My IL is too high. Need help

[Chamber36]

Let me give you guys the down-low.

I known a chick from the social circle, occasionally seen her in the club every few months for a few years.

I remember when I first met her she was pretty damn receptive, immediately pressed my hips against hers, asked her name, she turned out to be from the same town.

So anyway, didn't get a make-out that night, which was years ago.

Seen her around at clubs and she was always receptive towards me.

Ran into her about 3 months ago in the club, it was fun and giddy, took the number, arranged a date. She texted me 4 days in advance she wouldn't be able to make it. I then left it at that, didn't reinitiate contact because I had to focus on school, and the iron wasn't really hot anymore.

So I run into her sunday night, the 23rd, right after I was approached by about 3 women. She kept asking me "what are you doing here? What are you doing here?", before I knew it, she was trying to make out with me. So I complied, made out with her, didn't really give it my all, she didn't gimme much tongue so there wasn't much to work with. She could apparently be a better kisser.

Anyway, I didn't stop the kissing though I know it's standard DJ procedure to end the kiss. In mid-kiss I asked her: "are we gonna meet up this holiday?", and I also know it's against the rules to ask for a date while on a date(Though it wasn't a "Date", I don't wanna come off needy)... I hadn't seen her in months though, and she was pretty damn drunk, so I wanted to meet up with her another time when she was sober. I thought she was LTR material because she's always really happy and smiling. Anyway, she agreed, told me to call her. She even dropped some idea's that she wants to meet up in Amsterdam, where I have an apartment and we can cook together and that kind of stuff. I was a little surprised, but I was like: "yeah, sure I suppose. Sounds good." Then she noticed a red lipstick mark on my cheek, asked me what it was. I think she got a little jealous. Other people started bothering us while we were making out, a chick friend of hers invited me somewhere, but the conversation didn't continue. A dude poked her giant F-sized titties, I didn't mind, and she looked at me to see if I would react, so I put on some alpha body language and the guy turned around. Eventually she asked me if I smoke, I said no, she seemed a little self-conscious about it, I told her I didn't mind. She asked me if I wanted to join her in the smoking section. I didn't really want to, because I don't want to talk to her, I just want to fvck her.

That's also why I didn't really wanna make out. I prefer to let the sexual tension build and then release it all when we are in private. Anyway, she said she was gonna smoke and brb, and kissed my face and went off. So I just kinda let it happen.

If she was any other chick I would have tried to bone her that very same night. I kinda wanna make an LTR out of this one though, so I didn't wanna bone her while she was ****faced drunk.

So I left the club, I didn't wanna approach her while she was there with all her friends. I asked some dudes if there was an after-party, they all said no, so I went home.

Now I spent the last 3 days thinking about when to call her and what to do. I decided we could meet up and play some pool tomorrow, though all I want to do is invite her over to my apartment in Amsterdam so we can bone (I can only do that after the holiday though. I am staying with my mom for now). My colleague told me that it can wait and we don't have to meet up during the holiday. Anyway, I called her today and she didn't pick up the phone. I didn't leave a voicemail message or send a text.

I'm glad I got the call over with, but I am still no closer to boning her. I like her a lot personality-wise and she seems to like me a lot too. I think I played it right by not calling her after she called off the date 3 months back.

Anyway, I don't really have a game plan and I would appreciate if someone could evaluate my situation for me. I apologize for the wall of text, this is just what's going on in my mind, I wanna give you guys a clear description of what's been going on.

So what do I do?

 

[NewAndImproved]

Fact of the matter is you don't really know this girl that well. You've had some good interactions, good chemistry, but -- and I'm guilty of this too -- you're projecting far too much into the future.

Maybe she's an LTR girl. Maybe she isn't. YOU DON'T KNOW.

But you did have a chance to at least take things to the next level -- or try. You don't know for sure if you would've had sex. But you should always try to strike when the iron's hot. It would've been much easier to get her out on another date after she slept over than it is now when all you have is a (flaky) phone number.

Right now, you're where you always were. Wondering and waiting for that perfect opportunity.

 

[Chamber36]

Fact of the matter is you don't really know this girl that well. You've had some good interactions, good chemistry, but -- and I'm guilty of this too -- you're projecting far too much into the future.

Maybe she's an LTR girl. Maybe she isn't. YOU DON'T KNOW.

But you did have a chance to at least take things to the next level -- or try. You don't know for sure if you would've had sex. But you should always try to strike when the iron's hot. It would've been much easier to get her out on another date after she slept over than it is now when all you have is a (flaky) phone number.

Right now, you're where you always were. Wondering and waiting for that perfect opportunity.

You could be right. I was practically offered the girl, but she was drunk, and the nice guy in me refused. It was a turn-off. I would usually never refuse a chance like that. Something came over me.

I'm not worried about her flakiness really. I don't think she's flakey. The IL was relatively high even 3 months back, and higher now. I assume her IL will stay high unless I do something to mess that up. I bet she would even be willing to meet up in January in Amsterdam if I play my cards right.

No point worrying about not having fvcked her while she was drunk. It probably would have been the smarter decision to try it. She just presses all my LTR buttons. I told her I thought she was cute, which was my way of saying I was interested in her for an LTR, same moment I asked whether she wanted to meet up during the holidays. I guess I am just looking for an investment on her part.

Anyway, I wonder how I should play my cards.

 

[JohnChops]

You should always see every new girl you meet as a chance to have fun with someone you never got to have fun with before, a new adventure, a new challenge for you. NEVER look at THEM as a future LTR... EVER. Thats how oneitis, high IL on your part, and other terrible things happen.

Im guilty of doing what you did and i think we all are. But once i switched my mindset over from:

"This girl could be my girlfriend, the one, the love of my life!"

to

"Shes cool, fun, and i wana hangout with her so im going too -> whats your number?"

Its been a lot easier.

 

[Chamber36]

I don't know whether I am doing the right thing or whether I have strayed from the proper mind-set.

Is there anything really wrong with what I did: leaving a chick when her buying temperature was through the roof?

For all we know her IL just quadrupled because I left her there.

I think it might be a good idea to get her to invest. Like I said, most chicks: I would have tried to bone them asap. This one, I simply was apprehensive.

There could be a legit DJ motive to what I did, somewhere in my subconscious. It somehow "feels" that way. I am just following my gut.

I've got a romantic seduction style, and maybe she is digging it and I am pushing the right buttons. I'd prefer to meet with her sober. Trying to bone a chick then & there could be a better strategy if IL would dwindle if you decline. With this one, I am hoping to let the IL increase. I'm giving her the gift of missing me, and giving her something to look forward to. Building tension. The more she thinks about me the better. I just better be more on top of my game than her.

Opinions?