"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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My moment of weakness

Dan08

Senior Don Juan
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Been up and down quite recently emotionally. I wonder if I'm suffering slightly with depression

I try to push myself hard to do things and live my life to the full but more often that not lack the confidence to take the first step, resulting in me doing nothing and then getting pissed off at myself for doing exactly that and not living my life.

It's a vicious cycle. I'm lonely at times, I lack a big social scene and big group of friends down here at university which doesn't help.
I've had a couple of girls every now and then, ended it with my FWB some weeks ago but these feelings are more than just that.

I mean, I recently just landed a new job and it's night-shifts so that gives me most of the day to do what I want but I have **** all of a clue when it comes to determining what to do. I'm actively struggling to think of what to do! I shouldn't be in this position, I should have hobbies coming out of my ears to take up my time....the sad fact of the matter is that for the past 8 months that time was doing university work

I want to hit the gym but don't have the motivation, if it weren't for the job I very much doubt I'd get out of bed.

I feel weak, I feel vulnerable for just writing this down and that's not me. Experience changed me for the worse in that regard.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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PeasantPlayer

Master Don Juan
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Meditate, workout, let go detach yourself from your worries and negative thinking, the mind is a tool use it, don't let it use you
 

Ronaldo7

Master Don Juan
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You need to help yourself.

If you have no motivation to do anything, you might as well not be living.

The weak species will always be pushed to extinction by the stronger species. You either push back hard or you slowly dissipate yourself into nothing.
 

apprenticedj

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Don't fret Danny boy, we've all been there. Hell I'm there ALOT! When you're struggling to come up with something to do it can be overwhelming due to the sheer amount of possibilities. When I'm in that mindset I find I just need to do SOMETHIING, really doesn't matter what, because that gets the ball rolling and it jump starts more activity.

It can be something as simple and routine as cleaning your pad. Seriously try that, open the blinds, crack the windows, let some fresh air in. Focus on the little tasks. Once you get a little momentum rolling then head to the gym and get some sweat dripping.

It truly is all about your frame of mind. You may be suffering a little depression because you've tasted some success and that sure is a sweet flavor. Now you're backsliding slightly and it feels awful, I know from experience. But as you said, it's a vicous cycle. You have to actively break it or you will continue your spiral.

You've posted some great things on this site so I know you've got it in you. You just need to pull yourself up by your boot straps and put some action behind those thoughts.

You got this my friend! :up:
 

Willard

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Read some self improvement books: How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie, Awaken the giant within by Anthony Robbins, The psychology of achievement by Brian Tracy. Its hard to be depressed if you read books like these. If your diet is poor that can cause depression too. 20 minutes of intense exercise is shown to defeat depression, so you can force yourself to excercise to beat the cycle.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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j.619

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Don't wait for motivation to hit the gym, just show up and do a workout. Regardless of how you feel. I guarantee you... the benefits of working out might help a lot of what ails you. Exercise is therapeutic and will help you overcome depression just by itself. The physical activity will naturally boost testosterone levels and will give you a generally more positive outlook on life. Hobbies will come. It's all in your mind. If you've never had depression problems, or a family history of mental illness, you can overcome this rut just by being active.

Reading helps a lot too. Reading doesn't immediately help being depressed though. Try to be around people... if you have a good friend or two, spend your 'depressed time' with them as a distraction. Going out and meeting people is fun too. If the desire isn't there, just improve yourself physically and it will come.

Good luck, Dan.
 
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