GotED?
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2012
- Messages
- 829
- Reaction score
- 99
As I come on this board less and less, I felt contributing to a whole thread on my experiences from being an AFC for over 35 years, to feeling good about myself (great and awesome are a few days in between) and mastering the principles of being a DJ and the master of your own ship as a man. It is my gratitude to others who have contributed and helped me crawl out of my self-made black hole of abyss in the past.
I must caution my advices below are for more mature, stable men who are relationship or LTR oriented and believes they try to live a life conforming to some form of code of honor and ethics. I am not disregarding the opposite, such as those who finds it a holy crusade with ONS, hump & dump, and even friend with benefits. I just do not have those experiences; therefore the contributions below may work in the opposite.
Here are my steps below to get you out of your own miserable AFC life:
EXAMINE YOUR PAST
* You did not become an AFC all on your own as a man. You had serious conditioning and assistance from your parents, just like Pavlov the dog that is conditioned to a certain response over repeated instances. It is not easy to face the truth or even RECOGNIZE the truth until you really take some time to see what aspects of your childhood was missing? Did your parents ever verbally say 'I love You' to you?
* Did your mother lack giving or showing you emotions/affections that enabled you to seek that approval from women now you are an adult man? Did your mother emotionally traumatize you in craziness while you were a boy that resulted you in feeling comfortable only with women who have BPD-prone behaviors? Your mother's approach in nurturing you as a boy has the greatest impact when you become a man.
* Did your father spend more time on work and never knew how to play with you? Were you never praised by your father or encouraged, therefore - you lacked the self-esteem and confidence as an adult man? Did your father failed to show you love and emotional affection even in small doses?
* Did you look at how your grandfathers and grandmothers treated and raised your parents? There is a great likelihood where your grandparents failed, your parents failed as well. This is a vicious cycle and you are the victim from the sins of the parents.
You can not move forward as a man until you have clearly and objectively looked at how you were raised by your parents. These personal inadequacies and scars NEED to be healed, if not - they will surface the moment you PROJECT these issues onto the woman who you seek affection from. It will be severely subconscious and unconscious - these are the resulting behaviors of an AFC man. When you have admit to the truth of how you were raised and the dysfunctions of your parents, you can then be AWARE of those issues - congratulations, you have won 50% of the battle by being self-aware.
WHO ARE YOU NOW
* Look at yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself. If you are not as physically good looking as you want to be, admit to that and set realistic expectations with women you are seeking. This will reduce your frequency of rejections by getting your ego (or a low self-esteem hidden in being overconfident) in check.
* Examine your personality - how are your verbal skills with women? Can you make them laugh, respond in wit, and go into deep discussions? Or are you just full of shallow thoughts such as sports, who won the game last night, and the type of beer that you like? Be honest with your mental and charisma level - you will need to adjust your expectations with women in accordance to your personality and physical attractiveness.
* Your first impression DOES COUNT - how do you appear with what you wear and what is your STYLE? Style is utmost important if your first impression is not good enough. Do you come across as a 'safe' person? Women are super paranoid about being 'safe' - if your first impression looks like you are of some level a threat, you have an uphill climb to get her attention. You should invest in great looking and FITTING clothes that accentuates your body shape, and shoes. If you DON'T have a good body shape, it is ON YOU to get there. There is absolutely no excuse to control your weight and be in good shape, this is utmost self-discipline of your mind.
* Make an Excel spreadsheet of ALL the women you had gone on dates with - Make columns of what major qualities of a woman really mattered to you, how many dates did you get on with them, how did you rate them on various things (physical, mental, spiritual, height, age, single/divorced, kids/no kids, etc). Rate the on a scale of 1 to 10 on each of these categories, and a final score for overall level of liking. This is important for the next point.
* Know what you are looking for - Most men or even women, for the most part - get into relationships by CONVENIENCE. This means, most people fall in love with each other not ACTIVELY SEEKING qualities that they want. Instead, they run and meet into the opposite sex thru work while in the office, thru friends, families, or some common gathering. When the opposite sex by CONVENIENCE shows interest in you, or vice versa - you just go with it. This is the most horrible way to waste away your life and get into a waste-of-time and emotionally unfulfilling relationship. Once you KNOW what you want and NEED from the spreadsheet, stop getting hooked into relationships due to convenience.
* REJECT what you are not looking for - this is terribly hard. To turn away women when you are still an AFC because you are so used to the ideal of 'convenience'. This is a deep subconscious wound deep inside of you that is seeking immediate validation from a woman that you are lovable and desirable - because some part of your childhood, this was very much damaged or lacking fulfillment. If a woman looks interesting but she is not attractive enough, MOVE ON and ignore her. If a woman does not appear to be the type of woman you want (trashing/slutty dressed, for example), MOVE ON and stop wasting your time. If after the 1st date, she fails a great percentage of what you are looking for or you feel no deep desiring interest in her (believe and trust in your intuition), MOVE on and use that time instead on someone more rewarding.
* Rejecting women is key to being DJ - the moment you have started mastering REJECTING women, you have indirectly validated a huge part of your own self-worth as a man. You just told yourself, you are GOOD ENOUGH - even deserve someone BETTER than that woman you have just rejected to go on a 2nd date. This is actually self-love, a concept that AFC men mostly do not understand or have. Without self-love, your world is centered on a woman who you seek to validate your entire existence - thus the birth of an AFC man.
I must caution my advices below are for more mature, stable men who are relationship or LTR oriented and believes they try to live a life conforming to some form of code of honor and ethics. I am not disregarding the opposite, such as those who finds it a holy crusade with ONS, hump & dump, and even friend with benefits. I just do not have those experiences; therefore the contributions below may work in the opposite.
Here are my steps below to get you out of your own miserable AFC life:
EXAMINE YOUR PAST
* You did not become an AFC all on your own as a man. You had serious conditioning and assistance from your parents, just like Pavlov the dog that is conditioned to a certain response over repeated instances. It is not easy to face the truth or even RECOGNIZE the truth until you really take some time to see what aspects of your childhood was missing? Did your parents ever verbally say 'I love You' to you?
* Did your mother lack giving or showing you emotions/affections that enabled you to seek that approval from women now you are an adult man? Did your mother emotionally traumatize you in craziness while you were a boy that resulted you in feeling comfortable only with women who have BPD-prone behaviors? Your mother's approach in nurturing you as a boy has the greatest impact when you become a man.
* Did your father spend more time on work and never knew how to play with you? Were you never praised by your father or encouraged, therefore - you lacked the self-esteem and confidence as an adult man? Did your father failed to show you love and emotional affection even in small doses?
* Did you look at how your grandfathers and grandmothers treated and raised your parents? There is a great likelihood where your grandparents failed, your parents failed as well. This is a vicious cycle and you are the victim from the sins of the parents.
You can not move forward as a man until you have clearly and objectively looked at how you were raised by your parents. These personal inadequacies and scars NEED to be healed, if not - they will surface the moment you PROJECT these issues onto the woman who you seek affection from. It will be severely subconscious and unconscious - these are the resulting behaviors of an AFC man. When you have admit to the truth of how you were raised and the dysfunctions of your parents, you can then be AWARE of those issues - congratulations, you have won 50% of the battle by being self-aware.
WHO ARE YOU NOW
* Look at yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself. If you are not as physically good looking as you want to be, admit to that and set realistic expectations with women you are seeking. This will reduce your frequency of rejections by getting your ego (or a low self-esteem hidden in being overconfident) in check.
* Examine your personality - how are your verbal skills with women? Can you make them laugh, respond in wit, and go into deep discussions? Or are you just full of shallow thoughts such as sports, who won the game last night, and the type of beer that you like? Be honest with your mental and charisma level - you will need to adjust your expectations with women in accordance to your personality and physical attractiveness.
* Your first impression DOES COUNT - how do you appear with what you wear and what is your STYLE? Style is utmost important if your first impression is not good enough. Do you come across as a 'safe' person? Women are super paranoid about being 'safe' - if your first impression looks like you are of some level a threat, you have an uphill climb to get her attention. You should invest in great looking and FITTING clothes that accentuates your body shape, and shoes. If you DON'T have a good body shape, it is ON YOU to get there. There is absolutely no excuse to control your weight and be in good shape, this is utmost self-discipline of your mind.
* Make an Excel spreadsheet of ALL the women you had gone on dates with - Make columns of what major qualities of a woman really mattered to you, how many dates did you get on with them, how did you rate them on various things (physical, mental, spiritual, height, age, single/divorced, kids/no kids, etc). Rate the on a scale of 1 to 10 on each of these categories, and a final score for overall level of liking. This is important for the next point.
* Know what you are looking for - Most men or even women, for the most part - get into relationships by CONVENIENCE. This means, most people fall in love with each other not ACTIVELY SEEKING qualities that they want. Instead, they run and meet into the opposite sex thru work while in the office, thru friends, families, or some common gathering. When the opposite sex by CONVENIENCE shows interest in you, or vice versa - you just go with it. This is the most horrible way to waste away your life and get into a waste-of-time and emotionally unfulfilling relationship. Once you KNOW what you want and NEED from the spreadsheet, stop getting hooked into relationships due to convenience.
* REJECT what you are not looking for - this is terribly hard. To turn away women when you are still an AFC because you are so used to the ideal of 'convenience'. This is a deep subconscious wound deep inside of you that is seeking immediate validation from a woman that you are lovable and desirable - because some part of your childhood, this was very much damaged or lacking fulfillment. If a woman looks interesting but she is not attractive enough, MOVE ON and ignore her. If a woman does not appear to be the type of woman you want (trashing/slutty dressed, for example), MOVE ON and stop wasting your time. If after the 1st date, she fails a great percentage of what you are looking for or you feel no deep desiring interest in her (believe and trust in your intuition), MOVE on and use that time instead on someone more rewarding.
* Rejecting women is key to being DJ - the moment you have started mastering REJECTING women, you have indirectly validated a huge part of your own self-worth as a man. You just told yourself, you are GOOD ENOUGH - even deserve someone BETTER than that woman you have just rejected to go on a 2nd date. This is actually self-love, a concept that AFC men mostly do not understand or have. Without self-love, your world is centered on a woman who you seek to validate your entire existence - thus the birth of an AFC man.
