my life sucks, i need a change

[Duffty]

I can only give advice on what NOT TO DO.

The following are BAD for you.

Staying home, dreaming about what your life could be. Staying home all weekend.

Watching T.V or using Internet more than 2 hours a day. And wonders why you are bored.

Stop going to classess because you are in a crappy mood and hated being alone.

Procrastinate school work,assignments, exams. Failing school.

Become withdrawn from people, avoided public places so you don't have to social.

Not eating healthy or exercising, gaining weight and feel tired.

Unstable sleeping patterns, too much "bad" sleep or sleep during the day, it will make you tired and cant concentrate.

Not studying because you worry about your other problems.

Have no immediate or long term goals or plans about your life. Not setting goals or plans for your future.

Have no money.Not having a part-time job to build social/work experience.

Not taking actions to change your problems NOW. Avoiding problems because it's stressful but it won't go away by itself.

Believing negative stuff people said about you.

Blaming everything for what's wrong with your life but yourself.

Stop doing these things and start writing down what you need to change and how you going to achieve it.

 

[DjDreamer]

The funny thing about social insecuritiy is that it can serve as a self fulfilling prophecy and can be used against you by persons who wish to get a few cheap laughs at your expense... yes it's true... the real world is that cruel... so zip what you gotta do is act... dress the non-geeky part... wear a social aptitude mask... fake it till you make it... wait... let me rephrase that... fake it till you manage to get others to believe it...

 

[JHeights83rd]

Agree to disagree

ok this is what im trying to say, converting from an anti-social 'loser' that other people see in ur school, to a person that people actually respect, is not that easy. That is your goal

if you looked at the situation like a optimist, you would not make any progress, youd be in denial that you need to change how u act.

its taking me 6 months to undo the virginess out of the way I act. im still working on it. so i kind of know where that kids coming from. with me, Im 1/2 arubian 1/2 colombian from the hood so the way i acted got me serious problems with gangs and stuff, and b/c the world is going to ***t on you if you are like that. it was more serious for me to change.

dont be afraid to hurt, and do it - this is not really gonna help him b/c hes probably thinking. 'do what? how?' like i said b4 nobody is going to help you you have to follow your own leadership. its not that easy to be a leader, its easy to take orders 'do it.' but not as easy to say how it gets done.

i explained in a post above how i think he should get it done: undo virginess/submissive body language --> get a crew and a life --> get girl 'friends'
if he just starts trying to mack it to girls, they can tell when youre not around women/not liked by other women. if they think you have no options they will only assume the worst about you. if you follow this order youll get more respect in your school.
you dont know it yet but you want to hold weight in your school and not be the kid by himself. so im gonna leave ya ***** ** *** like that. got any questions about what im doing or what u should do just ask

 

[organizedconfusion]

you care waayyyyyyy too much about what others think dude-maybe you're right and you are just a dork

but seriously, if you're soo concerned about being liked why don't you just be like everyone else and 'play nice' and maybe they'll finally 'accept' you

dude, f*ck that- i'd rather be hated for who i am then loved for someone i am not. By conforming, all you're doing is what they want you to do.they teased you , and made fun of you..so naturaly you'd want to be accepted- i don't blame you, no one likes rejection.But by changing on their terms, you give them power...you're doing exactly what they want you to do and becoming who they want you to be. you give them power by paying attention to them and you play into their games by letting them hold you down. why would you want reconition or acceptence from the people that put you down in the first place?

do things on your terms, it sound like everything you are doing is for the validation and acceptence from everyone else...

F*CK THEM




'actions make the man' if someone geeks around and acts like a dumb a$$ of course that's who'll they'll be..simple as that.

 

[DjDreamer]

Re: Agree to disagree

Originally posted by JHeights83rd
dont be afraid to hurt, and do it - this is not really gonna help him b/c hes probably thinking. 'do what? how?' like i said b4 nobody is going to help you you have to follow your own leadership. its not that easy to be a leader, its easy to take orders 'do it.' but not as easy to say how it gets done.

True... but what I think is best for him to do is not put so much importance on words... chances are he does have a certain amount of knowledge on what "it" is... he just has to put "it" in action... "it" is confidence... self-respect... positivity...perseverence... goals... haircut... calogne... grooming... etc... fact is "it" isn't a total mystery...

And I wouldn't put so much emphasis on a crew because some may be experts at playing on a team whereas others are experts at golf... fencing... tennis... archery... etc... the lone wolf... so what's really important are goals... with a sense of personal identity...

 

[organizedconfusion]

Jheights83rd;
i don't really blame you for thinking that way, i have never been to Queens but i have heard of the reputation.

i am planning on visiting NY after a few years in LA and after making my way through CA.

 

[sinned]

Im digging the advice going on in this thread.

So im going to open up and hope for well placed personal advice from strange internet users ive never met.

I was a BAD loser till about 11th grade.
Thats when I started taking actions to change my life.

Now im 21 and My social clique is mostly drug users and alcoholics who are suprisingly the most genuine and amazing people ive ever met in my life. I like them more than my family.

Ive got no problem with faking it with chicks and ****. I realise that they are all pretty much dumb sluts any way... (but i dont want to)
so this is where i am.

I have no self esteem still. But i act confident. I fall in love with every girl I get intimate with even tho i know there is no love and its going to hurt.

I ask my self if im ugly more today than i did when i was young (so strange) even tho girls tell me im handsome.

heres the thing. IM confused. I know im a ****ing pansie ass. but im not sure if its bad. I have no problem being (forcing it against my instincts) social and what not.. its just bad i guess because i have no self esteem. Im insanely passive and i care more for other peoples comfort level than my own. even though i know that im the onl y person that can make me happy. its almost like i cant be selfish.

I work in a heavy tourisit and conservative area. There are no worker Unions in my area and im seriously considering starting one.. is this foolish?


IS this bad. JUDGE me now .. pls. Im so confused I like being sensitive and I love to love in a sense even though i know the outcome. insane maybe. I like to belive that no 2 are a like, IM pro human.. weve gotten pretty far why cant i just live the way my instincts tell me too. and i dont want to feel like im trying to ****ing imitate other people, im not a kid anymore.

Honestly do u think the men before us sat around figuring out how "TO FORCE IT"?


TIred. Thanks in advance.

PS. It seems like men are more like women and multi gendered. why couldnt this just be evolution. Could it be possible that girls are changing too (im not expecting anyone to follow me on this but if u do please comment.) Could time tested advice be out of date?. Should i just get some diferent hobbies and **** set more goals and not thinking about such things so much. OR why not OAFJaojf;oa

err im frustrated.

 

[john_1234]

i suggest making guy friends first. join clubs, fraternity, etc. if you have difficulty socializing w/ guys, you'll have a harder time socializing w/ girls

 

[organizedconfusion]

dude, i don't think anyone on this earth isn't insecure- everyone has their moments and we all have our issues. what seperates us is how we either overcome them or learn to live with them.

sometimes it's best to sit down and figure out exactly why you are soo sad, depressed, insecure-whatever and then try to understand them compeltly and then figure out how to pull through. This is way bigger then being afraid of girls or being afraid to approach or whatever, for deep seeded issues- sometimes you need to dig in really deep to penetrate the foundation or core of the underlying issue.

what i am trying to say is that you need to figure out EXACTLY why you feel bad or why you feel unworthy- in order to ever overcome it. some people have inferiority complexes, some have weight issues, whatever it may be- it's easier to take care of a problem if you achknowledge it first and then deal with it directly.

unless it's something like sexual abuse or getting your a$$ kicked by your step dad,then maybe you should consider professional help..ditto if you're friggin nuts- no offense.