My NC journal

[jnice48146]

Alright, so I just went NC two days ago from a 9 month relationship that I had invested way too much in emotionally. Yesterday was my 1st full day. I have ignored the 3 texts she sent me yesterday with relative ease. When it got difficult was as I went to bed last night. All I could think off was the good times we'd had so often in the beginning, and the few we'd had recently. It was hard to sleep. I have no illusions as to the fact that this is HER loss, and I'M definitely better off without her, but I can't say that it doesn't sting. I'm just trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of her. I wanted to make this journal so that I can go back later and remember how I felt at each stage of my "recovery" from this oneitis, and maybe it can help someone else down the road as well.

 

[jnice48146]

Okay, so now I'm back to day 2. I broke NC on NYE, when she texted me about how she was pissed about some sh*t she heard through a mutual friend. Instead of holding my ground and ignoring her, I texted back and argued with her, providing her fix (drama). I'd like to say it was the alcohol that made me do it but, if I'm gonna be real with myself, it was the AFC taking over. I shouldn't have done it, it was a TOTAL MIND F*CK! Why must I learn EVERYTHING the HARD WAY?

Oh, well. There's no sense in beating myself up over it. I just have to let the way I've felt for the last few days be my motivation to keep NC. If she texts me again I will delete it without even reading it. I'm done letting this B*TCH mindf*ck me just to make herself feel good and boost her ego. I honestly feel like I was making progress before the contact, and that it set me back further than when I first began. She probably did that to keep me from spinning any plates on NYE, and it worked.

I'm seriously considering trying to F her sister at this point! HA!

 

[Lion]

You sound pretty angry about yourself and the girl. NC is for you to look forward and project your new life.
I've chosen NC for a week now and it gets better, sure there are tough times but you need to focus on your game and start approaching females you feel attracted to.
Besides it's early days, Day 2 and you have the rest of your life ahead of you!

 

[jnice48146]

Yeah Lion, I guess I am a bit angry, mostly with myself because I knew better. I went against my gut, which is not typical of me, and got burned.

You're absolutetly right, though. I have the rest of my life ahead of me, and it will get easier. I'm headed out right now, and if I see a girl I'm attracted to, I'm definitely gonna approach her. Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[jnice48146]

Ok, so I've made it through day 5. She is still texting me here and there, but I wont answer, or even read them. Just delete 'em! Its getting easier with every day. I've been upping the intensity of my workouts (adding weight, reps, sets) and going over material to tighten up my game. Putting the effort into myself that used to be wasted on her feels great! I've even started spinning a couple of plates. In a month from now I won't even know what I was so upset about that chick for anyway. Seems silly already.

 

[seano99]

good work man. gym is a good place to put your energy

 

[jnice48146]

Thanks, seano!

 

[jnice48146]

Update: Day 10

So I,ve made it through 9 full days of NC. I'm feeling great! I allowed myself one day to sulk and reflect on where things went wrong, what I could/ should have done differently. That was a week ago. I highly recommend that to anyone who goes NC. Just don't dwell on it. Allow yourself a day or two, then stop wallowing in self pity!

I've been keeping myself really busy. I'm hitting the gym harder. I've been reconnecting with lifelong friends that I "shelved" during the LTR. I've been putting more time and effort into myself, and my game. I start training in a Judo dojo tomorrow, which I plan to do 3-4 days a week. I've even been putting some extra effort in at work.

The people I'm close with tell me they see a huge change in me. They tell me I look better, I walk taller, and I'm fun to be around. My best friend's wife and sister in law told me its like I'm "electric", and when I had to leave from a dinner party early last week, they jumped up and gave me hugs and made me promise I'd come back and hang out with them next week! Probably because I'm just really having fun with every woman I talk to, regardless of interest in them.

Yeah boys, I've got my swagger back, I'm new and improved, and I owe a lot of it to this forum and the rock-solid advice and support I've received! Thanks DJs!

 

[seano99]

wow man good work. maybe you can help me, i'm really struggling.

i read you broke up from a 9 month relationship, mine was only 3 months - so in theory i should be well over her.

i'm up to day 39 (had to check the calendar) and without fail i've thought about her every single day (the good thing is for all she knows i haven't thought about her once!). now it's easy for me to give advice to others on here, but so much harder to take my own advice and take action.

i want to be electric too man, and i used to be! but i'm flat (altho i probably do put on a good act when i'm around others). she told me we were perfect etc etc blah blah, then pulled away, it just kills me. i've figured out it's my ego that took a beating - i always had girls chasing me (6 at once before this) and i didn't care, then i met this one who i really clicked with. so it's almost like this blindside rejection really damaged my confidence?? (edit: maybe because that happened once before 5 years ago and that did the single most damage to me i can remember). i also think too much :/

like you i analysed where it went wrong etc etc, but it's almost like she played the game until she had me (she told me we were perfect and she wanted us to be together, then 2 weeks later when i agreed, she became a different person). so it sucks to get used like that. i said too much "stuff" and probably ruined a lot of the mystery/challenge for her.

it's the numb sad feeling inside that sometimes does make it hard to smile. i've started smoking pot maybe 5 nights a week for the past few weeks, not too much - but just maybe 2 tokes to stop me from thinking. and it works, but i think it has a tradeoff - i sleep too long in the morning, and i am a bit less productive during the day.

i'm hitting gym, i'm still going out socialising, taking my dog to the beach etc etc.

the thing is even tho this chick was awesome, i can do better. and i will do better. but for me, i've always found that i cant move past an ex, until i have strong interest in another girl. in this regard i realised maybe i do rely on a girl for happiness - wrong i know. but before this girl put my heart in a blender i never did. she brought out my AFC that had been gone for years.

i did talk a lot to my best friend (a girl) about this but i cant talk to her anymore because she is not my personal psychologist, and it's not fair on her. so i'm keeping it inside now and it's eating me one day at a time.

how are you going so great after 10 days vs 9 months, and i'm struggling for air after 39 days vs 3 months??

just needed to vent....... i hate being flat.

cheers mate, keep up the good progress.

 

[jnice48146]

Well, seano, everyone make progress at their own rate I suppose. A big concern from what you've written above is the self-medicating. I did it with alcohol for the first few days, but eventually you have to let yourself hurt so that you can work through those feelings. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an anti-pot guy or anything (did it for years!), its just that if you stay numb you'll never heal.

Good work keeping busy. That's key. And make no mistake, I think about her every day. I'm constantly reminded of her and our time together. I've just been able to chalk this up as a learning expeience. It sounds like our situations are very similar. I played the game, she told me she loves me, and I was feeling it too but kept my feelings hidden until after that. Everything was downhill from there. I though she was mature enough to be above these little games women play but I was wrong. I think the more into a chick I am, the less she's ever gonna know about, from now on.

Just keep doing what you're doing, except let yourself have SOME time to grieve. Its natural, and it gets easier. Just don't wallow in it, that's counterproductive. Good Luck!

 

[seano99]

hey mate thanks for taking the time to reply. i didn't come to this thread sooner because i've actually been really good the last day or so. feeling much more positive and getting organised with my life again, etc etc.

yeah man our situations sound similar. it's the thrill of the chase for them. i've been posting on another thread that i could recommend:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170256

hope life has been good for you man. talk soon

 

[jnice48146]

Day 16 - Making some SERIOUS progress!

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170455

As far as the NC chick, she will still text me once in a while, still not reading them. She tried calling but I recognize her #, and don't answer then just delete the voicemail. She got sneaky and called from a # I didn't know. I didn't answer, but checked the voicemail, to hear her saying that she misses me, and why am I ignoring her, and can't we just hang out and see what happens, blah, blah, blah! Maybe one day I'll let her into my rotation, but not until I have a STRONG roster, and not until the 60 days of NC are up!

 

[jnice48146]

Update; Day 20

For some damn reason I woke up with her on my mind, and its put me into a bit of a funk. I'm still doing pretty well, definitely no contact. Thoughts of her are usually few and far between these days. But for some reason today is different.

I struggled not to think about her all morning at work. I decided that I'd go get some Chinese food for lunch. I ate it, then I noticed my fortune cookie. This is what the fortune said " Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life." I just got coached up by an EFFIN' FORTUNE COOKIE!

This stupid little piece of paper put things back in perspective for me. I've got my mind right, now. I'll keep on keepin' on, that's what I do!

 

[seano99]

you got a good outlook man

 

[jnice48146]

Thanks, seano. I hope you're doing better. You should read the link attached to my day 16 update if you haven't already. Yeah, things are looking up for ol' jnice!

 

[jnice48146]

Update: one month

Okay, so its been a month of NC, and I'm feeling great. She was trying to contact me for the first 2-3 weeks but she has stopped, and I really couldn't care less. Now I'm hearing that she is talking a lot of sh*t about me through mutual friends, etc. I know its just her way of trying to get me to contact her, if even just to cuss her out. No way am I giving this stupid little girl what she wants!

So last Saturday I escorted a female friend to her friend's wedding, where I knew pretty much no one but my date. I put on a nice suit and a smile, and was very mindful of my posture, and eye contact all night. I was very social, and she felt comfortable wandering around to talk to friends and leaving me to fend for myself. At one point she came back and I had 5 people I've never met before at the table with me engaged in conversation, and having a ball with me.

Later in the night she returned from a lengthy stint in the ladies room grinning stupidly and staring into my eyes. I asked her what was up and she told me that she just got grilled by 5 of her female friends about me! They wanted to know if we were "f" ing, was she gonna "F" me, etc. Her two friends ,that are a Bi- sexual female couple, actually said that they wanted she and I to come home with them! ( Didn't happen, my female friend is a bigger girl and a bit insecure, plus I think she probably wants me for herself.) Another friend, the Matron of Honor and a married woman, flat out asked my friend if she minded if she tried to f*ck me!

Hearing this, I turned everything way up! At the end of the reception my friend and I hit a near-by bar with the Bi-sexual couple and thye Matron of Honor. Talk about social proof! Every woman in that place was looking at me!

ALL THIS WAS ACHEIVED BY SIMPLY BEING CONFIDENT! This just reinforces an abundance mentality, and makes me so HAPPY to be out of that unhealthy LTR! Thanks for reading and all the support!

 

[Diaforetikos]

GOOD SH!T MAN!! Your posts were the one of first things I read when I joined back in december. You've really come a long way in a month. It's crazy to know that this stuff actually works. And from your latest post, your walking proof. Your learning and applying. It's just crazy to me to see your progress from a month ago. Keep it up man!!!

 

[jnice48146]

@^: Hey, thanks a lot man! I've just been focusing on improvimg myself, and the rest is falling into place. I'm so grateful for sosuave.com and this forum. This is where I found the info, help, and support that's got me on my way to being a very successful DJ!