My mental issues and inability to read women are driving me INSANE

harrison9876

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Hey guys...

So I am finding myself STILL not being able to pull myself out if whatever BS rut I am in.

Since ending an LTR a year ago...I find myself:

1) wanting to be around women...but feeling like I couldn't to bothered

2) totally cool being single...but at times lonley as fvck

3) constantly working (by choice)...but then pi$$ed off because I don't make time to get out and meet people.

4) really only attracted to younger women...but feeling like I would come off as a pedophile by even asking a younger girl out (I am talking 10-15 year age difference)

In addition to the above...

All my success with women in the past had been where it was obvious they had an interest...but...after this 10 year relationship ended...I find either NO woman I meet is interested...or I just simply cannot read women IL for shyte anymore.

In school for example... There is this one girl I really like. Though we joke around with each other and seem to have a really cool connection... I don't sense annnnnnnything from her apart from that.

Maybe it is an age thing...or maybe I am just not trying hard enough... IDK. I also hesitate asking her out because we are in a very small class... So in addition to my mental issues noted above...don't want to cause any wierd vibes if there is a big rejection in my future. The "never pi$$ in your own sandbox" rule.

Has anyone else been in this really fvcked up zone...cuz I'm slowly driving myself mentally insane.
 

Desdinova

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1) wanting to be around women...but feeling like I couldn't to bothered
Being social can help lighten that feeling. You will be around women, but you don't really need to date any of them. When you surround yourself with people, you won't need to put much effort into attracting a woman. One rule I keep in mind is to be flirty with EVERY woman. It desensitizes you from putting effort into landing just one woman, and it will become part of your natural personality. My GF says I have a "flirty" personality. Little does she know that I worked hard to get that.

2) totally cool being single...but at times lonley as fvck
Get a couple of female friend for the hell of it. It helps relieve the loneliness a bit.

3) constantly working (by choice)...but then pi$$ed off because I don't make time to get out and meet people.
There was a point where I had two jobs, and it was hard to squeeze in time to socialize. I made the effort to do it in my off hours, and was able to do quite a bit of dating regardless of my crazy schedule. You just need to put the effort in.

4) really only attracted to younger women...but feeling like I would come off as a pedophile by even asking a younger girl out (I am talking 10-15 year age difference)
If you don't make a big deal out of the age difference, neither will she. If she's enjoying her time with you, then you are not a creepy pedophile. As long as she's legal, you're good to go.

All my success with women in the past had been where it was obvious they had an interest...but...after this 10 year relationship ended...I find either NO woman I meet is interested...or I just simply cannot read women IL for shyte anymore.
I find it's not about reading women. I find it's about them enjoying their time with you. If you amplify the positive parts of your personality (confidence, sense of humour, etc), then attracting women will be easy and they'll make it obvious that they're interested in you.

I also hesitate asking her out because we are in a very small class
Have you been flirty with her? Have you put some sexual innuendo in your flirting? If you're answering no to both of those, then all you're doing is putting yourself in the friend zone. You NEED to work on your flirting skills if you're going to stir up interest in ANY woman, regardless of her age.
 

Die Hard

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In school for example... There is this one girl I really like. Though we joke around with each other and seem to have a really cool connection... I don't sense annnnnnnything from her apart from that.

Maybe it is an age thing...or maybe I am just not trying hard enough... IDK. I also hesitate asking her out because we are in a very small class... So in addition to my mental issues noted above...don't want to cause any wierd vibes if there is a big rejection in my future. The "never pi$$ in your own sandbox" rule.
You have to force her to show whether she's interested or not. You do that by being sexual towards her. For example, ask her if she's working out. If she says yes, you let your eyes slowly glance over her body parts and say "hmm yeah, I can tell..." with a smirk on your face.

That type of behavior makes it pretty clear to her that you're sexually interested in her. Most of the time, a woman will give a clear response to that, either dismissive or accepting.

Don't be concerned about "rejection". You're just joking around and if she doesn't like it, you just act like it's no big deal. All fun and games.... Then you just don't do it again and show through your behavior that you respect her "rejection" and she doesn't have to be afraid of you pushing further. If she senses that she's safe from further attempts, she'll keep acting normal to you and nothing's the matter, there will be no awkwardness between you and her in the future.

But the key is forcing her to show what she thinks about you by being sexual with her (always wrap it in a joke). You'll have your answer very fast.
 

Fruitbat

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In school?
 

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harrison9876

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Hey guys...

Soooooooooooooooo...I increased the flirting a bit. She is a smoking hot Asian Gymnast...so I ended up throwing a neg hit or two in there....but I "think" they come off a bit bad (like I was being a bit mean, maybe).

Most of our interactions all already tend to be very playful/teasing/joking already...but I think that is just her overall personality (not anything to do with me). She is actually really funny, playful and sarcastic just in general...which is why I find it hard to gauge.
 

samspade

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OP, I read your post and it sounds a lot like me. EXCEPT that I don't consider myself to have mental issues or inability to read women. I think it's all just self-perception and a matter of going with the flow.

I got out of a LTR last summer - happy as he11 about it. Everyone gets lonely sometimes, but to me it's better than being in the wrong relationship.

I too have a taste for young women, and I don't hide it. I too am in class (grad school) with mostly younger students including at least one who really flirts with me. I haven't made a move yet but I'm eager to find out if it's all for show or not. In my mind at least, she wants me. But she too is playful in general so who knows.

Other main difference is I don't have a full time job...so I have more time and energy for socializing. Sometimes you've gotta bust your tail working, sometimes you've got to make time for you. You can always make more money but you'll never earn back your time, keep that in mind.

I think the important thing is to talk to as many women as you can. Zeroing in on the one you see once a week in class will leave you waiting around six days a week. My classes are every weekday but for a while I found myself waiting for those interactions I could depend on instead of creating new ones. So I found some free social events and it made me care less about any particular "target" and just going with the flow. Which has made me more confident and relaxed around my classmates.

Also, whenever I feel like I'm in a "rut," I remind myself 1) Of course I'll seduce a woman into bed again, it's happened many times and will happen again, and 2) to enjoy the rut, for lack of a better term, for what it is, a chance to know myself. When I think of all the annoying relationship time I went through, it makes being alone feel great.

Also, one final thing. You said in the past you snagged women who showed really obvious interest. I too have done that...like they threw themselves at me. I think this important because we can take our game a step further and go for what we really want. Don't get me wrong, those were some good and good looking women, but it perpetuates a slightly lazy mindset in terms of game sometimes. Keep the flirting up with your Asian gymnast - but spread it around too.
 

harrison9876

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Hey samspade...

I hear ya man...

Part of my issue is that the 10 year relationship dragged me waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down. Very happy to be out of it, but quite honestly now that it is over, apart from the gym, and 1 day a week in class, I have very limited social interaction (quite the opposite from the me from 10-15 years ago). So yes the "waiting around for 6 days" is a bit of an issue. I am like Yoda - an singular hermit growing old on some foreign planet, with no one around. I actually feel a bit isolated and friend-less...which is in-turn...is causing "some" feelings of desperation.

My best experiences where I could really get my game ON...was when I had a lot more continuous interactions with women...not the singular "one day a week" deal.

I do have this girls number. Not because she gave it to me...but because as a class, we all exchanged numbers 2 months ago. Though I would like to call her...calling her I think would be a bit "weird"...as apart from the fun interaction in class..nothing feels "established"...if that makes sense?

There is a dance studio in my area...maybe I should hit that up. My current gym has NO interesting women there...and an LA Fitness just opened up near me...so I may switch it up to change scenery.
 

harrison9876

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You have to force her to show whether she's interested or not. You do that by being sexual towards her. For example, ask her if she's working out. If she says yes, you let your eyes slowly glance over her body parts and say "hmm yeah, I can tell..." with a smirk on your face.

That type of behavior makes it pretty clear to her that you're sexually interested in her. Most of the time, a woman will give a clear response to that, either dismissive or accepting.

Don't be concerned about "rejection". You're just joking around and if she doesn't like it, you just act like it's no big deal. All fun and games.... Then you just don't do it again and show through your behavior that you respect her "rejection" and she doesn't have to be afraid of you pushing further. If she senses that she's safe from further attempts, she'll keep acting normal to you and nothing's the matter, there will be no awkwardness between you and her in the future.

But the key is forcing her to show what she thinks about you by being sexual with her (always wrap it in a joke). You'll have your answer very fast.
Last night was "okay"... Some kino from my end...nothing crazy. But I did comment on her body. "So...you still training?"

"No...not really..."

Making a point to look at her up and down...not in a creepy way... "You serious? You look amazing..."

She gave me a shy smile, and a very quite, "thanks..."

It did nooooooot go over the way I wanted it to...I think it came across as a friendly compliment, as opposed to "sexual interest".

Throughout the night's the playfulness, she bought up how she did not think I was not there on her first day of class back in December.. Trying to convince her I was, I added in a jokingly playful way... "oh, come on...you remember...it was that day you were totally undressing me with your eyes". Her response..."ummm...yeah...sure...preeeeeetttty sure I would remembered that, as the 2 shots of Tequila I had earlier have worn off" (or something along those lines). basically a sarcastic, "yeah, right...in your dreams"...

So...not "exactly" a productive day by any means.
 

sosousage

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fix issues > find women


some men try to cure themselves with sex, nah


you need to feel the inner pain till you fix yourself on your own


after that youre free to date women
 

samspade

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Being in classes with girls can be great but can create a false abundance mentality. Work on those girls, but find other venues for meeting women. The dance studio (salsa classes?) could be one way. Meetups on Meetup.com for specific interests are good, as long as those interests bring women in. Open mic nights at bars. Etc.

I think you can work on your issues AND look for women at the same time, that's my opinion.
 

harrison9876

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Completely agree...

Haha...though she has never mentioned it (always talks about her roommate)...found out today that it turns out gymnast has a BF...so time to walk away on that one anyway.
 

markfromeurope

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I'd try to be ****y & funny and sarcastic but simultaneously I'd always disengage first and always act like I am busy.

What you are doing wrong:
- paying compliments - it's stupid, I do it in work sometimes because I know that I don't want anything with this or that woman, if you are interested in a woman you should not pay her compliments
- trying too hard - ****y& funny is not about showing your personality to her especially for her, it's about showing the edge of your personality in situational manner (so when you speak with her she never knows how interested you are in her yet you are always somewhat intense in conversation and she always receives some emotions from you albeit these emotions are not about her => so she starts to feel like something is missing for her => she wants more complete emotional signals from you => she wants something from you)

Hope you get the pattern.

Usually when I am friendly with a woman she starts hitting on me a bit - boyfriend or no boyfriend - mostly because she cannot get a reading on my interest level and she cannot get it because ultimately I'm interested in myself and I don't care about what they are saying (honestly, sometimes I don't remember what I spoke about with them several minutes ago, this disinterest makes them even more interested in you)

Try it. It works.
 

rando5495

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Whatever mental issues you have really doesn't amount to much tbh. Forget it.

If you've just got out of a 10 year relationship), then you should probably be priotitizing perspective. Perspective trumps frame always.

Set yourself a year or 6 months for that, at least.


You aren't stuck in a zone as you say. Seriously put your foot on the accelerator and it's crazy. Indulge in your male privelage (that lesbians keep moaning about; it exists through no fault of your own or anyones).
 
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