Magnatolia
Don Juan
Hi All,
Well, a little while back I started a blog of my journey but it didn't work out too well, so I'm going to start my 'blog' here. Basically I'm looking for plenty of feedback so I can see where I'm going wrong, your recommendations and anything you can offer to help me improve myself.
Okay, I'll start from the beginning. This post is my 'intro'.
-- INTRO --
I'm 22 years old from Brisbane, Australia. I've had some major problems in my past which have shattered my self-esteem and confidence and given me many fears, especially in social setting.
Okay, well a couple of weeks ago, I noticed this woman, probably in her 40's - too old for my liking, but anyway, I was standing next to her in the aisle of the bus and she turned and looked up at me with a smile. It was a 'forced' moved ie. it wasn't like she just turned to check out who was standing there.
I have a habit of skimming my eyes over people as we're moving - looking at who's getting on and off the bus, not staring just glancing. Every time my eyes caught her's she would give me a smile. Then in the last week she started sitting next to me probably half the time, although her usual seat was still free. I'm being careful not to give her the idea that I'm interested (I don't know if she's interested but it's pretty strange).
Self-help audio:
Well, I've decided to put my ipod to better use than just chilling to Will Smith and threw a bunch of self-help audio files on it. I spend two hours a day on public transport to get to and from work so there' s plenty of time for music. I've listened to some bwgen presets which are supposed to affect the brain in different ways (the results I've had aren't really relevant to my problems though). I'm also trying out Timothy Leary's 'How to operate your brain' audio file. It centres around confusing the brain by changing background music and voice and the video component changes colour and all sorts of different effects. I haven't used this one for long enough to have an opinion as yet.
Today's problems: (I will list various problematic/fear-related thoughts here)
Same old same old. There's this group of school kids that I pass on the way to work in the morning, for the past several months they've paid me no attention but everytime I walk past them I start consciously becoming wary and think about things like the way I'm walking, what they're laughing at (I usually check the direction they're facing to see if they're looking at me. This is a real problem for me as I tend to get this problem whenever I pass a group of people in the street.
My mental problem around women and in social settings:
Probably the most frustrating thing for me is that I don't know what is going on in my head when I freeze up when thinking about showing some interest in a woman. It makes it hard to find a specific event/time from the past that is causing the problem. I usually have positive visuals at first but they slowly become darker and less positive. I also have an expectation that the people in the vicinity will laugh at me or make fun of me if I try and make some kind of move or even just say hi or smile.
Plus, my mind is really slow at picking up what's happened and processing that data. An example: an attractive woman at work smiled at me as we walked past each other. Half a second or longer later I returned the smile - any longer and she wouldn't have even seem my responding smile. But in the past there has been times where I haven't even returned anything as my mind realises what has happened after I've walked past.
My biggest problem:
I have this ingrained pattern/belief that I shouldn't initiate conversations/show interest until th other person/people have invited me to join them or have intiated the first move. I think it goes back to school when I had no friends and whenever I tried to talk to a new kid the other students would tell them all kinds of vicious things about me and they didn't bother with me after that. An example of this is the christmas party for the tech department at work a few years back. My colleagues didn't go and the other people I know them a little bit but as above I just sat at a table by myself until someone realised I was on my own and called me over. After that intial invitation I was much better.
My current plan:
At the moment if I see an attractive woman all I am able to do is look at her. If she looks at me I can smile at her but that's about it.
Okay, well that's enough background information for now. If I'm going to succeed I need your feedback on what I can do to improve.
Looking forward to keeping you up to date on my journey.
-- END OF INTRO --
Thanks
J
Well, a little while back I started a blog of my journey but it didn't work out too well, so I'm going to start my 'blog' here. Basically I'm looking for plenty of feedback so I can see where I'm going wrong, your recommendations and anything you can offer to help me improve myself.
Okay, I'll start from the beginning. This post is my 'intro'.
-- INTRO --
I'm 22 years old from Brisbane, Australia. I've had some major problems in my past which have shattered my self-esteem and confidence and given me many fears, especially in social setting.
Okay, well a couple of weeks ago, I noticed this woman, probably in her 40's - too old for my liking, but anyway, I was standing next to her in the aisle of the bus and she turned and looked up at me with a smile. It was a 'forced' moved ie. it wasn't like she just turned to check out who was standing there.
I have a habit of skimming my eyes over people as we're moving - looking at who's getting on and off the bus, not staring just glancing. Every time my eyes caught her's she would give me a smile. Then in the last week she started sitting next to me probably half the time, although her usual seat was still free. I'm being careful not to give her the idea that I'm interested (I don't know if she's interested but it's pretty strange).
Self-help audio:
Well, I've decided to put my ipod to better use than just chilling to Will Smith and threw a bunch of self-help audio files on it. I spend two hours a day on public transport to get to and from work so there' s plenty of time for music. I've listened to some bwgen presets which are supposed to affect the brain in different ways (the results I've had aren't really relevant to my problems though). I'm also trying out Timothy Leary's 'How to operate your brain' audio file. It centres around confusing the brain by changing background music and voice and the video component changes colour and all sorts of different effects. I haven't used this one for long enough to have an opinion as yet.
Today's problems: (I will list various problematic/fear-related thoughts here)
Same old same old. There's this group of school kids that I pass on the way to work in the morning, for the past several months they've paid me no attention but everytime I walk past them I start consciously becoming wary and think about things like the way I'm walking, what they're laughing at (I usually check the direction they're facing to see if they're looking at me. This is a real problem for me as I tend to get this problem whenever I pass a group of people in the street.
My mental problem around women and in social settings:
Probably the most frustrating thing for me is that I don't know what is going on in my head when I freeze up when thinking about showing some interest in a woman. It makes it hard to find a specific event/time from the past that is causing the problem. I usually have positive visuals at first but they slowly become darker and less positive. I also have an expectation that the people in the vicinity will laugh at me or make fun of me if I try and make some kind of move or even just say hi or smile.
Plus, my mind is really slow at picking up what's happened and processing that data. An example: an attractive woman at work smiled at me as we walked past each other. Half a second or longer later I returned the smile - any longer and she wouldn't have even seem my responding smile. But in the past there has been times where I haven't even returned anything as my mind realises what has happened after I've walked past.
My biggest problem:
I have this ingrained pattern/belief that I shouldn't initiate conversations/show interest until th other person/people have invited me to join them or have intiated the first move. I think it goes back to school when I had no friends and whenever I tried to talk to a new kid the other students would tell them all kinds of vicious things about me and they didn't bother with me after that. An example of this is the christmas party for the tech department at work a few years back. My colleagues didn't go and the other people I know them a little bit but as above I just sat at a table by myself until someone realised I was on my own and called me over. After that intial invitation I was much better.
My current plan:
At the moment if I see an attractive woman all I am able to do is look at her. If she looks at me I can smile at her but that's about it.
Okay, well that's enough background information for now. If I'm going to succeed I need your feedback on what I can do to improve.
Looking forward to keeping you up to date on my journey.
-- END OF INTRO --
Thanks
J
as I'm heading to the local shops. There's always attractive girls wandering around. But I doubt I'll have anything to post as I never make any moves in the shopping centres. Way too many people around.