My LTR's Summer of 2006, Very complicated! Long Read, Expert DJ advice needed!

[girlsarecrazy]

I'm in a LTR which we used to be a serious exclusive BF/GF mode and now we're in an open relationship mode for the summer. We did this to protect our future, we didn't want to completely break things off because we still want to be with each other. Just now it's not as serious as it used to be so we're not held back from going out and having fun.

Now she told me that she will never have sex with any other guy but me. She doesn't sleep around. But she'll still chases other guys around for attention, talks to them on the phone, and use them to find out about parties and other social events.

Now I, on the other hand, don't necessarily just want to talk to girls on the phone, and go on dates, etc. If i'm going to do something with other chicks, i'm gonna get laid. You know?

Is this going to be a emotional disaster for both me and her? Does an open relationship protect a future?

I haven't had sex with a different chick for 5 months! We've been completly exclusive, no cheating, etc.

We're trying to protect our future, but sometimes i feel this may hurt it.

I have this theory about a relationship not being pure if someone comes in between us. I don't want anybody to come in between us... But i still want to be able to go to parties without her feeling jealous, and I don't want to feel jealous when she goes out to parties without me.

It's so complicated it's unreal. I feel like when me and her have sex it will be meaningful. But when me and another girl have sex it would be meaningless.

It's like i'm her #1 Guy and she's my #1 Girl. So she'll try to do something with me before she'll call another guy to find a party or whatever...

Ultimately I want her to not have sex with anybody else but me, and not lose focus on me, but i want her to still have fun this summer. I want to have fun this summer, but for me to have fun with a girl, sex is going to be required. And in the long run, after summer, I wouldn't mind going into another serious exclusive bf/gf relationship.

Now i've driven this girl's attraction for me through the roof to the point where she was calling me perfect, and telling people she's met the guy she wants, but then she will call me worried that i'll do something with another girl when i'm out at a party and she's home alone. She felt uneasy. I was drunk and I was told we need to change something, there's two things we can do, call it off, or become what we were before. She was so upset and confused and didn't know what to do and she asked for time....

Then her attraction took a big step down. And she went out to a party and I started feeling uneasy because she wasn't talking to me that night.

I was seriously about to break it off completly yesterday but she cried, and begged for forgiveness, aplogized, and told me she still wanted me. So now her attraction is back on the rise.

What the hell am i getting into? I see me on an emotional rollercoaster this summer. Is the emotional problems going to be worth it in the long run if this chick is a HB9.0, lives 5 minutes away, we have a strong positive history, and we make each other so happy when were together. We both feel there's something special about us that I feel I cannot just let her go. This is both of our's longest relationship ever. I need some serious advice! We both see a future between us. We just don't know how to get there without missing out because we're still young....

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

So who's decision was it to step down from exclusivity and be in an open relationship?

You can go from an open relationship to an exclusive one, but you can never go from exclusive back to open. It never works. There's too much history and the rollercoaster begins.

This is one of the most bizzare things I've ever heard. Think about this:

If she really felt that you and her shared something special, do you really think she would want you to be in an open relationship?

My guess is she's hunting for another fish, but hasn't yet find the one who's better than you, so she wants to keep you close until she can get herself on more stable footing. Once she's sure that leaving you is a good idea, she'll be gone with another guy.

Tell her that you either be with each other 100% or nothing.


Stop screwing around and setting yourself up for some serious trouble, cuz that's where this is headed.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

She iniatied it, I agreed, It's mutual now. I feel the same way as her. We both want to have fun this summer and not be held back. And we don't want little sh!t to ruin our relationship forever. Like if she wants to use other guys for party invites and stuff and she's not fvcking them. i'm fine with that. If she get too drunk and makes out with a guy that means nothing, i'll be fine with that too cuz the same could happen to me. She doesn't pursue another guy, she doesn't pursue anything sexual with a guy. But we don't those little mistakes to ruin our future. That's how we're acting. We're not trying to build another relationship with someone else. We're just trying to live life without ever feeling held back. We're just winging it this summer trying this open thing out, maybe soon we'll become exclusive if we learn that we can go out and have fun and control ourselves, I just don't feel like it's time to call everything off right this minute because I'm getting laid, she's HB9.0, 5 7', 120 lbs, tan, amazing body, etc.

I'm not as afraid as she is to become exclusive. I have a little more control than she does. But i'm still worried to go back into a exclusive BF/GF relationship because of all the opportunities I'll have this summer. She's HB9.0 so she gets hit on constantly and she likes the attention. I feel like this is what happends when you get a HB9.0 and a guy like me together. I've been doing pretty good so far. She's crazy for me still, she won't hang out with any guys with just her and the other guy. She'll just be with her girl friends, and attend a party with another guy might have told her on the phone.

Our relationship is not really open. It's between open and boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not open because we're not forming relationships with others and sleeping around. It's not boyfriend/girlfriend because a little thing like her hitting, flirting, and getting attention from other guys and me doing the same to other girls is not going to ruin our future after this summer.

We're obviously both immature, too young for settling down, but yet there's something special about us that we don't want to lose.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

technically, you're still exclusive, by what you just said. My GF can go to parties and hangout with other guys any day of the week. It doesn't bother me, because i trust her. She trusts me, too.

If your GF is not seeing other guys then she still is with you...

but the way this thing is set up, she's free to cheat and there's nothing you can say because you decided it was "open".

 

[girlsarecrazy]

We both trust each other. We wouldn't hook up with other people when we're sober. But when we're drunk sh!t happends, and we wouldn't let little meaningless makeout session ruin our relationship. Because in a GF/BF relationship, drunk or sober, cheating is cheating, and it's over.

Usually i'd be single this summer hooking up with a bunch of random chicks. But since i found someone special I'm sucking it up, keeping her around, enjoying her steady exclusive flow of pvssy, enjoying her time with me, and be free to go out and party, and not worry about screwing up our relationship for the future if I happend to fool around with a chick. Hooking up with another chick will not be a priority because I can get all that from my girl during the week. Man this is all too complicated. I'm just not going to worry about it, just wing it, and hope for the best.

I guess i'm leaning more towards an exclusive relationship. We both need to learn how to control ourselves, build trust, and mature more. I feel that me and her can do this will being together.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

You do realise that what you're describing is the dynamics of a really healthy LTR, don't you?

You both do your own things but remain "faithful" and still enjoy some good quality time together.

I'm not really sure why you see this as a problem.

We both trust each other. We wouldn't hook up with other people when we're sober. But when we're drunk sh!t happends, and we wouldn't let little meaningless makeout session ruin our relationship. Because in a GF/BF relationship, drunk or sober, cheating is cheating, and it's over.

Usually i'd be single this summer hooking up with a bunch of random chicks. But since i found someone special I'm sucking it up, keeping her around, enjoying her steady exclusive flow of pvssy, enjoying her time with me, and be free to go out and party, and not worry about screwing up our relationship for the future if I happend to fool around with a chick. Hooking up with another chick will not be a priority because I can get all that from my girl during the week. Man this is all too complicated. I'm just not going to worry about it, just wing it, and hope for the best.

I guess i'm leaning more towards an exclusive relationship. We both need to learn how to control ourselves, build trust, and mature more. I feel that me and her can do this will being together.

 

[Jariel]

I can't add anything to what Bad Ass has already said. Take note, this guy knows his stuff!

 

[girlsarecrazy]

I'm having a problem dealing with the less amount of attention that she is giving to me. She's been hanging out with her friends more and more and i'm just not used to this. It's starting to make me upset. She's not moving on to another guy, she's just giving her friends more and more attention instead of me. What are your suggestions?

 

[MacAvoy]

Bad Ass

I can't believe you didn't b1tch slap this kid like he deserves to. His actions scream AFC. She wanted an open relationship because she is a HB9.0 and she needs the attention (his own words).

This is the classic AFC mistake. Accepting whatever the HB wants to hold on to her. They are obviously young and not ready for a LTR. You are setting him up for a heartache down the road.

girlsarecrazy should be withdrawling 100% of his emotions from this women. When she wanted to go to an open relationship, you should have said sure, I'll take the best of both worlds, I'll still fvck you and any other women I want. She would have then knew that you were a man and would have snatched you up to herself.

When you acted like an AFC and agreed to her request, you basically gave her your balls on a platter.

Tell me this ... Why would a women be attracted to a man who wants her to fool around with other men?.

She gave you a test and you failed big time. Now she can run around, do what she wants, all while she and her friends are laughing at you. Your only option now is to completely break things off with her. Tell her that this break made you realize that you are only young once and want to enjoy it while you still can.

You have to come across very confident and carefree at the sametime. If she says she wants you to be exclusive again, don't give in right away. Make her sweat it out. Remember you are the prize, she has to work to catch you. Not the other way around.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I can't believe you didn't b1tch slap this kid like he deserves to. His actions scream AFC. She wanted an open relationship because she is a HB9.0 and she needs the attention (his own words).

I pointed that out in my first post, pretty much....

That's what my gut tells me, as well, but at the same time there needs to be space in an ltr. and I agree that they are probably young and will eventually grow apart. It always happens, and this is just the beginning.

MacAvoy,

Where do you hangout? I'm HFX, too.

 

[MacAvoy]

Hey Bad Ass

I just moved to HFX, only been here about a month. Moved here from Ontario to be w/ my LTR. I live on Oxford St, near Quinpool. We should go out sarging sometime. Being new, I'm lookin to go out, meet new people, and stay sharp so that I'm still the prize. She still lives w/ her rents, I have my own pad, so I have time to myself, its the perfect set up.

I just quit my second job so I've actually got time now to go out. Where do you go?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I'm sorta exclusive, right now so I don't go out sarging. (i never did that sh!t, actually... never needed too. I just meet em as they come and don't actively pursue chicks. Haven't had a dry spell in 5 years, so what I'm doing is working.)

I front a rockband, here in town and when we're playing our next in-town show, I'll let you know, via PM.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

After we went to an open relationship. I had her on lock. She was the one that was getting upset of the lack of attention i was giving her. I stopped calling her, I didn't tell her what i was doing and where i was going. I kept her wondering.

She even dedicated her myspace to me and her and told me I was perfect and had all this stuff on there. She'd call me all the time worried that i might move on somewhere. She still acted like we were bf/gf. We fvcked more, she was all over me, wanted to be with me everyday, chose me over her friends. Then I reacted and started getting closer because it seemed like we were about to settle down into our relationship again which i would have minded. But all the sudden she snapped! She called, "I feel like i'm holding you back, it's not fair, have fun with any other girl, i don't want to ruin your fun this summer, etc".

I could have just said "okay bye" and she'll want me even more but I made a huge AFC mistake and had an hour long conversation about feelings, relationship status, including threatening to leave, and hanging up on her twice. She confessed how much she wanted to be my boyfriend but didn't know if she can because she couldn't control herself, i told her i wasn't afraid for you to be my girlfriend but i'm not going to push it.

Ever since that talk, she's backed away. Then I fvcked her after I came back from a beach trip and made up. Then she went out to a party a day later and wouldn't talk to me and was acting shady and wouldn't tell me what she was doing. She called me the next day later, I was trying to break up with her then, I told her it was over. Then she said, "Fine, Fvck you bye, It's over with". Then she called me 6 times upset and crying. I ignored her and just drove to her house to talk to her in person without even telling her.

She cried hard, she apoligized, and begged for us to continue what was going on. I didn't give in too easily but I gave her a big hug when she cried in my arms and I was thinking I gained more power back by her showing how much she needs me. I regret it now because:

Now she's the one that's playing DJ like games with me. She's not calling me, not telling me what she's doing, She's keeping me wondering all the time now. I'm getting a taste of what she went through now. That's where I am at now. We haven't talked in over 24 hours - This is the longest time that we haven't talked in 6 months! She's trying to make me call her and express how much I need her now. But I won't give in. But I do know she's been going out with her friends, partying, attention whoring it up, and going back to her normal ways. She still thinks she has me on good terms. We've been silent for a long time, i'm not calling her though, how should i react when she calls me? I'd like to bring her attraction levels back up.