my hb9.5 Oneitis told me that she "needs time to think"

[skip2mylou781]

You say:

"Well, you already know how I feel; I'm not going to sit here and play games with you- and it sounds like you've already made up your mind. Bye."

It's over, anyway- might as well get the last word...but believe me when I say she's going to try to turn it around on you.

Indifference is the biggest weapon you have in your arsenal. By remaining unaffected by her words you can demonstrate your ability to be a man. Why play games when you can meet other people who are more worthy and want to spend time with you? Life doesn't revolve around women but it sure is nice to have 'em here and there. She may be a great girl but she's made her choice. There's no going back now.

the problem with her choice is that she was great until her ex started to overwhelm her by stalking her, crying to her, and getting her a ring.........but i gotta always keep going by "actions speak louder than words", and so far only her words dictate that she "raelly likes me and really cares about me", but her ACTIONS say to me "not interested, but i want u to stick around just in case"

its too bad, she basically was the most beautiful girl i ever seen

 

[[R]eality]

She's either playing hard to get or isn't sure. Either way, maintain high status by pulling away as you've done.

And any normal girl will be like, well, he's not interested, damn, oh well.

 

[Nighthawk]

So she's allowed to be unsure, but you have to be besotted. Right.

And any normal girl will be like, well, he's not interested, damn, oh well.

Ask Skip how it went the last times he thought like that.

 

[d9930380]

She mentioned she said that he bought the ring for forgiveness. Again: What did he do? What where the reasons why they broke up?

He probably cheated on her.

If he's coming grovelling, buying a ring to show her how much he loves her and how he's sorry. You where the guy that she used to get back at him or even over him. Rebound dude - a guy to make her feel better. The fact she said to you that she wouldn't except it is crap, she might be fooling herself at best but probably not. Look at the words she used:

"i know how i feel about danny. and while i do love him, i'm no longer in love with him. i did not accept that ring, and i never plan to."

I never PLAN to - Why does she not say I never WILL. It's a minor point but people normally choose their words carefully when it comes to that.

The rest is: You're a great guy, I've no problems with you moving on. I'll leave the carrot of later to make you think it was something more meaningful and maybe you are a safety net if things don't work out again.

The only reason she has broken up with you is because she still has feelings for this guy and as it was probably a long and serious (I don't know the details so this is a guess) relationship she needs to re-evalute if they're over.

My bet is she will accept the ring in a few weeks but don't burn your bridges as maybe not and she will come back. Either way, move on and give her the space to make her mind up.

 

[skip2mylou781]

d99 - shes not with him anymore because hes obsessive, jealous, and a psycho (aka big time AFC)

she was totally over him before i even met her, and for some reason she only needs to "think" now only because hes started to stalk her and she "feels bad for him".........thats a ****in LOT of ******** there, but you are totally right


it might be very hard for me to not totally tell her off and never talk to her again if she does get back with her ex though!!........thanks for the advice

i cant help this feeling in the gut of my stomach, i havent felt it for about a year ever since my last serious ex gf (and THIS one right now isnt even an ex........shes just a girl i was seeing for 3 weeks! lol)

 

[d9930380]

By the way the email wasn't clingy or anything. It was very nice-guy like though (I hate to say it), I bet you made her feel really good about herself after the breakup with Danny. It's all about her and her happiness.

I think I would have been a little less mushy and just said:

"I realise you have things to work out and aren't in a space where you can continue with another relationship. When you're ready, give me a call or if not then I want you to know that I really enjoyed our time togeather and I wish you the very best".

You could snazz it up a bit but I would stick to that tone.

Just my oppinion.

 

[d9930380]

I didn't see you're post so ignore that.

 

[d9930380]

Actually hold on - No that doesn't make sense. She broke up with you because she feels bad for him?

I don't know - this sounds really fishy. I think unfortunately that she just loves him and that she can't help and will get back with him even though she knows it's wrong.

She's torn at the moment. Just give her her space and use you're original message (it shows contrast between you and him, a time when being "nice" might work).

 

[skip2mylou781]

yea d99, im being more nice and NOT suffocating her, while he is being flat out AFC psycho (and she thinks its because hes madly in love with her)..........this all just sucks so so bad!

 

[JustDoItAlways]

This is the standard letter that all HB 9.0s and above write when they are trying to game you to get in line.

i want to be realistic as well. and the reality is, that i do care about you, no so much that infact it scared me. but so much that maybe one day it could. (not a bad thing)

So Skip, what I'm telling you that there is a chance for you if you keep trying really hard.

if you want to just pick up and move on, then please do so. it is only my fault if that is the case. i would never expect you to just wait around for me, we never got that serious. and i know just becasue you wont come crying to me and buy me expensive things in hope of forgiveness, does not mean you dont care.!

And I know you care about me. Even though you don't buy expensive things for me and come crying to me like you are supposed to.

so please dont wait for me, i would not want to. besides, i know you wont.

Besides I don't really care for you anyway.

but there honestly has to be a reason why i felt the way i did with you so soon, and while i cant put my finger on it, i know it means something. i think that is why i dont think i will loose you completly, but if i do, so be it, MY FAULT!

But keep trying anyway because I like the way you make me feel when you try really hard.

so thank you for trying to understand me the best you could.

I'm a cold-hearted b1tch so how you could possibly understand me. laugh.

and thank you for making me feel so beautiful and special.

Did I tell you how beautiful and special I am.

you were one of the very few men that i know that could make me feel that way! you were always so amazing to me!

You were one of many men.

If you buy me expensive things and keep giving me attention I will continue to think you are amazing.

 

[rrrrr]

please keep us updated skip no matter what happens...

 

[skip2mylou781]

update is i havent talked to her all day ever since the email i sent her back that i posted........i hope my sosuaveness works, because i plan to NOT kiss her ass and show her i need her cuz thats NEVER worked for me before

i still feel the pain though

 

[Docs]

Go out to the bar with some buddies....that way you won't send another email

 

[skip2mylou781]

should I contact her and just be straight up with her? because playing this waiting game is killing me and id rather either have her or totally get rid of her than to have things in suspense like this!

 

[ye yeah]

my opinion might not mean much,but in my experience if you break and contact 1st with something like this,and it goes bad or no reply you'll be more angry,while with silenence you have sort of a power,and when she contacts you'll feel like greatness lol,everytime i have contacted 1st except for once they have made either it worse,or me feel worse

 

[skip2mylou781]

and what about that 1 time that it didnt become worse? what happened there??

 

[ye yeah]

she said she felt the same about me and we started going out a week later

 

[skip2mylou781]

she said she felt the same about me and we started going out a week later

how bout some more detail and background about that one! please!

 

[ye yeah]

no probs.. well i met her around 3 months earlier,went from not talking whatsoever to getting really close,talking on the phone for hours on end we hit 8 hrs once lol,she had a bf at the time,and they werent going well,and me and her were hanging out more than her and him,and one night we were together and had one of those real intimate hugs and almost kissed,and all that night i was thinking wtf..

so i cracked and texted her telling her how i feel,and asking if she felt the same and pretty much got rejected..

a few weeks later her and her bf broke up..

2 weeks after that,she was giving me the most confusing signals going from real close to cold to real close,so i texted once again telling her how i feel about her,wanna go out and that.. and she texted back with 2 800+ character sms's saying how she feels the same,and sorry she wasnt clear about it and we can work something out and she'll be clear from now on and such..and the next time i saw her 4 or 5 days later,we decided to go out there and then

 

[skip2mylou781]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm well look over the whole thread and tell me what you would best recommend in my situation (look especially at her email to me and also how i described the situation)