my next move....

[tryin 2 play]

so heres the back story: randomly approached a chick at school, talked to her a couple times, got her number. Went 2 weeks ago on a saturday night, went great, clicked really well, kissed her a few times. She ended up knowing some people i know and they tell me how much she likes me blah blah.

went out this past saturday, still very playful vibe like the first time, got along really well, kissed her some more, with a bit more touching. However from the beginning of the night she said she was in a "weird mood" and was sorry if she wasn't as talkative. Got a distant vibe from her, but she was still trying to cuddle up next to me on the couch when i sat away from her and all that sh!t.

I do not call her in between dates to talk, only to set up a date and thats it. Should i put in a little more work and call her here or there to chat for 5 or 10 minutes? I have been playing the field with random chicks since my last break up, but this girl i actually like and want to progress it farther. The hting is, when were together, i KNOW and can tell EASILY she is into me. When ere not together, shes kind of distant, keeps texts real short and doesn't initate contact much...should i just go after it a little bit more?? help me out!!

 

[Halloween]

This discrepancy is a very common thing.

I had a similar situation, where when I went out with this one girl we always had a really great time together, we'd make out, engage in tons of playful touching and flirtation.

But I had to take the initiative on each date. I had to plan each one. Her cell "can't text," she rarely picked up her phone, and she was a bit lazy about replying to emails. Her weekends were always "uncertain," like she was waiting to see if something else would come up before accepting my offers.

Why? I don't know.

Option 1. I've heard some people explain it as not bringing the girl back into "state." When she's with you it's easy for you to engage her emotions. When she's talking on the phone to you, you actually need to work harder to bring her back into state: remind her of fun things you did together, show her that you're a cool, safe, high-value guy, etc.

Option 2. On the other end of the spectrum is the people who take the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" route and reduce communication when their girl isn't being receptive. I'm experimenting with this myself right now (the girl I used in the example above recently emailed me and ended it with a question, and I'm not going to answer, nor will I contact her for the next month). Note that this route is significantly easier to take when you're spinning multiple plates at the same time (it's easier to be patient).

In my very humble personal opinion, Option 1 is the good, honest thing to do with a girl, because it's less like you're "gaming" her (in some parts, believe it or not, "gaming" has negative connotations!). Other more experienced people on this board can comment on whether it's more or less effective than Option 2.

 

[tryin 2 play]

hmm thanks for the insight halloween. What you said definitely makes sense about her being more in state when we are together. The first time we went out i mentioned something about not liking girls to be too clingy, maybe she really took it to heart.

After the last date i said that she should let me know when SHE is free to hang out if she wants to see me. She said she would, but i really dont know if she will or not. I might just call her up and shoot the breeze with her for a min or two tomorrow and see what happens.

any other comments??

 

[Halloween]

Just to put in 2 more cents' worth of my own experiences, I tried this (telling the girl to just "let me know when you want to hang") and it didn't work... I had to re-initiate.

So don't be surprised.

IMO you shouldn't press too hard with the "you have to do your part too, and ask ME out" because it might end up sounding like you're searching for validation from her.

 

[tryin 2 play]

yea your right...i think im gonna scratch that idea and jsut re-initiate some contact. She is kind of the good girl type, much more so than any other girl ive dated...so im thinking she may also be the type expecting the guy to be calling her up to go out...especially this early on (only been on 2 dates)

thanks again bro.