My mom is very controlling.

[Dash Riprock]

Hey guys. Need some advice. Ok im a grown man and was thinking about putting some of my wealth into stocks etc: now instantly my mom says no your not doing that. Blah blah blah. Anyways lets cut to the chase. 1. Im a fully grown adult.
2. I saved all my money.
3. I got my own house. Pay my own bills etc:
It bothers me because it kinda turns me off visiting her. I know this isnt in the right location. But could some fellow djs give me some advice? I dont know what to do. I almost dont want to visit her now. Please? Any help?

OP,

Don't take offense to it. I'm over 45 and my mom still tries to give me advice on all sorts of subjects.

Parents, especially mothers, just cannot get out of their head that you're not 12 years old anymore. It's just their natural instinct.

If it keeps happening, which it probably will, just don't say anything or smile and just say, "Ok, mom" and change the subject. It's nothing to get upset about or over-analyze.

Good luck.

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

Always respect your mother but who gives a sh!t what she thinks, it's your life, do what you wanna do.

How does her opinion or anyone else for that matter enter your reality? The only opinion that matters is your own, she doesnt have to like or agree with anything you do and as your mother she is in every right to voice what she doesnt like or agree with,
And you are in every right to not give a sh!t.....

 

[wifehunter]

Now lemme tell you something about business. I would know because I’m an expert...

You're fired!!! lol!!!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Always respect your mother but who gives a sh!t what she thinks, it's your life, do what you wanna do.

How does her opinion or anyone else for that matter enter your reality? The only opinion that matters is your own, she doesnt have to like or agree with anything you do and as your mother she is in every right to voice what she doesnt like or agree with,
And you are in every right to not give a sh!t.....

The thing about it is they will meddle in your affairs and attempt to influence people behind your back. Thus altering your options. It's best not to say anything.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Ill explain a scenario. I was offered a 100k dollar a year job when i hit 23 years of age. My mom didnt want me to do it. And stupid me listened. Not anymore. I live in my own house. I pay my own bills. Cook my own food etc: i think its time to create a healthy distance between my goals and my mom.

Bro what? All I do is argue with my parents about how I’m right and they’re wrong lol. When it comes to stuff I want to do, I do it without giving a damn about what the think. I’ll still listen to them on some things, but for the most part it’s me telling them why they’re wrong. I’m still in school, but I’ll give an example: I wanted to withdraw from a class I was taking. I knew I wouldn’t do well in it, I was about to fail. At best get a D. But my parents, especially my mom, were saying that I shouldn’t and should just tough it out and finish it. Why? Because in her mind, a W (withdrawal) is the same as an F. She said even a D is better. I originally didn’t want to tell them anything, but they kept prying about my school and everything (which I ****ing hate). I stumble across advice on some other forums, there was a person who is on the board of admissions for medical/dental school who said that a C is worse than a W. Not to mention, a W doesn’t affect your GPA whereas a C will.

Had I listened to mom, I would have been a failure and they would have lambasted me for being one. This is just one of very many examples that I have, most of which are now in the deep recesses of my subconscious.

I have a lot more experience than most when it comes to arguing with my parents since I at around age 12 that they don’t really know what’s best for me. Once I stopped listening to them, my life began to flourish so much more. You should do the same. My dad says to me all the time things like “I really think you should do this” and I say “I know you really think that and that is exactly why I wont do it” lol. Or my mom will say to me “you know XXXXX, women really don’t like a man who’s an asshole” and then I’ll say “but mom, I AM and asshole, and you LOVE me” and then she’ll start laughing a little. Or if she says “XXXXX, sometimes some of the stuff you say makes it seem like you really hate women. Do you hate women?” And she’ll say it critically. I’ll respond with “mom, in case you didn’t know, my mother is a woman”. These are just examples. I’ve gotten her so mad to where she said she wants to stab me (literally—she had a knife in her hand) and other times where I’ve cursed her straight to her face, and both times I had her laughing and telling me that I’m “a good boy” within 2-5 minutes lol.

In general, I use a lot of sarcasm with her.

Thing is, you shouldn’t tell people about your financial plans. In fact, it’s not even your financial plans, it’s just you big life plans. Whatever your plans are for you to make your life better, you do not tell anyone what they are. Only after you’re already established/finalized with them. My younger brother actually taught me this, surprisingly enough. Even if you say it out loud to yourself, it’s not good. You leave it in your head and keep it to yourself. Maybe keep a checklist or to-do list of sorts, but that’s it. It’s like fight club out here. And what’s the first rule of fight club? You do not TALK about fight club. And let’s not forget what the second rule is...

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

The thing about it is they will meddle in your affairs and attempt to influence people behind your back. Thus altering your options. It's best not to say anything.

It's best to not give a sh!t......

They can meddle and make all the attempts they want, I probably wont even notice it, I'm indifferent.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It's best to not give a sh!t......

They can meddle and make all the attempts they want, I probably wont even notice it, I'm indifferent.

But the people around you can fvck your shyt up. I'd not say anything.

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

But the people around you can fvck your shyt up. I'd not say anything.

Not saying anything, not caring ect it's all the same....were on the same page

 

[niceguytoalphamale]

OP,

Don't take offense to it. I'm over 45 and my mom still tries to give me advice on all sorts of subjects.

Parents, especially mothers, just cannot get out of their head that you're not 12 years old anymore. It's just their natural instinct.

If it keeps happening, which it probably will, just don't say anything or smile and just say, "Ok, mom" and change the subject. It's nothing to get upset about or over-analyze.

Good luck.

lots of good advice. But this seems the best route

 

[GoodOne123]

My mom is very controlling too. I hate being controlled and told what to do so every time I see her we argue. For that reason I try to visit her less often.

First try to be honest and upfront about how her behaviour bothers you. If she fails to change then you should keep visiting her to a minimum. Your peace of mind is more important.

 

[BeExcellent]

A dude should never let a lady tell him what to do. He can ask for her advice, but not control him. Ladies look down on this on a dude. Just ask our resident lady, @BeExcellent. She'd agree she wants a strong dude, not a doormat or someone she can control.

Correct. A woman worth having wants to be in the company of real men, not soy boys. A woman who wants to raise a real man needs to help him understand he’s got to make his own way, own his decisions and face his own consequences/results. She advises but accepts his decision. To do else wise is to enable. Enablers don’t raise real men, but sissy men.

I have told my son for years the following 2 statements.

1. The world doesn’t give a flip about you. YOU have to give a flip about you and if you are fortunate you’ll have a few friends or family members in your life who will also be in your corner and love you. But YOU must be the arbiter of your life & what you do. It’s YOUR responsibility and nobody else’s.

2. Life is about Results. If you want a good life you must do what is required to create the optimal outcomes you are seeking. If you want to get into a good university you are going to have to be disciplined and make great grades. If you want something it is your responsibility to create the results that allow you to reach that thing.

I teach personal responsibility, as my father taught me. I also teach the importance of correct habits for our habits become our behavior which in turn becomes who we are.

So if my son disagrees with me or stands up to me on something, I listen & respect what he has to say. He has learned to make decisions and go in the direction of his choosing, and it is my job as his mother to allow him as much autonomy as is reasonable to face the consequences of his actions.

Does that mean he gets to take my car without asking? No. It’s MY car. And it means if he damages something of mine HE must make it right/fix it/pay for it.

But my son is only 17 and still lives in my home and attends high school.

My son WILL NOT be living in my home after college. He will be required to be independent by then.

If a full grown adult man has an overbearing mother, he has allowed her to become overbearing by being too meek or too dependent. Real men love their mothers but make the decisions that are best in their lives and move forward. Period. Respectful mothers give advice but refrain from being overbearing.

If your mother doesn’t respect you as a man you need to look at yourself and your relationship with her.

And some women are feminist control freaks who think they know everything. If your mother is one of those do your thing irrespective of her. Ignore her if necessary. If you are having trouble doing that? Look at yourself.

If I sound harsh I’m just telling you the truth. No woman worth having wants a mama’s boy.

And my son is no mama’s boy although he loves his mama.

 

[The Diver]

It's possible. But it's also possible that like a mother bird forcing her babies out of the nest to fend for her own, she's showing you that the world WILL almost be guaranteed to attack your: ambitions, goals, desires, what you've accomplished, what your dreams and wishes are. Just keep it close to your chest from now on ( poker game ), and you will find that the energy will stay inside of you. When we speak it, we breath the energy out, we also gave them something to which attack, taking our energy or making us protect it and still losing energy. By speaking these thoughts we give them the keys to our kingdom by revealing these sensitive tidbits. Just don't share it. I wouldn't tell almost anyone.

I have a young ambitious daughter whose doing incredible, and i begged her to please only tell me her ambitions and desires. I explained that most people will attack it, and I as her dad want her to be better than me. But most people cannot do it, they don't want you better.

This ^ is a great wisdome Sir, especially the energy part. Never thought about it that way.
We love talking about our ambitions, dreams and success but forget the price we pay for it later on, and even sometimes immediately by energy-sucking people.

This is why I love this site, every now and then there is a gold nugget to harvest.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This ^ is a great wisdome Sir, especially the energy part. Never thought about it that way.
We love talking about our ambitions, dreams and success but forget the price we pay for it later on, and even sometimes immediately by energy-sucking people.

This is why I love this site, every now and then there is a gold nugget to harvest.

Yea bro put the energy into action by making progress. When you share it the typical result is it will be reduced. Almost never amplified.