My old AFC ways prevented me from getting with a girl I used to like a lot...

[BannedGod]

Don't get me wrong, I'm still an AFC, but now I know I am and I'm trying to change that as much as possible, but it's hard.

Anyways last year I was very AFC with a girl that I liked a lot, and obviously she didn't like me back. Fortunately after a few months I realised that I didn't have a shot with her and gave up with her, but I was also pretty mad at her because she treated me like dirt for so long, so I stopped talking with her... That's when she realised she had a thing for me, but since at that time I wasn't very friendly with her, she quickly gave up the idea... Whoopty ****ing doo.

Anyways now things worked out between us and we became real good friends, and she told me that yesterday. However, when I think back and I realised that probably the one reason I didn't end up with her was my AFC ways, I find it rather sad.

Anyways the point of this post: To share a story with you guys, and to encourage you all to NOT act like an AFC with girls.

Good day.

Upon a suggestion from TillTheEndOfTime, I will say why I was acting like an AFC with her (it was before I discovered this site, don't judge me too harshly)

1. I was complimenting her ALL THE TIME (so basically putting her on a pedestal)
2. I was making her basically one of my priorities
3. I was always trying to see her and talk to her, relentlessly (no I wasn't stalking her -_-)
4. I was trying to buy her (not giving her gifts, but I actually at some point wrote a poem for her... I used to write poetry for fun, and she knew that, but I wrote one specifically for her)

That's all I can remember for now... Now luckily I know all these are big nonos and I don't really do that with girls no more... except #3 still, it's the last point I really have to correct

 

[musclyjerk]

I was also pretty mad at her because she treated me like dirt for so long, so I stopped talking with her... That's when she realised she had a thing for me

Oh, she just 'realised'? She just wanted to know you still liked her probably.

To be honest, the fact you're still friends with her tells me she's got what she wants, and you haven't got what you want.

Think about it . . . have some self-respect and move on, eject this girl from your life.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[BannedGod]

Oh, she just 'realised'? She just wanted to know you still liked her probably.

To be honest, the fact you're still friends with her tells me she's got what she wants, and you haven't got what you want.

Think about it . . . have some self-respect and move on, eject this girl from your life.

The Muscly Jerk

Well I'm over her, I don't really care for her anymore but as a friend and she knows that as well... I don't see why I'd need to eject her from my life?

 

[musclyjerk]

You don't really, or you don't?

If she started coming on to you - what would you do, tell her you aren't interest or go along with it?

The Muscly Jerk

 

[jamescr73]

dont eject her from your life, be good friends with her, and once you get over your AFC ways, have her hook you up with her friends. Then her friends will tell her how great you are, and she'll be pissed she threw away the opportunity. But by then you wont care cause youll be bagging lots of other girls.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Anyways the point of this post: To share a story with you guys, and to encourage you all to NOT act like an AFC with girls.

Good day.

Good job updating the post....there is a lot to be learned for those who have yet to be taught this lesson in relationship dynamics.

 

[BannedGod]

You don't really, or you don't?

If she started coming on to you - what would you do, tell her you aren't interest or go along with it?

The Muscly Jerk

I don't... I'm not even attracted to her anymore

 

[BannedGod]

Not to be an a$$hole....but this post is basically useless. "If you don't want to die, don't put a gun to your head and pull the trigger".

You can make it more useful by elaborating on your mistakes and creating a discussion (very useful for new people to the board who are jsut beginning to see that their AFC ways are not getting them anywhere). You did not even say what type of stuff you actually did (i.e. what constitutes an "AFC" act, etc).

You're right man... I'll edit my first post pretty soon and say why I acted so much like an AFC

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Don't get me wrong, I'm still an AFC, but now I know I am and I'm trying to change that as much as possible, but it's hard.

Anyways last year I was very AFC with a girl that I liked a lot, and obviously she didn't like me back. Fortunately after a few months I realised that I didn't have a shot with her and gave up with her, but I was also pretty mad at her because she treated me like dirt for so long, so I stopped talking with her... That's when she realised she had a thing for me, but since at that time I wasn't very friendly with her, she quickly gave up the idea... Whoopty ****ing doo.

Anyways now things worked out between us and we became real good friends, and she told me that yesterday. However, when I think back and I realised that probably the one reason I didn't end up with her was my AFC ways, I find it rather sad.

Anyways the point of this post: To share a story with you guys, and to encourage you all to NOT act like an AFC with girls.

Good day.

Upon a suggestion from TillTheEndOfTime, I will say why I was acting like an AFC with her (it was before I discovered this site, don't judge me too harshly)

1. I was complimenting her ALL THE TIME (so basically putting her on a pedestal)
2. I was making her basically one of my priorities
3. I was always trying to see her and talk to her, relentlessly (no I wasn't stalking her -_-)
4. I was trying to buy her (not giving her gifts, but I actually at some point wrote a poem for her... I used to write poetry for fun, and she knew that, but I wrote one specifically for her)

That's all I can remember for now... Now luckily I know all these are big nonos and I don't really do that with girls no more... except #3 still, it's the last point I really have to correct

#3 can be a killer. It is so easy to fall into that trap. MSN has been the bane of my existence. It makes it TOO easy to chat up a girl for hours on end. I have killed interest by talking on MSN with a girl I liked too much before. Take warning!

Make your conversations (whether MSN, phone, etc) brief and purposeful (i.e. to set up a date or open her up). It kills any sense of excitment. Talking about random bullsh1t is for friends, not prospective girlfriends.

 

[BannedGod]

#3 can be a killer. It is so easy to fall into that trap. MSN has been the bane of my existence. It makes it TOO easy to chat up a girl for hours on end. I have killed interest by talking on MSN with a girl I liked too much before. Take warning!

Make your conversations (whether MSN, phone, etc) brief and purposeful (i.e. to set up a date or open her up). It kills any sense of excitment. Talking about random bullsh1t is for friends, not prospective girlfriends.

I totally agree about MSN... I try to stop going on it, but I still go goes I like talking with my friends... The latest girl I was after, this is what unfortunately happened... we started tlaking more and more on msn, and it probably got her to be more friendly with me and see me as a friend and kill any interest... I could tell she had some before, but we spent way too much time talking on MSN... Bleh MSN is bad

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I totally agree about MSN... I try to stop going on it, but I still go goes I like talking with my friends... The latest girl I was after, this is what unfortunately happened... we started tlaking more and more on msn, and it probably got her to be more friendly with me and see me as a friend and kill any interest... I could tell she had some before, but we spent way too much time talking on MSN... Bleh MSN is bad

Yeah the AFC mindset is to keep talking to the girl....and get into deep sensitive issues thinking that maybe, just maybe if she sees the sensitive side of you, she'll turn around. Like talking about your feelings is going to have her jump all over you . Like more talking means you are getting closer, when in reality, you are getting farther and farther with every word.

 

[djbr]

1) MSN sucks. Delete if you can. If you can't, use it ONLY to set up live action and block them after.

2) Get something to do -- you're waaay to wrapped in one single chick. I could say "go find another girl" but the cycle would repeat itself... it's a recovering-AFC classic. Forget girls for a while, go fix your own life. Go discover what *you* like to do. Put all your energy in it. After you feel fulfilled without approval from women, you may put yourself back on the field. When you do, police yourself so you do not fall back into the old ways.

 

[d9930380]

Guys aren't friends with girls they aren't attracted to!

 

[BannedGod]

1) MSN sucks. Delete if you can. If you can't, use it ONLY to set up live action and block them after.

2) Get something to do -- you're waaay to wrapped in one single chick. I could say "go find another girl" but the cycle would repeat itself... it's a recovering-AFC classic. Forget girls for a while, go fix your own life. Go discover what *you* like to do. Put all your energy in it. After you feel fulfilled without approval from women, you may put yourself back on the field. When you do, police yourself so you do not fall back into the old ways.

Heh I already know what I like to do; bodybuilding... Only problem is I can't focus all the time on that, it isn't all that demanding -_-

 

[djbr]

Of course not!

Can't you think of something else?

For example, I like to fix my car. Also, I go cycling every now and then and read a lot.

It's really anything, you just have to be doing something that entertains you, taking some of your attention from women.

There are many things you can do. The only thing is that you have to like it...

Other than that, relax. It takes time to recover from AFCism. Do not beat yourself down. Keep going and you will be fine.

 

[BannedGod]

Of course not!

Can't you think of something else?

For example, I like to fix my car. Also, I go cycling every now and then and read a lot.

It's really anything, you just have to be doing something that entertains you, taking some of your attention from women.

There are many things you can do. The only thing is that you have to like it...

Other than that, relax. It takes time to recover from AFCism. Do not beat yourself down. Keep going and you will be fine.

So basically all your saying is I should find something to spend time on instead of being on MSN?

 

[djbr]

Yes.

Also, and do not get so wrapped up in one single girl. It hinders progress.

Getting something else to do helps on both aspects.

 

[rrrrr]

Guys aren't friends with girls they aren't attracted to!

I was great friends with a large black woman, she was so funny and entertaining, but I would never entertain the idea of going out with her. But she was great to hang out with. I used to walk her home at night, because we got off work at 3:00 in the morning.... later i got a car and would drive her in it, i found a note from her telling me she wanted to be my girlfriend.


Too many "rules carved in stone" on this site, not everyone's the same.