My name’s Jariel and I’m an AFC

[backbreaker]

while i agree that this is a problem, you would think that at least some girls would be a little more forgiving and not be so quick to next.

I mean, what the hell. When I meet a girl and kind of picture what she is like based on first impressions, Its not like I throw her out like yesterdays garbage just because she isnt exactly what i pictured. I still let it play out a while longer.

Jariel is only getting a couple dates and they are nexting, how can a person be so rigid as to next someone they THOUGHT was super confident and great looking but then saw the person had some insecurities. Thats nuts if u ask me. Its not like he's acting like some kind of manic depressive freak.

you would if you had other plates to spin. the difference between you and the women he is dating is that women get hit on so much have so many orbiters that they can quite easily branch swing, moreso than most guys can , therefore they lose attention quicker.

all it takes is at that point is another good looking/attractive guy to give her some attention with a new slate so to speak.


when you don't have options, male or female,k you are willing to put up / tolerate more

 

[st_99]

. the difference between you and the women he is dating is that women get hit on so much have so many orbiters that they can quite easily branch swing, moreso than most guys can , therefore they lose attention quicker.

yeah, thats a good point.

 

[vatoloco]

Jariel, before I comment on this thread, let me ask you: "What is it that you want from women?"

 

[Jariel]

while i agree that this is a problem, you would think that at least some girls would be a little more forgiving and not be so quick to next.

I mean, what the hell. When I meet a girl and kind of picture what she is like based on first impressions, Its not like I throw her out like yesterdays garbage just because she isnt exactly what i pictured. I still let it play out a while longer.

Jariel is only getting a couple dates and they are nexting, how can a person be so rigid as to next someone they THOUGHT was super confident and great looking but then saw the person had some insecurities. Thats nuts if u ask me. Its not like he's acting like some kind of manic depressive freak.

Well to be honest, this has been my dilemma - a real head fvck! For example, these girls really seem to melt when they're with me. They get shy and flustered, lay on the compliments and they act like schoolgirls with a crush. This latest girl told me how safe I made her feel, how she had a feeling I was someone special, and her actions spoke even louder than her words as she went out of her way to satisfy me sexually and the way she cuddled up close to me at night, entwining her legs with mine and kissing me as I slept. For her to suddenly break it all off (even deleted me from her Facebook friends) 2 days later really makes my head spin.

As you say, I'm not acting like a depressive freak and in that short time between leaving her and being rejected, I sent only 3 texts, one of which was accepting her suggestion to meet again.

Whatever it is that's placing these doubts in women's minds has to be big! If it was something physical, it's unlikely they'd have sex with me. And they certainly wouldn't have sex with me several times.

My theory is that I portray myself as emotionally vulnerable and they see this as a liability. Women like to have the option of changing their mind. In an ideal situation, she'd take every day as it comes and our relationship would either flourish or fall apart with no hard feelings. But because I appear too vulnerable (and perhaps too keen) it adds too much pressure. They're afraid to take that chance with me in case they end up hurting me or I turn clingy. So it comes down to all or nothing.

But because they get caught up in the emotional and sexual excitement of the moment, it doesn't really occur to them at the time. It's only when the dust has settled that they start thinking about it with a clearer mindset...hence the delayed change of heart.

Now, if I can get rid of this sweet, supplicating vibe, take more control and show more confidence, these women might be willing to take that chance and see how things develop.

 

[Jariel]

Jariel, before I comment on this thread, let me ask you: "What is it that you want from women?"

An exclusive relationship that involves a balance of friendship, sexual activity and someone to wake upto in a morning. That said, what it really comes down to is trying to find that ecstatic feeling of being close to someone special and the emotional high.

This is going to sound corny, but there's nothing quite like lying cuddled up next to someone you care about, feeling her body rise and fall with each breath, smelling the shampoo in her hair or the perfume on her neck, and feeling that she wants to be there with you, just as much as you want to be with her.

 

[Jariel]

"Anxiety creates attraction. The more anxiety you create in a woman, the more she will lower her guard enough so that your game will be well-received. It forces her to question her value instead of yours. In any casual relationship, one person is creating anxiety while the other person is receiving it. If you’re not the one creating it, then it’s not her that’s getting gamed."

Thanks for the great quote and great link. This is absolutely true, of men as well as women. This is one aspect I've really neglected from my game in recent times.

 

[TopGun2000]

I’m always way too polite and considerate, caring too much about how people think of me.

This is probably your biggest problem. :nono: You don't truly believe in yourself nor act like a real man. All the initial phase behaviors are acting. You need to work on your true confidence.

 

[rhcp83]

An exclusive relationship that involves a balance of friendship, sexual activity and someone to wake upto in a morning. That said, what it really comes down to is trying to find that ecstatic feeling of being close to someone special and the emotional high.

This is going to sound corny, but there's nothing quite like lying cuddled up next to someone you care about, feeling her body rise and fall with each breath, smelling the shampoo in her hair or the perfume on her neck, and feeling that she wants to be there with you, just as much as you want to be with her.

The problem isn't your personality. It's that you have the blessing and curse of being in that top 1 percent isle of looks, where you exude a sexuality physically speaking that most men, even good looking men, don't. Because of that, you are stereotyped in women eyes...and they either see you as a booty call, or they expect more out of you personality wise (They see you as their prince, and when they find out you're just a regular guy, are disappointed, and like other guys have said, jump to another 1 percent isle looking guy who has a matching personality.)

The problem is likely that you are attracting and/or going for the wrong women. A woman that really liked you, and not just "Wow I'm with some really hot guy" would appreciate the qualities you have. Think of your past LTRs. Did you have to wonder how to act around them? Or did you just be yourself? (Not AFC "be yourself" but a good version of yourself?)

I actually used to love your posts 4-5 years ago when you spoke about being true to yourself, not playing games, using tactics. i remember this long post you made about a breakthrough you had about how seduction is supplication, and how any guy who is willing to turn into a phony to attract women is putting on an act, and that is the ultimate act of supplication and no better than some flower giving on the first date AFC.

I'm actually kind of glad I'm just decent looking to most. My outside and insides match. So if a girl likes me, she likes the real me, not because I'm a commodity due to looks/money/fame etc. . You have to wonder "is this girl just with me because I'm super hot?"

 

[Aaron B]

give them what they prove through their actions that they respond to, not what you think they will respond to, and not what other people think is the appropriate way to "treat a lady"

from her perspective, this isn't even about you at all. its about her.

logically, if she actually cared about you as a person and your feelings she wouldn't run from you. she would be selfless and stay with you. this isn't about you. it's about her (from her perspective).

give her what she responds to and she will stay in your life. try to give her what society indoctrinates you to believe she has to have and watch her run for the hills.

you are playing a role. nothing more, nothing less.

sounds cold? doesn't matter. it's reality. refuse to accept it at your peril.

oh and people-pleasing and caring what people think of you is incredibly selfish and arrogant behavior (when you allow it to determine your actions to your own detriment). it assumes that you are responsible for the moods and feelings of those around you, when in reality you have only a tiny influence over it. you simply aren't the center of their universes (they are). they aren't focused on you. get over yourself.

 

[floydb25]

You're on the right track... Eliminating the ego, not blaming women, understanding what's going wrong with a clear head, realizing the common denominator (ie, you)... All good things to do.

Because you're physically attractive, women want to have sex with you. But, because you have no game and don't know how to attract them - they don't want a relationship with you. You're like a nice guy who gets sex. They don't feel any excitement, or much of anything, but think you're hot. Correct?

I think your mindset is causing a lot of these problems. Like you said, too much complacency. If a woman shows interest initially - you probably think its going to remain that way. Not at all true. She's most interested when you're not. You have to keep it that way. You have to keep them intrigued and guessing.

What's probably kicking your ass the most is your intentions, and how you go about them. You want a relationship, so you show them this. Acting all nice and polite, not rocking the boat, being too available, showing interest and affection too soon this, that, and the other. This builds a lot of comfort, but not attraction. In fact, it kills the attraction.

You must build the attraction before comfort. Dating before relationship. I think you're trying to get a relationship by acting like you want one. You probably want to show them your intentions, but it just turns them off. When you don't want a relationship - they do. When you don't show affection - they do. And so forth.

A lot of what you think is right is actually wrong. It doesn't make any sense, but that's the way it is. I think you're realizing this now. Your conditioning, and what you think they want has to change. It's not what they respond to, because they don't feel anything.

People view you as you make them feel. Being the nice guy doesn't make them feel anything for you - other than friendship. Or, friends who like each other. You're viewed as predictable, boring, neutral, friendly, nice... Just a simple fact.

I also think you're treating women like they're special and unique. So, you act all nice to them, and they view you as friendly. You have to treat them like you do your friends - with some sexual tension mixed in. You're not super nice and accommodating to your friends, so stop being that way towards women.

You need to flip the script. Act like you don't want a relationship. Don't treat them as special. Just chill and have fun with no expectations. Don't be predictable or boring. Present a challenge. Tease them, bust their chops, act ****y, etc. Date around. Be yourself... Your fun, exciting, independent self. Don't try to act all proper to win them over - because it doesn't work. All of this other stuff works to create attraction, which will improve your chances of getting a relationship.

You have to be exciting, passionate, interesting, etc, and this demands doing a lot of non-nice things. This doesn't mean you have to be an abusive jerk... Just not too nice. Sometimes you have to act bad to become good.

You can't go overboard with this stuff though. You have to show potential... That, you do have depth, intelligence, and a personality. It's all a balancing act. Not too nice, but not too bad. Gradually give more and become nicer as time goes on.

 

[vatoloco]

Jariel, before I comment on this thread, let me ask you: "What is it that you want from women?"

An exclusive relationship that involves a balance of friendship, sexual activity and someone to wake upto in a morning

I kinda got the feeling this was the case but I wanted you to own up to it. None of this bullshit of being dishonest with yourself. It just hinders your chances at success with what you're really looking for. If an exclusive LTR is what you're looking for, then go for it. Just be smart about it.

That said, what it really comes down to is trying to find that ecstatic feeling of being close to someone special and the emotional high.

Now, don't get me wrong. It's nice to feel all those things and all. But when we humans get too emotionally-obsessed with a particular thing or concept [or woman! ], we tend not to see things objectively. I get the feeling that your very enthusiastic need to feel these things is what's hindering you in your goal. Usually, the more we want something, the more we [subconsciously] sabotage ourselves. My recommendation would be to tone down the neediness for these feelings. If you feel that you can't control them, then there's probably an underlying issue with yourself that only a licensed professional could help you with. Full disclosure: I am not a relationship expert. I only play one on TV.

You may or may not share the vision of "Love" that Hollywood/Society lambast us with. I'd recommend taking a more relaxed approach in your pursuit of women: just go out there and have fun! You are definitely at an advantage over us the average- and above-average-looking folks! Use it. Spin many plates. Weed out the bad ones. Keep a rotation of good ones... until one hints at/requests exclusivity and agrees to your terms.

This is going to sound corny, but there's nothing quite like lying cuddled up next to someone you care about, feeling her body rise and fall with each breath, smelling the shampoo in her hair or the perfume on her neck, and feeling that she wants to be there with you, just as much as you want to be with her.

This is all fine and dandy but you also have to consider that in order to have a successful relationship, you need to have 2 healthy individuals working towards the common goal of being even more happy together. Are you a happy individual yourself? Or is the need for a relationship trying to fill a void that needs to be taken care of first?

Successful relationships are when both parties complement, not need each other.

 

[floydb25]

What Aaron said is also very true. Believe and assume nothing. At all. Ever. Follow their actions, and what they respond to. Don't try making things out to be bigger than they are, because the two are not connected. Focus on the facts only. Either something is working, and they're attracted, or its not, and they don't. Always follow their interest level. Don't believe their excuses, and all that fluff.

 

[rhcp83]

He just has to go about things differently. Since he wants a successful LTR, get to know her, don't have sex right away. Let her get to see your real personality, and you'll know whether she likes "the real you" or not. Draw out the sexual tension.

You're a lot, ironically, like the girl that puts out right away and the guy leaves because there's no longer any mystery and he got the dessert.

Study the girl. Is she just talking about how hot you are all the time and gawking at you, or does she take interest in what you're saying too?

You'd probably likely also do better with a super good looking woman, since she's in the same situation, and also is used to attention. My guess (and this is just a guess) is that you're banging these 7/8s that are like "Wow I'm with a 10." Another true 10 could give two sh*ts that you're hot. It will get you the interview, but she'll want a guy that actually likes her and isn't just impressed by her beauty.

Similar people date similar people.

 

[backbreaker]

the only problem, real problem i see here, is that the OP thinks you go about getting a LTR differently than you go about getting establishing a good FB or something like that, and there isn't.

lol, you can't predetermine what you want a woman to be, a woman tells you by her actions what she is. You make them all go through the same gammit, spin plates, give all your plates equal time, and it will be come clear as day what girl is what. "oh that's the girl i can go to the movies with and spend the night with, go out with everytime but i could never take her seriously" or "that's my bottom ***** right there lol" or "that's the girl that brings me free food from her job when she gets off work and we have sex and she goes home to her kids/husband".. whatever. Every plate has an idea role, just like a pitcher in baseball that they are most comfortable in. NOt everyone is a starting pitcher. Some women will thrive in doing middle relief work. sooner or later you will met a girl that you say"that's that honestly compliments me and i could see myself settling down with".


you also have to know the traps that come with each type of woman. The first woman, the movie and spend the night plate will date other men, simply to try to get under your skin and get you to commit. the more you don't commit the more "into you" she will become. but regardless of what she does, you can't take her seriously because you know the only reason she wants you is because she doesn't have you, she doesn't want you because you are a great catch or you really compliment her. If she finds a guy that wants to make an honest woman out of her, or try to, wish her the best and move on. (this is why I am stil on pretty good terms with alot of my Ex's)

You have to understand that just because a middle reliever, throws a lights out 2-3 innings, it doesn't mean that they shoudl be promoted to the starting rotation.

just stop trying to force it and enjoy the ride for what it is. That's why I dodn't understand the guys who say "well I just want a LTR" or " i just want to have sex all the time", because it's the same god damn process. you will sleep with a bunch of women when there is no LTR type woman ion sight, and when you spin enough plates and find the right one, you will eventually start to cut off the other plates.

 

[floydb25]

Backbreaker: Yes... Very yes. In a seperate post, the OP mentioned that these girls seemed like relationship material, so he acted the part. No good. No woman should be treated differently - because they all respond to the same things at the core level. You must always keep the game where its supposed to be, and see which ones pan out from there. No exceptions.

 

[floydb25]

Rhcp: Nah... Most gorgeous women are no good for relationships. They're usually the most shallow ones around, and date based on looks and status. Their lifestyles and way of thinking doesn't match what is needed for an LTR. I used to date them constantly. It just wasn't there with them.

I don't doubt that he's chasing after the right women... He's just not going about it the right way. He's treating those he wants a relationship differently than those he doesn't. Ironically, those are the ones who want HIM. That's all the evidence he needs. You have to treat those you do want like those you don't. Maybe not to this extreme, but close to it.

 

[BigJimbo]

Guys...

Sad that none of you boys grew up with William Zabka. Now you sorry souls have Hollywood trash that look like they should be wearing panties. Movies are B.S. but we all know that young men believe them. Zabka would have given you boys someone to learn from. God Rest His Soul.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qco4RGHhJGo&feature=fvwrel
A pure punk that the made the girls wet. That was Zabka.

 

[Serg897]

Rhcp: Nah... Most gorgeous women are no good for relationships. They're usually the most shallow ones around, and date based on looks and status. Their lifestyles and way of thinking doesn't match what is needed for an LTR.

I think this is true. That is, until their looks start to fade and they want kids.

 

[HariPoter13]

Jariel, do women approach you first?


P.S. Your inbox is full.

 

[floydb25]

I think this is true. That is, until their looks start to fade and they want kids.

In my experience, they usually have kids already. But, they continue on the same shallow lifestyles regardless. Having kids doesn't change them. They can't be conditioned to behave a certain way - when they're used to the status quo. That's why I always laugh when older women still dress like skanks and act like children. It's how they've been their whole life.