My Oneitis, the past year and a half of my life

[Jokerlsk]

Basically, my entire 17 year old existence has been wishful thinking on my part. I always wanted to believe and did believe that the non players, the stupid, caring, guys like me could get the girl. I always thought i could be an exception, because i've always been an exception. Since sophomore year in highschool I've had amazing friends. I've been well liked and a lot of my older friends from my child see me as popular. I'm fortunate because i've always been a nerd, but I'm a little more than that. My childhood friends who i don't hang out with as much as i should are a reflection of how i used to be... I was just so damn lucky. I have confidence in my personality, but i'm riddled with insecurity about how i look. Looking at it rationally, i have it all. Great friends in both genders, an amazing family, good grades, an awesome job with even better people. I'm blessed. The only thing that separates me from my friends is that since highschool started, they've all dated someone. I'm a senior starting this next year and i never have. I can't say i'm not jealous, because i am. I can't make excuses because i could have had something, anything by now, but it wouldn't be who i wanted. Because there's this one girl i'm crazy about, and I know no matter what I'll never have anything with her, and I know it's my fault.

I met her two years ago, and she was dating this guy for over a year and i thought i could get her. I really did. I thought i could be her friend and eventually she would see the kind of person i am and we'd date and it'd be awesome. I'm sure you all know that what happened. I became her best friend and that's all i'll ever be. The funny part is I didn't listen to anybody on here. Not igetit, not anyone. It's my fault. I take responsibility. Because my insecurities always have stopped me. Every single time. I let them. I let a girl intimidate me. A girl. I'm supposed to be a guy, and a man in a year. I've always thought if i treated a girl right, listened to her, actually cared about her, told her she was beautiful, amazing, however I really felt about her, she would eventually fall for me. But the reality of it is that, that was never gonna happen, and all of yall told me time and time again it wouldn't. I'm not like my friends. I can't hook up with girls. I don't have the confidence, and even if i did, I wouldn't. You don't have to believe me, but I'm just not like that even though sometimes i wish i was. Times like right now i wish i could leave who i am behind and be the best of somebody better.

Throughout the past year and a half, i've seen guys hurt her, i've stood up for her, I've let her cry to me, i tried to be the perfect girl, but instead I've been her best friend. Yeah, i've flirted with her, but i never made anything obvious like a man would because i liked her so much that i was afraid to mess anything up, so i made myself believe i could just be her friend when i knew i couldn't. I just want to get over her and move on. I've never been like this. I don't know how. I just know in my heart that i don't have a shot. I wanna move on and i don't want to make the same mistakes, but i don't want to change who i am. I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for advice. I take full blame for how badly i ****ed up.

 

[Army Strong]

Loose absolutely all contact with her.

Date other girls. If you can't do that, at least imagine yourself in a relationship with another, much better woman.

Do this and you'll get over her within a month, guaranteed.

 

[NO MA'AM]

Throughout the past year and a half, i've seen guys hurt her, i've stood up for her, I've let her cry to me, i tried to be the perfect girl, but instead I've been her best friend.

Please tell me you meant to say, "i tried to be the perfect guy"

But actually, your Freudian slip is indicative of where you are in this situation right now.

I want to point out some things you said and try to point you in a better direction.

I'm not like my friends. I can't hook up with girls. I don't have the confidence, and even if i did, I wouldn't. You don't have to believe me, but I'm just not like that even though sometimes i wish i was. Times like right now i wish i could leave who i am behind and be the best of somebody better.

That's right. You're not like your friends. You are you. But the rest of this is not true. And your biggest asset right now is your age of 17. It is easier for you to change some things about yourself now, rather than go through another five, ten, or even fifteen years repeating the same mistakes and realizing the same results. I'm telling you that at age 17 you have the ability to hook up with girls and to be confident.

If you went out today wearing torn T-shirts and ragged jeans, could you go out the next day wearing brand new T-shirts and brand new crisp jeans? Of course. Now I won't say habits are easier to change. Changing habits requires a strong commitment and trial and error. But you are at a good age where you can experiment. Some things will work, some things won't.

You should read the DJ Bible. But the main ingredient is confidence. You are lacking this right now because the situation you had with this girl is knocking you down. You understand why it failed, but you don't have the courage to change. So I'll lay out your first step bluntly:

MOVE ON FROM THE SITUATION WITH THIS GIRL. THOUGH YOU REALIZE THERE IS NO CHANCE, YOU STILL HAVE NOT YET LET GO. YOU CANNOT MOVE ON UNTIL YOU LET GO!!!!

Next, there's this that you said...

I wanna move on and i don't want to make the same mistakes, but i don't want to change who i am.

You have no choice. You cannot have all three of these things. You are going to HAVE to change some elements of your personality and the way you interact with women in order to start getting more p*ssy and having some meaningful relationships.

Next, you have to be prepared that these changes very well may impact some existing friendships you have. Because when you start breaking out of your shell and forming your masculine identity, many people in your life will start noticing changes, and some may either feel alienated, jealous, perhaps even threatened. You might find your interactions with these people become awkward or challenging. Be prepared for this because when this occurs, you may be intimidated into retreating. But you must move forward. If you don't, you will continue to have experiences similar to this one, and you will continue to feel the piercing anguish of having to let what could have been a potentially good relationship go because you were unprepared to be the man every woman is looking for. And, yes, at 17 you can be that man. Because the man every woman is looking for is not defined by a number, instead he is defined by his character.

 

[Pickupmilitia]

Yep

 

[Jokerlsk]

Idk. The thing is that I want to continue being friends, but if i am, i'm always gonna want her. I don't know if it's worth it

 

[NO MA'AM]

Idk. The thing is that I want to continue being friends, but if i am, i'm always gonna want her. I don't know if it's worth it

I know it's not easy, and it may not seem fair. After all, But once a girl sees a guy as an AFC, it is very hard for her to see him as the boyfriend that she wants to f*ck.

I thought i could be her friend and eventually she would see the kind of person i am and we'd date and it'd be awesome. I'm sure you all know that what happened. I became her best friend and that's all i'll ever be.

You really do understand. These statements convince me that you realize what happened. This is exactly how the AFC mind and modus operandi "method of operating" works, and becoming good or even best friends is exactly what happens every time.

When you first meet a girl, you have to size up where you want the relationship to go. Do you want to be just friends? Or do you want to be her boyfriend? There is nothing wrong with either. However, if you go after the wrong one first, you will very likely risk losing the other option.

I say very likely because there is always a tiny chance you could turn it around. However, this chance is so unlikely that it is always better to accept the outcome you originally pursued and pursue other girls for the outcome you ultimately wanted to realize. This is the best choice to make. It saves guys the embarrassing and nearly impossible task of having to rebuild your character right in front of a woman, and it saves guys the anguish and pain of carrying a torch for "the one" who will never be.

 

[todays_news]

You need to meet more women fundamentally. For your confidence, and sense of masculinity I would suggest going to the gym, or perhaps picking up a martial art. And you need to tell yourself, that things NEED to change.

 

[Jokerlsk]

bump

 

[HeMan]

jokerlsk

your young dude. it seems like you have alot of confidence in your personality and you as an overall person.

you will get alot better with girls once you mature. you have the inner confidence in yourself. with maturity you will realise looks are not that important as long as you believe you are an amazing person

i know this because i was in the same position as you. awesome personality but was insecure with my looks. now as i have grown alot as a person i realise the better i become the better and more confident i am with women.

you really need to believe in yourself!

right now i have an awesome hot girlfriend who teases me about my fat but i know at the end of the day its how i make her feel that keeps her madly in love with me

 

[backbreaker]

you actually sound like a pretty okay dude. You will be fine.

I would lose all contact with her, for a few reasons,first of all you are never going to get laid.. i take that back. even if you put on this fake persona that did get you laid, it would be you being something that you not, becuase i see now, it takes a certain type of guy to attract this girl, something that you aren't (which is good, she is stooping through the low character pile).

that and misery loves company.

i came here and pretty much, my story was yours to a T. met her when i was 16, expect it took me until i was 21 to see i wasn't gonna get any. Except i actually DID and that was even worse, because i realized, it was not forth 5 years of my life. at all. not even close.

you lived and learned, and you are ahead of the game because you realize something that guys twice your age, don't.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Thanks. It's just so hard because i never even gave myself a chance. It's like i never man'd up and let her know how i feel.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Basically today i saw a movie with one of my girl friends. I'm not attracted to her at all, and i don't ever want to date her, so it wasn't a big deal. Afterwards we went back to her house and the oneitis girl came over. It's just like, i don't understand. She would be trying to feed me ice cream and **** and hugging me from behind and all of that and it's like the whole time i'm asking myself why she's doing this. We had this joke that we were married and had eachother in our phones as husband and wife and I changed the name back to her actual name and she got mad at me saying that i had to sing to her (because i'm a good singer) and no **** that. I'm not her *****. I just wish things were different sometimes and i know they could of been, but it's too late. Just thinking about all of this makes me angry.