Basically, my entire 17 year old existence has been wishful thinking on my part. I always wanted to believe and did believe that the non players, the stupid, caring, guys like me could get the girl. I always thought i could be an exception, because i've always been an exception. Since sophomore year in highschool I've had amazing friends. I've been well liked and a lot of my older friends from my child see me as popular. I'm fortunate because i've always been a nerd, but I'm a little more than that. My childhood friends who i don't hang out with as much as i should are a reflection of how i used to be... I was just so damn lucky. I have confidence in my personality, but i'm riddled with insecurity about how i look. Looking at it rationally, i have it all. Great friends in both genders, an amazing family, good grades, an awesome job with even better people. I'm blessed. The only thing that separates me from my friends is that since highschool started, they've all dated someone. I'm a senior starting this next year and i never have. I can't say i'm not jealous, because i am. I can't make excuses because i could have had something, anything by now, but it wouldn't be who i wanted. Because there's this one girl i'm crazy about, and I know no matter what I'll never have anything with her, and I know it's my fault.
I met her two years ago, and she was dating this guy for over a year and i thought i could get her. I really did. I thought i could be her friend and eventually she would see the kind of person i am and we'd date and it'd be awesome. I'm sure you all know that what happened. I became her best friend and that's all i'll ever be. The funny part is I didn't listen to anybody on here. Not igetit, not anyone. It's my fault. I take responsibility. Because my insecurities always have stopped me. Every single time. I let them. I let a girl intimidate me. A girl. I'm supposed to be a guy, and a man in a year. I've always thought if i treated a girl right, listened to her, actually cared about her, told her she was beautiful, amazing, however I really felt about her, she would eventually fall for me. But the reality of it is that, that was never gonna happen, and all of yall told me time and time again it wouldn't. I'm not like my friends. I can't hook up with girls. I don't have the confidence, and even if i did, I wouldn't. You don't have to believe me, but I'm just not like that even though sometimes i wish i was. Times like right now i wish i could leave who i am behind and be the best of somebody better.
Throughout the past year and a half, i've seen guys hurt her, i've stood up for her, I've let her cry to me, I've been her best friend. Yeah, i've flirted with her, but i never made anything obvious like a man would because i liked her so much that i was afraid to mess anything up, so i made myself believe i could just be her friend when i knew i couldn't. I just want to get over her and move on. I've never been like this. I don't know how. I just know in my heart that i don't have a shot. I wanna move on and i don't want to make the same mistakes, but i don't want to change who i am. I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for advice. I take full blame for how badly i ****ed up.
I met her two years ago, and she was dating this guy for over a year and i thought i could get her. I really did. I thought i could be her friend and eventually she would see the kind of person i am and we'd date and it'd be awesome. I'm sure you all know that what happened. I became her best friend and that's all i'll ever be. The funny part is I didn't listen to anybody on here. Not igetit, not anyone. It's my fault. I take responsibility. Because my insecurities always have stopped me. Every single time. I let them. I let a girl intimidate me. A girl. I'm supposed to be a guy, and a man in a year. I've always thought if i treated a girl right, listened to her, actually cared about her, told her she was beautiful, amazing, however I really felt about her, she would eventually fall for me. But the reality of it is that, that was never gonna happen, and all of yall told me time and time again it wouldn't. I'm not like my friends. I can't hook up with girls. I don't have the confidence, and even if i did, I wouldn't. You don't have to believe me, but I'm just not like that even though sometimes i wish i was. Times like right now i wish i could leave who i am behind and be the best of somebody better.
Throughout the past year and a half, i've seen guys hurt her, i've stood up for her, I've let her cry to me, I've been her best friend. Yeah, i've flirted with her, but i never made anything obvious like a man would because i liked her so much that i was afraid to mess anything up, so i made myself believe i could just be her friend when i knew i couldn't. I just want to get over her and move on. I've never been like this. I don't know how. I just know in my heart that i don't have a shot. I wanna move on and i don't want to make the same mistakes, but i don't want to change who i am. I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for advice. I take full blame for how badly i ****ed up.
