my hb9.5 Oneitis told me that she "needs time to think"

[wayword]

Typical wishy-washy woman drama, ignore it and go spin more plates...

Not that I totally blame her, though. I mean, do you really expect an HB9.5 to be that easy to keep? She is the PRIZE in our world and you have millions of men as competition! A girl like that could easily get one of the most powerful men in the world. Who the fvck are you? What do you really have to offer her, besides some DJ ****iness? At least you were lucky enough to bone her a few times. That's probably more than 99.9% of guys who approached her ever got...

As I've said, laying 18-yo braindead Myspace slvts is one thing...but maintaining LTRs with high-quality girls 20 on up is a whole 'nother League, my friend.

Anyhow, problem is you already lost your cool and ragged out on her. She set you back 1 step, and you just took another 1 back, instead of stepping forward to even things back out. Now you're 2 back and fading fast...

 

[skip2mylou781]

Typical wishy-washy woman drama, ignore it and go spin more plates...

Not that I totally blame her, though. I mean, do you really expect an HB9.5 to be that easy to keep? She is the PRIZE in our world and you have millions of men as competition! A girl like that could easily get one of the most powerful men in the world. Who the fvck are you? What do you really have to offer her, besides some DJ ****iness? At least you were lucky enough to bone her a few times. That's probably more than 99.9% of guys who approached her ever got...

As I've said, laying 18-yo braindead Myspace slvts is one thing...but maintaining LTRs with high-quality girls 20 on up is a whole 'nother League, my friend.

Anyhow, problem is you already lost your cool and ragged out on her. She set you back 1 step, and you just took another 1 back, instead of stepping forward to even things back out. Now you're 2 back and fading fast...

hey, tell me how did I take 1 step back? by the way, shes 21 and I met her on myspace

you did read the fact that she was graet to me and things were great until her ex bf started cryind and supplicating like a total ***** to her and somehow that actually made her wanna tell me that she needs time to think!!!

I also figured it woulda turned her OFF that he did that and she woulda been into me even more!........oh you asked what I had to offer her? well for 3 weeks she always told me how im on her mind and how she misses how i kiss her and she misses being in my arms so i dunno man, maybe I offered her something!

 

[ye yeah]

its hard to tell how geniuine she is... i read her email and in my opinion...

it seems as if she is confused as hell,and dosent wanna say no to anyone,like she wants to keep her options open till she makes up her damn mind,but dosent wanna seem like a ***** for leading you on

"i was very happy, and you were a BIG part of that, and i thank you for making me feel so. and it is something i truly do not want to loose, but like i said i need this time. so please dont wait for me, i would not want to. besides, i know you wont. but there honestly has to be a reason why i felt the way i did with you so soon, and while i cant put my finger on it, i know it means something. i think that is why i dont think i will loose you completly, but if i do, so be it, MY FAULT!"

>> seems like she is saying,that she is confused and dosent know exactly what she wants,and is testing you to see if you'll say "No no i'll wait for you"... and at the end is sorta pre-blaming herself,like if you give up with her,rather than be acused of leading you or danny on.. she can say well i said he can move on so he knew,and its my fault we dont talk as much etc.


"so thank you for trying to understand me the best you could. and thank you for making me feel so beautiful and special. you were one of the very few men that i know that could make me feel that way! you were always so amazing to me!"

there she's thanking you for making her feel special so saying she has feelings for you and is saying how special you made her feel.....

also i wouldve said exactly the same as what you sent in that email..

if it was up to me,id be trying hard as hell not to text or call or email,i know you'd love to make 1st contact,BUT... if it actually was me.. id wait,till she replies to the email or makes 1st contact and judge from there,she knows how you feel already,and she has to meet you half way cause right now it seems like your at 75% and she is 25% if you get me..

she has to act 1st,i try to repeat it to myself when im in similar situations...

she KNOWS how i feel,ANYTHING i do from now before she contacts me,is prolly POINTLESS and wont change anything or bring anything new

 

[PRMoon]

I think you shouldn't let this situation dominate all of your time like this. I know it may be hard but in order to maintain your cool you, yourself, have to be cool about the circumstances. You've already done just about everything you can do message/communications wise so the ball's in her court. I doubt there's very much, if anything else you can do to help the process at this point. I know it sucks to wait and see but planning on when to contact her but doubtlessly she'll wonder where the attention went if you kinda keep it to yourself for a while.

Also, I know this girl is SUPER HOT or whatever but that's still no reason to beat yourself up. I meet "the hottest girl I've ever met" almost daily and I can tell you there in no short supply. It's just becasue you've had prolonged contact with this one that you're obsessing so much. You need to keep telling yourself (and really believe it) that there are equally, if not more attractive girls out there waiting for you to meet them. Keeping that in mind definately helps alleviate your onetis conciderably.

 

[skip2mylou781]

Ye Yeah you make a great point!.......this truly is oneitis on my part, and what actually caused it wasnt her looks, but moreso HOW she acted towards me in the last 3 weeks........a 9.5 beautiful girl was totally loving me for 3 weeks, its easy to find other chicks, but its HARD to find one better lookign than her..........thanks for the help though

seriously, her ex is a complete and total AFC with his approach though, so I do nto understand how its worked on getting her to start thinking about him

he cried, he called her 100 times a day, 4 page love letter, and a diamond ring........all 2 months after they broke up and he onyl did that when he realized she was seeing me AND THAT SHYT IS ACTUALLY WORKING???? HOW THE **** CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THAT????

my very suave friend told me to "be the fun cool guy that she likes and let her ex dig his own grave by being so AFC".....but guys, the last 3 days, THE OPPOSITE SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

like seriously, how the **** is her ex managing to do this outta the blue????

 

[skip2mylou781]

I think you shouldn't let this situation dominate all of your time like this. I know it may be hard but in order to maintain your cool you, yourself, have to be cool about the circumstances. You've already done just about everything you can do message/communications wise so the ball's in her court. I doubt there's very much, if anything else you can do to help the process at this point. I know it sucks to wait and see but planning on when to contact her but doubtlessly she'll wonder where the attention went if you kinda keep it to yourself for a while.

Also, I know this girl is SUPER HOT or whatever but that's still no reason to beat yourself up. I meet "the hottest girl I've ever met" almost daily and I can tell you there in no short supply. It's just becasue you've had prolonged contact with this one that you're obsessing so much. You need to keep telling yourself (and really believe it) that there are equally, if not more attractive girls out there waiting for you to meet them. Keeping that in mind definately helps alleviate your onetis conciderably.

well i read your thread about the kinda job you have so I know u meet hot girls all the time lol

but,

i do NOT just obsess over random hot girls.......the fact is this one showed more interest in me than I showed in her, and shes got a 10/10 for a face, and we did have sex so this wasnt just a "crush" type of thing........again, she showed more interest in me than I did in her based on her always contacting me first with sweet talk

you are also right that i did do everything I could communication wise........but PrMoon, look at how her ex bf acted.....how the hell could he actually be getting what he wants after acting like A TOTAL WUSSY OF AN AFC????!!!???...........keep in mind im whining to you guys here, but in HER eyes, ive completely (fakely) kept my cool

 

[ye yeah]

i know what you mean about afc **** working...

the last girl i had one-itis for... i liked her,a fat mega afc liked her,and a 3rd guy who is her ex ex bf he liked her as well

Me-played it cool,no desperation,played it aloof but flirty all the good ****

the fat afc-brought up liking her over and over,got really drunk one night and sent her love texts then said he was gonna kill himself,kissed her ass over and over for 4 months straight,and she told me how annoyed she is getting with him

the ex bf-he played it more cool and ****y but was desperate as hell,he'd send her 1000 texts call her all the time,and she told me how much of a wanker she thought he was

who ended up getting her? NO ONE

she showed me the most physical attention and flirting in person

but why did she continue to spend time/showing interest in talking to the other two guys?

she started off hanging round with fat afc,ditched him

then hung around her ex bf

then me

then the ex bf

she found out i was "attracted" to her,i got ditched

now she is hanging out with her ex bf again,she has gone guy to guy leading them on,then ditching them when they get feelings for her,i got ditched when she found out i had feelings for her,but why? she liked me 3 or 4 months ago..and she admitted it to me,why did i get taboo'd straight away? when the 2 afcs still get attention from her? :S

maybe this enlighten you skip lol

 

[speed dawg]

Mods, why not put an end to this troll?

 

[PRMoon]

well i read your thread about the kinda job you have so I know u meet hot girls all the time lol

but,

i do NOT just obsess over random hot girls.......the fact is this one showed more interest in me than I showed in her, and shes got a 10/10 for a face, and we did have sex so this wasnt just a "crush" type of thing........again, she showed more interest in me than I did in her based on her always contacting me first with sweet talk

you are also right that i did do everything I could communication wise........but PrMoon, look at how her ex bf acted.....how the hell could he actually be getting what he wants after acting like A TOTAL WUSSY OF AN AFC????!!!???...........keep in mind im whining to you guys here, but in HER eyes, ive completely (fakely) kept my cool

I think her ex is still in the game for a combination of reasons. They have a history of some kind so we have to assume there were some good times between them and some emotional bonding might have occured. She also has to be some what touched that he'd go through all this stuff just to remain in her orbit. Obviously the attention that she's getting from him has something to do with as well, even though she may not admit it or even like it, girls tend to try to emulate soap operas with their lives. Having drama in their lives gives them validation. This is somewhat true for men as well (I would know because I'm kinda putting myself in a dramatic situation as well) but for women it's almost a way of life.

Also note: Instead of fakely keeping your cool you really should truely keep your cool. It will be alot easier for you to think about the situation and enable you to deal with it alot better.

Good luck

 

[skip2mylou781]

sorry troll hunter, im not a troll and this situation is very real


ye yeah - how good looking was this girl anyway? and did you ever have sex with her? also yes hearing your story does enlighten me that the girl you delt with was pretty much not worth the time and effort, correct? I still do not know why my girl's crazy psycho afc ex's tactics (which go against everythign sosuave would say you should do to get an ex back) are actually WORKING.......like seriously, any logical explanation to this???

 

[skip2mylou781]

I think her ex is still in the game for a combination of reasons. They have a history of some kind so we have to assume there were some good times between them and some emotional bonding might have occured. She also has to be some what touched that he'd go through all this stuff just to remain in her orbit. Obviously the attention that she's getting from him has something to do with as well, even though she may not admit it or even like it, girls tend to try to emulate soap operas with their lives. Having drama in their lives gives them validation. This is somewhat true for men as well (I would know because I'm kinda putting myself in a dramatic situation as well) but for women it's almost a way of life.

Also note: Instead of fakely keeping your cool you really should truely keep your cool. It will be alot easier for you to think about the situation and enable you to deal with it alot better.

Good luck

Thanks PR - I am trying my best to keep my cool, i think the more I talk about it, the better I am.........but still, shouldnt psycho afc manuerisims from an ex bf suffocate and drive a girl away?????

 

[ye yeah]

she was alright looking id give her a 7/10,but she had a real seductive personality,sucked me in for months....half of it i just wanted to have sex with her,but then i got one-itis..

well,one night we went to a party,and got hell close offically NOTHING happened,we held hands,and had like 10 REAL long hugs,and she slept at my house that night,and we slept together holding eachother on the chair,that next day she spent most of the next day with me,gave her a foot massage/hand masage and back massage,had a near kiss moment when we said bye but i opted for a hug cause i was afraid of getting rejected.... (turns out,she liked me then I WAS BLIND)... fast forward a few months,she sleeps at my house we do nothing,next night she randomly turns up at 2am and stays the night,most i got was giving her a backrub..

i tell her i like her few days later,i got taboo'd for 2 weeks

we start hanging out again,fell for her again... this is where i found out she likes me a few months back as mentioned above

she does all the IOIS .. backrubs,flirting,hitting me,always trying to hit me in the balls,sucking on my neck,real close mucking around physical contact

i suck it up one more time,and tell her in a diff way im attracted to her..

i got taboo'd and abused the **** out of...that was 2 weeks ago lol she has been all attention *****ing me again since i have stopped caring..i posted earlier tonight about her shyt tests..

WHAT A ****ING SAGA... did i mention my ex gf is her best friend? lol

 

[skip2mylou781]

wow ye yeah, if you and her did not even do anything physical (such as sex or making out), then i dunno, she might have just strung you along there.......but do you hate her now or what?

 

[frivolousz21]

1. tell her fine..do waht u need to do..stop talking to her.

2. spin more plates.

3. work on your inner game

4. enjoy yourself

5. you will never have a healthy relationship with this woman..so unless your goal is 100 percent sex and you can have ZERO, I MEAN ZERO EMOTIONAL investment its not healthy for you.

 

[ye yeah]

lol skip,i dont hate her... have sort of a tolerance,but i will NOT give in again,nor even let her do the "give me a backrub" thing again lol,i realised where i went wrong,cause i changed....

when she liked me,i only wanted to **** her,didnt care about her and as i got feelings i wouldve became some what afc and different to what i was before that,we'll end up hanging out again soon enough she stays ****ty for 2 weeks then asks me to come hang out with them.. so yeah dont hate her,nor like her very much lol.. but geez id like to **** her

oh well,we'll see where it goes seeing she has started trying to get my attention again lol,best of luck with your situation skip

 

[skip2mylou781]

thanks for the help everyone!!! but whos gonna answer the question:

why did her ex's super afc psychotic crying and supplicating help in making her think about him as opposed to pushing her away even further and feelign suffocated?? (she was freaked out at his actions for a few days when he first started doing it, and she had been over him at that point, which is why me and her were hitting it off so great)

 

[wayword]

shes 21

Gee, how did I know this?

Well, after around 20, a girl's pendulum starts swinging back the OTHER way and they can become just as difficult as they were easy before. Basically, you semi-fool's mated most of the girls <20 you've laid so far. But, now you're entering a whole 'nother ballgame with those >20...

you asked what I had to offer her? well for 3 weeks she always told me how im on her mind and how she misses how i kiss her and she misses being in my arms so i dunno man, maybe I offered her something!

In other words, nothing concrete?

See, the problem here is you've been validating your self-worth thru women, not through any inherent self-worth. That is a typical trap for PUAs. Gee, if I can be with with an HB9.5...then that makes me a 9.5, right?! Problem is, with no inherent worth, you will have a hard time keeping any woman you...derive your worth from, lol.

Now, I don't have a good answer as to why extreme AFCism sometimes works yet, though. Although I have seen it work at times. I need more field data to formulate a theory here.

She's not on the rag right now, is she? Because I heard that women tend to prefer alpha studs when they're ovulating but beta providers when they're not. That might be one small factor at play here... If so, you should play up your AFC side a bit when she's not ovulating and the stud side more when she is.

 

[ObieJuan]

should I contact her and just be straight up with her? because playing this waiting game is killing me and id rather either have her or totally get rid of her than to have things in suspense like this!

Dude..don't contact her; leave it alone. Let her stew in her own juices for a while- the ball's in her court. Don't put any more emotional investment into this chick because it's pretty obvious at this point the chances of you getting a good return are minimal to none. Talk to other girls or find something else do so you aren't thinking about her and instead thinking about how awesome you are. Also, realize your infatuation is short-lived because she doesn't feel the same about you. She's having a lot of fun toying with her ex even if she doesn't want to admit to it- don't be that guy. This chick feeds off drama- that's not gonna end well for you. Change your mindset as this one is very unhealthy and will be disasterous. There is no reason to put yourself through unecessary stress- she isn't worth it. Don't wait around for her because she certainly isn't going to wait around for you.

 

[resilient]

Any self-respecting woman does not respect a man who begs, cries, and smuthers them with balloons, candy, flowers, diamonds and more AFC gifts after being dumped.

Women have amazing memories, they never forget the reasons why they broke up with the ex in the first place and it's extremely hard to turn around their interest level when it's slipped below 51%. In fact, it's next to nill.

She'll take him back for a little time, while she looks for the next Alpha. The guys are right, she's into drama and into ex's because they give her self-worth and validation. Yeah.. she may be a 9.5, but her LSE only gives you more trouble than it's worth in the long haul.

Find an emotionally healthier chick that won't play head games with you. When you have tight inner game, women like these don't affect your emotional state and you can be able to think and see clearer.

 

[skip2mylou781]

guys - great advice, all of you, and you are all right about mostly everything.....

however, she texted me saying "hey whats up"?, since i dont like texting, i figured id just call her to reply (i still was feeling like shyt over everything)

well, WOW jsut WOW - I feel alot better right now because we talked for a while, and she wants NOTHING to do with her ex, she hates him, he might love her but hes just crazy, "he could buy me the whole ****in jewelry store and id never be with him again"...........basically, i am HAPPY that she is deffinitely not gonna be with her ex.

I am also happy that since i talked to her, now i see the REAL reason why she told me she needs time to think.........and its the oldest one in the book - she said she hasnt been single for 5 years (goign from bf to bf to bf), and she needs time to think about what shes gnna do, because she doestn wanna fall for me and have one of us end up getting hurt.............anyway i heard her out, i said a few smooth non-clingy lines (such as "w/e u do is cool wit me, i also dont like to be tied down and i love being single, i know u wanna just chill and have fun with me baby"

anway, now i feel alot better about just ignoring her and waiting because i know she wont be gettin back with her ex (that was what bothered me the MOST before).........so ill just let her miss me, and I won't initiate anything (she WILL miss me, she sounded like she would over the phone)

hopefully i wont be worrying bout this too much anymore