My Hubby is one of you, so plz explain.

[QualityGrl]

Hey Guys,

My husband is one you guys.. By that i mean he is all about being a non AFC and setting boundaries and spinning plates.

I am wondering why does my husband resort to porn when I am in the other room, and he knows I will not turn him down. I have mentioned the issue to him but he really hasnt taken measures to fix it, does that have anything to do with all the Non afc theories?
Or
Since he is the spin plates type do you think my inexperience is turning him off,
or

do you think he just doesnt want to have sex w/me until he fixes his problem in the bedroom (lasting a short time)?

And why doesnt he compliment my looks? I am a hot girl and used to many compliments, is this one of the non afc things that he is doing?

Thanks

 

[ketostix]

If you were a quality girl you wouldn't care how good your man is in the bedroom .

 

[Jitterbug]

What do we get for essentially betraying a fellow DJ (although he doesn't actually sound like one, with the porn addiction and crap sex)?

 

[QualityGrl]

Ketostix: Thats absolutely the wrong mentality. I am inexperienced in the bedroom because I didnt feel right having many sexual partners and therefore I looked forward to enjoying my sexual life with my husband. There is nothing wrong with a quality girl enjoying or worrying about sex when it comes to her husband. If it was a boyfriend its a whole other story but this is My husband so you reply makes no sense.

 

[QualityGrl]

What do we get for essentially betraying a fellow DJ (although he doesn't actually sound like one, with the porn addiction and crap sex)?

You will get to help him save an issue in his relationship that has caused us tension and a few problems for over a year. And a promise that I will not sell you guys out I just need to understand this issue a little better from his point of view.

Oh and I know that you guys arnt into porn and thats what he said to me when we met, he actually really made a strong statement about not being into PORN AT ALL! so i was very surprised to find it on his computer.

 

[ketostix]

Ketostix: Thats absolutely the wrong mentality. I am inexperienced in the bedroom because I didnt feel right having many sexual partners and therefore I looked forward to enjoying my sexual life with my husband. There is nothing wrong with a quality girl enjoying or worrying about sex when it comes to her husband. If it was a boyfriend its a whole other story but this is My husband so you reply makes no sense.

It was an inside joke. Your original post made no sense. What does your husband sexual performance have to do with him being on this forum?

 

[QualityGrl]

It was an inside joke. Your original post made no sense. What does your husband sexual performance have to do with him being on this forum?

OHHH OMG sorry lol. Well I could ask anyone this question but i think that guys on this post are all about the Don Juan thing and i assume have a vested interest in pleasing and enjoying sex with their women. Therefore, if he is shying away from it perhaps you guys would no why better then the average person since you kind of understand his thinking. And I was wondering why he hasn't addressed the issue since i have mentioned it to him, is it part of the don juan thing.

And I also really want to know why he doesnt compliment me, is it part of a non afc?

hoped that helped

 

[sharkbeat]

OHHH OMG sorry lol. Well I could ask anyone this question but i think that guys on this post are all about the Don Juan thing and i assume have a vested interest in pleasing and enjoying sex with their women. Therefore, if he is shying away from it perhaps you guys would no why better then the average person since you kind of understand his thinking. And I was wondering why he hasn't addressed the issue since i have mentioned it to him, is it part of the don juan thing.

And I also really want to know why he doesnt compliment me, is it part of a non afc?

hoped that helped

No. None of that applies here. That's strictly a personality issue. It is true that we taught men not to compliment hot chicks, but that's for a pickup, and you are his wife.

 

[Trader]

If your husband is addicted to porn - he is showing no self-control.

Lust is good - *controlled* lust. Any man who becomes a slave to lust - is not a true man.

Your husband needs to *man up* ASAP

 

[SXS]

OHHH OMG sorry lol. Well I could ask anyone this question but i think that guys on this post are all about the Don Juan thing and i assume have a vested interest in pleasing and enjoying sex with their women. Therefore, if he is shying away from it perhaps you guys would no why better then the average person since you kind of understand his thinking. And I was wondering why he hasn't addressed the issue since i have mentioned it to him, is it part of the don juan thing.

And I also really want to know why he doesnt compliment me, is it part of a non afc?

hoped that helped

I dont get what is the problem, really, but isnt better if you talk to HIM about it ?

 

[DJDamage]

if he is shying away from it perhaps you guys would no why better then the average person since you kind of understand his thinking. And I was wondering why he hasn't addressed the issue since i have mentioned it to him, is it part of the don juan thing.

And I also really want to know why he doesnt compliment me, is it part of a non afc?

hoped that helped

Do you have a picture? because with "us guys" as you like to put it, it tends to start with the physical.

The harsh reality is that if you gained weight after you married him and didn't take care of yourself then maybe he "isn't being shy in the bedroom" and isn't "complimenting" you for a reason.

Just a thought.

Oh and don't give your husand sh1t for having some porn on his computer unless you are willing to accept sh1t for watching "romance movies".

 

[QualityGrl]

Do you have a picture? because with "us guys" as you like to put it, it tends to start with the physical.

The harsh reality is that if you gained weight after you married him and didn't take care of yourself then maybe he "isn't being shy in the bedroom" and isn't "complimenting" you for a reason.

Just a thought.

Oh and don't give your husand sh1t for having some porn on his computer unless you are willing to accept sh1t for watching "romance movies".

I didnt gain weight, i am 5"4 110lbs and a 24 inch waist, cute girl.. and take VERY good care of my looks no reason for him to have issues with that.. My looks are actually the reason why i am confused.

lol and i am not into romance movies, but thanks for the thought

 

[slaog]

There could be a number of reason why he is shying away from sex. You'll have to ask him that yourself. He sounds like an AFC trying to act like a DJ.

Hey Guys,

My husband is one you guys.. By that i mean he is all about being a non AFC and setting boundaries and spinning plates.

Do you know what spinning plates means?

 

[insidious]

You guys are allegedly married and he's spinning plates??
:crackup:
Well gee where to start....

 

[drixsa]

Quality Girl,

Have you made any effort to "please" him without him approaching you?

While many of us may not even realize it, the element of surprise and bringing new approaches to regular practices is usually very well received.

Bluntly, if he comes homes from work tomorrow and sits on the couch looking tired, just take his belt off and... By Jolly, I think you can take it from there

Receiving without even asking is blissful. If he doesn't enjoy that...

EDIT: Having just saw your reply on lack of sexual experience, is it possible that things haven't been so CRAZY in the bedroom? If thats the case, communication in a way that he can relate to is key.

 

[Trader]

Oh and don't give your husand sh1t for having some porn on his computer unless you are willing to accept sh1t for watching "romance movies".

I agree - if he is just having porn on his computer - that's relatively harmless. If he is constantly masturbating to porn instead of having sex with his wife - then he has issues.

He is probably addicted to the *variety* of beautiful girls he can get in porn.


I was thinking about this some more - there is a larger issue. One of the defining characteristics of masculinity is living in reality and *attacking* reality and creating your own world (Pook theme comes up again)

I know girls who live completely in fantasy land - numbed by their celebrity gossip, soap-operas (i.e. the Hills), movies (usually romantic comedies), pop music, and daydreams about their future wedding and Mr. Right. And I think that's fine - that's what girls do. I don't really expect girls to have that major will power to make big changes in life - well except when they need to lose 20 lbs to look hot on their wedding day - then somehow they conjure up the will power to go on a diet.

But I think our job as men is to achieve - to DO things in real life. Instead of playing Sims (playing a video game where you can be whatever you want to be) - why not just unite dream and day and LIVE OUT THE REALITY YOU WANT. Instead of playing Madden Football on PS, why not just go out and play real football?

And I would argue that while watching the NBA finals courtside is awesome, there is still something to be said about playing a pickup game of basketball at your local gym - you are actually DOING something instead of passively watching others do it.

We now come full circle to porn. What is porn but extreme escapism? Instead of having sex, you are watching others having sex and getting off to it. Why not actually have sex in real life?

Real men do not live in fantasy land - rather they live in reality and mould it into what their version of heaven is.

That is probably why many of us guys are disgusted at your husband. But I definitely see a little bit of myself in him. That is the AFCness I am trying to to root out *completely*. It's a process.

 

[penkitten]

does he post here?

 

[sodbuster]

I wonder if it may be the lack of variety as far as lack of interest- I mean if it's been missionary for the last 30 times and you won't try different positions and routines, well it's the same as eating pepperoni Pizza for the last 30 meals. As far as being quick, he'll last longer the second or third time that night. Im 2 days short of 50 and I can go 3 or 4 times a night. So cuddle and wait 10-15 minutes and start him up again.

The other possibility is low libido-or else he's gay and trying to hide it. My cousin had 3 kids with a man who is a flaming fag[now that he came out].

 

[squirrels]

Have you tried watching WITH him?

Better yet, go to a strip club with him. Get him to buy you a lapdance while he watches.

You never know...you may learn something about YOURSELF, too. Maybe he just doesn't know how freaky you want to get. Hit him with the schoolgirl or french maid costume one day when he gets home from work.

Sounds to me like there's something he wants that he thinks you're too shy or conservative to do for him. It's not about "you not turning him down". In this oversexualized society, sometimes men want their woman, behind closed doors, to get a little freaky. Some want her to get a LOT freaky.

Since you're "inexperienced", watch some of his pornos. You might learn something. Get some of those "couples' guide to sexual exploration" videos or something so you can learn how to be the tiger in the sack. You say you "won't deny him", but in this day and age, if "not crossing your legs and feigning a headache" is all you've got, that's totally inadequate.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

buy him a hooker.