"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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My most AFC text. Help lol!

The_Crack

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Met this chick at a uni party, and she was SMOKING hot and would be a solid 9 in my books, we hit it off GREAT! excellent chemistry and connection, we were making each other laugh. Conversations about sex, blow jobs, etc. A good make out at the end before she had to leave.
So i text her the following night and here is the transcript. I was extremely AFC in this convo, i know! But she was just so dam hot, i was such a b1tch and played it relatively safe and felt soft as f.k.
the convo:

me: hey anal hater, how'd your body feel this morning?
her: ah yeah not that great lol.. i don't actually remember much from last night. still have a head ache
me: ah thats brutal.. do you remember our lengthy convo on anal sex and how we hate smokers haha?
her: ha umm barely :/ i remember andrew trying to blow smoke rings
me: and you destroyed his ciggarette right after it haha! its a shame you don't remember our convo, probably stuff of legends with the **** we talked :p
her: oh god what did i say? did i completely embarass myself? i usually do that. i don't shut up when im drunk :/
me:it ranged from anal sex, to blow jobs, to nursing to smoking to being a hermit and again to anal sex haha! Thats all i remember, i was kinda drunk too.. we did share a good makeout though, solid 7.5/10!
her: oh god really :/
me: haha don't worry you didn't embarrass yourself! :)

no response after that.

geez typing that out kind make me cringe, i usually never have such a bland, b1tch kind of attitude in my texts. Feel like such a chump reading that :/

I kind of know where i went wrong, but any suggestions would be helpful on how i could improve my text game and how i could've better handled this situation!
 
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"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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muscleman

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Your covert communication (subtle innuendo) needs work. Why would you mention anal sex over and over?

Never send emoticons. Ever. No extreme-range emotions like "haha" and "!". You come off as too excited, which you are. Subdue that and you'll be a lot sexier.

You'll get better as you practice sending shorter, concise texts.

Texting with a girl you haven't fvcked yet is primarily for setting up a date. Even after the sex, keep the texting sparse - she needs time to miss you.

"Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion". -Ninon d'Lenclos

Was that the last text exchange? Say something like "let's grab a drink. Keep it PG this time."
 

SamTheHobit

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Don't listen to mucle man..

There's properly nothing you could've done to make the exchange any better..

She's a flake and we all know it.

...

On a side not what with just using text to a range a meet up? It's called building report.
 

Skalioppe

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Yep without doubt the most AFC text sequence I've ever read. Well done though, it beats paying for a flashing green neon sign with "Anal obsessed AFC here!"

Her anti-slut defence is in full regret mode now. She'll find it embarrassing even communicating with you.

Here's how I would've played it:
me: hey trouble, how'd your body feel this morning?
her: ah yeah not that great lol.. i don't actually remember much from last night. still have a head ache
me: Hair of dog time! My memories are fairly vague too, but you're obviously a bad influence on me so I'm just texting you warning that I'm resuming the corrupter role around here... ;o)
her: I'm not that bad am I?
me : Leave that to me to decide later, well I'm sorry, you've no choice but to make it up to me, so we're going out one night this week, how's Thursday looking for you?

Your only slim hope is to probably wait a few days (important) and try something like this:
me: hey trouble, feeling better? If I wasn't as liberated as you I'd have to disown you for being a bad influence on me. Fortunately, bad boys aren't corruptible. Let's grab a coffee later and plan our world domination, OK?

But NO APOLOGIES at all from you - always err on the side of being a cvnt and never revoke something you've done.
 

The_Crack

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muscleman said:
Your covert communication (subtle innuendo) needs work. Why would you mention anal sex over and over?

Never send emoticons. Ever. No extreme-range emotions like "haha" and "!". You come off as too excited, which you are. Subdue that and you'll be a lot sexier.

You'll get better as you practice sending shorter, concise texts.

Texting with a girl you haven't fvcked yet is primarily for setting up a date. Even after the sex, keep the texting sparse - she needs time to miss you.

"Love never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion". -Ninon d'Lenclos

Was that the last text exchange? Say something like "let's grab a drink. Keep it PG this time."
I do alot of my chatting through text and IM so i'm kinda used to the "haha's" and "!!"'s but i think you're right. I should tone it down with the texts.
I find it really hard to get an initial meet up if there isn't sufficient text convo though. Maybe i should work harder at comfort when i first meet her?

But i think i'll adopt what you said. Thanks alot man. and yeah that was the last exchange.. no response. I added her on fb which was also a chump move :/
should i still ask her for a drink?
I think i'll just leave it at that, cause i might see her around campus sometime and just chat to her then?
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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The_Crack

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SamTheHobit said:
Don't listen to mucle man..

There's properly nothing you could've done to make the exchange any better..

She's a flake and we all know it.

...

On a side not what with just using text to a range a meet up? It's called building report.
Muscleman brings up valid points though. I've been using text to build rapport for a while and its kind of a hit and miss.. it works it somegirls and with others it just burns.
ive never really tried the cold and conciece way of texting, so i might give it a crack
 

The_Crack

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Skalioppe said:
Yep without doubt the most AFC text sequence I've ever read. Well done though, it beats paying for a flashing green neon sign with "Anal obsessed AFC here!"

Her anti-slut defence is in full regret mode now. She'll find it embarrassing even communicating with you.

Here's how I would've played it:
me: hey trouble, how'd your body feel this morning?
her: ah yeah not that great lol.. i don't actually remember much from last night. still have a head ache
me: Hair of dog time! My memories are fairly vague too, but you're obviously a bad influence on me so I'm just texting you warning that I'm resuming the corrupter role around here... ;o)
her: I'm not that bad am I?
me : Leave that to me to decide later, well I'm sorry, you've no choice but to make it up to me, so we're going out one night this week, how's Thursday looking for you?

Your only slim hope is to probably wait a few days (important) and try something like this:
me: hey trouble, feeling better? If I wasn't as liberated as you I'd have to disown you for being a bad influence on me. Fortunately, bad boys aren't corruptible. Let's grab a coffee later and plan our world domination, OK?

But NO APOLOGIES at all from you - always err on the side of being a cvnt and never revoke something you've done.
yeah i won't be suprised if she'll never want to talk to me again haha
your way might work for you, but my personality doesn't sync in with that.. but i get your gist and i'll try use a bit of that.

yeah i never apologize in any texts anyways.

Thing is even after this, i don't really give a f.k. I'm posting this here so that i can improve, but in terms of the girl itself i couldn't care less if she doesn't respond.
 

muscleman

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The_Crack said:
I do alot of my chatting through text and IM so i'm kinda used to the "haha's" and "!!"'s but i think you're right. I should tone it down with the texts.
I find it really hard to get an initial meet up if there isn't sufficient text convo though. Maybe i should work harder at comfort when i first meet her?

But i think i'll adopt what you said. Thanks alot man. and yeah that was the last exchange.. no response. I added her on fb which was also a chump move :/
should i still ask her for a drink?
I think i'll just leave it at that, cause i might see her around campus sometime and just chat to her then?
Then don't do as much texts and IMs. That's for girls. Girls TALK, guys DO. Girls TALK about what guys DO. So be a DOER not a TALKER. You'll find a happy medium that works for you, but in texts/IMs less is almost always more.

You scored a makeout with her upon first meeting her so you built plenty of comfort. You could have been more aggressive though, especially at a uni party with a 9. Next time try to get the makeout earlier and escalate earlier in general. If she was that into you (and that drunk) you might have even gotten an SNL right then and there. ****ed her in the bathroom, or get head behind a car, something. Don't dwell on the "what ifs", but learn and prepare better for next time.

I'd let a day go by since your last text and then text her what I suggested. If she responds and accepts, great. If not, don't text her again. If you see her on campus, just say hi and be a little disinterested. See how (if) she responds. Mentally though, move on.

In text exchanges the girl should have the last message, most times. It's a subtle move, but you can then text her at any time since she sent the last one. Little things like this actually matter.

Adding a girl on facebook isn't a chump move at all. Girls spend an unbelievable amount of time facebook stalking, so having her in your "potential harem" is a good thing and keeps communication lines open for the future. Facebook game is another beast entirely and I will do a write-up on how to make your profile, your wall, and your pictures work to your greatest advantage.
 

The_Crack

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muscleman said:
Then don't do as much texts and IMs. That's for girls. Girls TALK, guys DO. Girls TALK about what guys DO. So be a DOER not a TALKER. You'll find a happy medium that works for you, but in texts/IMs less is almost always more.

You scored a makeout with her upon first meeting her so you built plenty of comfort. You could have been more aggressive though, especially at a uni party with a 9. Next time try to get the makeout earlier and escalate earlier in general. If she was that into you (and that drunk) you might have even gotten an SNL right then and there. ****ed her in the bathroom, or get head behind a car, something. Don't dwell on the "what ifs", but learn and prepare better for next time.

I'd let a day go by since your last text and then text her what I suggested. If she responds and accepts, great. If not, don't text her again. If you see her on campus, just say hi and be a little disinterested. See how (if) she responds. Mentally though, move on.

In text exchanges the girl should have the last message, most times. It's a subtle move, but you can then text her at any time since she sent the last one. Little things like this actually matter.

Adding a girl on facebook isn't a chump move at all. Girls spend an unbelievable amount of time facebook stalking, so having her in your "potential harem" is a good thing and keeps communication lines open for the future. Facebook game is another beast entirely and I will do a write-up on how to make your profile, your wall, and your pictures work to your greatest advantage.
yeah right after she left i remember thinking that i could've definitely been more aggressive. There was a serious chance i could go back to her place cause she lived down in the halls. Should have escalated alot earlier rather then leave it for the end.. but yeah as you said no point dwelling but to learn from it.
I think i'd have a better chance at scoring that drink if i see her around campus once more and then text her rather then text her get rejected and then see her around. I'll give it a few days. Theres actually another uni night next week whcih she might be at so that could be my second chance?

im going to adopt the lesser texting strategy from now on man. I think excessive texting and haha's and !! have shot me in the foot before wtih some extremely attractive girls. Thanks alot.
 

Atom Smasher

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Not much I can add here, except to say you should never give a woman a chance to regret or be embarrassed about what she has previously done/said.

What you did is you created an association in her head, and that association is you and shame. That's gonna be a hard nut to crack at this point.

Charge it to the game. It was a good learning experience.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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The_Crack

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Atom Smasher said:
Not much I can add here, except to say you should never give a woman a chance to regret or be embarrassed about what she has previously done/said.

What you did is you created an association in her head, and that association is you and shame. That's gonna be a hard nut to crack at this point.

Charge it to the game. It was a good learning experience.
how could i have done it differently? how could i have disassociated myself with shame? not have mentioned the makeout at all?
 

omega05

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I think you tried too hard to talk sex with her, especially anal to try to spark sexuality. You were not subtle at all
 

Atom Smasher

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You used direct words with her. Mistake. You tried to resurrect a conversation she had when she was drunk.

Several guys above already showed you a better way of handling it. When a girl is drunk and "in the moment" you can get away with speaking directly when she is already doing so. Women do things emotionally on the spur of the moment and only think rationally later. You caught her "later" with you text and she felt embarrassed and ashamed, and you were the ctalyust for that, hence her association.

I would let it go for a while and then contact her with a suggestion to go out somewhere. Erase the history and start over.

Looking at your question again, I see you asked me "How could I have disassociated myself with shame?

You weren't associated with it until you sent that text. You reminded her of what a dirty slut she is (because deep down she knows it). You never should have mentioned that conversation at all except in an abstract sense. And you picked out the most decadent part of the conversation to remind her of.

Only throw the football when you're on the field, in the game. At other times strategize and learn how to leverage your time apart from a women, for it is when you're apart that she decides whether she wants to pursue things with you or not. That's when she processes your time together.
 

Kbomb

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I mean that isn't the most afc text ever. Ive had some really bad ones before and yours are ok by comparison.

i remember telling a girl over im that she was a walking star. And then i explained to her why were literally made of star entrails.
 

flashpoint

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i luv the intro
"me: hey anal hater, how'd your body feel this morning?"

hahahaha

pretty hard to recover from that one ...
 

“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”

You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.

I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.

Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.

These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.

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Trump

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The_Crack said:
the convo:

me: hey anal hater, how'd your body feel this morning?
her: ah yeah not that great lol.. i don't actually remember much from last night. still have a head ache
me: ah thats brutal.. do you remember our lengthy convo on anal sex and how we hate smokers haha?
her: ha umm barely :/ i remember andrew trying to blow smoke rings
me: and you destroyed his ciggarette right after it haha! its a shame you don't remember our convo, probably stuff of legends with the **** we talked :p
her: oh god what did i say? did i completely embarass myself? i usually do that. i don't shut up when im drunk :/
me:it ranged from anal sex, to blow jobs, to nursing to smoking to being a hermit and again to anal sex haha! Thats all i remember, i was kinda drunk too.. we did share a good makeout though, solid 7.5/10!
her: oh god really :/
me: haha don't worry you didn't embarrass yourself! :)

no response after that.

geez typing that out kind make me cringe, i usually never have such a bland, b1tch kind of attitude in my texts. Feel like such a chump reading that :/

I kind of know where i went wrong, but any suggestions would be helpful on how i could improve my text game and how i could've better handled this situation!
Lol. That is the funniest thing read all week! I cant even type this because I'm laughing so hard.

You just met a hot girl the night before and you think it's a good idea to mention anal sex 4 times in 5 minutes? Lol. Very James Bondish. Can't believe she didn't fall over you and give in to her basic instincts.

Man the guys on here are hornier than sex addicts.
 

The_Crack

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Atom Smasher said:
You used direct words with her. Mistake. You tried to resurrect a conversation she had when she was drunk.

Several guys above already showed you a better way of handling it. When a girl is drunk and "in the moment" you can get away with speaking directly when she is already doing so. Women do things emotionally on the spur of the moment and only think rationally later. You caught her "later" with you text and she felt embarrassed and ashamed, and you were the ctalyust for that, hence her association.

I would let it go for a while and then contact her with a suggestion to go out somewhere. Erase the history and start over.

Looking at your question again, I see you asked me "How could I have disassociated myself with shame?

You weren't associated with it until you sent that text. You reminded her of what a dirty slut she is (because deep down she knows it). You never should have mentioned that conversation at all except in an abstract sense. And you picked out the most decadent part of the conversation to remind her of.

Only throw the football when you're on the field, in the game. At other times strategize and learn how to leverage your time apart from a women, for it is when you're apart that she decides whether she wants to pursue things with you or not. That's when she processes your time together.
Thanks man, that's solid advice! Your totally right with the rational thinking later on, and regretting what they said or did. I'll remember this the next time! Hopefully i won't come out looking like a retard Haha
I'm wtih you on the leave it for nwo and talk to her later bit. I was planning on doing the same thing, how do you suggest i start of the new conversation? just a blunt grab something to drink later? cause i know that has a VERY slight chance of working :/
 

The_Crack

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Trump said:
Lol. That is the funniest thing read all week! I cant even type this because I'm laughing so hard.

You just met a hot girl the night before and you think it's a good idea to mention anal sex 4 times in 5 minutes? Lol. Very James Bondish. Can't believe she didn't fall over you and give in to her basic instincts.

Man the guys on here are hornier than sex addicts.
haha i know dude, this wasn't my highlight whatsoever. but im writing this here so i can improve and better myself.

with the horny bit, i've been doing the no masturbation and porn challenge for the past 5 weeks, and i am hornier than 2 jack rabbits. all i think about is sex.. even after i've just had sex.. its awesome sometimes but not so much other times haha
 

Skalioppe

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The_Crack said:
me: hey anal hater, how'd your body feel this morning?
her: ah yeah not that great lol.. i don't actually remember much from last night. still have a head ache
me: ah thats brutal.. do you remember our lengthy convo on anal sex and how we hate smokers haha?
her: ha umm barely :/ i remember andrew trying to blow smoke rings
me: and you destroyed his ciggarette right after it haha! its a shame you don't remember our convo, probably stuff of legends with the **** we talked :p
her: oh god what did i say? did i completely embarass myself? i usually do that. i don't shut up when im drunk :/
me:it ranged from anal sex, to blow jobs, to nursing to smoking to being a hermit and again to anal sex haha! Thats all i remember, i was kinda drunk too.. we did share a good makeout though, solid 7.5/10!
her: oh god really :/
me: haha don't worry you didn't embarrass yourself! :)
This is what I imagine the girl saw and what I see when I look at the OP's post. It just makes me laugh, it's so bad it makes me cringe, it's gold and should be held in the annals of AFC history for reference purposes!!!

The_Crack, you need to masturbate as soon as possible :rolleyes:
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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