My new goal and why (which might turn into a journal)

[Indifference Kills]

Hey everybody thanks for checking out this post.
I guess I'll start with a bit about my self. I've been depressed on and off for a while now. I play soccer, and have since I was 6. I love it, it was a way for me to have fun, stay fit, relieve stress, and improve myself. Everything was pretty great up until I started having pain. Long story short I had to have surgery to fix 2 torn hipflexers. So i go through pysical therapy and start playing soccer again, but the pain comes back and kept getting worse untill i was out of soccer again. Went through pysical therapy for awhile which didnt help at all. Finally, about 3 weeks ago, I went back to the surgon and had more tests run to find out that ive managed to fracture my pelvic growths plates. So now I'm out of any running and activity that would put me in pain for 3 to 4 months. Ok fine, I could deal with all that right? But for the summer I couldnt do anything in terms of working out besides pysical therapy so I decided I get farther into wood working and guitar, two things I'm just starting to pick up. But no I had to find that I had fracured my wrist (6 weeks after the fact) and got a cast put on in the first of june. Great so much for that stuff. But wait, theres more. No more than a week after that my car breaks down after pysical therapy one day and I am without a car for the whole summer (and still.) great great. So I'm not sweating it to much cause I'm headed to Europe for 2 weeks soon, so I cant be depressed right? Well me and my parents had been fighting alot so although i loved europe, it was stained because i was constantly with them the whole time. On top of all this I am constantly stuggleing with my faith (been a strong Christian all my life and would like to continue to be) while also struggling with my self worth (I defined myself by soccer for most of my life) Plus i had no outlet for all this emotion that was built up from all this stuff (once again i would use soccer or working out to relieve that kinda stuff, which is a no no now.) Now on top of all that one of my friends is now really sick. Now for all of this, I was depressed, and in denial about it forever. I've gotten myself out of that for the most part, but I have devoloped a negative attitude now. I always prided myself on how positive I always was. My friends used to (and still do although I put up a good act somtimes) describe me as a person with a real joy for life. So my new goal is to get back my enthusism and my joy. I'm going to look at the bright side of everything like i used to, and I'm gonna have fun in everything i do. Because i've always realized that we dont have as much time as we think in this world, and i want to make the most of it. No regrets. I'm done faking it. And id like to be done just being happy around my friends. I want to happy just to be alive like i used to.

So thank you for reading this, any help or encouragement, or rants on how much of a dumb a$$ ive been for whatever reason (please specify a reason) are gladly accepted. and any christians on this board, and i know there are some, any thoughts on Gods reasons for all this?

Thanks guys.

 

[WC2]

Life comes at you in streaks. It seems like all the bad comes at you at once, or all the good is thrown at you when you don't need it. It's just the way it is.

There's a lot to be said for people who have been through a great deal of bad. It's not a coincidence that these people usually come out doing a great deal of good. If you're in high school and you're going through all this, just imagine the things you're ready for that some adults will never be.

It takes a unique person to change bad luck into good fortune.

You're on a distinguished road.

 

[Penguinplayer]

Ok, I'll take the religious bit here, on one condition. I don't want anyone starting to say God doesn't exist etc for two reasons. One I respect anyone's beliefs what ever they are, so I expect other to respect christians too, and two, The whole 'big question of God' can be debated in another forum.

From my experience as a Christian I'd say you got a slight 'Job' incident here. I refer to that poor chap who had his sheep stolen, house destroyed, family killed and was rendered sick, all by the devil's doing. Obviously God had allowed it to be done, but what we learn is that trajedies as such happen to remind us that God is still almighty and powerful, and we are 'mere mortals'. Just because we show devotion to God, pray, worship, etc., doesn't mean we are free from danger. If something wrong happens to us and we immediatley blame God for the wrong doing and leave him, then what sort of servants of his are we. We have to prove our beliefs and love in him in times where he doesn't seem to be 'protecting us'.

If you want some more help/advice from me, PM me a MSN or something and I will be happy to talk and provide a bit more insight etc. for you.

Otherwise I will say this.

Stand up and meet every trajedy as you would an obstacle. Once you climb the mountain, the view will be excellent. I promise you'll be laughing about this in a couple of weeks if you go about it the right way.

Stiff lip, boy, stiff lip.

 

[Indifference Kills]

thanks guy i appreciate it. Penguinplayer honestly my mind took it that way too, but i think somtimes i need someone else (or several others) to tell it to me. I appreciate the posts guys.

Today im doing good. over the past couple weeks I am slowly starting to feel like myself again. I'm curbing that negative outlook and replacing it with my oh so famous positive one. Next up is to get enthusiasm back, and we all know that a good way to accomplish that is well the opposite sex. So I'll keep you posted on that as well.

I start school tomarrow (ahh) and i plan on enjoying it, if nothing more than for the people there. we will see how that goes. The good thing about school (and i can't honestly believe I'm saying this) is that it structures my life and I get more done then. No more sleeping till noon, o well. Hopefully i can strengthen my faith now too. Im going to try to implement a morning devoutional, but I'm not much of a morning person so Im not sure how that will go. I also just starting working at Aeropostal and think i am getting closer to getting a car. I'm going into school tomarrow to just have a good time for myself, so that others can enjoy me also. Lots of changes coming up. A little bit scary? yea. But you learn to love change.

Good luck with everybody returning to school.

 

[Bballer7389]

Hey man, I feel what your saying exactly, I play basketball (been palying since I was 5) and for basically my entire life, Ive defined myself by Basketball, much like you have with soccer. Well last may, I tore my ACL causing me to ahve in total 8 months of rehab (and physical therapy) alnog w/ surgery and the works. Being out for that long and away from basketball really got to me so I can see why not being able to paly soccer is bothering you. And recently I strained my hamstring at one of my summer league games, causing me to be out 4 weeks, and im still in Pt now.

All i can say is we jsut gotta fight through it and have as much fun as possible, being away from basketball has led me to exapnd in other areas of my life (more assertive with girls etc..) because I had always used basketball as an excuse not to do things, but I had decided that I had enough, and really started to slowly put myself out there. All I can say is as a previous poster had stated, Its either all good things thrown at you, or all bad things are thrown at you, you jsut gotta go through it all. Hopefully I've helped even a little bit. Peace bro.

 

[Indifference Kills]

yea thanks bballer. im glad some other (well not glad heh) but appreciative that people know what im going through. This is doing the same thing for me. i wouldnt have found this website had i not got injured because i wouldnt have had time. Its a give and take i guess.

Anyways today started school. My classes are looking pretty good, i have pretty close friends in all of them. Right not my problem is, I've never been comfortable hitting on girls at school, especially ones in my grade. Hear me out. 1. if I get shot down its wierd for awhile and it gets spread around the school. also my friends would give me, lets call it flak, for it for no less than 2 months (even though most of them wouldnt have the balls to do it)
If it did work out, i would have to see them all the time (not a bad thing i guess), but breaking up would suck. also i think they would catch on faster, especially if some of my friends leaked, if i was dating more than one girl at once. THEN the breakup would really suck. heh.
Other than that school went ok. I already have homework (gay teachers) and was tired all day. We'll see how tomarrow goes.
Enjoy your fridays men.
ah yea i have a date set up for next friday. we'll see if she flakes...

 

[saber101]

Hey Indifference Kills. I'm a Christian so I'll try to give you my explanation on why things seem to be going wrong for you. I don't really like to share my personal beliefs with people, but i'm in a situation very simular to yours so i can sympathize. I believe that every person has their own personal tribulations that they have to face in their lives. I also believes that God balances every person's tribulations equally. That means that God won't make make one person's stuggle greater than any one else's. It's kind of like an equilibrium, or a constant point that eveyone reaches (even though our stuggles are different). And although things seem glum now, they'll get better. God says he'll test you beyond what you can handle, so the fact that you have managed to stay strong means that you're a very courageous person, and you should be very proud of that. I don't know if that helps at all, or if that even makes any sense. I also hope thats not too preachy cuz thats not what i was trying to do. Also try to focus on the positives in your life. I'm sure theres a lot of dicouraging things happening, but i'm positive you've also got a lot of good things going for you in you're life. So just try to stay on the bright side. Before going to bed tell yourself that in the morning you'll have a new, more positive outlook on life. It really works. Good luck and i hope i was some help.

 

[Penguinplayer]

I say you stand up (if your hip is feeling good ) and kick some ass bro.

You got over what God bowled your way, so keeping climbing the mountain. Show your friends you've got the balls. If they gut you for what you did explain that they're insecure and maybe they should follow your lead and actually try and get somewhere with Girls. Obviuosly don't be arrogant, but try and 'lead' them into doing it themselves, lets not think about numero uno the whole time.

This broken down easily. If your scared to approach a girl and be rejected, look at yourself. If there is something wrong, looks, dress style, fix it. Once you can look the best you can and you're still scared of a redjing, there's one thing left...... The actual act of going up to the girl.

How to fix it? DO IT.
You've been through a physically painful injury, a more mentally harming recovery and your telling me you won't ask that girl out? Man, remember, and I guess you'll be feeling a little of it now, the unofficial motto of the British paratroop regiment is 'Pain is temporary, Pride is Forever'. Quite fitting.

Stiff upper lip, friend, stiff upper lip.

 

[Bballer7389]

yea thanks bballer. im glad some other (well not glad heh) but appreciative that people know what im going through. This is doing the same thing for me. i wouldnt have found this website had i not got injured because i wouldnt have had time. Its a give and take i guess.

Anyways today started school. My classes are looking pretty good, i have pretty close friends in all of them. Right not my problem is, I've never been comfortable hitting on girls at school, especially ones in my grade. Hear me out. 1. if I get shot down its wierd for awhile and it gets spread around the school. also my friends would give me, lets call it flak, for it for no less than 2 months (even though most of them wouldnt have the balls to do it)
If it did work out, i would have to see them all the time (not a bad thing i guess), but breaking up would suck. also i think they would catch on faster, especially if some of my friends leaked, if i was dating more than one girl at once. THEN the breakup would really suck. heh.
Other than that school went ok. I already have homework (gay teachers) and was tired all day. We'll see how tomarrow goes.
Enjoy your fridays men.
ah yea i have a date set up for next friday. we'll see if she flakes...

Good luck with that date man, blow her away!! :rockon:

 

[Indifference Kills]

haha thanks guys ill update then... im gonna take a break from this board until then, but any advice or anything would be great. Penguinplayer i appreciate this advice as always. your an experience guy i can tell. This week my goal is to get back into the bible (the real one not the one on picking up chicks) and start being myself. I'm realizing that im coming off as a bit arrogent right now, which I dont like so I think it needs to be changed. Im also going to work on c/f because I enjoy it and it works awesomely. I just gotta make sure to use it sparingly. I'll update maybe once more this week then I'll let you know if this date goes well. Im making her call me to firm up plans, (test, i havent seen this girl since i met her about a month and a half ago - shes one of the girls i met at the mall in the cast story saber) so if she does I'm either gonna go with putt putt or the park, then a movie/hangout at my place afterwords. I think i might go with the park because its free, plenty of action to do, and i think we could make a fire and do smores when it gets later. Any takers on which to go with?
Also since its been so long and I know nothing about this girl, I'm going to bring a bud along, and having her do the same. That way if it tanks its not a lost night, i can still hang with my friend. Plus i like helping my friends out in the ladies department because most of them need it. "Pain is temporary, Pride is forever"

ah also the situation in school (girls wise) There are numerous freshman and sophmores i think i will meet and greet this week (HOLD ME TO THIS BOYS)(and yell at me if i dont ) In my classes girls to work on - Daniele (know each other buy not close - she got alot better over the summer looks wise) Morgan (just want to get to know her shes regarded as one of the hottest girls in my grade, but shes a druggy and im not into that) Stacy (probably out of my league but we can see what goes down - known her for awhile, never really flirty) Emily (known for awhile, never flirty) Ashley (she gave me her number in the year book last year but i was grounded/busy/chicken to call at the beggining of summer, and ran out of time at the end. if i see her ill talk to her, try to get things going. Shes a year older and a babe in my opinion, but not in some peoples - just proof that all guys have different 'tastes'.) These girls are in all my classes except Ashley so ill let you know how it goes.
Pain in temporary. Pride is forever. Beautiful.

 

[Bballer7389]

haha thanks guys ill update then... im gonna take a break from this board until then, but any advice or anything would be great. Penguinplayer i appreciate this advice as always. your an experience guy i can tell. This week my goal is to get back into the bible (the real one not the one on picking up chicks) and start being myself. I'm realizing that im coming off as a bit arrogent right now, which I dont like so I think it needs to be changed. Im also going to work on c/f because I enjoy it and it works awesomely. I just gotta make sure to use it sparingly. I'll update maybe once more this week then I'll let you know if this date goes well. Im making her call me to firm up plans, (test, i havent seen this girl since i met her about a month and a half ago - shes one of the girls i met at the mall in the cast story saber) so if she does I'm either gonna go with putt putt or the park, then a movie/hangout at my place afterwords. I think i might go with the park because its free, plenty of action to do, and i think we could make a fire and do smores when it gets later. Any takers on which to go with?
Also since its been so long and I know nothing about this girl, I'm going to bring a bud along, and having her do the same. That way if it tanks its not a lost night, i can still hang with my friend. Plus i like helping my friends out in the ladies department because most of them need it. "Pain is temporary, Pride is forever"

ah also the situation in school (girls wise) There are numerous freshman and sophmores i think i will meet and greet this week (HOLD ME TO THIS BOYS)(and yell at me if i dont ) In my classes girls to work on - Daniele (know each other buy not close - she got alot better over the summer looks wise) Morgan (just want to get to know her shes regarded as one of the hottest girls in my grade, but shes a druggy and im not into that) Stacy (probably out of my league but we can see what goes down - known her for awhile, never really flirty) Emily (known for awhile, never flirty) Ashley (she gave me her number in the year book last year but i was grounded/busy/chicken to call at the beggining of summer, and ran out of time at the end. if i see her ill talk to her, try to get things going. Shes a year older and a babe in my opinion, but not in some peoples - just proof that all guys have different 'tastes'.) These girls are in all my classes except Ashley so ill let you know how it goes.
Pain in temporary. Pride is forever. Beautiful.

My AAU basketball team uses this motto, lol. But for sure man Good luck with it

 

[Penguinplayer]

Penguinplayer i appreciate this advice as always. your an experience guy i can tell

I'm gonna start with this. This is not true. My experience is probably miniscule compared to the DJs on this site. I play my game how I like it and I haven't taken 'things' far. I don't give a crap what people think, its just Sex is not a primary goal of mine. I just think dating is a damn laugh. What I like to do is get people to do things, like something that scares the **** out of them or to reach a goal. I don't take a lot a ****, nor do I spout it. I help.

So hows about you greet every single girl you mentioned. Swallow you aprehensions and go up to them, give them a smile and say hi. Remember 90/10 for the first 5-10 minutes asking questions about crap they did over the summer, then turn it 60/40 in their favour as you listen to the best things they did. You know the deal. Ask them out if your feeling ****y

Do it to everone of them. If you don't its a failure. No excuse.

 

[Indifference Kills]

Alright girl never called back for date tonight so I goin to the soccer game (which i SHOULD be playing in heh) with some buds. I gave her friend a call and her friend was not interested so i just hung up. Didnt want to really hang out with her, just wanted the call made. So I've decided that an amazing thing to do when you get flaked on like this is to: take the numbers and rip (this was this particular girls last chance) then write any negative thoughts that come into you head as to why she flakes, and BURN it. I felt a ton better. Penquin play when i said experienced i meant in life in general not just sexually, sorry for the misunderstanding. So I'm kinda pysched for this game, theres an after party after it and I might just go (normally think they are gay but i havent been to one in a year so might as well check out the girls that attend) As for penguinplayers challenge, I falled, but that can be salvaged tonight. Emily is weird - she flirts but idk its different than what im used to. No idea if shes intersted, but I will keep it posted. Danielle likes me, i believe. I know emily will be at the game tonight, hopefully danielle will be too. Today has been great so far (school was beast today) lets keep it going. More after tonight. "Pain is temporary. Pride is Forever" and
He who has the most balls left didnt live enough.

Mood: emotional (excited/angry/happy) and driven! (anger drives me more than anything)

::EDIT::

Tonight was awesome. Danced with several complete strangers, Danielle (that was dissapointing ) and my friend Morgan (not the one up above). I danced with her several times, it was very uh nice But she has a boyfriend so i was good. kinda. After parties have lost their gayness! now that im a Jounior theres plenty to go around. Dancing kinda hurt a little, but hey no pain no gain it wasnt bad enough to stop Good night Good night
Tomarrow i think i might end up being free on the afternoon, so I am gonna go hit the mall with some buds. OH yea i helped break 2 of my friends since elementary school out of their shells. WOHOO. Feels good to help. BTW when you are dancing with a girl, lead some, go with her, but most importantly go with it. Just stay in control. Like i would see a girl i wanted, ask (well ok somtimes) start dancing, then i would take her hand and lead her deeper into the crowd. I was out for a good time, didnt talk to many of the girls, just enjoyed the time. Great night

Good night men

 

[Indifference Kills]

Sunday Night: Prep For The Week

Alright so Im taking penguin players challenge this week. I am going to flirt with any girl i want. Mindset - fearless. By the end of this week i want to kill any fear or apprehension i have when approaching or talking or flirting with unknown and incredibly hot girls. Their lives are boring, so i need to make it eventful for them. I think Im a naturally charming guy, i just hide it because i think its either A. to nice or B. wont attract girls or C. get made fun of for it. But ive let that sh*t control if for far to long. I'm going to be myself this week.
I've been coming to the conclusion that I've let the advice on this site change me TOO much. It has changed me, but I've used it as a new mask to not get hurt. I am incredibly confident because of this site, and for that I am grateful. I've also learned alot more about females, for which I am also grateful. But some of the ideas on this site - like being nice is wrong, girls arent as good as men, ect. well they are crap. And trying to follow them has made me fake in some aspects, so no more of that.
Right now I have a really heavy heart because of some stuff that gone down (close friend falling away and dont think ill be able to dance anymore it hurt like hell yesterday and today) But that will pass. A big part of it is that I'm conflicted in my own head. One part of me wants to be the Christian, while the other part wants to have fun all the time, which means 'sinning'. I've followed that part alot this weekend and the thing of it is, i feel bad not because i sinned but because i sinned and dont regret it. I danced dirty with girls, cussed up a storm, and i know it should come to bite me in the a$$ but idk i guess ill just have to wait for God to bring it all down. He will eventually, and if He doesn't... well idk. Maybe I'll change on my own.. idk. Im so goddamned indecisive right now. I guess this'll pass too.
Well any tips, burns, advice, encouragement is welcome as always guys.
Let me know what you think and how stupid that thinking is.
untill tomarrow
me

 

[Indifference Kills]

Monday and Tuesday

So the last 2 days have been those days where i have felt like crap or been completely out of it. Monday my 'injured' area hurt like a b*tch all day (from dancing friday.......) and i was completely out of it. Today i just couldnt concentrate on anything, and kinda coasted through the whole day of school. Time to grows some balls and step up to the plate.
Tired and going to bed.

 

[Indifference Kills]

Wednesday

Hard day today... I was fine in my first 2 classes, but in my last 2 classes my fractures flared up really bad. This injury is really starting to suck.

 

[Indifference Kills]

tomarrow - mall. Any openers you guys have that you know work well, besides observational? Im more than willing to try some out if you've thought of any also.
Ill repost afterwards and let you know how it went. Im going with a bud so we will see how well we work together. Untill tomarrow
Me

 

[A_BetterMAN]

haha ya im interested in learning how to pick up from the mall too .

I think the gals travel in groups though , so have to look out for gals on their own or if u got the guts go for a group.

 

[Indifference Kills]

Aftermath

Alright so labor day sucks for mall cruising. Girls with parents/boyfriends, and not that many good ones. No numbers BUT me and my bud came up with a new lets call it 'tactic'. So after getting sick of all the good looking girls at the side of their moms, I finally had had it. Me and my bud caught the eye of an gorgeous girl. Shes with her mom. So i convince him of a plan, and we executed perfectly. Heres how it went. We waited until we got positive signals from the girl (they were going to my bud, so he took her) they we walked up and I told the mom i was doing a survey for journalism class, and that we needed a mom and daughter shopping together. Then i told her that the two of them needed to be seperated, so that their responses wouldnt be affected by each other (golden) Now Im making up questions left and right, while my bud has all the time in the world to game this girl. Unfortunatly she was 20 (Goddam she looked 16!) so he didnt go for it, but the plan worked perfectly. We pulled it again at the grocery store on the way home, and he gave me a good minute and a half with another hot girl. It was even easier that time, because he just went up and told them we were doing a survey about shopping, and had the girl hold the lsit, while he took her mom away to quiz her on what was on the list. So i just had time to game her. No result though (i didnt go for it - shes friends with the seniors in my school who get wasted and do sh*t im not into every weekend.) Still its been field tested twice, with great results on getting the parents away. I think me and him are gonna go do it again next weekend.
Now im gonna make another post, you should check it out, its called:
Stop thinking - Act

Later

 

[Paper Boy]

Great!