My LTR is goin downhill fast. Please help.

[BobFuest]

As many of you know I am in an LTR and we have been together for quite awhile. We were doing great until recently. We still have good times and those out weigh the bad but the bad times keeping happening more and more. First i had problems with her emotions on her last PMS phase. She turned into a raging b1tch and it was a total turn off. Then we got over that but still I was weary about the whole thing and lost interest a little. Then she found out i was interested in another girl. I thought because she was being a raging b1tch that we were over so I started laying ground work for new things. I didnt cheat or anything of the sort but it made her feel like she was not good enough for me. In any case, we are almost over that too. She still loves me and wants me around but she is pissed about the whole thing. I told her it was nothing and I didnt apoligize for being a man but i did apoligize for my actions. Unforunately, her being pissed makes her be a b1tch to me on and off. She apoligizes for it everytime and really looks sorry but it happens too often for my liking.
What should i do at this point? I really do like her and out of the crop of women i was dating when i first started dating her she was the top. True HB10 IMO. We have so much fun together and i know she would never cheat on me or leave me. She is a giver and is everything i could have wanted from a woman. I havent developed a one-i-tis, i could leave but i really want to stay with this one. I think that just too much stupid stuff has happened lately and I have made some really bad moves in the last few weeks. The only solution i have so far is that we have been together too much so I am going to take some time off from her and concentrate on my own things. We just went on 2 vacations (one to miami for 1/1/2 weeks and one to minniapolis for 3 days) and havent really been apart much. Also, i wonder if there is anything else i can do. Her interest level is probably about 60-70 and i want it back up before its too late. She will miss me when i am not around but i dont think that will be enough to raise her interest level back to the 90s.
So, help me please. I had such a good thing going and I really want it back. I have not been an AFC and have been rather a hard a$$ d1ckhead so i am not in trouble yet but i am losin her.

 

[Vulpine]

Bob, I'm really starting to feel like your emotional tampon. In fact, I think the members of this forum are more responsible for the outcomes of your relationships than you are. Start being your own man and quit spamming us with "another day, another bobfuest post."

 

[Desdinova]

Take her out to do something fun. Sometimes, the simplest activities are the best things to do. Take her out to feed ducks, go rollerskating, anything simple and fun. Keeping the fun in the relationship will help strengthen it. Continue to flirt with her and treat her like your bratty little sister. It'll help relieve some of the stress that's been going on in the relationship.

Pulling away isn't a fix-all for your relationship problems. Since you're in a LTR, pulling away will only aggrivate her more and put more strain on the relationship.

 

[BobFuest]

Bob, I'm really starting to feel like your emotional tampon. In fact, I think the members of this forum are more responsible for the outcomes of your relationships than you are. Start being your own man and quit spamming us with "another day, another bobfuest post."

hey now thats not very nice. If you had read the post I am doing somethings to fix it. I just wanted ideas.

 

[BobFuest]

You got me confused....



Great! That's every man's dream.

and then:



Either her IL is a source of concern and you fear she might dump you or you don't. Could you clarify a bit pls?

The way it looks from here is that being a smart a$$ D1ckhead like you put it is not working any longer. You're so afraid to look like and AFC that you end up playing only one tune. Add more diversity to your game, maybe you're doing too much of the smart a$$ D1ckhead routine and you need to mellow down a bit sometimes and let her feel some comfort as well.

Just my 2 cents

I am worried about being an AFC. Your right.
Will she dump me? No not yet but if i keep making things worse then eventually yes. I think i am doing things to lower her interest level and not enough to keep it raised.

 

[Vulpine]

Ok bob, let it put it to you like this then:

You are hyper-analyzing every single minute aspect of your situation. You are likely to be imagining things that aren't there as a result. This sort of behavior is something a woman would do. "Let her worry about you for a change." Study long-study wrong should be your mantra for a while. You are going to act on perceptions and louse up anything you've got going by being so scrutinizing of your relationships.

Have you ever made something, then rather than get the camera and leave it at good, you kept messing with it and wrecked it? This is where you are at. You should have left it at good, but you keep meddling and fussing and soon you'll have ruined it and need to start all over.

 

[BobFuest]

Ok bob, let it put it to you like this then:

You are hyper-analyzing every single minute aspect of your situation. You are likely to be imagining things that aren't there as a result. This sort of behavior is something a woman would do. "Let her worry about you for a change." Study long-study wrong should be your mantra for a while. You are going to act on perceptions and louse up anything you've got going by being so scrutinizing of your relationships.

Have you ever made something, then rather than get the camera and leave it at good, you kept messing with it and wrecked it? This is where you are at. You should have left it at good, but you keep meddling and fussing and soon you'll have ruined it and need to start all over.

thank you. i wish someone (not meanin you guys) had told me that awhile ago. Your exactly right.

 

[Wyldfire]

If a woman actually does love you and you act like a d*ckhead (as you put it), she most certainly WILL leave you. Don't buy into the lie that women don't leave jerks...because any decent woman will leave a guy who hurts her repeatedly...even if she loves him.

 

[Vulpine]

Dammit! Don't go stoking his insecurities! He'll just dream up some more scenarios and start acting even flakier... He's feeling guilty for his man-ish behavior becuase he remembers his AFC behavior.

What he's calling being a d!ckhead is most likely acting like a DJ versus acting like an AFC. In which case, she will not leave but actually be more likely to stay.

Bob, the less you hyper-analyze you situation, the more confidence you display.... or at least fake it until you make it.

 

[BobFuest]

you know i realize that i have developed a one-i-tis. i am so wrapped up in keeping this relationship goin i am ruining the whole thing.
Wyldfire, I am not a real d1ckhead. I am actually a really great loving sweet guy. Just lately i have hurt her feelings. He is right about the DJ thing. Thats what i meant. I dont put up with sh1t from anyone. That makes me seem like a d1ck but I am holding my own.
God i need to lighten up. This sh1t is just not that serious. What will be will be. I need a shot of Petron :yes: that would be awesome right about now.

 

[Desdinova]

It's also about variety. Pull away when she's being miserable. Get closer when she's in a good mood. Tease her when she's being goofy. Basically, mirror her actions. It'll bring you closer together.

You're forgetting one important thing: be human! You have your own feelings to take care of as well. You're allowed to be in a good mood, a bad mood, be sad, etc. Being negative all the time won't help anything. You need to bring out the good in yourself for her to bring out her good side.

Game playing will not work in a relationship. The only thing you really need to know is say NO when you need to, and take the lead when she doesn't (or can't). Those two simple guidelines will get you much further in your LTR than playing games.

 

[Vulpine]

What you need is a distraction.

A hottie doing a body shot of Patron off you would be more in order here.

:cheer:

 

[Desdinova]

you know i realize that i have developed a one-i-tis.

One-itis is what a relationship is all about. I wish guys on this site would get that right. One-itis is only bad when you're "in love" with a girl who doesn't love you back.

 

[BobFuest]

One-itis is what a relationship is all about. I wish guys on this site would get that right. One-itis is only bad when you're "in love" with a girl who doesn't love you back.

i meant one-i-tis as in I am worrying too much about the relationship and not just being happy with it.

 

[BobFuest]

What you need is a distraction.

A hottie doing a body shot of Patron off you would be more in order here.

:cheer:

haha that would fu-ckin rawk right about now! haha Tonight i am playing poker and i got my whole dj(dance music dj) life to setup. Its summer time so I got to start planning bookings for the rest of the summer.
Desdinova, i like what you had to say about variety and how you summed up just being human. Damn your right. Thinkin about it as a game has only hurt the relationship and damn if it just ruins my mood. we are far enough along i should just do as i do. She already loves me for who i am.

 

[Egoist]

I don't mean to be an a$$hole, but I TOLD YOU SO.

seriously man, remember a few days ago in a different thread you got mad at me because i was telling not to be so nice and giving and supplicating and you basically ignored it?

ya.

"aww i made her a gift" "its so sweet" blah blah blah

no matter how open and sweet and genuine you are and how much you think she digs that, IT DOES NOT WORK. get it through your head.

enough about that though. you have two options. but first you need to figure out if you really want this chick in your life. Maybe you should just move on. If not though, you need to change your game. Re-read the bible. make yourself less available. re-read posts by the smart guys on here.

i can actually point you to a really good forum specifically for LTRs from DJ/PUA perspectives, shoot me a PM if you want it.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

One-itis is what a relationship is all about. I wish guys on this site would get that right. One-itis is only bad when you're "in love" with a girl who doesn't love you back.

I have to respectfully, but emphatically disagree. ONEitis is a mindset that's contained in oneself. Whether it's reciprocated or not isn't the issue. A woman can choose to capitalize on ONEitis or not, but the mental schema is what's at the root of it. I know far too many pre-whipped men not even in a relationship who entertain ONEitis with their 'soulmate' once they finally meet her. I also know plenty of men in ONEitis, fear-fueled relationships with women who would tell you they truly love the guy they're with, but it's not the reciprocated love that is most damaging to the guy. Rather it's the fear of losing his ONE. The guy with ONEitis still believes in the falacy of the soulmate myth. A woman can also be an adherent or she can pander to this.

Mutual respect is what a relationship is all about. There are some good Ones and there are some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. It's this infantile belief that there's only ONE person on planet earth for any one other person. I wonder how many remarried or widowed people still entertain this nonsense?

 

[BobFuest]

I don't mean to be an a$$hole, but I TOLD YOU SO.

seriously man, remember a few days ago in a different thread you got mad at me because i was telling not to be so nice and giving and supplicating and you basically ignored it?

ya.

"aww i made her a gift" "its so sweet" blah blah blah

no matter how open and sweet and genuine you are and how much you think she digs that, IT DOES NOT WORK. get it through your head.

enough about that though. you have two options. but first you need to figure out if you really want this chick in your life. Maybe you should just move on. If not though, you need to change your game. Re-read the bible. make yourself less available. re-read posts by the smart guys on here.

i can actually point you to a really good forum specifically for LTRs from DJ/PUA perspectives, shoot me a PM if you want it.

I will shoot you a PM but your wrong IMO. She loves the gift and carries it around with her everywhere. My girl gets off on those kinds of things. Humor and nice people are what she is all about. Granted it helps to be a d1ck sometimes and not "a nice guy" but in my case being sweet helps most of the time. Not doormat sweet, just showing her that I can be a great guy and be truely unique. I didnt mean it as supplicating at all, it was an out of the blue surprise her kind of thing. Also, i gave her that thing like 2 months ago. It has no bearing on now.

 

[Wyldfire]

Soulmates do exist. The problem is that most people think you can only have one...and that's not true. I've already had two.

 

[Egoist]

I will shoot you a PM but your wrong IMO. She loves the gift and carries it around with her everywhere. My girl gets off on those kinds of things. Humor and nice people are what she is all about. Granted it helps to be a d1ck sometimes and not "a nice guy" but in my case being sweet helps most of the time. Not doormat sweet, just showing her that I can be a great guy and be truely unique. I didnt mean it as supplicating at all, it was an out of the blue surprise her kind of thing. Also, i gave her that thing like 2 months ago. It has no bearing on now.

i know, its not really about the gift though. its because it seems to me that you have a mindset "as long as i am sweet and genuine and i truly love her, it will be all right" and thats a sure way to crash and burn.

Seriously man, i've been there, done that, and learned from my mistakes.