her boyfriend can kill you (or her husband) or she might have a dic*. She is not a plate, she is now the mother of your child. Dude, you are 33. Stop spinning "plates" and get into the world and this thing called "life". Don't stick your dic* in someone that you don't consider "soulmate" without protection.

I know I busted in her twice the whole time we were together. I knew she wasn't on the pill so that was really dumb of me. Even my friends in real life said your as sharp as a knife I can't believe u did that.

She probably will not have the child if I tell her I don't love her and don't want to be with her. She is upset about it happening this way but I know whe rather be with me than get an abortion.

I am in a really bad spot and I appreciate the tough love.

 

[trent81]

the more women wait, the more they establish an emotional bond to something that is growing inside of them. If this is a choice that you have to make, it has to be done, financed, and supported by yourself. It has to be done immediately. You could potentially ruin her life. Pscyhologically and emotionally, maybe physically. She is 25, not 18. So think of it this way; No one finds out, it's a private matter, if you cannot be with her, try to tell her and see what she says. Most guys think they have a decision in this matter, they don't. This is entirely up to the woman. You are at her mercy right now. If she agrees, then you are off the hook. Or maybe as time passes, you will see her for something more. Good luck and just remember to support the girl. I would own up to it, either way. But hey, what the fuvk do I know?

 

[lookyoung]

the more women wait, the more they establish an emotional bond to something that is growing inside of them. If this is a choice that you have to make, it has to be done, financed, and supported by yourself. It has to be done immediately. You could potentially ruin her life. Pscyhologically and emotionally, maybe physically. She is 25, not 18. So think of it this way; No one finds out, it's a private matter, if you cannot be with her, try to tell her and see what she says. Most guys think they have a decision in this matter, they don't. This is entirely up to the woman. You are at her mercy right now. If she agrees, then you are off the hook. Or maybe as time passes, you will see her for something more. Good luck and just remember to support the girl. I would own up to it, either way. But hey, what the fuvk do I know?

In one way I wan't to own up to it. I am established financially to do it. I just don't want to end up being with this girl for the sake of the child and than divorcing her later on. But it is up to her. I know however that she will have the abortion if I tell her that I don't want to be with her. I know this is a tough decision but there are worse things in life I guess. Withone 1 week I am going to decide what to do.

 

[STR8UP]

You want tough love?

1) there's a chance that she isn't even pregnant

2) if she IS pregnant, there is a chance that it isn't even yours

No matter what you do, don't be someone's fool, cause it could happen to any of us. And don't play Cap'n Save a Ho. this is YOUR life you are talking about. It sounds like you are concerned about her being "tainted".

Hope it works out for you.

 

[lookyoung]

You want tough love?

1) there's a chance that she isn't even pregnant

2) if she IS pregnant, there is a chance that it isn't even yours

No matter what you do, don't be someone's fool, cause it could happen to any of us. And don't play Cap'n Save a Ho. this is YOUR life you are talking about. It sounds like you are concerned about her being "tainted".

Hope it works out for you.

I know there is a slight chance she is not pregnant. But this girl would never play a game with you and if she isn't pregnant I will post it on here when she goes to the doc. STR8UP I know what your saying but I could almost bet my life this is my kid however I would probably have a paternity test just to make sure.

I just know that I will feel guilty about this later on in life. What would you do dude? Honestly!!

 

[omkara]

If I were in that situation I would go ahead with it. The age difference is perfect... If she was attractive and sweet that's about as much as I would reasonably expect for a partner. Throw in the fact that it would mess up her life to be a single mother or get an abortion, then I would definitely go for it. I would probably get a good feeling out of thinking that I helped her, or at least did my best.

I almost married a girl that I was barely attracted to, but was good friends with, out of obligation. I honestly thought that I had sex with this girl, now I should marry her if that's what she wants. Of course that would have been a really bad idea.

I know that the institution of marriage is really f***ed nowadays, but there is a tradeoff that comes with being in a long-term relationship. It makes things more peaceful, gives you a chance to think about other things without being frustrated or putting immense amounts of energy into trying to find chicks. I was in my LTR for 4 years, headed towards marriage, and I felt very secure during that time... probably way too secure for my own good. Then I found out that women are completely materialistic and opportunistic and they have no concept of loyalty or any other abstract principle for that matter. However my value was so much higher than hers that she would never have left, if I had just wanted her and satisfied her. It was just a question of her not being good enough.

Of course this comes with the caveat that I have never been all that good at pulling chicks, so if I were then I'd probably have a different view. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[STR8UP]

I just know that I will feel guilty about this later on in life. What would you do dude? Honestly!!

Honestly?

It's a catch 22. You play, you pay. Could happen to any of us. Unfortunately you are operating from a disadvantage because on the slight chance that the kid isn't yours, if you decide to "support her" you could get royally screwed.

What would I do? That's a tough fukking question because I've never been in that situation. Whatever you do, don't fukk up your life by trying to placate society by "doing the right thing". Follow your gut. It rarely lies.

 

[Ballie]

I am a father of two kids - they are the best part of a failed marriage. At your age, you need to take responsibility of your actions. I don't believe in abortions because that is murder in my eyes and you will have to live with the guilt. I can speak of personal experience in this case, my sister had one and always regrets it.

If it is your child (established after a paternity test) - he / she is your responsibility and you need to man up to it.

As for marriage? You don't seem to be ready for it with your gf, so don't rush into it. Now days that isn't an issue any more judging from all the single mommys out there.

Anyway, after you have experienced the joy of having your own child, your life will change (for the better).

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear look Young,
Oh some of these replies,so bluddy smug....So,Him who is without sin,let him cast the first stone...I have been lucky believe me,often I have counted the days after a slip up....So what to do?...Albanians still have the heritage of their Turkish past and so your girl is not going to be too happy about abortion...but you should discuss it soon,very soon...tell her what you have told us...see what she says...I would not marry her,but cohabitation with your consort and child,is very common these days....I am sure you would be over reacting to insist on a paternity test,but if you do move in together,a prenuptial will afford a bit of protection...All in all she seems a good package,however,were she a Westerner, I would urge extreme caution,take a look at her Mother,old but true,they all resemble their Mothers when they get older

 

[lookyoung]

STR8UP my gut says that I probably wouldnt be happy if I married this girl. But I know I will have to live with the guilt of her getting an abortion. The smart thing to do that would be of the upmost benefit to me would be to have an abortion. However Morally its a terrible thing to do I feel.

Ballie That does cross my head. I love kids but I want them with the right girl. I don't know if this girl is right for me even though she is a sweetheart. I mean when I am with her its just not that fun. She is good in bed but I feel that is all I have in common with her. In other words her personality is on the lame side if that makes any sense.

Scaramouche- My girl rather have an abortion than have the kid and I just send her the 20 percent of my check and see the kid on the weekends. If she has a kid no Albanian guy will ever ever marry her. If she has the kid than she has to have a guarantee from me that she will move in with me and I will marry her. I know my parents and her parents are not going to be too happy. They will get over it however once the kid is born I am sure.

 

[KontrollerX]

Well there's another possible option...

If you and she are not ready to be parents and especially not ready to be parents together you could talk to her about putting the child up for adoption.

That way no abortion happens and thus no guilt.

 

[lookyoung]

Well there's another possible option...

If you and she are not ready to be parents and especially not ready to be parents together you could talk to her about putting the child up for adoption.

That way no abortion happens and thus no guilt.

I would never ever do that. That is crazy the girl is going to go through all that to have an abortion. I would even feel worse doing this than having the abortion. If my plate seen the girl being born there is no way she will give it up.

 

[guru1000]

Yo my man,

First off, congratulations!

I have always said the girl you choose must be leagues ahead of the harem. You have seen how most women in this country have corrupted traditional thinking. Now you have a traditional girl from your country who is also attractive. She is young but more importantly understands her position in a relationship.

You don't "love" her as much as you would like simply because she had probably shown unmanaged high IL in you. You might be chasing medium interest which your ego has mistaken for "love". The old cliche "What runs from you, you chase". This girl has run after you, so you mistake that for lower IL in her.

At the end of the day, here is what is important,

Does she share your values and thinking?

Does she UNDERSTAND the proper roles in a relationship?

How is her relationship with her father?

What is the present disposition of her parents and other family members? Married?

Is she attractive?

If there is a YES with each answer above, she is a prime candidate.

Anything you need, let me know. Give me a buzz if you want to talk.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Yo my man,

First off, congratulations!

I have always said the girl you choose must be leagues ahead of the harem. You have seen how most women in this country have corrupted traditional thinking. Now you have a traditional girl from your country who is also attractive. She is young but more importantly understands her position in a relationship.

You don't "love" her as much as you would like simply because she had probably shown unmanaged high IL in you. You might be chasing medium interest which your ego has mistaken for "love". The old cliche "What runs from you, you chase". This girl has run after you, so you mistake that for lower IL in her.

At the end of the day, here is what is important,



If there is a YES with each answer above, she is a prime candidate.

Anything you need, let me know. Give me a buzz if you want to talk.

I agree with this--it sounds like, based on this description, that she is actually an ideal candidate for marriage (although you need more than 5 months to evaluate that). Unfortunately, I think guys these days are so used to drama filled relationships with b*tchy girls that they associate them with love.

I do believe that, if you do decide to stay together, your feelings about her will probably change once she has the child. When people are thrown together and forced to achieve a common goal with no way out, so to speak they usually form a deep bond out of necessity--this is the idea behind arranged marriage. Additionally, men go through hormonal changes after childbirth as well and produce higher levels oxytocin, the "trust" hormone.

I think the "soulmate" issue is kind of silly to bring up on this site--either a woman is worthy for marriage or she isn't. You shouldn't be chasing infatuation or looking for some deep spiritual connection here. Marriage should be a rational decision first and foremost, because you have a lot at stake.

I know personally I would not be able to have an abortion for the same reasons you stated. I would certainly get a paternity test, even if you're reasonably certain it is your child. I don't think you'll solve anything by rushing to the altar, either--you've only known her for 5 months. This is a tricky issue, to be sure.

For now, I would just be there for support during the pregnancy--after all, she is the mother of your child. Hold off on any decisions about marriage until at least after the child is born, simply because you haven't known each other long enough. Rest assured, though, that married or not, this woman will always be in your life, so keep that in mind. I would probably stop spinning plates for the time being if I were you, too--this has potential to get very messy otherwise.


"Doing the right thing" isn't always done to placate society; it's also something people do out of compassion for others--especially their own children.

 

[amoka]

Yo my man,

First off, congratulations!

I have always said the girl you choose must be leagues ahead of the harem. You have seen how most women in this country have corrupted traditional thinking. Now you have a traditional girl from your country who is also attractive. She is young but more importantly understands her position in a relationship.

You don't "love" her as much as you would like simply because she had probably shown unmanaged high IL in you. You might be chasing medium interest which your ego has mistaken for "love". The old cliche "What runs from you, you chase". This girl has run after you, so you mistake that for lower IL in her.

At the end of the day, here is what is important,



If there is a YES with each answer above, she is a prime candidate.

Anything you need, let me know. Give me a buzz if you want to talk.

Listen to guru. You're 33 and your girl, who happens to be from your country and understand your culture, is pregnant with your child. Unless you planned not to never have a child you can decide to ditch this woman. I tell you, people always think the grass is greener on the other side. You may or may not find anyone that will share and understand your culture as she does. I know it can be deceiving to think that you "can get any woman you want" but in this day America, it is hard to find someone who has good family value.

The only problem I have with this is that you only known her for 5 months. But then you know her family and they know you and you seem to like her family. Personally, I will stick with her and hope for the best, unless off course I don't plan on having kids.

Good luck.

 

[STR8UP]

STR8UP my gut says that I probably wouldnt be happy if I married this girl. But I know I will have to live with the guilt of her getting an abortion. The smart thing to do that would be of the upmost benefit to me would be to have an abortion. However Morally its a terrible thing to do I feel.

I'm not even going to weigh my opinion in on the course of action you should take because the things we are talking about here are TOUCHY subjects and I feel that it's a decision that is VERY personal and individual.

That said, the implication by some people that you should "man up" and "do the right thing" is everything that is WRONG with this site and society in general today.

I'm not saying you shouldn't stay with her. I'm not saying you should consider an abortion. But I AM saying that this is a decision that has the potential to alter the entire course of your life and should be viewed objectively through YOUR OWN eyes and not those of others.

The one piece of advice I WILL offer is that if the two of you decide to have the baby

1) Secretly obtain a paternity test ASAP

2) The baby should have ZERO influence on whether or not you decide to marry her

I don't know what your financial situation is now or what your future potential is, but consider things carefully. If you aren't likely to amass sizeable assets over the course of the next 5-10 years then you have much less to lose by making bad decisions.

 

[Trader]

That said, the implication by some people that you should "man up" and "do the right thing" is everything that is WRONG with this site and society in general today.

It's called taking responsibility for your actions. That's what makes us men different from the girls you keep *complaining* about all the time.

To the OP - I'm not saying that if you marry her the relationship is going to work - but you better at least *try*. Besides, it might actually turn out for the BETTER.

 

[speed dawg]

Lookyoung, I think in this situation you stay with her and try to make it work, especially since you don't agree with abortion. I myself would never abort a child, more so now than ever, as my wife is pregnant and I see how it feels to be responsible for bringing a child into the world.

You also say that you don't want to abort the child for fear of losing the plate? I would not look at it that way. Your views on abortion should be why you do or don't want to go through with it.

All I can tell you is what I would do. I would stay with her, unless you just know deep down that you do not love her. I'm talking, the type of indifference to where she gets on your nerves JUST BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU. You know what I'm saying? But facing abortion, I'd still stay with her.

That's just me. You are (or she is, also) the only person that can make this decision. Life will go on either way, and you'll pay the consequences either way.